Why would you want to bring a girl to family dinner?

[Anonymous]

Was anyone else imagining screechy 6 year olds bouncing off the walls, and not grown women who this guy is dating?

Just me, then.

Unless it's the former, I don't see a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is a joyless sociopath.

I’m actually very pleasant, polite and a good host. I put out a meal if we have guests, fruit, dessert, tea, coffee, etc.


Yeah no wonder BIL wants to come over all the time. If it is BIL, I can just wear sweats, fold laundry, anything. It is pretty rude to do that if we have a real guest.

Maybe you are. We don't know you. But, based on your posts on this thread, you don't sound like a very nice person, certainly not pleasant.

[Anonymous]

He doesn't want to absorb the force of your observation/attention/judgment without a human shield.

And I can see why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's signaling to these girls that he has a family he has good relationship with and he's serious about dating them.
Except none of that is true. But I'm sure he's getting something out of it.

This is the correct answer. It's a way of implying that he's very committed to and exclusive with these girls, while maintaining complete plausible deniability that "I never said that."

Because most normal people only introduce somewhat serious and exclusive partners to their extended family, especially in an intimate family dinner setting.

I would ask him "How is your other girlfriend Larla? It was so nice to meet her last time you stopped by. And what about Larleen? I think it is so great how you are all so comfortable and open being poly. Love is love!"

Oh he has been upset before when kids mention some girl. Most recently we had heard a funny story about a recent date on and he was afraid the kids would mention in front of the girl he is dating.

BIL went to both college and grad school in the area. When he was in school, he also used to bring his girlfriend around. Pretty sure they used to use our house as a love shack and free food, which I was also highly annoyed at back then. I told Dh he can’t have a code to our house and come and go when we are at work.

Now almost a decade later, he has his own place, earns a good living and still coming over. I am not his freakin mother.

I think during the MIL visits you should expect him and plan accordingly. The rest of the time, when he randomly shows up, greet them not-so-warmly, tell them you have some work to do upstairs and if they need anything they can ask DH. Then ignore, ignore, ignore. Make your DH suffer the full experience of hosting. If your house is no fun for BIL and his friend, he'll stop doing this.

[Anonymous]

PP here. You are coming across as a misanthrope. Or else you really don’t like your BIL.

[Anonymous]

So what is your husband’s role in this? What does he think? He would have dealt with this by now if he didn’t like it, right? Personally, I would allow DH to deal with this and don’t go out of your way to host when he comes over.

And also, when someone invites themselves over, you can say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what is your husband’s role in this? What does he think? He would have dealt with this by now if he didn’t like it, right? Personally, I would allow DH to deal with this and don’t go out of your way to host when he comes over.

And also, when someone invites themselves over, you can say no.

We have discussed this multiple times. Dh said he isn’t going to say no his brother if he wants to come over.

Since I am the one preparing the meals, I have to feed them. I don’t mind BIL that much. I am used to it. I just don’t want to host these random girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what is your husband’s role in this? What does he think? He would have dealt with this by now if he didn’t like it, right? Personally, I would allow DH to deal with this and don’t go out of your way to host when he comes over.

And also, when someone invites themselves over, you can say no.

We have discussed this multiple times. Dh said he isn’t going to say no his brother if he wants to come over.

Since I am the one preparing the meals, I have to feed them. I don’t mind BIL that much. I am used to it. I just don’t want to host these random girls.

Why does it bother you so much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what is your husband’s role in this? What does he think? He would have dealt with this by now if he didn’t like it, right? Personally, I would allow DH to deal with this and don’t go out of your way to host when he comes over.

And also, when someone invites themselves over, you can say no.

We have discussed this multiple times. Dh said he isn’t going to say no his brother if he wants to come over.

Since I am the one preparing the meals, I have to feed them. I don’t mind BIL that much. I am used to it. I just don’t want to host these random girls.

Well, you don't have to prepare the meal. Load up the kids and take them to eat elsewhere. Or make some chicken nuggets, baby carrots, and call it good. DH can say yes to his brother all he wants, but you don't have to say yes to doing everything your DH would like you to do. Seriously you need to hand this burden right back to DH and let him deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what is your husband’s role in this? What does he think? He would have dealt with this by now if he didn’t like it, right? Personally, I would allow DH to deal with this and don’t go out of your way to host when he comes over.

And also, when someone invites themselves over, you can say no.

We have discussed this multiple times. Dh said he isn’t going to say no his brother if he wants to come over.

Since I am the one preparing the meals, I have to feed them. I don’t mind BIL that much. I am used to it. I just don’t want to host these random girls.

Why does it bother you so much?

Omg we don’t have people over often. I don’t want to host BIL’s dates.

Dh actually doesn’t like when people come over so we rarely host. We live in a 10,000+ sf house and used to throw big parties before Covid. We have not had many people over at all since Covid.

[Anonymous]

Next time order a cheese pizza.
Pay the 20 bucks. And go hide somewhere else in the 10,000 square foot house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BIL is always trying to bring girls to our house for dinner. BIL never even calls his mom and is estranged from his dad. Parents divorced when he was young. BIL is my husband’s brother. We don’t host many people, especially during the pandemic. We live in a nice home and have 3 kids. If BIL was bringing a serious girlfriend, I would be happy to meet her and have my kids meet her. Over the years, he is always trying to bring these girls to our house. It is very annoying to me.

If BIL wanted to introduce a girl to his mom, fine. He barely talks to his mom. He doesn’t invite us to his place or to a dinner. He just tries to come to OUR house uninvited. Fine if BIL comes uninvited and we don’t have quite enough food but it is so annoying to put out food for a stranger. We don’t host often, very rarely in 2 years.

OP is it possible these women don't actually know the B.I.L. (brother in law) or only just met him outside your house, or followed him there so they could meet coincidentally? And there he is (the B.I.L.) sitting there thinking "well who is this lady?" and wondering if possibly you or someone else invited her? Sometimes people arrive, presenting themself as friends, including new friends, but they really are an imposter or a "rando" as some say, there to do some investigating or exploring or even just to get a new meal? We have seen this happen before and am wondering if it might be the case here or if that's something you are considering? Just a thought.

WTH? This does not happen. LOL

PP I am only asking for empathy in an effort to offer a constructive idea or two on what seems to be happening here. OP does not even know for sure that these ladies and they are ladies and should be treated that but she is not even sure where the B.I.L. (the brother in law) knows who these women are or did anything to bring them there yet he is blamed for them being there when possibly they just showed up with a song and dance about how "they just happened to be in the area" or some such. Meanwhile the poor B.I.L. (brother in law) is sitting there thinking Who is She? Is she my guest or their's? In other words he may just be trying to be polite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what is your husband’s role in this? What does he think? He would have dealt with this by now if he didn’t like it, right? Personally, I would allow DH to deal with this and don’t go out of your way to host when he comes over.

And also, when someone invites themselves over, you can say no.

We have discussed this multiple times. Dh said he isn’t going to say no his brother if he wants to come over.

Since I am the one preparing the meals, I have to feed them. I don’t mind BIL that much. I am used to it. I just don’t want to host these random girls.

Well, you don't have to prepare the meal. Load up the kids and take them to eat elsewhere. Or make some chicken nuggets, baby carrots, and call it good. DH can say yes to his brother all he wants, but you don't have to say yes to doing everything your DH would like you to do. Seriously you need to hand this burden right back to DH and let him deal.

We keep a pretty clean house but if we have guests over, even if it is just a kid for a play date, we clean up. Granted I make kids clean up before their guest arrives.

When BIL invites a guest, it is BIL’s, not my guest but it is a guest in my home. It is just annoying. Yes, we have a well stocked bar, pantry full of snacks and fresh fruit always. I’m sure it is very comfortable for BIL to hang out at our house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what is your husband’s role in this? What does he think? He would have dealt with this by now if he didn’t like it, right? Personally, I would allow DH to deal with this and don’t go out of your way to host when he comes over.

And also, when someone invites themselves over, you can say no.

We have discussed this multiple times. Dh said he isn’t going to say no his brother if he wants to come over.

Since I am the one preparing the meals, I have to feed them. I don’t mind BIL that much. I am used to it. I just don’t want to host these random girls.

Why does it bother you so much?

Omg we don’t have people over often. I don’t want to host BIL’s dates.

Dh actually doesn’t like when people come over so we rarely host. We live in a 10,000+ sf house and used to throw big parties before Covid. We have not had many people over at all since Covid.

That's like a baseball field size house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what is your husband’s role in this? What does he think? He would have dealt with this by now if he didn’t like it, right? Personally, I would allow DH to deal with this and don’t go out of your way to host when he comes over.

And also, when someone invites themselves over, you can say no.

We have discussed this multiple times. Dh said he isn’t going to say no his brother if he wants to come over.

Since I am the one preparing the meals, I have to feed them. I don’t mind BIL that much. I am used to it. I just don’t want to host these random girls.

Why does it bother you so much?

Omg we don’t have people over often. I don’t want to host BIL’s dates.

Dh actually doesn’t like when people come over so we rarely host. We live in a 10,000+ sf house and used to throw big parties before Covid. We have not had many people over at all since Covid.

That's like a baseball field size house.

We have comfortable entertaining areas. BIL used OUR house to host HIS dates. That is what is annoying and bizarre to me.

Go on a few dates, probably have sex, let’s go to my brother’s house uninvited. Does that seem normal?