Why would you want to bring a girl to family dinner?

[Anonymous]

BIL is always trying to bring girls to our house for dinner. BIL never even calls his mom and is estranged from his dad. Parents divorced when he was young. BIL is my husband’s brother. We don’t host many people, especially during the pandemic. We live in a nice home and have 3 kids. If BIL was bringing a serious girlfriend, I would be happy to meet her and have my kids meet her. Over the years, he is always trying to bring these girls to our house. It is very annoying to me.

If BIL wanted to introduce a girl to his mom, fine. He barely talks to his mom. He doesn’t invite us to his place or to a dinner. He just tries to come to OUR house uninvited. Fine if BIL comes uninvited and we don’t have quite enough food but it is so annoying to put out food for a stranger. We don’t host often, very rarely in 2 years.

[Anonymous]

My question is when do you bring a girl to dinner?

Do you just want free food?

[Anonymous]

Maybe he feels close to his brother and respects his opinion. Maybe he wants you or his brother to meet his friends. Maybe he is proud of this part of his family. Maybe his brother is even more important to him because of the estrangement with the parents.

[Anonymous]

He's signaling to these girls that he has a family he has good relationship with and he's serious about dating them.
Except none of that is true. But I'm sure he's getting something out of it.

[Anonymous]

Props him up, makes him look like a nice family guy, using you to seem put together to his date.
Possibly to show off his date, but sounds like he’s doing this all the time with tons of dates so maybe it’s to get a free meal for two!

[Anonymous]

Maybe ask your DH + not complain on an anonymous forum. He probably longs for what you have.

[Anonymous]

I think he brings the girlfriend because he doesn't want to have any personal conversations and the food is free.

[Anonymous]

He’s bored and wants someone to entertain him and shied him from annoying questions and conversations. Instead you’ll talk to the girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think he brings the girlfriend because he doesn't want to have any personal conversations and the food is free.

Make your husband handle the meal entirely for his brother and new date.

Also don’t lead any conversations, make them. See what happens.

I’ve done this with some family houseguests when I wondered why I was so exhausted after every night and meal. Because they don’t care about talking or conversating! Well I do, but not with them anymore! I can now close my eyes and know exactly who is chewing and making what jaw clicks. My kids now comment on why the dinners are so weird.

[Anonymous]

You seem obsessed with the idea that he should introduce women to his mother. But you said he's not close with his mother.

[Anonymous]

How frequent is this and how many different girls are we talking about each year? And during Covid?

Does he pay for any of the food or cook it or take you guys out?

I agree, if a serious relationship sure, but not new tinder girl once a month. What a pita.

[Anonymous]

Although I do like meeting people and making new friends… get their emails!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You seem obsessed with the idea that he should introduce women to his mother. But you said he's not close with his mother.

I am not obsessed with anything. I don’t want to host random people at my house. I don’t want to scramble to feed extra adults.

I just was wondering if he is trying to get free food or what. Like you date for a few weeks and bring them to my house. WTF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem obsessed with the idea that he should introduce women to his mother. But you said he's not close with his mother.

I am not obsessed with anything. I don’t want to host random people at my house. I don’t want to scramble to feed extra adults.

I just was wondering if he is trying to get free food or what. Like you date for a few weeks and bring them to my house. WTF.[/quote

Come on, OP. You are being naive. This is the “you know my family” game that players play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BIL is always trying to bring girls to our house for dinner. BIL never even calls his mom and is estranged from his dad. Parents divorced when he was young. BIL is my husband’s brother. We don’t host many people, especially during the pandemic. We live in a nice home and have 3 kids. If BIL was bringing a serious girlfriend, I would be happy to meet her and have my kids meet her. Over the years, he is always trying to bring these girls to our house. It is very annoying to me.

If BIL wanted to introduce a girl to his mom, fine. He barely talks to his mom. He doesn’t invite us to his place or to a dinner. He just tries to come to OUR house uninvited. Fine if BIL comes uninvited and we don’t have quite enough food but it is so annoying to put out food for a stranger. We don’t host often, very rarely in 2 years.

So… how often is this happening? If you have him over a couple of times a year and he brings who he is seeing at the time, that seems fine to me. Food for one more person a few times a year — big deal.