What income makes a man marriage material?

[Anonymous]

OP, you're 40 and not married. Obviously you are overthinking this and have been for a very long time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It wholly depends on the life you are trying to lead, and the life your partner is trying to lead, and synchronizing those goals.

If you want your wife to stay home for the first year, the first five years OR if you want your wife to have an interesting and well paid job and have a good nanny, I put the floor at about $250,000 in this area.

If you both want to work and you have a good daycare option maybe $150,000/each

Some adjustments for where you want to live, how much vacation you want to take, whether you want to send kids to
Private school or whether you will pay for college all factor in, but HHI for this area, $250,000+

Riiight, you both need to make $150k to swing decent daycare.

Can you imagine the society we'd live in if everyone thought like this before having kids? We'd go extinct.

Firstly I didn’t say it was what it would cost for daycare, I said it was the cost of both people wanted to WOTH, so no nanny cost or SAHP childcare savings.

Sure let’s imagine a society where people being children into the world planning to pay for their college? To not burden them with the costs of their parents in retirement? That’s really what makes you worry for the figure of society?

DP. I'm in my 50s, been married 25+ years and our HHI has never been more than $200K/year. There was a 2 year period my DH was unemployed/underemployed and our HHI dropped to about $120K. Yet, we own our home, sent our kids to daycare, have over $100K in college savings for our kids and over $1M in retirement savings. We've had to pick/choose where our money goes. When we take vacations, we usually visit family. We drive 10+ year old cars and never buy them new. We take our coffee in thermoses to work and pack lunches. We rarely eat out. I'm sure you're life looks very different and mine is not appealing to you. That's fine. But, you've got a very unrealistic view of what level of income is needed for a good life in this area.

You’re dating yourself. $100k in college savings for more than one kid? So you’re paying…one year each if they go to private school? Two if they go to state?

PP you're responding to. I don't know what you mean by 'dating myself'. I already said I'm in my 50s. For 3 kids, we have over $100K total. We don't expect to be able to pay for 4 years of college for our kids but to help them as we can. My oldest is going to NoVa and is planning to transfer to Virginia Tech or UVA through Virginia's guaranteed admissions program. So far, we've not had to tap into my oldest kid's 529 account because he's living at home and we can afford community college tuition/books/fees. DS also works part time as do our other 2 kids.

Our kids understand what it costs to go to college and what DH and I can contribute. We help them determine what path they want to take. My middle child is in 11th grade and starting to narrow down her college choices. She's already taking college classes through dual enrollment/jump start and will likely take summer classes at NoVa. Her debt load will likely be higher than my oldest but she's also working on scholarships. It's unlikely she'll graduate with large amounts of debt because she's as pragmatic as DH and I are.

When looking for a life partner, I was not looking for one that could fully fund our kids' college expenses. I prioritized some who was on the same financial page that I was - in addition to being a good partner. We opened a 529 for each kid the month they were born and paid into each account $50/month. Not much but it's added up.

https://www.nvcc.edu/apps/1/transfersearch/gaasearch.aspx

I mean you’re dating yourself: your kids are in college *now* and you’re not paying for most of it. OP’s hypothetical children with a hypothetical wife would be starting school in 2042, when in-state tuition for UVA is projected to be $40k/year. It’s also a false distinction to say you prioritized “being on the same page” over “fully funding college” because plenty of people are on the same page— about fully funding college and not saddling their children with debt. That’s part of sharing values. In my case both me and my husband graduated with our Master’s degrees debt free and would be horrified to do less for our children than was done for us. We have seen our peers delay major life milestones like home ownership and work in soul-destroying jobs to get out from under their college debt and it’s not something we want for our kids.

Also the coffee in a thermos point is laughable at this point— if you had a $10/day Starbucks habit and you gave it up when your kid was born, you still wouldn’t have enough money to send your three kids to college— you wouldn’t have enough money to send *one* kid to college— so it’s inaccurate to act like a little frugality will keep your kids out of debt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, in my circle of close friends, the wives/female partners make more money than the husbands/male partners. So I'm not sure why DCUM still thinks this is so important in 2022.

Look it is our social normals that a men must provide for the family. Women who are the family providers do not like the pressure of being the one the family depends on for income and health insurance. Not judging just telling you how it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Income doesn't make a man marriage material. Kindness, empathy, humor, fun-loving personality, and generosity make a man marriage material. I don't care how much he makes. My DH was a poor student when we met.

Fantasy. Most women want the option to be a sahm or take a low stress, flexible part time job while still living an upper class life of travel, brand name designer whatevers, expensive car, private school, county club, vacation house, high end dining, etc. Who would not? Most men are clueless to this desire.

So for a man anything north of 650k(sustainable year over year) is the minimum.

Absolutely. Look around: it's very apparent that less than 1% of men get married. PP has cracked the code!

Please if you want that life style 650 plus is the number. If you want to settle for less and work to barely make ends meet …do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It wholly depends on the life you are trying to lead, and the life your partner is trying to lead, and synchronizing those goals.

If you want your wife to stay home for the first year, the first five years OR if you want your wife to have an interesting and well paid job and have a good nanny, I put the floor at about $250,000 in this area.

If you both want to work and you have a good daycare option maybe $150,000/each

Some adjustments for where you want to live, how much vacation you want to take, whether you want to send kids to
Private school or whether you will pay for college all factor in, but HHI for this area, $250,000+

Riiight, you both need to make $150k to swing decent daycare.

Can you imagine the society we'd live in if everyone thought like this before having kids? We'd go extinct.

Firstly I didn’t say it was what it would cost for daycare, I said it was the cost of both people wanted to WOTH, so no nanny cost or SAHP childcare savings.

Sure let’s imagine a society where people being children into the world planning to pay for their college? To not burden them with the costs of their parents in retirement? That’s really what makes you worry for the figure of society?

DP. I'm in my 50s, been married 25+ years and our HHI has never been more than $200K/year. There was a 2 year period my DH was unemployed/underemployed and our HHI dropped to about $120K. Yet, we own our home, sent our kids to daycare, have over $100K in college savings for our kids and over $1M in retirement savings. We've had to pick/choose where our money goes. When we take vacations, we usually visit family. We drive 10+ year old cars and never buy them new. We take our coffee in thermoses to work and pack lunches. We rarely eat out. I'm sure you're life looks very different and mine is not appealing to you. That's fine. But, you've got a very unrealistic view of what level of income is needed for a good life in this area.

You’re dating yourself. $100k in college savings for more than one kid? So you’re paying…one year each if they go to private school? Two if they go to state?

PP you're responding to. I don't know what you mean by 'dating myself'. I already said I'm in my 50s. For 3 kids, we have over $100K total. We don't expect to be able to pay for 4 years of college for our kids but to help them as we can. My oldest is going to NoVa and is planning to transfer to Virginia Tech or UVA through Virginia's guaranteed admissions program. So far, we've not had to tap into my oldest kid's 529 account because he's living at home and we can afford community college tuition/books/fees. DS also works part time as do our other 2 kids.

Our kids understand what it costs to go to college and what DH and I can contribute. We help them determine what path they want to take. My middle child is in 11th grade and starting to narrow down her college choices. She's already taking college classes through dual enrollment/jump start and will likely take summer classes at NoVa. Her debt load will likely be higher than my oldest but she's also working on scholarships. It's unlikely she'll graduate with large amounts of debt because she's as pragmatic as DH and I are.

When looking for a life partner, I was not looking for one that could fully fund our kids' college expenses. I prioritized some who was on the same financial page that I was - in addition to being a good partner. We opened a 529 for each kid the month they were born and paid into each account $50/month. Not much but it's added up.

https://www.nvcc.edu/apps/1/transfersearch/gaasearch.aspx

I mean you’re dating yourself: your kids are in college *now* and you’re not paying for most of it. OP’s hypothetical children with a hypothetical wife would be starting school in 2042, when in-state tuition for UVA is projected to be $40k/year. It’s also a false distinction to say you prioritized “being on the same page” over “fully funding college” because plenty of people are on the same page— about fully funding college and not saddling their children with debt. That’s part of sharing values. In my case both me and my husband graduated with our Master’s degrees debt free and would be horrified to do less for our children than was done for us. We have seen our peers delay major life milestones like home ownership and work in soul-destroying jobs to get out from under their college debt and it’s not something we want for our kids.

Also the coffee in a thermos point is laughable at this point— if you had a $10/day Starbucks habit and you gave it up when your kid was born, you still wouldn’t have enough money to send your three kids to college— you wouldn’t have enough money to send *one* kid to college— so it’s inaccurate to act like a little frugality will keep your kids out of debt.

I going to guess that you see no point in having government pay for schooling beyond k-12. And are against tuition forgiveness programs because your boot straps are the BEST and everyone should pull themselves up by their bootstraps.

If not, you seem to enjoy castigating those who may be less fortunate than you. If you are horrified by people not paying for college, you should really visit a domestic violence shelter and learn what horror can really be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if you have a good job and don't have a history of unemployment, a relatively high up title or a high paying field, if you have a good education and a decent degree, I'd conclude on my own that you make the $$$ grade. (As do I).

You value his job title. Why?

Assistant = $50k
Manager, director, etc etc
VP likely $150k and up

I’m a VP and appreciate someone heading that way.

That said an HVAC guy who maintains a 9 to 5 Would be fine too.

Hard work equals my respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's really cringe to think you need a certain income level to attract a woman enough to get married.

Really you should be thinking in terms of what does SHE have to do to merit marrying YOU, not what do you have to do to qualify being married to her.

Ew. I was with you on the first sentence but the last sentence makes you sound like a mens rights activist troll who lives those pathetic misogyny podcasts.

Yeah yeah, I know it's MRA misogyny for men to have any expectations whatsoever about women.

A man has a right to set standards for the woman he's going to marry, just like the woman has a right to set standards for the man she's going to marry. The OP is apparently only thinking about what women might want from him rather than what he wants from them. Thus he is setting the stage for putting himself in a world of pain.

I *highly* doubt that OP is only thinking about what women might want from him and not what he wants from women. What man actually does that? The fact that OP wants to show that he has something to offer women makes you think that he doesn't have standards screams misogyny to me.

Good old DCUM double standard and misandry.

Plenty of posts where a women asks how to be attractive to men, and it's filled with good advice and plenty of "You go girl!"

If a man asks the same thing, he must be a misogynist.

Wow you are missing the point so hard it makes me wonder if you're stupid or doing it on purpose. I'm not saying OP is a misogynist. I'm saying that it's misogynistic to think that a man who is trying to show a woman what he has to offer means he has no standards is misogynistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It wholly depends on the life you are trying to lead, and the life your partner is trying to lead, and synchronizing those goals.

If you want your wife to stay home for the first year, the first five years OR if you want your wife to have an interesting and well paid job and have a good nanny, I put the floor at about $250,000 in this area.

If you both want to work and you have a good daycare option maybe $150,000/each

Some adjustments for where you want to live, how much vacation you want to take, whether you want to send kids to
Private school or whether you will pay for college all factor in, but HHI for this area, $250,000+

Riiight, you both need to make $150k to swing decent daycare.

Can you imagine the society we'd live in if everyone thought like this before having kids? We'd go extinct.

Firstly I didn’t say it was what it would cost for daycare, I said it was the cost of both people wanted to WOTH, so no nanny cost or SAHP childcare savings.

Sure let’s imagine a society where people being children into the world planning to pay for their college? To not burden them with the costs of their parents in retirement? That’s really what makes you worry for the figure of society?

DP. I'm in my 50s, been married 25+ years and our HHI has never been more than $200K/year. There was a 2 year period my DH was unemployed/underemployed and our HHI dropped to about $120K. Yet, we own our home, sent our kids to daycare, have over $100K in college savings for our kids and over $1M in retirement savings. We've had to pick/choose where our money goes. When we take vacations, we usually visit family. We drive 10+ year old cars and never buy them new. We take our coffee in thermoses to work and pack lunches. We rarely eat out. I'm sure you're life looks very different and mine is not appealing to you. That's fine. But, you've got a very unrealistic view of what level of income is needed for a good life in this area.

You’re dating yourself. $100k in college savings for more than one kid? So you’re paying…one year each if they go to private school? Two if they go to state?

PP you're responding to. I don't know what you mean by 'dating myself'. I already said I'm in my 50s. For 3 kids, we have over $100K total. We don't expect to be able to pay for 4 years of college for our kids but to help them as we can. My oldest is going to NoVa and is planning to transfer to Virginia Tech or UVA through Virginia's guaranteed admissions program. So far, we've not had to tap into my oldest kid's 529 account because he's living at home and we can afford community college tuition/books/fees. DS also works part time as do our other 2 kids.

Our kids understand what it costs to go to college and what DH and I can contribute. We help them determine what path they want to take. My middle child is in 11th grade and starting to narrow down her college choices. She's already taking college classes through dual enrollment/jump start and will likely take summer classes at NoVa. Her debt load will likely be higher than my oldest but she's also working on scholarships. It's unlikely she'll graduate with large amounts of debt because she's as pragmatic as DH and I are.

When looking for a life partner, I was not looking for one that could fully fund our kids' college expenses. I prioritized some who was on the same financial page that I was - in addition to being a good partner. We opened a 529 for each kid the month they were born and paid into each account $50/month. Not much but it's added up.

https://www.nvcc.edu/apps/1/transfersearch/gaasearch.aspx

I mean you’re dating yourself: your kids are in college *now* and you’re not paying for most of it. OP’s hypothetical children with a hypothetical wife would be starting school in 2042, when in-state tuition for UVA is projected to be $40k/year. It’s also a false distinction to say you prioritized “being on the same page” over “fully funding college” because plenty of people are on the same page— about fully funding college and not saddling their children with debt. That’s part of sharing values. In my case both me and my husband graduated with our Master’s degrees debt free and would be horrified to do less for our children than was done for us. We have seen our peers delay major life milestones like home ownership and work in soul-destroying jobs to get out from under their college debt and it’s not something we want for our kids.

Also the coffee in a thermos point is laughable at this point— if you had a $10/day Starbucks habit and you gave it up when your kid was born, you still wouldn’t have enough money to send your three kids to college— you wouldn’t have enough money to send *one* kid to college— so it’s inaccurate to act like a little frugality will keep your kids out of debt.

I going to guess that you see no point in having government pay for schooling beyond k-12. And are against tuition forgiveness programs because your boot straps are the BEST and everyone should pull themselves up by their bootstraps.

If not, you seem to enjoy castigating those who may be less fortunate than you. If you are horrified by people not paying for college, you should really visit a domestic violence shelter and learn what horror can really be.

I didn’t say we pulled ourselves up by our bootstraps— that’s our parents made sure we didn’t graduate with college debt. I think it’s legitimate to be horrified to say to your children “yes we had all of this handed to us but you, you can start life $250,000+ in debt just to reach where we got for free” and then lecture people about bringing coffee in a thermos. That’s “tell me your generation without actually saying the word”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Income doesn't make a man marriage material. Kindness, empathy, humor, fun-loving personality, and generosity make a man marriage material. I don't care how much he makes. My DH was a poor student when we met.

Fantasy. Most women want the option to be a sahm or take a low stress, flexible part time job while still living an upper class life of travel, brand name designer whatevers, expensive car, private school, county club, vacation house, high end dining, etc. Who would not? Most men are clueless to this desire.

So for a man anything north of 650k(sustainable year over year) is the minimum.

I'd say that most men would like to be able to have a low stress, part time job while still living an upper class life. Why would they not expect to find a DW who could provide them that? It's time to recognize these gender roles are outdated and a result of culture conditioning.

This is unironically a good point. Find a person who you like as a person, and make the money you feel you need to make to maintain a certain status.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Income doesn't make a man marriage material. Kindness, empathy, humor, fun-loving personality, and generosity make a man marriage material. I don't care how much he makes. My DH was a poor student when we met.

Fantasy. Most women want the option to be a sahm or take a low stress, flexible part time job while still living an upper class life of travel, brand name designer whatevers, expensive car, private school, county club, vacation house, high end dining, etc. Who would not? Most men are clueless to this desire.

So for a man anything north of 650k(sustainable year over year) is the minimum.

I'd say that most men would like to be able to have a low stress, part time job while still living an upper class life. Why would they not expect to find a DW who could provide them that? It's time to recognize these gender roles are outdated and a result of culture conditioning.

Ok, what keeps men from seeking out higher-earning partners?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Income doesn't make a man marriage material. Kindness, empathy, humor, fun-loving personality, and generosity make a man marriage material. I don't care how much he makes. My DH was a poor student when we met.

Fantasy. Most women want the option to be a sahm or take a low stress, flexible part time job while still living an upper class life of travel, brand name designer whatevers, expensive car, private school, county club, vacation house, high end dining, etc. Who would not? Most men are clueless to this desire.

So for a man anything north of 650k(sustainable year over year) is the minimum.

Absolutely. Look around: it's very apparent that less than 1% of men get married. PP has cracked the code!

Please if you want that life style 650 plus is the number. If you want to settle for less and work to barely make ends meet …do it.

You're a fantasist. "Most women" do not want to work a part time job in designer clothes and have country club memberships. That's a very strange amalgamation of stereotypes that don't represent reality. But if you want to pretend you have a rich husband to support your ::checks notes:: "high end dining" [sic] habits, then don't let me stand in your way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It wholly depends on the life you are trying to lead, and the life your partner is trying to lead, and synchronizing those goals.

If you want your wife to stay home for the first year, the first five years OR if you want your wife to have an interesting and well paid job and have a good nanny, I put the floor at about $250,000 in this area.

If you both want to work and you have a good daycare option maybe $150,000/each

Some adjustments for where you want to live, how much vacation you want to take, whether you want to send kids to
Private school or whether you will pay for college all factor in, but HHI for this area, $250,000+

Riiight, you both need to make $150k to swing decent daycare.

Can you imagine the society we'd live in if everyone thought like this before having kids? We'd go extinct.

Firstly I didn’t say it was what it would cost for daycare, I said it was the cost of both people wanted to WOTH, so no nanny cost or SAHP childcare savings.

Sure let’s imagine a society where people being children into the world planning to pay for their college? To not burden them with the costs of their parents in retirement? That’s really what makes you worry for the figure of society?

DP. I'm in my 50s, been married 25+ years and our HHI has never been more than $200K/year. There was a 2 year period my DH was unemployed/underemployed and our HHI dropped to about $120K. Yet, we own our home, sent our kids to daycare, have over $100K in college savings for our kids and over $1M in retirement savings. We've had to pick/choose where our money goes. When we take vacations, we usually visit family. We drive 10+ year old cars and never buy them new. We take our coffee in thermoses to work and pack lunches. We rarely eat out. I'm sure you're life looks very different and mine is not appealing to you. That's fine. But, you've got a very unrealistic view of what level of income is needed for a good life in this area.

You’re dating yourself. $100k in college savings for more than one kid? So you’re paying…one year each if they go to private school? Two if they go to state?

PP you're responding to. I don't know what you mean by 'dating myself'. I already said I'm in my 50s. For 3 kids, we have over $100K total. We don't expect to be able to pay for 4 years of college for our kids but to help them as we can. My oldest is going to NoVa and is planning to transfer to Virginia Tech or UVA through Virginia's guaranteed admissions program. So far, we've not had to tap into my oldest kid's 529 account because he's living at home and we can afford community college tuition/books/fees. DS also works part time as do our other 2 kids.

Our kids understand what it costs to go to college and what DH and I can contribute. We help them determine what path they want to take. My middle child is in 11th grade and starting to narrow down her college choices. She's already taking college classes through dual enrollment/jump start and will likely take summer classes at NoVa. Her debt load will likely be higher than my oldest but she's also working on scholarships. It's unlikely she'll graduate with large amounts of debt because she's as pragmatic as DH and I are.

When looking for a life partner, I was not looking for one that could fully fund our kids' college expenses. I prioritized some who was on the same financial page that I was - in addition to being a good partner. We opened a 529 for each kid the month they were born and paid into each account $50/month. Not much but it's added up.

https://www.nvcc.edu/apps/1/transfersearch/gaasearch.aspx

I mean you’re dating yourself: your kids are in college *now* and you’re not paying for most of it. OP’s hypothetical children with a hypothetical wife would be starting school in 2042, when in-state tuition for UVA is projected to be $40k/year. It’s also a false distinction to say you prioritized “being on the same page” over “fully funding college” because plenty of people are on the same page— about fully funding college and not saddling their children with debt. That’s part of sharing values. In my case both me and my husband graduated with our Master’s degrees debt free and would be horrified to do less for our children than was done for us. We have seen our peers delay major life milestones like home ownership and work in soul-destroying jobs to get out from under their college debt and it’s not something we want for our kids.

Also the coffee in a thermos point is laughable at this point— if you had a $10/day Starbucks habit and you gave it up when your kid was born, you still wouldn’t have enough money to send your three kids to college— you wouldn’t have enough money to send *one* kid to college— so it’s inaccurate to act like a little frugality will keep your kids out of debt.

I going to guess that you see no point in having government pay for schooling beyond k-12. And are against tuition forgiveness programs because your boot straps are the BEST and everyone should pull themselves up by their bootstraps.

If not, you seem to enjoy castigating those who may be less fortunate than you. If you are horrified by people not paying for college, you should really visit a domestic violence shelter and learn what horror can really be.

I didn’t say we pulled ourselves up by our bootstraps— that’s our parents made sure we didn’t graduate with college debt. I think it’s legitimate to be horrified to say to your children “yes we had all of this handed to us but you, you can start life $250,000+ in debt just to reach where we got for free” and then lecture people about bringing coffee in a thermos. That’s “tell me your generation without actually saying the word”.

How do you know the PP's parents helped monetarily?

There are so many many levels more horrific than not saving for kids college, you have no clue.

I hope your life continues in a manner where you can view not saving to pay for a private college as "horrific." Clearly, you do not work with a cross section of the population.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It wholly depends on the life you are trying to lead, and the life your partner is trying to lead, and synchronizing those goals.

If you want your wife to stay home for the first year, the first five years OR if you want your wife to have an interesting and well paid job and have a good nanny, I put the floor at about $250,000 in this area.

If you both want to work and you have a good daycare option maybe $150,000/each

Some adjustments for where you want to live, how much vacation you want to take, whether you want to send kids to
Private school or whether you will pay for college all factor in, but HHI for this area, $250,000+

Riiight, you both need to make $150k to swing decent daycare.

Can you imagine the society we'd live in if everyone thought like this before having kids? We'd go extinct.

Firstly I didn’t say it was what it would cost for daycare, I said it was the cost of both people wanted to WOTH, so no nanny cost or SAHP childcare savings.

Sure let’s imagine a society where people being children into the world planning to pay for their college? To not burden them with the costs of their parents in retirement? That’s really what makes you worry for the figure of society?

DP. I'm in my 50s, been married 25+ years and our HHI has never been more than $200K/year. There was a 2 year period my DH was unemployed/underemployed and our HHI dropped to about $120K. Yet, we own our home, sent our kids to daycare, have over $100K in college savings for our kids and over $1M in retirement savings. We've had to pick/choose where our money goes. When we take vacations, we usually visit family. We drive 10+ year old cars and never buy them new. We take our coffee in thermoses to work and pack lunches. We rarely eat out. I'm sure you're life looks very different and mine is not appealing to you. That's fine. But, you've got a very unrealistic view of what level of income is needed for a good life in this area.

You’re dating yourself. $100k in college savings for more than one kid? So you’re paying…one year each if they go to private school? Two if they go to state?

PP you're responding to. I don't know what you mean by 'dating myself'. I already said I'm in my 50s. For 3 kids, we have over $100K total. We don't expect to be able to pay for 4 years of college for our kids but to help them as we can. My oldest is going to NoVa and is planning to transfer to Virginia Tech or UVA through Virginia's guaranteed admissions program. So far, we've not had to tap into my oldest kid's 529 account because he's living at home and we can afford community college tuition/books/fees. DS also works part time as do our other 2 kids.

Our kids understand what it costs to go to college and what DH and I can contribute. We help them determine what path they want to take. My middle child is in 11th grade and starting to narrow down her college choices. She's already taking college classes through dual enrollment/jump start and will likely take summer classes at NoVa. Her debt load will likely be higher than my oldest but she's also working on scholarships. It's unlikely she'll graduate with large amounts of debt because she's as pragmatic as DH and I are.

When looking for a life partner, I was not looking for one that could fully fund our kids' college expenses. I prioritized some who was on the same financial page that I was - in addition to being a good partner. We opened a 529 for each kid the month they were born and paid into each account $50/month. Not much but it's added up.

https://www.nvcc.edu/apps/1/transfersearch/gaasearch.aspx

I mean you’re dating yourself: your kids are in college *now* and you’re not paying for most of it. OP’s hypothetical children with a hypothetical wife would be starting school in 2042, when in-state tuition for UVA is projected to be $40k/year. It’s also a false distinction to say you prioritized “being on the same page” over “fully funding college” because plenty of people are on the same page— about fully funding college and not saddling their children with debt. That’s part of sharing values. In my case both me and my husband graduated with our Master’s degrees debt free and would be horrified to do less for our children than was done for us. We have seen our peers delay major life milestones like home ownership and work in soul-destroying jobs to get out from under their college debt and it’s not something we want for our kids.

Also the coffee in a thermos point is laughable at this point— if you had a $10/day Starbucks habit and you gave it up when your kid was born, you still wouldn’t have enough money to send your three kids to college— you wouldn’t have enough money to send *one* kid to college— so it’s inaccurate to act like a little frugality will keep your kids out of debt.

I going to guess that you see no point in having government pay for schooling beyond k-12. And are against tuition forgiveness programs because your boot straps are the BEST and everyone should pull themselves up by their bootstraps.

If not, you seem to enjoy castigating those who may be less fortunate than you. If you are horrified by people not paying for college, you should really visit a domestic violence shelter and learn what horror can really be.

I didn’t say we pulled ourselves up by our bootstraps— that’s our parents made sure we didn’t graduate with college debt. I think it’s legitimate to be horrified to say to your children “yes we had all of this handed to us but you, you can start life $250,000+ in debt just to reach where we got for free” and then lecture people about bringing coffee in a thermos. That’s “tell me your generation without actually saying the word”.

How do you know the PP's parents helped monetarily?

There are so many many levels more horrific than not saving for kids college, you have no clue.

I hope your life continues in a manner where you can view not saving to pay for a private college as "horrific." Clearly, you do not work with a cross section of the population.

PP is in her 50s, if you look at the inflation adjustments for college tuition over time, even if she wholly paid her own way, giving her kids the same start she was given means paying for most of their education— not 1/3 each max. I also didn’t say private school— even if she’s talking about in-state tuition her numbers don’t work. Ironically this is why I *do* favor loan forgiveness or federal subsidy but our government is run by people in PPs age bracket.

What is horrific — and yes I’ll stand by that, more than one thing in life can horrify me— is starting your kids off miles behind where you were, then patting yourself on the back on the internet for saving money on coffee, as though that makes any meaningful difference.

This is getting afield from the OPs question, but comes back to the point that you need to marry someone who shares your values about money, and if you marry someone who values the higher education of their children, you need a higher HHI

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if you have a good job and don't have a history of unemployment, a relatively high up title or a high paying field, if you have a good education and a decent degree, I'd conclude on my own that you make the $$$ grade. (As do I).

You value his job title. Why?

Assistant = $50k
Manager, director, etc etc
VP likely $150k and up

I’m a VP and appreciate someone heading that way.

That said an HVAC guy who maintains a 9 to 5 Would be fine too.

Hard work equals my respect.

There are plenty of careers where non managerial roles still bring in 400k+, especially in tech.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if you have a good job and don't have a history of unemployment, a relatively high up title or a high paying field, if you have a good education and a decent degree, I'd conclude on my own that you make the $$$ grade. (As do I).

You value his job title. Why?

Assistant = $50k
Manager, director, etc etc
VP likely $150k and up

I’m a VP and appreciate someone heading that way.

That said an HVAC guy who maintains a 9 to 5 Would be fine too.

Hard work equals my respect.

There are plenty of careers where non managerial roles still bring in 400k+, especially in tech.

Could you provide such professions?