Explain wealthy men and mail order brides

[Anonymous]

I'm confused by this thread. Aren't there plenty of American women in May-December relationship? Why single out Eastern European women?

[Anonymous]

Yep. Then I see them on my shows. Wives with knives, women who kill, murder for hire, and so on!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was I a mail order bride ? I don’t know. I am Russian, met my exH online at 24, when he was 35 and already divorced once. He’s also Russian and said he just looked for someone of same culture. I was a lawyer in Moscow, and all my boyfriends were wealthy (oil, gas, legal, banking, security services “covering” businesses). I am 5.9 and was very good looking in my 20s. I would say, my American online date was not the wealthiest date, but I fell for him because he was very driven. We got married within a year, I found legal job in DC right away and worked through our marriage. We had one child. He cheated on me with Serbian woman his age and we recently divorced. He was very controlling, old fashioned husband and not a very engaged dad. Liked sex a lot but got bored after 7 years or (needed toys).
I just think he’s a womanizer and American women wouldn’t have tolerated this. I feel like my life was bulldozed all over and really want to move back to Moscow when my son finishes college.

You may not have been a mail order bride, but considering all of the boyfriends you already had by 24 you sure got around.

24? What were you. Some sort of happily repressed 24 year old virgin? Good you I guess if that floats your boat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was I a mail order bride ? I don’t know. I am Russian, met my exH online at 24, when he was 35 and already divorced once. He’s also Russian and said he just looked for someone of same culture. I was a lawyer in Moscow, and all my boyfriends were wealthy (oil, gas, legal, banking, security services “covering” businesses). I am 5.9 and was very good looking in my 20s. I would say, my American online date was not the wealthiest date, but I fell for him because he was very driven. We got married within a year, I found legal job in DC right away and worked through our marriage. We had one child. He cheated on me with Serbian woman his age and we recently divorced. He was very controlling, old fashioned husband and not a very engaged dad. Liked sex a lot but got bored after 7 years or (needed toys).
I just think he’s a womanizer and American women wouldn’t have tolerated this. I feel like my life was bulldozed all over and really want to move back to Moscow when my son finishes college.

You may not have been a mail order bride, but considering all of the boyfriends you already had by 24 you sure got around.

In fact I had many more “suitors” in my 20s who always called, asked me out to date, sent flowers to my office, etc . Well over 50 “suitors” I think between age 18 and 25. But only 3 “boyfriends” with whom I has sex by age 24 including my exH - is that too many ? Are you writing from an Amish village ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They want a housekeeper that they can have sex with on demand.

Really? You’re telling me a wealthy doctor needs to marry a poor foreign woman to afford house cleaning??? Doesn’t sound like someone even remotely well off…

Omg no.
Many women in eastern europe are raised with the clear understanding that the man is superior. And everything they do is catering to him and with a haply attitude. Not like a paid housekeeper. But making all his favorite foods, cleaning daily, ironing clothes, hot breakfast on table, greeting with a smile and hair done and dinner ready when he is home. Never asking for any household help. Seriously. Im russian but not raised like that. My cousins were shocked that my husband washed dishes and changes diapers. It didn't occur to them to even see if their husbands would do any of that.

And what's wrong with this? If the man is able to provide a strong home, family, money, future financial stability, comfortable retirement...that's the deal right? That is what SHE GETS for doing HER JOB because HE IS DOING HIS JOB. What is wrong with that?

The issue you have is women in other countries have different priorities than you. Since they are different it's wrong. In their eyes you are wrong. In reality neither are wrong.

I agree with you that SAHM is a job, but then what I see is these men also tend to lack any control themselves and they don't have respect for the woman in the way that they are equals. They make bad decisions, don't show affection and get bored. Become violent. There is no check on them. Have you ever seen the movie Sleeping with the Enemy? Julia Roberts was beautiful and did everything for him and he was still a monster.

Oh I always thought Sleeping with the Enemy was a movie not a published peer reviewed study of mail ordered brides.

How much have you studied them to know that all men with mail order brides do the things you've listed yourself from the time of marriage till death? And what does strong home mean to you? Is it a loving home free from abuse and infidelity?

And what's wrong with this? If the man is able to provide a strong home, family, money, future financial stability, comfortable retirement...that's the deal right? That is what SHE GETS for doing HER JOB because HE IS DOING HIS JOB. What is wrong with that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They want a housekeeper that they can have sex with on demand.

Really? You’re telling me a wealthy doctor needs to marry a poor foreign woman to afford house cleaning??? Doesn’t sound like someone even remotely well off…

Omg no.
Many women in eastern europe are raised with the clear understanding that the man is superior. And everything they do is catering to him and with a haply attitude. Not like a paid housekeeper. But making all his favorite foods, cleaning daily, ironing clothes, hot breakfast on table, greeting with a smile and hair done and dinner ready when he is home. Never asking for any household help. Seriously. Im russian but not raised like that. My cousins were shocked that my husband washed dishes and changes diapers. It didn't occur to them to even see if their husbands would do any of that.

And what's wrong with this? If the man is able to provide a strong home, family, money, future financial stability, comfortable retirement...that's the deal right? That is what SHE GETS for doing HER JOB because HE IS DOING HIS JOB. What is wrong with that?

The issue you have is women in other countries have different priorities than you. Since they are different it's wrong. In their eyes you are wrong. In reality neither are wrong.

What’s wrong with that… hmm where to start.

1) You’re only qualified for a job as a domestic worker so your outside options are limited.
2) If outside options are limited, you’ll settle for a guy because he has money and not because you love him OR you’ll settle in general because you can’t imagine trying to get someone else or make your own way in the world past a certain age.
3) It will make it very hard to leave even if there is abuse, adultery, addiction, or lack of love, because you’re financially dependent.
4) Your sense of self comes from pleasing and taking care of someone else, not from your own innate abilities and talents. This hurts your self esteem in the long run.
5) Whoever controls the money has more control over a very important resource in the relationship, and this affects the power dynamic.
6) I could go on but basically if you were a woman you would have seen up close in your mother, your aunts, your grandmother, your cousins that this is a sh*t deal for women that rarely goes in their favor.

Patriarchy 101. You’re welcome!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The ultimate in misogynistic men. He can always threaten to not sponsor her citizenship if she declines anything.

That’s not how immigration works. Once he brings her over on a fiancée visa they have 6 months to get married.

After the wedding she can apply for citizenship after 3 years He doesn’t need to sign anything. He doesn’t sponsor her or any weird crap. All she has to do is produce the marriage certificate. Oh, and she gets a green card when she gets married. The green card (officially called permanent resident) allows her to stay indefinitely.

No, what? Why would talk about this when don't know. I actually got citizenship through marriage. He absolutely needs to sign the application for the green card and show up to the interview. After the wedding you get a provisional green card and it can't be converted to a real one until you have been married for two years. Even after that, if he comes forward and says the marriage was a fraud her green card could be revoked and it could mess up her citizenship application (which she can do after three years).

Yea, I agree. One of my kids moved abroad after college to volunteer, met a guy and fell in love there, ended up staying for seven years and marrying him in the middle of it, and eventually moved to the states. Even in their case, which could not have been more "legit," they have had to go through an incredible amount of hoops and spend a ton of money to get him a green card. It's been eye-opening to watch. It's why I always laugh the the Trumpsters and others who say undocumented immigrants should just "get in line" and do it right. There is no line to get into for most people. But I digress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They want a housekeeper that they can have sex with on demand.

Really? You’re telling me a wealthy doctor needs to marry a poor foreign woman to afford house cleaning??? Doesn’t sound like someone even remotely well off…

Omg no.
Many women in eastern europe are raised with the clear understanding that the man is superior. And everything they do is catering to him and with a haply attitude. Not like a paid housekeeper. But making all his favorite foods, cleaning daily, ironing clothes, hot breakfast on table, greeting with a smile and hair done and dinner ready when he is home. Never asking for any household help. Seriously. Im russian but not raised like that. My cousins were shocked that my husband washed dishes and changes diapers. It didn't occur to them to even see if their husbands would do any of that.

And what's wrong with this? If the man is able to provide a strong home, family, money, future financial stability, comfortable retirement...that's the deal right? That is what SHE GETS for doing HER JOB because HE IS DOING HIS JOB. What is wrong with that?

The issue you have is women in other countries have different priorities than you. Since they are different it's wrong. In their eyes you are wrong. In reality neither are wrong.

What’s wrong with that… hmm where to start.

1) You’re only qualified for a job as a domestic worker so your outside options are limited.
2) If outside options are limited, you’ll settle for a guy because he has money and not because you love him OR you’ll settle in general because you can’t imagine trying to get someone else or make your own way in the world past a certain age.
3) It will make it very hard to leave even if there is abuse, adultery, addiction, or lack of love, because you’re financially dependent.
4) Your sense of self comes from pleasing and taking care of someone else, not from your own innate abilities and talents. This hurts your self esteem in the long run.
5) Whoever controls the money has more control over a very important resource in the relationship, and this affects the power dynamic.
6) I could go on but basically if you were a woman you would have seen up close in your mother, your aunts, your grandmother, your cousins that this is a sh*t deal for women that rarely goes in their favor.

Patriarchy 101. You’re welcome!

Exactly. If such an unequal deal is appealing to you, at least try to be the one ordering up the spouse instead of being the one on the menu.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:American women are too woke

tell that to ALL of [the late] Hugh Hefner's GFs and wives

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was I a mail order bride ? I don’t know. I am Russian, met my exH online at 24, when he was 35 and already divorced once. He’s also Russian and said he just looked for someone of same culture. I was a lawyer in Moscow, and all my boyfriends were wealthy (oil, gas, legal, banking, security services “covering” businesses). I am 5.9 and was very good looking in my 20s. I would say, my American online date was not the wealthiest date, but I fell for him because he was very driven. We got married within a year, I found legal job in DC right away and worked through our marriage. We had one child. He cheated on me with Serbian woman his age and we recently divorced. He was very controlling, old fashioned husband and not a very engaged dad. Liked sex a lot but got bored after 7 years or (needed toys).
I just think he’s a womanizer and American women wouldn’t have tolerated this. I feel like my life was bulldozed all over and really want to move back to Moscow when my son finishes college.

You may not have been a mail order bride, but considering all of the boyfriends you already had by 24 you sure got around.

In fact I had many more “suitors” in my 20s who always called, asked me out to date, sent flowers to my office, etc . Well over 50 “suitors” I think between age 18 and 25. But only 3 “boyfriends” with whom I has sex by age 24 including my exH - is that too many ? Are you writing from an Amish village ?

I'm not judging. I'm just saying that's a lot of guys. I don't think the typical American woman could rattle off a list of "boyfriends" that long at that age. Dates? Sure. Boyfriends? Nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I attended a friend's wedding where I met his father and a 3 of his father's friends. All wealthy, all educated (M.D.s and JDs.) and all married to much younger, very attractive second wives from Russia, Belarus, or Ukraine. I can understand going for mail order if you don't have any prospects here and are basically exchanging citizenship for a relationship but why do that if you are educated and wealthy? I though mail order brides were mostly thing of the past.

How big was this wedding? How old were these men? What's your friend's nationality?

I guess I'm skeptical that what you're saying is really true, or maybe an exaggeration. Because it's really not typical to see something like that at a wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was I a mail order bride ? I don’t know. I am Russian, met my exH online at 24, when he was 35 and already divorced once. He’s also Russian and said he just looked for someone of same culture. I was a lawyer in Moscow, and all my boyfriends were wealthy (oil, gas, legal, banking, security services “covering” businesses). I am 5.9 and was very good looking in my 20s. I would say, my American online date was not the wealthiest date, but I fell for him because he was very driven. We got married within a year, I found legal job in DC right away and worked through our marriage. We had one child. He cheated on me with Serbian woman his age and we recently divorced. He was very controlling, old fashioned husband and not a very engaged dad. Liked sex a lot but got bored after 7 years or (needed toys).
I just think he’s a womanizer and American women wouldn’t have tolerated this. I feel like my life was bulldozed all over and really want to move back to Moscow when my son finishes college.

You may not have been a mail order bride, but considering all of the boyfriends you already had by 24 you sure got around.

In fact I had many more “suitors” in my 20s who always called, asked me out to date, sent flowers to my office, etc . Well over 50 “suitors” I think between age 18 and 25. But only 3 “boyfriends” with whom I has sex by age 24 including my exH - is that too many ? Are you writing from an Amish village ?

I'm not judging. I'm just saying that's a lot of guys. I don't think the typical American woman could rattle off a list of "boyfriends" that long at that age.
Dates? Sure. Boyfriends? Nope.

This looks like very misogynistic judgement for a forum where 55 y.o. are bragging about banging 3 other people in parallel. 24 year olds are supposed to be more active in sex life vs 55 yo, don’t you think so ? Depends also what you call a “date” or a “boyfriend”. Is it better to have 5 long term /over 6 months actual “boyfriends” with exclusive relationships or have 20 “dates” with whom you slept once and didn’t continue relationship ?

[Anonymous]

American women have more opportunities, don't *need* a man.

Women from 3rd world countries have limited options.

I know a few women from former 3rd world countries who married American men

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They want a housekeeper that they can have sex with on demand.

Really? You’re telling me a wealthy doctor needs to marry a poor foreign woman to afford house cleaning??? Doesn’t sound like someone even remotely well off…

Omg no.
Many women in eastern europe are raised with the clear understanding that the man is superior. And everything they do is catering to him and with a haply attitude. Not like a paid housekeeper. But making all his favorite foods, cleaning daily, ironing clothes, hot breakfast on table, greeting with a smile and hair done and dinner ready when he is home. Never asking for any household help. Seriously. Im russian but not raised like that. My cousins were shocked that my husband washed dishes and changes diapers. It didn't occur to them to even see if their husbands would do any of that.

And what's wrong with this? If the man is able to provide a strong home, family, money, future financial stability, comfortable retirement...that's the deal right? That is what SHE GETS for doing HER JOB because HE IS DOING HIS JOB. What is wrong with that?

The issue you have is women in other countries have different priorities than you. Since they are different it's wrong. In their eyes you are wrong. In reality neither are wrong.

I agree with you that SAHM is a job, but then what I see is these men also tend to lack any control themselves and they don't have respect for the woman in the way that they are equals. They make bad decisions, don't show affection and get bored. Become violent. There is no check on them. Have you ever seen the movie Sleeping with the Enemy? Julia Roberts was beautiful and did everything for him and he was still a monster.

Oh I always thought Sleeping with the Enemy was a movie not a published peer reviewed study of mail ordered brides.

They are not our enemy. just poor women trying to find better life. have a heart

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Father’s friends. They may be wealthy but they are old. Beautiful educated women in developed countries aren’t interested.

+1

This. American women put up with much, much, much less crap from rich old dudes (or anyone else, for that matter).