Divorce is contagious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If marital infidelity is indeed this common as you say, it shakes my faith in human morality. It means, most humans are liars, cheats and not trustworthy of honoring a commitment.

That said, statistics doesn't support your theory.

Its not as common as disgruntled folks think it is.

I've read 40% of marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If marital infidelity is indeed this common as you say, it shakes my faith in human morality. It means, most humans are liars, cheats and not trustworthy of honoring a commitment.

That said, statistics doesn't support your theory.

Its not as common as disgruntled folks think it is.

I've read 40% of marriages.

Sorry 25% of marriages and 40% of long term relationships. It's probably underreported though. I really don't know. But it's way higher than I thought as a young woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If marital infidelity is indeed this common as you say, it shakes my faith in human morality. It means, most humans are liars, cheats and not trustworthy of honoring a commitment.

That said, statistics doesn't support your theory.

Its not as common as disgruntled folks think it is.

I've read 40% of marriages.

Sorry 25% of marriages and 40% of long term relationships. It's probably underreported though. I really don't know. But it's way higher than I thought as a young woman.

Highest rate of infidelity for men is in their 70’s for women in their 60’s.

😂😂😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Re: above PPs - big difference between being f&ckable and marriage material… also I’ll take a bald pooched dude who knows his way around so to speak and is GGG. But if he or even a super fit guy is lazy / out of practice - no thanks.

If then else…. Yea so you just took the 2 opposite extremes…. Useless feedback.

The fact is a 45 yo + dude… balding, wrinkles, pooch… if luckily usually outright fat, or fit and a narcissist … kids, financial issues with alimony and child support, etc. it’s not a pretty scene…. Objectively. Sure you can grasp on some minutely important straw like you didn’t have to fully train him in bed. Wow congrats! or maybe “he takes care of his children” … um okay you wanna cookie.

I get it, love is blind you see your H as a catch, but minus kids/live/life partner… objectively not a catch.

Nope - I divorced my husband (but not because of his pooch!) and am not looking for another one! So I am more focused on the f&ckable part right now. Anecdotally, I've had the pleasure of interacting with some pooch-y guys who are very generous lovers - which is my cup of tea right now. One had anxiety outside of the s&x, and I decided to stop seeing him, because I am not looking to work out that sh&t with anyone but myself right now.

That sounds miserable.

Bouncing around men to men trying to find one who isn’t bad in bed. With his soft and nasty pouch.

You can tell yourself it’s sooo great.

You gotta suck a lot of wrinkly d’s to find 1 pooch that doesn’t have anxiety and is 1/2 decent in bed. Of course no word on being a loving and caring partner in life.

Girl! You need a therapist not another d!ck. #daddyissues

She thinks she is cool, but comes across as so disgusting. Insulting her friend's husbands too. She is one of those annoying new divorcees that think she knows better than everyone else. I see them crash and burn in a years time. They try very hard to justify how everyone married is miserable and that they are living the good life.

The reality is some marriages are good.
Some are really bad but circumstances make it impossible to divorce.
Some never married are very happy, some are not.
Some divorced people are just dedicated to their single life, committed to their family and work and volunteer and friends in ways try couldn’t with a needy spouse.
Some divorcees are miserable, broke and desperate.

But when people see happy divorced people and compare it to a bad marriage they see “another way”, when 80% of people were married you didn’t see another way, so yes divorce can be “contagious” meaning people see it as a viable option.

But the reality is only 50% are married and many are not happy, so statistically most people are not happily married.

And more realistically:

Some marriages start really, really good, grow stale, hit a bottom, rebuild and become very happy again.

Long marriages have stages. They ebb and flow. Many that are ultimately 'very happy' marriages are going to have some lean years in there with hormones, aging, stress of kids/work/aging parents.

Too many people without insight into marriage, no good role models, bounce or start wallowing and turning outside. A lot is basic chemistry/compatibility coupled with the amount of family turmoil/trauma and how it was dealt with in their childhood. I do think that is why some families have a legacy of divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is an easy solution, fidelity, commitment, raising a family needs hard work. If you see people taking easy way out, you too want to leave and be single and date.

LOL. No, divorce is not easy. I went from a cushy SAHM lifestyle to a single mom making minimum wage. Plus a vindictive xH who continues to make my life hell at every opportunity. I know many other mothers who went through the same thing. The easy thing would have been to ignore our problems and stay.

Usually what I see is one person (often mom) busting their ass to be a good spouse and parent to make the marriage work, while the other spouse basically continues living as if they were single, whether that’s not helping with the kids/house, cheating, drinking, abuse, workaholic, whatever. When the good spouse finally gets fed up and leaves, they are criticized for breaking their vows. But no one ever criticizes the crappy spouse for not holding up THEIR vows to “love and to cherish”, to be an equal partner, to place the marriage and family above their own selfish wants.

So I think the issue is less “why do so many people get divorced” and more “why do so many people suck at marriage”.

Then again why marry irresponsible, alcoholic, abusive cheaters? Its not like these are forced child brides or living in old ages. They ate dating, sleeping with, living with these men before marriage. No?

A lot of these men and women decided to go back to their youth midlife and just throw away everything they worked for. Like they were in a cage for adolescence and didn’t experience enough before marriage. Whatever the reason they tend to be quite good husbands and wife’s before the mental breakdown.

+100 many were monogamous for 15-20 years+. Decent, fun, loving spouses and great parents/partners until they lost their damn minds. They changed drastically.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Re: above PPs - big difference between being f&ckable and marriage material… also I’ll take a bald pooched dude who knows his way around so to speak and is GGG. But if he or even a super fit guy is lazy / out of practice - no thanks.

If then else…. Yea so you just took the 2 opposite extremes…. Useless feedback.

The fact is a 45 yo + dude… balding, wrinkles, pooch… if luckily usually outright fat, or fit and a narcissist … kids, financial issues with alimony and child support, etc. it’s not a pretty scene…. Objectively. Sure you can grasp on some minutely important straw like you didn’t have to fully train him in bed. Wow congrats! or maybe “he takes care of his children” … um okay you wanna cookie.

I get it, love is blind you see your H as a catch, but minus kids/live/life partner… objectively not a catch.

Nope - I divorced my husband (but not because of his pooch!) and am not looking for another one! So I am more focused on the f&ckable part right now. Anecdotally, I've had the pleasure of interacting with some pooch-y guys who are very generous lovers - which is my cup of tea right now. One had anxiety outside of the s&x, and I decided to stop seeing him, because I am not looking to work out that sh&t with anyone but myself right now.

That sounds miserable.

Bouncing around men to men trying to find one who isn’t bad in bed. With his soft and nasty pouch.

You can tell yourself it’s sooo great.

You gotta suck a lot of wrinkly d’s to find 1 pooch that doesn’t have anxiety and is 1/2 decent in bed. Of course no word on being a loving and caring partner in life.

Girl! You need a therapist not another d!ck. #daddyissues

She thinks she is cool, but comes across as so disgusting. Insulting her friend's husbands too. She is one of those annoying new divorcees that think she knows better than everyone else. I see them crash and burn in a years time. They try very hard to justify how everyone married is miserable and that they are living the good life.

The reality is some marriages are good.
Some are really bad but circumstances make it impossible to divorce.
Some never married are very happy, some are not.
Some divorced people are just dedicated to their single life, committed to their family and work and volunteer and friends in ways try couldn’t with a needy spouse.
Some divorcees are miserable, broke and desperate.

But when people see happy divorced people and compare it to a bad marriage they see “another way”, when 80% of people were married you didn’t see another way, so yes divorce can be “contagious” meaning people see it as a viable option.

But the reality is only 50% are married and many are not happy, so statistically most people are not happily married.

And more realistically:

Some marriages start really, really good, grow stale, hit a bottom, rebuild and become very happy again.

Long marriages have stages. They ebb and flow. Many that are ultimately 'very happy' marriages are going to have some lean years in there with hormones, aging, stress of kids/work/aging parents.

Too many people without insight into marriage, no good role models, bounce or start wallowing and turning outside. A lot is basic chemistry/compatibility coupled with the amount of family turmoil/trauma and how it was dealt with in their childhood. I do think that is why some families have a legacy of divorce.

"Most people are going to have two or three marriages or committed relationships in their adult life. Some of us will have them with the same person." - Esther Perel, LMFT

Who are you married to today? Is it the same person you met when you first started dating or have they involved? Reflect on how you both have changed and how you want to change for the better in your relationship. Our relationships are meant to continuously evolve so be open to the journey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is an easy solution, fidelity, commitment, raising a family needs hard work. If you see people taking easy way out, you too want to leave and be single and date.

This^.

I feel the opposite.

Looking the other way to infidelity/helplessness/etc and living your life in fear of taking control of it is why people stay married.

There is no honor in being afraid to leave your spouse”.

Most women I know are not leaving and dating. They are leaving and committing to their family and work in a way they never could because their helpless h sucked them of all their energy and resources.

+1

It’s easier to believe the man you want has a wife that is trapped then the fact he actively is doing the work day in and day out to prevent the woman he truly loves from leaving. You have no idea what is going on in a long marriage— how it started, where it started or the kind of passion and deep love that was there. It’s hard to see him fight so hard for someone when he didn’t for you. So yeah- she is trapped

You can see the ones that have their own means getting out and the ones that don’t staying it’s clear they are trapped.

Nobody wants their old dusty husband.

Old dusty husband? I guess if you married someone much older than may be but mot peoplr who married in their own age group.

Yes but most divorced men are old. Yes, sorry, but objectively speaking 45 is old. Thining hair, poochy belly, no fashion sense, anxiety disorders.

I have one divorced friend who we were trying to get to date, she is amazing. She said to us, her friends, no offense but if you even look objectively at your husbands. Take away, father of your children, built a life together, etc… very few, none actually are really f’able.

Even the great looking one in our group, runs marathons, works out, 6 pack abs at 50… his anxiety disorder .. the real reason he runs daily, it’s just too much to take on.

No thank you!

None are f’able… Your friend sounds hilarious!

Trying to think how this would shake out in our circle of friends. Thankfully the one I’d most want is my husband. But there are a few others who would definitely be fine. I see plenty of cute dads around. No pooches.

See the cognitive Dissidence. If you were objective you would see it.

Can’t see it. My eyes must be clouded by lust.

[Anonymous]

^evolved

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Re: above PPs - big difference between being f&ckable and marriage material… also I’ll take a bald pooched dude who knows his way around so to speak and is GGG. But if he or even a super fit guy is lazy / out of practice - no thanks.

If then else…. Yea so you just took the 2 opposite extremes…. Useless feedback.

The fact is a 45 yo + dude… balding, wrinkles, pooch… if luckily usually outright fat, or fit and a narcissist … kids, financial issues with alimony and child support, etc. it’s not a pretty scene…. Objectively. Sure you can grasp on some minutely important straw like you didn’t have to fully train him in bed. Wow congrats! or maybe “he takes care of his children” … um okay you wanna cookie.

I get it, love is blind you see your H as a catch, but minus kids/live/life partner… objectively not a catch.

Nope - I divorced my husband (but not because of his pooch!) and am not looking for another one! So I am more focused on the f&ckable part right now. Anecdotally, I've had the pleasure of interacting with some pooch-y guys who are very generous lovers - which is my cup of tea right now. One had anxiety outside of the s&x, and I decided to stop seeing him, because I am not looking to work out that sh&t with anyone but myself right now.

That sounds miserable.

Bouncing around men to men trying to find one who isn’t bad in bed. With his soft and nasty pouch.

You can tell yourself it’s sooo great.

You gotta suck a lot of wrinkly d’s to find 1 pooch that doesn’t have anxiety and is 1/2 decent in bed. Of course no word on being a loving and caring partner in life.

Girl! You need a therapist not another d!ck. #daddyissues

She thinks she is cool, but comes across as so disgusting. Insulting her friend's husbands too. She is one of those annoying new divorcees that think she knows better than everyone else. I see them crash and burn in a years time. They try very hard to justify how everyone married is miserable and that they are living the good life.

The reality is some marriages are good.
Some are really bad but circumstances make it impossible to divorce.
Some never married are very happy, some are not.
Some divorced people are just dedicated to their single life, committed to their family and work and volunteer and friends in ways try couldn’t with a needy spouse.
Some divorcees are miserable, broke and desperate.

But when people see happy divorced people and compare it to a bad marriage they see “another way”, when 80% of people were married you didn’t see another way, so yes divorce can be “contagious” meaning people see it as a viable option.

But the reality is only 50% are married and many are not happy, so statistically most people are not happily married.

And more realistically:

Some marriages start really, really good, grow stale, hit a bottom, rebuild and become very happy again.

Long marriages have stages. They ebb and flow. Many that are ultimately 'very happy' marriages are going to have some lean years in there with hormones, aging, stress of kids/work/aging parents.

Too many people without insight into marriage, no good role models, bounce or start wallowing and turning outside. A lot is basic chemistry/compatibility coupled with the amount of family turmoil/trauma and how it was dealt with in their childhood. I do think that is why some families have a legacy of divorce.

"Most people are going to have two or three marriages or committed relationships in their adult life. Some of us will have them with the same person." - Esther Perel, LMFT

Who are you married to today? Is it the same person you met when you first started dating or have they involved? Reflect on how you both have changed and how you want to change for the better in your relationship. Our relationships are meant to continuously evolve so be open to the journey.

Love is not a permanent state of enthusiasm. Marriages have stages. This is why unevolved people keep chasing non-lasting NRE (new relationship energy) which is very ultimately harmful and unsatisfying over time. It also wreaks havoc on families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Re: above PPs - big difference between being f&ckable and marriage material… also I’ll take a bald pooched dude who knows his way around so to speak and is GGG. But if he or even a super fit guy is lazy / out of practice - no thanks.

If then else…. Yea so you just took the 2 opposite extremes…. Useless feedback.

The fact is a 45 yo + dude… balding, wrinkles, pooch… if luckily usually outright fat, or fit and a narcissist … kids, financial issues with alimony and child support, etc. it’s not a pretty scene…. Objectively. Sure you can grasp on some minutely important straw like you didn’t have to fully train him in bed. Wow congrats! or maybe “he takes care of his children” … um okay you wanna cookie.

I get it, love is blind you see your H as a catch, but minus kids/live/life partner… objectively not a catch.

Nope - I divorced my husband (but not because of his pooch!) and am not looking for another one! So I am more focused on the f&ckable part right now. Anecdotally, I've had the pleasure of interacting with some pooch-y guys who are very generous lovers - which is my cup of tea right now. One had anxiety outside of the s&x, and I decided to stop seeing him, because I am not looking to work out that sh&t with anyone but myself right now.

That sounds miserable.

Bouncing around men to men trying to find one who isn’t bad in bed. With his soft and nasty pouch.

You can tell yourself it’s sooo great.

You gotta suck a lot of wrinkly d’s to find 1 pooch that doesn’t have anxiety and is 1/2 decent in bed. Of course no word on being a loving and caring partner in life.

Girl! You need a therapist not another d!ck. #daddyissues

She thinks she is cool, but comes across as so disgusting. Insulting her friend's husbands too. She is one of those annoying new divorcees that think she knows better than everyone else. I see them crash and burn in a years time. They try very hard to justify how everyone married is miserable and that they are living the good life.

The reality is some marriages are good.
Some are really bad but circumstances make it impossible to divorce.
Some never married are very happy, some are not.
Some divorced people are just dedicated to their single life, committed to their family and work and volunteer and friends in ways try couldn’t with a needy spouse.
Some divorcees are miserable, broke and desperate.

But when people see happy divorced people and compare it to a bad marriage they see “another way”, when 80% of people were married you didn’t see another way, so yes divorce can be “contagious” meaning people see it as a viable option.

But the reality is only 50% are married and many are not happy, so statistically most people are not happily married.

And more realistically:

Some marriages start really, really good, grow stale, hit a bottom, rebuild and become very happy again.

Long marriages have stages. They ebb and flow. Many that are ultimately 'very happy' marriages are going to have some lean years in there with hormones, aging, stress of kids/work/aging parents.

Too many people without insight into marriage, no good role models, bounce or start wallowing and turning outside. A lot is basic chemistry/compatibility coupled with the amount of family turmoil/trauma and how it was dealt with in their childhood. I do think that is why some families have a legacy of divorce.

So if you are willing to be miserable for most of your married life and the whole time your kids live with you, when you are too old to divorce/date/marry you can settle into comfortable.

Don’t go into advertising for marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Re: above PPs - big difference between being f&ckable and marriage material… also I’ll take a bald pooched dude who knows his way around so to speak and is GGG. But if he or even a super fit guy is lazy / out of practice - no thanks.

If then else…. Yea so you just took the 2 opposite extremes…. Useless feedback.

The fact is a 45 yo + dude… balding, wrinkles, pooch… if luckily usually outright fat, or fit and a narcissist … kids, financial issues with alimony and child support, etc. it’s not a pretty scene…. Objectively. Sure you can grasp on some minutely important straw like you didn’t have to fully train him in bed. Wow congrats! or maybe “he takes care of his children” … um okay you wanna cookie.

I get it, love is blind you see your H as a catch, but minus kids/live/life partner… objectively not a catch.

Nope - I divorced my husband (but not because of his pooch!) and am not looking for another one! So I am more focused on the f&ckable part right now. Anecdotally, I've had the pleasure of interacting with some pooch-y guys who are very generous lovers - which is my cup of tea right now. One had anxiety outside of the s&x, and I decided to stop seeing him, because I am not looking to work out that sh&t with anyone but myself right now.

That sounds miserable.

Bouncing around men to men trying to find one who isn’t bad in bed. With his soft and nasty pouch.

You can tell yourself it’s sooo great.

You gotta suck a lot of wrinkly d’s to find 1 pooch that doesn’t have anxiety and is 1/2 decent in bed. Of course no word on being a loving and caring partner in life.

Girl! You need a therapist not another d!ck. #daddyissues

She thinks she is cool, but comes across as so disgusting. Insulting her friend's husbands too. She is one of those annoying new divorcees that think she knows better than everyone else. I see them crash and burn in a years time. They try very hard to justify how everyone married is miserable and that they are living the good life.

The reality is some marriages are good.
Some are really bad but circumstances make it impossible to divorce.
Some never married are very happy, some are not.
Some divorced people are just dedicated to their single life, committed to their family and work and volunteer and friends in ways try couldn’t with a needy spouse.
Some divorcees are miserable, broke and desperate.

But when people see happy divorced people and compare it to a bad marriage they see “another way”, when 80% of people were married you didn’t see another way, so yes divorce can be “contagious” meaning people see it as a viable option.

But the reality is only 50% are married and many are not happy, so statistically most people are not happily married.

And more realistically:

Some marriages start really, really good, grow stale, hit a bottom, rebuild and become very happy again.

Long marriages have stages. They ebb and flow. Many that are ultimately 'very happy' marriages are going to have some lean years in there with hormones, aging, stress of kids/work/aging parents.

Too many people without insight into marriage, no good role models, bounce or start wallowing and turning outside. A lot is basic chemistry/compatibility coupled with the amount of family turmoil/trauma and how it was dealt with in their childhood. I do think that is why some families have a legacy of divorce.

So if you are willing to be miserable for most of your married life and the whole time your kids live with you, when you are too old to divorce/date/marry you can settle into comfortable.

Don’t go into advertising for marriages.

We get it you are unhappy with no ability to see outside of your own narrative.

That's not what is being said at all. If you marry at 28 and stay married and you hit a rough patch mid 40s, come out of it stronger and go onto 50+ years plus of a very happy marriage, is that really a poster board for a failed relationship? a few years out of 50?

We live in an ADHD social media narcissistic, self-entitled, me now, tik tok snap chat facebook era. If you grew up in a stable happy environment with lots of loving extended family, you will have a different take on the institution.

Some people obviously should never marry in the first place. You need to know yourself well.

[Anonymous]

Some people are always unhappy. They think the next house, the new city, the new guy, the next relationship etc. is their answer. What they are missing is inside of them that the external isn't going to fix what is wrong with them more than temporarily, they will continue to be unhappy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Re: above PPs - big difference between being f&ckable and marriage material… also I’ll take a bald pooched dude who knows his way around so to speak and is GGG. But if he or even a super fit guy is lazy / out of practice - no thanks.

If then else…. Yea so you just took the 2 opposite extremes…. Useless feedback.

The fact is a 45 yo + dude… balding, wrinkles, pooch… if luckily usually outright fat, or fit and a narcissist … kids, financial issues with alimony and child support, etc. it’s not a pretty scene…. Objectively. Sure you can grasp on some minutely important straw like you didn’t have to fully train him in bed. Wow congrats! or maybe “he takes care of his children” … um okay you wanna cookie.

I get it, love is blind you see your H as a catch, but minus kids/live/life partner… objectively not a catch.

Nope - I divorced my husband (but not because of his pooch!) and am not looking for another one! So I am more focused on the f&ckable part right now. Anecdotally, I've had the pleasure of interacting with some pooch-y guys who are very generous lovers - which is my cup of tea right now. One had anxiety outside of the s&x, and I decided to stop seeing him, because I am not looking to work out that sh&t with anyone but myself right now.

That sounds miserable.

Bouncing around men to men trying to find one who isn’t bad in bed. With his soft and nasty pouch.

You can tell yourself it’s sooo great.

You gotta suck a lot of wrinkly d’s to find 1 pooch that doesn’t have anxiety and is 1/2 decent in bed. Of course no word on being a loving and caring partner in life.

Girl! You need a therapist not another d!ck. #daddyissues

She thinks she is cool, but comes across as so disgusting. Insulting her friend's husbands too. She is one of those annoying new divorcees that think she knows better than everyone else. I see them crash and burn in a years time. They try very hard to justify how everyone married is miserable and that they are living the good life.

The reality is some marriages are good.
Some are really bad but circumstances make it impossible to divorce.
Some never married are very happy, some are not.
Some divorced people are just dedicated to their single life, committed to their family and work and volunteer and friends in ways try couldn’t with a needy spouse.
Some divorcees are miserable, broke and desperate.

But when people see happy divorced people and compare it to a bad marriage they see “another way”, when 80% of people were married you didn’t see another way, so yes divorce can be “contagious” meaning people see it as a viable option.

But the reality is only 50% are married and many are not happy, so statistically most people are not happily married.

And more realistically:

Some marriages start really, really good, grow stale, hit a bottom, rebuild and become very happy again.

Long marriages have stages. They ebb and flow. Many that are ultimately 'very happy' marriages are going to have some lean years in there with hormones, aging, stress of kids/work/aging parents.

Too many people without insight into marriage, no good role models, bounce or start wallowing and turning outside. A lot is basic chemistry/compatibility coupled with the amount of family turmoil/trauma and how it was dealt with in their childhood. I do think that is why some families have a legacy of divorce.

"Most people are going to have two or three marriages or committed relationships in their adult life. Some of us will have them with the same person." - Esther Perel, LMFT

Who are you married to today? Is it the same person you met when you first started dating or have they involved? Reflect on how you both have changed and how you want to change for the better in your relationship. Our relationships are meant to continuously evolve so be open to the journey.

Love is not a permanent state of enthusiasm. Marriages have stages. This is why unevolved people keep chasing non-lasting NRE (new relationship energy) which is very ultimately harmful and unsatisfying over time. It also wreaks havoc on families.

NRE. Thanks for that. I've never heard of it described this way. Definitely unevolved people. That's precisely what it is. Immaturity and lack of self growth/evolution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If marital infidelity is indeed this common as you say, it shakes my faith in human morality. It means, most humans are liars, cheats and not trustworthy of honoring a commitment.

That said, statistics doesn't support your theory.

Its not as common as disgruntled folks think it is.

I've read 40% of marriages.

Sorry 25% of marriages and 40% of long term relationships. It's probably underreported though. I really don't know. But it's way higher than I thought as a young woman.

Highest rate of infidelity for men is in their 70’s for women in their 60’s.

😂😂😂

Which is why a lot of women won't remarry. Just too risky with these men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Re: above PPs - big difference between being f&ckable and marriage material… also I’ll take a bald pooched dude who knows his way around so to speak and is GGG. But if he or even a super fit guy is lazy / out of practice - no thanks.

If then else…. Yea so you just took the 2 opposite extremes…. Useless feedback.

The fact is a 45 yo + dude… balding, wrinkles, pooch… if luckily usually outright fat, or fit and a narcissist … kids, financial issues with alimony and child support, etc. it’s not a pretty scene…. Objectively. Sure you can grasp on some minutely important straw like you didn’t have to fully train him in bed. Wow congrats! or maybe “he takes care of his children” … um okay you wanna cookie.

I get it, love is blind you see your H as a catch, but minus kids/live/life partner… objectively not a catch.

Nope - I divorced my husband (but not because of his pooch!) and am not looking for another one! So I am more focused on the f&ckable part right now. Anecdotally, I've had the pleasure of interacting with some pooch-y guys who are very generous lovers - which is my cup of tea right now. One had anxiety outside of the s&x, and I decided to stop seeing him, because I am not looking to work out that sh&t with anyone but myself right now.

That sounds miserable.

Bouncing around men to men trying to find one who isn’t bad in bed. With his soft and nasty pouch.

You can tell yourself it’s sooo great.

You gotta suck a lot of wrinkly d’s to find 1 pooch that doesn’t have anxiety and is 1/2 decent in bed. Of course no word on being a loving and caring partner in life.

Girl! You need a therapist not another d!ck. #daddyissues

She thinks she is cool, but comes across as so disgusting. Insulting her friend's husbands too. She is one of those annoying new divorcees that think she knows better than everyone else. I see them crash and burn in a years time. They try very hard to justify how everyone married is miserable and that they are living the good life.

The reality is some marriages are good.
Some are really bad but circumstances make it impossible to divorce.
Some never married are very happy, some are not.
Some divorced people are just dedicated to their single life, committed to their family and work and volunteer and friends in ways try couldn’t with a needy spouse.
Some divorcees are miserable, broke and desperate.

But when people see happy divorced people and compare it to a bad marriage they see “another way”, when 80% of people were married you didn’t see another way, so yes divorce can be “contagious” meaning people see it as a viable option.

But the reality is only 50% are married and many are not happy, so statistically most people are not happily married.

And more realistically:

Some marriages start really, really good, grow stale, hit a bottom, rebuild and become very happy again.

Long marriages have stages. They ebb and flow. Many that are ultimately 'very happy' marriages are going to have some lean years in there with hormones, aging, stress of kids/work/aging parents.

Too many people without insight into marriage, no good role models, bounce or start wallowing and turning outside. A lot is basic chemistry/compatibility coupled with the amount of family turmoil/trauma and how it was dealt with in their childhood. I do think that is why some families have a legacy of divorce.

So if you are willing to be miserable for most of your married life and the whole time your kids live with you, when you are too old to divorce/date/marry you can settle into comfortable.

Don’t go into advertising for marriages.

We get it you are unhappy with no ability to see outside of your own narrative.

That's not what is being said at all. If you marry at 28 and stay married and you hit a rough patch mid 40s, come out of it stronger and go onto 50+ years plus of a very happy marriage, is that really a poster board for a failed relationship? a few years out of 50?

We live in an ADHD social media narcissistic, self-entitled, me now, tik tok snap chat facebook era. If you grew up in a stable happy environment with lots of loving extended family, you will have a different take on the institution.

Some people obviously should never marry in the first place. You need to know yourself well.

I’m not unhappy. I’m just able to see outside my own narrative.

Some marriages are as you describe. <50% are even married so we already know you are only talking about a slice of the general population…

Of those married some are happy , the % is unknown, we do have some statistics though. We know some have infidelity ~40% (16% do not divorce… are all happy, I doubt it) (even if your 50 infidelity can be in your future… not yours obviously 🙄), some have no sex, some have no love, some have no money, yet they are still married so we know they are unhappily married and “can’t get out”or see no way out.

Not everybody but a large number.

They fact you can’t see that exists means you are the one who can’t see outside your own narrative.

Gutting it out is not honorable.