Accepted ED but ex refuses to help pay

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wouldn't you need 200k+ in loans? Can you pull cash from 401k? I never paid off my student loans after 20 years of interest payments. I finally gave up and used my home equity. A Cornell degree would be nice without massive debt. But no degree is worth your daughter carrying massive debt. No way. It's giving her a life of indentured servitude.

My spouses son is hundreds of do,lares in debt. His mom encouraged it. Rarely worked and just lived off loans. I was shocked that they gave him that much. The go fund me netted $5. He refuses to get a second job and his wife refuses to work but I think some of it is her debt too. It’s insane.

[Anonymous]

She can get married and this qualify for need based aid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should have negotiated he'd pay at least 50% in your custody agreement.

I find it really weird that you let her apply to schools you had no plan for paying for.

It’s hard to enforce so many things in custody agreements, including this one

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's me, but feels like there are one or more men's right activists in this thread with all the references to men being bamboozled, etc. When they became dads did they just think it was going to be all shits and giggles?

It’s just you. How is this a men’s rights issue anyway?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She can get married and this qualify for need based aid.

Colleges got hip to this shenanigan long ago

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have negotiated he'd pay at least 50% in your custody agreement.

I find it really weird that you let her apply to schools you had no plan for paying for.

It’s hard to enforce so many things in custody agreements, including this one

No divorce decree would contain language like this. It might have language about contributing to a 529 and ownership of that account. But no MSA can require payment for college for a grown child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She can get married and this qualify for need based aid.

Colleges got hip to this shenanigan long ago

I have read an article on this fairly recently and there’s nothing illegal about it apparently

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have negotiated he'd pay at least 50% in your custody agreement.

I find it really weird that you let her apply to schools you had no plan for paying for.

It’s hard to enforce so many things in custody agreements, including this one

No divorce decree would contain language like this. It might have language about contributing to a 529 and ownership of that account. But no MSA can require payment for college for a grown child.

The lawyer who drafted my MSA just said it is impossible to put in legal terms, it can be included but as more of a moral/ethical contract

[Anonymous]

Is DD interested in ROTC?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have negotiated he'd pay at least 50% in your custody agreement.

I find it really weird that you let her apply to schools you had no plan for paying for.

It’s hard to enforce so many things in custody agreements, including this one

No divorce decree would contain language like this. It might have language about contributing to a 529 and ownership of that account. But no MSA can require payment for college for a grown child.

The lawyer who drafted my MSA just said it is impossible to put in legal terms, it can be included but as more of a moral/ethical contract

You pay a lawyer to put in unenforceable language? What a waste of money. It’s pointless. Only an idiot would do this.

[Anonymous]

"No divorce decree would contain language like this. It might have language about contributing to a 529 and ownership of that account. But no MSA can require payment for college for a grown child"

Mine has it and the judge reviewed it carefully before approving it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's me, but feels like there are one or more men's right activists in this thread with all the references to men being bamboozled, etc. When they became dads did they just think it was going to be all shits and giggles?

It’s just you. How is this a men’s rights issue anyway?

No, it’s not just that poster. I recognize the language of the men’s rights activists. I also note that OP never said she wouldn’t pay anything. She just asked what to do about her child’s father refusing to pay anything.

I’ve known deadbeat dads who wanted their ex-BILs and ex-SILs to pay for their kids education b/c they’ve decided that their ex-in-laws have money and should pay. There are more entitled deadbeats out there than people realize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's me, but feels like there are one or more men's right activists in this thread with all the references to men being bamboozled, etc. When they became dads did they just think it was going to be all shits and giggles?

It’s just you. How is this a men’s rights issue anyway?

No, it’s not just that poster. I recognize the language of the men’s rights activists. I also note that OP never said she wouldn’t pay anything. She just asked what to do about her child’s father refusing to pay anything.

I’ve known deadbeat dads who wanted their ex-BILs and ex-SILs to pay for their kids education b/c they’ve decided that their ex-in-laws have money and should pay. There are more entitled deadbeats out there than people realize.

You are not a deadbeat for not paying for college. Many married, divorced and single parents don't pay because they cannot afford it or don't want to. This is not a deadbeat situation A deadbeat is when a parent is ordered to pay child support and they don't pay it. Anything over age 18/after graduation from college is voluntary. OP isn't giving any real information about the entire situation including incomes, other responsibilities, how much he is paying in support and extra's, how much each parent can afford/willing to pay and how much the child will pay (summer earnings).

She is also refusing to pay from the minimum information provided. She expected financial aid, they didn't get it and is now demanding that Dad fully pay.

We don't know Dad's side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have negotiated he'd pay at least 50% in your custody agreement.

I find it really weird that you let her apply to schools you had no plan for paying for.

It’s hard to enforce so many things in custody agreements, including this one

No divorce decree would contain language like this. It might have language about contributing to a 529 and ownership of that account. But no MSA can require payment for college for a grown child.

The lawyer who drafted my MSA just said it is impossible to put in legal terms, it can be included but as more of a moral/ethical contract

You pay a lawyer to put in unenforceable language? What a waste of money. It’s pointless. Only an idiot would do this.

No, I asked her, she explained and I said ok then let’s not put it there

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"No divorce decree would contain language like this. It might have language about contributing to a 529 and ownership of that account. But no MSA can require payment for college for a grown child"

Mine has it and the judge reviewed it carefully before approving it.

Same. The language can be put in if your ex agrees to it.