Why would you want to bring a girl to family dinner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm intrigued by all of this. Can you describe exactly what's happening? Because what I'm picturing is bizarre:

BIL and some girl show up unannounced at your house, at what, like 4pm? You happen to be home, you let them in and what do they say? "Hey, are you guys around this evening, what are your dinner plans?"

You start scrambling to set out snacks and prepare dinner for another 2 adults. They're sitting in your living room? Talking to your kids? Did the girlfriend know this was what she was going to be doing all evening? It sounds very NOT fun for the gf, to be honest.

Lather, rinse, repeat every few months with a different girl?

And he starts serving and drinking he too shelf liquor.

You’re being had OP. Lock up the liquor and meat, call the 12 yo sitter and run out to your friends house.

Your spouse seems like a pushover so he’ll prob take them personally on a high end date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm intrigued by all of this. Can you describe exactly what's happening? Because what I'm picturing is bizarre:

BIL and some girl show up unannounced at your house, at what, like 4pm? You happen to be home, you let them in and what do they say? "Hey, are you guys around this evening, what are your dinner plans?"

You start scrambling to set out snacks and prepare dinner for another 2 adults. They're sitting in your living room? Talking to your kids? Did the girlfriend know this was what she was going to be doing all evening? It sounds very NOT fun for the gf, to be honest.

Lather, rinse, repeat every few months with a different girl?

And he starts serving and drinking he too shelf liquor.

You’re being had OP. Lock up the liquor and meat, call the 12 yo sitter and run out to your friends house.

Your spouse seems like a pushover so he’ll prob take them personally on a high end date.

I was just talking to DH and Dh is sympathetic of BIL. He said it is because we are his only family and he doesn’t have that many friends. He did move back to the area in the middle of Covid.

I still don’t appreciate being the host of his dates. I probably should just not care about tidying up, getting ready and preparing food for people. I don’t care putting leftovers And very casual eating. With added guest, I feel need to put out serving spoons and such. I know I don’t have to get ready but I don’t want to look like a slob in front of others. And if our mudroom is messy or there are toys in the living room, I will feel the need to tidy up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm intrigued by all of this. Can you describe exactly what's happening? Because what I'm picturing is bizarre:

BIL and some girl show up unannounced at your house, at what, like 4pm? You happen to be home, you let them in and what do they say? "Hey, are you guys around this evening, what are your dinner plans?"

You start scrambling to set out snacks and prepare dinner for another 2 adults. They're sitting in your living room? Talking to your kids? Did the girlfriend know this was what she was going to be doing all evening? It sounds very NOT fun for the gf, to be honest.

Lather, rinse, repeat every few months with a different girl?

And he starts serving and drinking he too shelf liquor.

You’re being had OP. Lock up the liquor and meat, call the 12 yo sitter and run out to your friends house.

Your spouse seems like a pushover so he’ll prob take them personally on a high end date.

I was just talking to DH and Dh is sympathetic of BIL. He said it is because we are his only family and he doesn’t have that many friends. He did move back to the area in the middle of Covid.

I still don’t appreciate being the host of his dates. I probably should just not care about tidying up, getting ready and preparing food for people. I don’t care putting leftovers And very casual eating. With added guest, I feel need to put out serving spoons and such. I know I don’t have to get ready but I don’t want to look like a slob in front of others. And if our mudroom is messy or there are toys in the living room, I will feel the need to tidy up.

Maybe you need to make a deal with your DH where he does some work. But really, you are doing this to yourself and it is your choice to stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what is your husband’s role in this? What does he think? He would have dealt with this by now if he didn’t like it, right? Personally, I would allow DH to deal with this and don’t go out of your way to host when he comes over.

And also, when someone invites themselves over, you can say no.

We have discussed this multiple times. Dh said he isn’t going to say no his brother if he wants to come over.

Since I am the one preparing the meals, I have to feed them. I don’t mind BIL that much. I am used to it. I just don’t want to host these random girls.

This is 1000% the issue. I would say, you need to host when your brother comes over. You don’t have to say no, but it’s not fair that it puts more work on me and I can’t relax in my own home and go about my business.. If I guy was doing all the cooking for the family and was hands on parenting with three kids and his wife’s brother would stop by and bring random women over with no advance notice for dinner - this wouldn’t even be a DCUM conversation because he would have nipped that in the bud and said, your brother, your responsibility!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dh is a terrible host. He is also bad at feeding our children.

Before Covid, of course we hosted more frequently. Dh’s friends come by. Dh will not offer them anything. He is just that clueless. Of course I put out appetizers, snacks, etc. people love to overstay at our house and yes, often it is because I am hospital and a good host.

When I do the inviting, I anticipate feeding people meals always. I don’t know if they will stay but I will always offer.

BIL also drinks our good alcohol. The alcohol that may go for $100 per pour, he just helps himself at our house. Ugh. The more I think about it, the more annoyed I am getting.

Are you not seeing how this solves the problem. If DH does a terrible job hosting, best case scenario is your BIL will stop dropping by with random dates and worst case scenario is it isn’t your problem anymore if he continues to stop by.

[Anonymous]

Someone may have already asked, but are there cultural expectations of familial closeness/hospitality involved here? Are you or your husband Middle Eastern or South Asian?

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound bizarre and cold.