Explain wealthy men and mail order brides

[Anonymous]

I had a family friend who did this and as soon as she got that condition off her green care she dipped. The long-term success rate of these marriages is not good.

[Anonymous]

They are not in it for the relationship, and neither is the bride.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They want a housekeeper that they can have sex with on demand.

Really? You’re telling me a wealthy doctor needs to marry a poor foreign woman to afford house cleaning??? Doesn’t sound like someone even remotely well off…

Omg no.
Many women in eastern europe are raised with the clear understanding that the man is superior. And everything they do is catering to him and with a haply attitude. Not like a paid housekeeper. But making all his favorite foods, cleaning daily, ironing clothes, hot breakfast on table, greeting with a smile and hair done and dinner ready when he is home. Never asking for any household help. Seriously. Im russian but not raised like that. My cousins were shocked that my husband washed dishes and changes diapers. It didn't occur to them to even see if their husbands would do any of that.

And what's wrong with this? If the man is able to provide a strong home, family, money, future financial stability, comfortable retirement...that's the deal right? That is what SHE GETS for doing HER JOB because HE IS DOING HIS JOB. What is wrong with that?

The issue you have is women in other countries have different priorities than you. Since they are different it's wrong. In their eyes you are wrong. In reality neither are wrong.

I agree with you that SAHM is a job, but then what I see is these men also tend to lack any control themselves and they don't have respect for the woman in the way that they are equals. They make bad decisions, don't show affection and get bored. Become violent. There is no check on them. Have you ever seen the movie Sleeping with the Enemy? Julia Roberts was beautiful and did everything for him and he was still a monster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He likes her personality.

Per personality and her body. If woman took care of themselves as much as they cry over the lack of good men...they would have a good man. Don't be angry because women overseas in poor countries see how amazing most women have it over here, yet are too spoiled to realize it. Be a good wife and mother. Be a good SAHM. Keep yourself health. You're set for LIFE. That's a deal 99% of women will take.

Your assuming they are good men. They can’t be too good since the already failed at marriage once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They want a housekeeper that they can have sex with on demand.

Really? You’re telling me a wealthy doctor needs to marry a poor foreign woman to afford house cleaning??? Doesn’t sound like someone even remotely well off…

Omg no.
Many women in eastern europe are raised with the clear understanding that the man is superior. And everything they do is catering to him and with a haply attitude. Not like a paid housekeeper. But making all his favorite foods, cleaning daily, ironing clothes, hot breakfast on table, greeting with a smile and hair done and dinner ready when he is home. Never asking for any household help. Seriously. Im russian but not raised like that. My cousins were shocked that my husband washed dishes and changes diapers. It didn't occur to them to even see if their husbands would do any of that.

Why raise daughters to have that status? That makes no sense to me as a mom of daughters. Mine will have their own money and power if I raise them to do nothing else. The partners they choose will be partners, not employers of my daughters as domestic servants.

Sure. I think you are delusional to think you will have that much control over your adult children. One thing I know is children are individuals and will find their own way. If your DD wants to be a SAHM or marry for marry for money it is not the same as being a domestic servant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He likes her personality.

Per personality and her body. If woman took care of themselves as much as they cry over the lack of good men...they would have a good man. Don't be angry because women overseas in poor countries see how amazing most women have it over here, yet are too spoiled to realize it. Be a good wife and mother. Be a good SAHM. Keep yourself health. You're set for LIFE. That's a deal 99% of women will take.

But you aren't. There are tons of people who still have their husband cheat on them and leave them for their next fling etc. So many good looking SAHM's who were just left by their ex's and now live in apartments.

Exactly. A good income affords power and choices in many situations. Make sure your daughters set themselves up to have power.

[Anonymous]

So many movies where the woman is hot and subservient and is still treated like crap. And this plays out in real life too. Without respect from your partner, you are opening yourself up to abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They want a housekeeper that they can have sex with on demand.

Really? You’re telling me a wealthy doctor needs to marry a poor foreign woman to afford house cleaning??? Doesn’t sound like someone even remotely well off…

Omg no.
Many women in eastern europe are raised with the clear understanding that the man is superior. And everything they do is catering to him and with a haply attitude. Not like a paid housekeeper. But making all his favorite foods, cleaning daily, ironing clothes, hot breakfast on table, greeting with a smile and hair done and dinner ready when he is home. Never asking for any household help. Seriously. Im russian but not raised like that. My cousins were shocked that my husband washed dishes and changes diapers. It didn't occur to them to even see if their husbands would do any of that.

Why raise daughters to have that status? That makes no sense to me as a mom of daughters. Mine will have their own money and power if I raise them to do nothing else. The partners they choose will be partners, not employers of my daughters as domestic servants.

I felt a lot of pressure from my family in Moscow to get married by age 25. My mom thought sleeping or co-habilitation was a sin, and that I just HAD to give her grandchild and get married.
Generally you get married younger in Eastern Europe, and highly educated women in Moscow are under a lot of pressure to marry by 25 or so. I declined a full scholarship from Columbia Law school when I got married to my American husband, whom I met online and only dated for a year. I do believe if I had moved to NY on scholarship as a young professional, I would have done way better in life. But I only realized it after living in the US for many years. My marriage was actually a setback and I should have never married him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Father’s friends. They may be wealthy but they are old. Beautiful educated women in developed countries aren’t interested.

There's not a single gold digger in America that wants to marry a 65 year old doctor who lives in an upscale neighborhood?

DP. No. American gold diggers want to be living in the lap of luxury in cities married to multimillionaires. They don’t want to be married to some old lawyer in the suburbs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He likes her personality.

Per personality and her body. If woman took care of themselves as much as they cry over the lack of good men...they would have a good man. Don't be angry because women overseas in poor countries see how amazing most women have it over here, yet are too spoiled to realize it. Be a good wife and mother. Be a good SAHM. Keep yourself health. You're set for LIFE. That's a deal 99% of women will take.

DT is not a good man.

And she actually chose him to be the father of her kid? He traded in wife number one for a new younger model, then trades in wife number two for a new and younger model, and then you want to be wife and mother number three? Blec.

Wife number three was a 'model.' Having a rich man's kid was always the retirement plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are not in it for the relationship, and neither is the bride.

Correct. It's called a parasitic relationship by definition. He wants sex, she wants money/stability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was I a mail order bride ? I don’t know. I am Russian, met my exH online at 24, when he was 35 and already divorced once. He’s also Russian and said he just looked for someone of same culture. I was a lawyer in Moscow, and all my boyfriends were wealthy (oil, gas, legal, banking, security services “covering” businesses). I am 5.9 and was very good looking in my 20s. I would say, my American online date was not the wealthiest date, but I fell for him because he was very driven. We got married within a year, I found legal job in DC right away and worked through our marriage. We had one child. He cheated on me with Serbian woman his age and we recently divorced. He was very controlling, old fashioned husband and not a very engaged dad. Liked sex a lot but got bored after 7 years or (needed toys).
I just think he’s a womanizer and American women wouldn’t have tolerated this. I feel like my life was bulldozed all over and really want to move back to Moscow when my son finishes college.

You may not have been a mail order bride, but considering all of the boyfriends you already had by 24 you sure got around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They want a housekeeper that they can have sex with on demand.

Really? You’re telling me a wealthy doctor needs to marry a poor foreign woman to afford house cleaning??? Doesn’t sound like someone even remotely well off…

Omg no.
Many women in eastern europe are raised with the clear understanding that the man is superior. And everything they do is catering to him and with a haply attitude. Not like a paid housekeeper. But making all his favorite foods, cleaning daily, ironing clothes, hot breakfast on table, greeting with a smile and hair done and dinner ready when he is home. Never asking for any household help. Seriously. Im russian but not raised like that. My cousins were shocked that my husband washed dishes and changes diapers. It didn't occur to them to even see if their husbands would do any of that.

And what's wrong with this? If the man is able to provide a strong home, family, money, future financial stability, comfortable retirement...that's the deal right? That is what SHE GETS for doing HER JOB because HE IS DOING HIS JOB. What is wrong with that?

The issue you have is women in other countries have different priorities than you. Since they are different it's wrong. In their eyes you are wrong. In reality neither are wrong.

I agree with you that SAHM is a job, but then what I see is these men also tend to lack any control themselves and they don't have respect for the woman in the way that they are equals. They make bad decisions, don't show affection and get bored. Become violent. There is no check on them. Have you ever seen the movie Sleeping with the Enemy? Julia Roberts was beautiful and did everything for him and he was still a monster.

Oh I always thought Sleeping with the Enemy was a movie not a published peer reviewed study of mail ordered brides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The ultimate in misogynistic men. He can always threaten to not sponsor her citizenship if she declines anything.

That’s not how immigration works. Once he brings her over on a fiancée visa they have 6 months to get married.

After the wedding she can apply for citizenship after 3 years He doesn’t need to sign anything. He doesn’t sponsor her or any weird crap. All she has to do is produce the marriage certificate. Oh, and she gets a green card when she gets married. The green card (officially called permanent resident) allows her to stay indefinitely.

No, what? Why would talk about this when don't know. I actually got citizenship through marriage. He absolutely needs to sign the application for the green card and show up to the interview. After the wedding you get a provisional green card and it can't be converted to a real one until you have been married for two years. Even after that, if he comes forward and says the marriage was a fraud her green card could be revoked and it could mess up her citizenship application (which she can do after three years).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They want a housekeeper that they can have sex with on demand.

Really? You’re telling me a wealthy doctor needs to marry a poor foreign woman to afford house cleaning??? Doesn’t sound like someone even remotely well off…

Omg no.
Many women in eastern europe are raised with the clear understanding that the man is superior. And everything they do is catering to him and with a haply attitude. Not like a paid housekeeper. But making all his favorite foods, cleaning daily, ironing clothes, hot breakfast on table, greeting with a smile and hair done and dinner ready when he is home. Never asking for any household help. Seriously. Im russian but not raised like that. My cousins were shocked that my husband washed dishes and changes diapers. It didn't occur to them to even see if their husbands would do any of that.

Why raise daughters to have that status? That makes no sense to me as a mom of daughters. Mine will have their own money and power if I raise them to do nothing else. The partners they choose will be partners, not employers of my daughters as domestic servants.

Sure. I think you are delusional to think you will have that much control over your adult children. One thing I know is children are individuals and will find their own way. If your DD wants to be a SAHM or marry for marry for money it is not the same as being a domestic servant.

Mine are on track to do whatever they choose and making a good income will secure that they continue to have choices. The one marrying for money is not going to be my DDs. But if they wanted a mail order hot russian hubby? Hard for me to see the attraction in that for them but I guess we will see.