The problem with dating in my 30s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not all guys like thin. I don’t want fat, but I have zero attraction to thin woman. My point is checking off your boxes of what you assume man wants isn’t going to get you anywhere.

You need to focus on what you want not what you have going for you. Let him decide if what you have going for you checks his boxes.

There is only fat or thin so if you don't want thin you fell for the fat pride era of 2021 where a size xl in the 90s is a size medium today.

Preposterous. A "thin" size 6 doesn't become "fat" at size 8.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A girlfriend of mine (mid 30s at the time) used to wander up to eligible looking guys, like say in a bar or restaurant, and say "Who farted?" as a conversation starter. She said it would give them a conspiratorial-type relationship from the get-go. Now very happily married.

The idea being to not be afraid to be a little edgy and have a little fun. If that's walking up to somebody, cocking your hip, and asking "Who farted?", great (it worked for her!) And if it's something else, that's equally great. You do you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am recently divorced 43 yo and I had a 16 year long marriage and one child. From my own experience, I would never compromise again just to have a family or a partner. I get a lot of adult communication at work. A family is my parents and kids: men come and go.

I am on the waitlist for adoption but won’t remarry to “compromise”. I am independently wealthy after the divorce ($4mm net worth). Wonder if all these women want marriage for financial stability as prime reason.

So you got married at 27. So you actually have no idea what it's like to be single and mid 30s and looking at your fertility dwindle.

I do know this from own experience: yes, I got married at 27 to the first one who proposed. I had fertility issues and we did an IVF. Yes, he happened to be successful and wealthy but at the same time with serious character flaws. I had back thoughts prior to wedding but did not cancel - I wanted to get pregnant ASAP

Girls, don’t get married to a “compromise”, when you see red flags or have back thoughts. This will only result in a bitter divorce with children involved. Get a donor and have a baby if your clock is ticking. A boyfriend or a husband can appear later in your life. Getting married and having kids are unrelated things. Marriage is a serious legal contract - you don’t want to give custody to your future kids to someone who was a “rushed” choice.

You really don't get it. You have never had to make the choice, you got married and had kids "young". Don't dole out advice unless you have been 35, unmarried and wanting a baby. You have no idea what you're talking about and frankly it's offensive.

I do get it. All my girlfriends married at 19-22 to local men. I am from a different country where marrying at 27 is considered very late. Similar to 35 in DC. I was married off to my wealthy American exH by my parents, because of that pressure “you are getting old”. I had a great career back then but was forced to “compromise”.
A result was a bitter divorce 16 years later and a traumatized teen son who is now bouncing between 2 parents.

If I was US born 35 yo woman with a great career and no parental pressure to marry, I would have used a donor. How is that offensive to recommend women adopt or have a donor baby ? There is nothing offensive in a natural desire to get pregnant and give birth

So you are from a totally different culture and DON'T GET IT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you were focusing on things in a weird way. Stop thinking so hard and self-consciously about it. Unless you go to therapy and have an expert helping you. For some reason you think you’re not datable or that you were less appealing because of your age. I mean to a certain extent that’s true, but not entirely. Especially in a place like DC. Tons of people are still single in their 30s. It’s like you’re going into dating situation with some assumption that the guy is looking at you like there’s something wrong with you instead of seeing yourself as a catch. Relationships are hard. It makes sense that it’s hard to find someone to spend the rest of your life with. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you that you haven’t. Also, as a woman in my mid-40s, I just wanted to tell you that I had this idea that once you had 40 your dating life is over. I actually found the dating in my 40s has been easier. The problem with mod thirties dating is that it is full of pressure and lots of guys are already married. In your 40s the divorced guys start hitting the market. I just wanted to tell you that because I don’t want you to feel like you have some dire deadline after what she won’t ever find anyone today. I mean I’m a little different because I don’t care about not having kids, but I feel like I spent my 30s with 40 is a big looming deadline at which point I would be totally undesirable and I have found that to be completely untrue.

+1000
Married mid39s, divorced at 36 with 2 kids. Dating is going better and more fun than ever!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you were focusing on things in a weird way. Stop thinking so hard and self-consciously about it. Unless you go to therapy and have an expert helping you. For some reason you think you’re not datable or that you were less appealing because of your age. I mean to a certain extent that’s true, but not entirely. Especially in a place like DC. Tons of people are still single in their 30s. It’s like you’re going into dating situation with some assumption that the guy is looking at you like there’s something wrong with you instead of seeing yourself as a catch. Relationships are hard. It makes sense that it’s hard to find someone to spend the rest of your life with. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you that you haven’t. Also, as a woman in my mid-40s, I just wanted to tell you that I had this idea that once you had 40 your dating life is over. I actually found the dating in my 40s has been easier. The problem with mod thirties dating is that it is full of pressure and lots of guys are already married. In your 40s the divorced guys start hitting the market. I just wanted to tell you that because I don’t want you to feel like you have some dire deadline after what she won’t ever find anyone today. I mean I’m a little different because I don’t care about not having kids, but I feel like I spent my 30s with 40 is a big looming deadline at which point I would be totally undesirable and I have found that to be completely untrue.

+1000
Married mid39s, divorced at 36 with 2 kids. Dating is going better and more fun than ever!

Oops. That was supposed to be mid 30s and 46.