Divorce is contagious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is an easy solution, fidelity, commitment, raising a family needs hard work. If you see people taking easy way out, you too want to leave and be single and date.

This^.

I feel the opposite.

Looking the other way to infidelity/helplessness/etc and living your life in fear of taking control of it is why people stay married.

There is no honor in being afraid to leave your spouse”.

Most women I know are not leaving and dating. They are leaving and committing to their family and work in a way they never could because their helpless h sucked them of all their energy and resources.

Unfortunately, I have seen the opposite among acquaintances, extended family and at kids' school. Both parents seem to jump into re-living their youth, trying on blended families very quickly and almost competing in a "best plans for the weekend" kind of way. It is really sad for the kids because neither is creating a family or child centered household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is an easy solution, fidelity, commitment, raising a family needs hard work. If you see people taking easy way out, you too want to leave and be single and date.

This^.

I feel the opposite.

Looking the other way to infidelity/helplessness/etc and living your life in fear of taking control of it is why people stay married.

There is no honor in being afraid to leave your spouse”.

Most women I know are not leaving and dating. They are leaving and committing to their family and work in a way they never could because their helpless h sucked them of all their energy and resources.

+1

It’s easier to believe the man you want has a wife that is trapped then the fact he actively is doing the work day in and day out to prevent the woman he truly loves from leaving. You have no idea what is going on in a long marriage— how it started, where it started or the kind of passion and deep love that was there. It’s hard to see him fight so hard for someone when he didn’t for you. So yeah- she is trapped

You can see the ones that have their own means getting out and the ones that don’t staying it’s clear they are trapped.

Nobody wants their old dusty husband.

You are so wrong on this one. You do not even know the people around you (you know the ones that are relationship goals, having the time of their lives at empty nest when everyone else is crashing and burning) actively chose to fight for their marriage and family. Not everyone cheated for lack of love if they’re spouse. Many had happy marriages and got off track midlife. To think you know anything about anyone else’s marriage is comical. You have no idea how much infidelity exists. 60% of couples that make it 50-years or more have dealt with it.

You actually are proving my point for me.

These are not committed relationships with fidelity.

There are people who you describe as having infidelity and had to “just deal with it”. Who gets married and wished to just deal with it, nobody. They are stuck with the non committed unfaithful spouse.

Look at the statistics … getting married is on the decline and silver divorces are on the rise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is an easy solution, fidelity, commitment, raising a family needs hard work. If you see people taking easy way out, you too want to leave and be single and date.

This^.

I feel the opposite.

Looking the other way to infidelity/helplessness/etc and living your life in fear of taking control of it is why people stay married.

There is no honor in being afraid to leave your spouse”.

Most women I know are not leaving and dating. They are leaving and committing to their family and work in a way they never could because their helpless h sucked them of all their energy and resources.

Unfortunately, I have seen the opposite among acquaintances, extended family and at kids' school. Both parents seem to jump into re-living their youth, trying on blended families very quickly and almost competing in a "best plans for the weekend" kind of way. It is really sad for the kids because neither is creating a family or child centered household.

60% of silver divorces never remarry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is an easy solution, fidelity, commitment, raising a family needs hard work. If you see people taking easy way out, you too want to leave and be single and date.

This^.

I feel the opposite.

Looking the other way to infidelity/helplessness/etc and living your life in fear of taking control of it is why people stay married.

There is no honor in being afraid to leave your spouse”.

Most women I know are not leaving and dating. They are leaving and committing to their family and work in a way they never could because their helpless h sucked them of all their energy and resources.

Unfortunately, I have seen the opposite among acquaintances, extended family and at kids' school. Both parents seem to jump into re-living their youth, trying on blended families very quickly and almost competing in a "best plans for the weekend" kind of way. It is really sad for the kids because neither is creating a family or child centered household.

60% of silver divorces never remarry

Yeah the 50% that are female and like 10% of the men

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is an easy solution, fidelity, commitment, raising a family needs hard work. If you see people taking easy way out, you too want to leave and be single and date.

This^.

I feel the opposite.

Looking the other way to infidelity/helplessness/etc and living your life in fear of taking control of it is why people stay married.

There is no honor in being afraid to leave your spouse”.

Most women I know are not leaving and dating. They are leaving and committing to their family and work in a way they never could because their helpless h sucked them of all their energy and resources.

Unfortunately, I have seen the opposite among acquaintances, extended family and at kids' school. Both parents seem to jump into re-living their youth, trying on blended families very quickly and almost competing in a "best plans for the weekend" kind of way. It is really sad for the kids because neither is creating a family or child centered household.

60% of silver divorces never remarry

Yeah the 50% that are female and like 10% of the men

It’s 58% for men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is an easy solution, fidelity, commitment, raising a family needs hard work. If you see people taking easy way out, you too want to leave and be single and date.

This^.

I feel the opposite.

Looking the other way to infidelity/helplessness/etc and living your life in fear of taking control of it is why people stay married.

There is no honor in being afraid to leave your spouse”.

Most women I know are not leaving and dating. They are leaving and committing to their family and work in a way they never could because their helpless h sucked them of all their energy and resources.

Unfortunately, I have seen the opposite among acquaintances, extended family and at kids' school. Both parents seem to jump into re-living their youth, trying on blended families very quickly and almost competing in a "best plans for the weekend" kind of way. It is really sad for the kids because neither is creating a family or child centered household.

Same observation here. Its just sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is an easy solution, fidelity, commitment, raising a family needs hard work. If you see people taking easy way out, you too want to leave and be single and date.

This^.

I feel the opposite.

Looking the other way to infidelity/helplessness/etc and living your life in fear of taking control of it is why people stay married.

There is no honor in being afraid to leave your spouse”.

Most women I know are not leaving and dating. They are leaving and committing to their family and work in a way they never could because their helpless h sucked them of all their energy and resources.

+1

It’s easier to believe the man you want has a wife that is trapped then the fact he actively is doing the work day in and day out to prevent the woman he truly loves from leaving. You have no idea what is going on in a long marriage— how it started, where it started or the kind of passion and deep love that was there. It’s hard to see him fight so hard for someone when he didn’t for you. So yeah- she is trapped

You can see the ones that have their own means getting out and the ones that don’t staying it’s clear they are trapped.

Nobody wants their old dusty husband.

Old dusty husband? I guess if you married someone much older than may be but mot peoplr who married in their own age group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is an easy solution, fidelity, commitment, raising a family needs hard work. If you see people taking easy way out, you too want to leave and be single and date.

LOL. No, divorce is not easy. I went from a cushy SAHM lifestyle to a single mom making minimum wage. Plus a vindictive xH who continues to make my life hell at every opportunity. I know many other mothers who went through the same thing. The easy thing would have been to ignore our problems and stay.

Usually what I see is one person (often mom) busting their ass to be a good spouse and parent to make the marriage work, while the other spouse basically continues living as if they were single, whether that’s not helping with the kids/house, cheating, drinking, abuse, workaholic, whatever. When the good spouse finally gets fed up and leaves, they are criticized for breaking their vows. But no one ever criticizes the crappy spouse for not holding up THEIR vows to “love and to cherish”, to be an equal partner, to place the marriage and family above their own selfish wants.

So I think the issue is less “why do so many people get divorced” and more “why do so many people suck at marriage”.

Then again why marry irresponsible, alcoholic, abusive cheaters? Its not like these are forced child brides or living in old ages. They ate dating, sleeping with, living with these men before marriage. No?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know about friends, but divorce absolutely runs in families. I will be worried if my DCs start seriously dating someone with divorced parents. They are much more likely to get divorced themselves.

I know a lot of great people with divorced parents. Mine aren’t but l wish they were. The resentment and contempt between them is depressing.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is an easy solution, fidelity, commitment, raising a family needs hard work. If you see people taking easy way out, you too want to leave and be single and date.

This^.

I feel the opposite.

Looking the other way to infidelity/helplessness/etc and living your life in fear of taking control of it is why people stay married.

There is no honor in being afraid to leave your spouse”.

Most women I know are not leaving and dating. They are leaving and committing to their family and work in a way they never could because their helpless h sucked them of all their energy and resources.

+1

It’s easier to believe the man you want has a wife that is trapped then the fact he actively is doing the work day in and day out to prevent the woman he truly loves from leaving. You have no idea what is going on in a long marriage— how it started, where it started or the kind of passion and deep love that was there. It’s hard to see him fight so hard for someone when he didn’t for you. So yeah- she is trapped

You can see the ones that have their own means getting out and the ones that don’t staying it’s clear they are trapped.

Nobody wants their old dusty husband.

Old dusty husband? I guess if you married someone much older than may be but mot peoplr who married in their own age group.

Yes but most divorced men are old. Yes, sorry, but objectively speaking 45 is old. Thining hair, poochy belly, no fashion sense, anxiety disorders.

I have one divorced friend who we were trying to get to date, she is amazing. She said to us, her friends, no offense but if you even look objectively at your husbands. Take away, father of your children, built a life together, etc… very few, none actually are really f’able.

Even the great looking one in our group, runs marathons, works out, 6 pack abs at 50… his anxiety disorder .. the real reason he runs daily, it’s just too much to take on.

No thank you!

[Anonymous]

To the poster above, your friend has flaws too. We all do mid 40s and up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is an easy solution, fidelity, commitment, raising a family needs hard work. If you see people taking easy way out, you too want to leave and be single and date.

LOL. No, divorce is not easy. I went from a cushy SAHM lifestyle to a single mom making minimum wage. Plus a vindictive xH who continues to make my life hell at every opportunity. I know many other mothers who went through the same thing. The easy thing would have been to ignore our problems and stay.

Usually what I see is one person (often mom) busting their ass to be a good spouse and parent to make the marriage work, while the other spouse basically continues living as if they were single, whether that’s not helping with the kids/house, cheating, drinking, abuse, workaholic, whatever. When the good spouse finally gets fed up and leaves, they are criticized for breaking their vows. But no one ever criticizes the crappy spouse for not holding up THEIR vows to “love and to cherish”, to be an equal partner, to place the marriage and family above their own selfish wants.

So I think the issue is less “why do so many people get divorced” and more “why do so many people suck at marriage”.

Then again why marry irresponsible, alcoholic, abusive cheaters? Its not like these are forced child brides or living in old ages. They ate dating, sleeping with, living with these men before marriage. No?

A lot of these men and women decided to go back to their youth midlife and just throw away everything they worked for. Like they were in a cage for adolescence and didn’t experience enough before marriage. Whatever the reason they tend to be quite good husbands and wife’s before the mental breakdown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is an easy solution, fidelity, commitment, raising a family needs hard work. If you see people taking easy way out, you too want to leave and be single and date.

LOL. No, divorce is not easy. I went from a cushy SAHM lifestyle to a single mom making minimum wage. Plus a vindictive xH who continues to make my life hell at every opportunity. I know many other mothers who went through the same thing. The easy thing would have been to ignore our problems and stay.

Usually what I see is one person (often mom) busting their ass to be a good spouse and parent to make the marriage work, while the other spouse basically continues living as if they were single, whether that’s not helping with the kids/house, cheating, drinking, abuse, workaholic, whatever. When the good spouse finally gets fed up and leaves, they are criticized for breaking their vows. But no one ever criticizes the crappy spouse for not holding up THEIR vows to “love and to cherish”, to be an equal partner, to place the marriage and family above their own selfish wants.

So I think the issue is less “why do so many people get divorced” and more “why do so many people suck at marriage”.

Then again why marry irresponsible, alcoholic, abusive cheaters? Its not like these are forced child brides or living in old ages. They ate dating, sleeping with, living with these men before marriage. No?

A lot of these men and women decided to go back to their youth midlife and just throw away everything they worked for. Like they were in a cage for adolescence and didn’t experience enough before marriage. Whatever the reason they tend to be quite good husbands and wife’s before the mental breakdown.

+100 many were monogamous for 15-20 years+. Decent, fun, loving spouses and great parents/partners until they lost their damn minds. They changed drastically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is an easy solution, fidelity, commitment, raising a family needs hard work. If you see people taking easy way out, you too want to leave and be single and date.

LOL. No, divorce is not easy. I went from a cushy SAHM lifestyle to a single mom making minimum wage. Plus a vindictive xH who continues to make my life hell at every opportunity. I know many other mothers who went through the same thing. The easy thing would have been to ignore our problems and stay.

Usually what I see is one person (often mom) busting their ass to be a good spouse and parent to make the marriage work, while the other spouse basically continues living as if they were single, whether that’s not helping with the kids/house, cheating, drinking, abuse, workaholic, whatever. When the good spouse finally gets fed up and leaves, they are criticized for breaking their vows. But no one ever criticizes the crappy spouse for not holding up THEIR vows to “love and to cherish”, to be an equal partner, to place the marriage and family above their own selfish wants.

So I think the issue is less “why do so many people get divorced” and more “why do so many people suck at marriage”.

This for sure. You definitely describe my husband. Selfish to the core, and it all came out after we had kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is an easy solution, fidelity, commitment, raising a family needs hard work. If you see people taking easy way out, you too want to leave and be single and date.

This^.

I feel the opposite.

Looking the other way to infidelity/helplessness/etc and living your life in fear of taking control of it is why people stay married.

There is no honor in being afraid to leave your spouse”.

Most women I know are not leaving and dating. They are leaving and committing to their family and work in a way they never could because their helpless h sucked them of all their energy and resources.

+1

It’s easier to believe the man you want has a wife that is trapped then the fact he actively is doing the work day in and day out to prevent the woman he truly loves from leaving. You have no idea what is going on in a long marriage— how it started, where it started or the kind of passion and deep love that was there. It’s hard to see him fight so hard for someone when he didn’t for you. So yeah- she is trapped

You can see the ones that have their own means getting out and the ones that don’t staying it’s clear they are trapped.

Nobody wants their old dusty husband.

Old dusty husband? I guess if you married someone much older than may be but mot peoplr who married in their own age group.

Yes but most divorced men are old. Yes, sorry, but objectively speaking 45 is old. Thining hair, poochy belly, no fashion sense, anxiety disorders.

I have one divorced friend who we were trying to get to date, she is amazing. She said to us, her friends, no offense but if you even look objectively at your husbands. Take away, father of your children, built a life together, etc… very few, none actually are really f’able.

Even the great looking one in our group, runs marathons, works out, 6 pack abs at 50… his anxiety disorder .. the real reason he runs daily, it’s just too much to take on.

No thank you!

None are f’able… Your friend sounds hilarious!

Trying to think how this would shake out in our circle of friends. Thankfully the one I’d most want is my husband. But there are a few others who would definitely be fine. I see plenty of cute dads around. No pooches.