What income makes a man marriage material?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It wholly depends on the life you are trying to lead, and the life your partner is trying to lead, and synchronizing those goals.

If you want your wife to stay home for the first year, the first five years OR if you want your wife to have an interesting and well paid job and have a good nanny, I put the floor at about $250,000 in this area.

If you both want to work and you have a good daycare option maybe $150,000/each

Some adjustments for where you want to live, how much vacation you want to take, whether you want to send kids to
Private school or whether you will pay for college all factor in, but HHI for this area, $250,000+

Riiight, you both need to make $150k to swing decent daycare.

Can you imagine the society we'd live in if everyone thought like this before having kids? We'd go extinct.

Firstly I didn’t say it was what it would cost for daycare, I said it was the cost of both people wanted to WOTH, so no nanny cost or SAHP childcare savings.

Sure let’s imagine a society where people being children into the world planning to pay for their college? To not burden them with the costs of their parents in retirement? That’s really what makes you worry for the figure of society?

DP. I'm in my 50s, been married 25+ years and our HHI has never been more than $200K/year. There was a 2 year period my DH was unemployed/underemployed and our HHI dropped to about $120K. Yet, we own our home, sent our kids to daycare, have over $100K in college savings for our kids and over $1M in retirement savings. We've had to pick/choose where our money goes. When we take vacations, we usually visit family. We drive 10+ year old cars and never buy them new. We take our coffee in thermoses to work and pack lunches. We rarely eat out. I'm sure you're life looks very different and mine is not appealing to you. That's fine. But, you've got a very unrealistic view of what level of income is needed for a good life in this area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This debate is always so fascinating to me.
My husband was making $15k when I met him helping run his family business. He was late thirties. Had multiple income bearing properties. Had zero debt.
I was a lawyer making ten times more than him, but boatloads of school debt.
We went out and borrowed seven figures for a business for us both to run, but mostly him. It brought us about $100k a year in profit.
We sold it after ten years and he started his own business.
I now make more than $500k per year in large part to him owning his own business and being very involved in family stuff. He makes much less with a new biz in a pandemic, but I don’t care what he makes. He might eventually be more successful than me.
But his income has never mattered “that” much because I can support myself.

But, I also 100% believe that money solves problem. We have a kid with profound special needs and the ability to outsource has saved us.

Oh another “I don’t care about money, married a poor man for luv but BTW he’s rich”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For a man in his 30s or 40s. Asking as a guy to understand the rules of engagement. And how do I signal that I meet the marker without being crass (apart from inferences that can be drawn about home value)?

Zero mental disorders

Happy to pay for his neuropsych myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's really cringe to think you need a certain income level to attract a woman enough to get married.

Really you should be thinking in terms of what does SHE have to do to merit marrying YOU, not what do you have to do to qualify being married to her.

Ew. I was with you on the first sentence but the last sentence makes you sound like a mens rights activist troll who lives those pathetic misogyny podcasts.

Yeah yeah, I know it's MRA misogyny for men to have any expectations whatsoever about women.

A man has a right to set standards for the woman he's going to marry, just like the woman has a right to set standards for the man she's going to marry. The OP is apparently only thinking about what women might want from him rather than what he wants from them. Thus he is setting the stage for putting himself in a world of pain.

I *highly* doubt that OP is only thinking about what women might want from him and not what he wants from women. What man actually does that? The fact that OP wants to show that he has something to offer women makes you think that he doesn't have standards screams misogyny to me.

Good old DCUM double standard and misandry.

Plenty of posts where a women asks how to be attractive to men, and it's filled with good advice and plenty of "You go girl!"

If a man asks the same thing, he must be a misogynist.

[Anonymous]

Income doesn't make a man marriage material. Kindness, empathy, humor, fun-loving personality, and generosity make a man marriage material. I don't care how much he makes. My DH was a poor student when we met.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Income doesn't make a man marriage material. Kindness, empathy, humor, fun-loving personality, and generosity make a man marriage material. I don't care how much he makes. My DH was a poor student when we met.

So? OP is 40. Would you marry a 40 yo poor student?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Income doesn't make a man marriage material. Kindness, empathy, humor, fun-loving personality, and generosity make a man marriage material. I don't care how much he makes. My DH was a poor student when we met.

Fantasy. Most women want the option to be a sahm or take a low stress, flexible part time job while still living an upper class life of travel, brand name designer whatevers, expensive car, private school, county club, vacation house, high end dining, etc. Who would not? Most men are clueless to this desire.

So for a man anything north of 650k(sustainable year over year) is the minimum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Income doesn't make a man marriage material. Kindness, empathy, humor, fun-loving personality, and generosity make a man marriage material. I don't care how much he makes. My DH was a poor student when we met.

So? OP is 40. Would you marry a 40 yo poor student?

I would, but I’m a guy. I’m not looking for someone else’s money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Income doesn't make a man marriage material. Kindness, empathy, humor, fun-loving personality, and generosity make a man marriage material. I don't care how much he makes. My DH was a poor student when we met.

Fantasy. Most women want the option to be a sahm or take a low stress, flexible part time job while still living an upper class life of travel, brand name designer whatevers, expensive car, private school, county club, vacation house, high end dining, etc. Who would not? Most men are clueless to this desire.

So for a man anything north of 650k(sustainable year over year) is the minimum.

Absolutely. Look around: it's very apparent that less than 1% of men get married. PP has cracked the code!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Income doesn't make a man marriage material. Kindness, empathy, humor, fun-loving personality, and generosity make a man marriage material. I don't care how much he makes. My DH was a poor student when we met.

Fantasy. Most women want the option to be a sahm or take a low stress, flexible part time job while still living an upper class life of travel, brand name designer whatevers, expensive car, private school, county club, vacation house, high end dining, etc. Who would not? Most men are clueless to this desire.

So for a man anything north of 650k(sustainable year over year) is the minimum.

There are 68 million married men in America. There are about 16 million people total who make any kind of six figure income. Talking about $650K as "the minimum" is absurdly silly.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, in my circle of close friends, the wives/female partners make more money than the husbands/male partners. So I'm not sure why DCUM still thinks this is so important in 2022.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Income doesn't make a man marriage material. Kindness, empathy, humor, fun-loving personality, and generosity make a man marriage material. I don't care how much he makes. My DH was a poor student when we met.

Fantasy. Most women want the option to be a sahm or take a low stress, flexible part time job while still living an upper class life of travel, brand name designer whatevers, expensive car, private school, county club, vacation house, high end dining, etc. Who would not? Most men are clueless to this desire.

So for a man anything north of 650k(sustainable year over year) is the minimum.

I'd say that most men would like to be able to have a low stress, part time job while still living an upper class life. Why would they not expect to find a DW who could provide them that? It's time to recognize these gender roles are outdated and a result of culture conditioning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It wholly depends on the life you are trying to lead, and the life your partner is trying to lead, and synchronizing those goals.

If you want your wife to stay home for the first year, the first five years OR if you want your wife to have an interesting and well paid job and have a good nanny, I put the floor at about $250,000 in this area.

If you both want to work and you have a good daycare option maybe $150,000/each

Some adjustments for where you want to live, how much vacation you want to take, whether you want to send kids to
Private school or whether you will pay for college all factor in, but HHI for this area, $250,000+

Riiight, you both need to make $150k to swing decent daycare.

Can you imagine the society we'd live in if everyone thought like this before having kids? We'd go extinct.

Firstly I didn’t say it was what it would cost for daycare, I said it was the cost of both people wanted to WOTH, so no nanny cost or SAHP childcare savings.

Sure let’s imagine a society where people being children into the world planning to pay for their college? To not burden them with the costs of their parents in retirement? That’s really what makes you worry for the figure of society?

DP. I'm in my 50s, been married 25+ years and our HHI has never been more than $200K/year. There was a 2 year period my DH was unemployed/underemployed and our HHI dropped to about $120K. Yet, we own our home, sent our kids to daycare, have over $100K in college savings for our kids and over $1M in retirement savings. We've had to pick/choose where our money goes. When we take vacations, we usually visit family. We drive 10+ year old cars and never buy them new. We take our coffee in thermoses to work and pack lunches. We rarely eat out. I'm sure you're life looks very different and mine is not appealing to you. That's fine. But, you've got a very unrealistic view of what level of income is needed for a good life in this area.

You’re dating yourself. $100k in college savings for more than one kid? So you’re paying…one year each if they go to private school? Two if they go to state?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who make income a criteria is not worth marrying.

And so you think it’s rational for people to marry long-term unemployed partners?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It wholly depends on the life you are trying to lead, and the life your partner is trying to lead, and synchronizing those goals.

If you want your wife to stay home for the first year, the first five years OR if you want your wife to have an interesting and well paid job and have a good nanny, I put the floor at about $250,000 in this area.

If you both want to work and you have a good daycare option maybe $150,000/each

Some adjustments for where you want to live, how much vacation you want to take, whether you want to send kids to
Private school or whether you will pay for college all factor in, but HHI for this area, $250,000+

Riiight, you both need to make $150k to swing decent daycare.

Can you imagine the society we'd live in if everyone thought like this before having kids? We'd go extinct.

Firstly I didn’t say it was what it would cost for daycare, I said it was the cost of both people wanted to WOTH, so no nanny cost or SAHP childcare savings.

Sure let’s imagine a society where people being children into the world planning to pay for their college? To not burden them with the costs of their parents in retirement? That’s really what makes you worry for the figure of society?

DP. I'm in my 50s, been married 25+ years and our HHI has never been more than $200K/year. There was a 2 year period my DH was unemployed/underemployed and our HHI dropped to about $120K. Yet, we own our home, sent our kids to daycare, have over $100K in college savings for our kids and over $1M in retirement savings. We've had to pick/choose where our money goes. When we take vacations, we usually visit family. We drive 10+ year old cars and never buy them new. We take our coffee in thermoses to work and pack lunches. We rarely eat out. I'm sure you're life looks very different and mine is not appealing to you. That's fine. But, you've got a very unrealistic view of what level of income is needed for a good life in this area.

You’re dating yourself. $100k in college savings for more than one kid? So you’re paying…one year each if they go to private school? Two if they go to state?

PP you're responding to. I don't know what you mean by 'dating myself'. I already said I'm in my 50s. For 3 kids, we have over $100K total. We don't expect to be able to pay for 4 years of college for our kids but to help them as we can. My oldest is going to NoVa and is planning to transfer to Virginia Tech or UVA through Virginia's guaranteed admissions program. So far, we've not had to tap into my oldest kid's 529 account because he's living at home and we can afford community college tuition/books/fees. DS also works part time as do our other 2 kids.

Our kids understand what it costs to go to college and what DH and I can contribute. We help them determine what path they want to take. My middle child is in 11th grade and starting to narrow down her college choices. She's already taking college classes through dual enrollment/jump start and will likely take summer classes at NoVa. Her debt load will likely be higher than my oldest but she's also working on scholarships. It's unlikely she'll graduate with large amounts of debt because she's as pragmatic as DH and I are.

When looking for a life partner, I was not looking for one that could fully fund our kids' college expenses. I prioritized some who was on the same financial page that I was - in addition to being a good partner. We opened a 529 for each kid the month they were born and paid into each account $50/month. Not much but it's added up.

https://www.nvcc.edu/apps/1/transfersearch/gaasearch.aspx