MIL getting up when baby cried: what would you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the house is such that MILs voice can keep the baby awake, the sounds of baby crying + you going down the hall to pee, then DH doing the same must create quite a ruckus in the he whole house in the middle of the night. Add that to the fact that many seniors have insomnia and other sleep related issues to start with, it’s no wonder she’s up “prowling” (and by that yiu mean walking around her house).

...then maybe MIL and FIL should not have insisted on baby visiting their house, or maybe should have taken OP and her husband up on their offer to stay in a nearby hotel, yes?

Maybe they didn’t think about baby waking (not even sure if it’s in the same room) = everyone getting up, walking all over the house, and doing a bunch of things in the middle of the night? DD was a horrible sleeper, and it never involved two parents and so much drama.

If OP a was so bothered by MIL “prowling” her own home (which is a statement that really says all we need to know about how OP a feels about MIL to begin with), she could have packed up after the first night.

A dad silently changing a diaper while mom pees and then handing baby to mom to BF while he goes back to sleep is "so much drama"? Are you the klutz from the "Has This Ever Happened to You/There's GOT to Be a Better Way" infomercials, where everything you do or deal with is exaggeratedly bumbling and difficult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the house is such that MILs voice can keep the baby awake, the sounds of baby crying + you going down the hall to pee, then DH doing the same must create quite a ruckus in the he whole house in the middle of the night. Add that to the fact that many seniors have insomnia and other sleep related issues to start with, it’s no wonder she’s up “prowling” (and by that yiu mean walking around her house).

She is an adult, not an infant. She can be woken up and not make it everyone else's problem. She can think "hey, DIL said that night wakings are normal and we should let them do their routine, guess I will stay in bed and go back to sleep." Instead she's all over them in middle of the night asking loud questions after being specifically told that it's disruptive and prolongs the baby's wakeup.

Were you there? You seem so invested in how this went down.

[Anonymous]

If this is your biggest problem with your MIL, then count yourself lucky. I would drop it and re-set your expectations. It sounds like your MIL might have anxiety. My mom does and she basically circles around my kids when they visit wanting to help and asking if she can do anything. She would also wake up in teh middle of the night if we were up.

Your MIL probably woke up and wanted to help but not intrude too much - hence the "prowling" (really just her hovering nearby in case you need her) and the asking "what's wrong?" (instead of saying what she really wanted to do --"I'll hold the baby!" in an effort to give you space.

You took it the wrong way and assumed she was annoyed with you and the baby and was judging you. I would give MIL the benefit of the doubt this time.

[Anonymous]

I would have moved to a hotel after the first night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many older people insist on hosting and then make it miserable? Per OP, they knew what the visit would involve in terms of nighttime wake ups, insisted their son, DIL, and new baby stay there, and then refused to accept reasonable boundaries like "please don't disrupt our nighttime routine." I wouldn't stay there under those circumstances - hotel ftw.

But really, what did MIL that was apparently so egregious? She was in the hallway, which seems to be a common hallway Tory bathroom, and was asking if everything was okay. 2 adults getting up and a baby crying is a lot of commotion in the middle of the night. I would expect the baby part, but not everything else that seems to come along with OP and her middle of the night routine.

Loudly asking, night after night, if everything is okay when you've repeatedly been told that it is, is passive aggressive and annoying AF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the house is such that MILs voice can keep the baby awake, the sounds of baby crying + you going down the hall to pee, then DH doing the same must create quite a ruckus in the he whole house in the middle of the night. Add that to the fact that many seniors have insomnia and other sleep related issues to start with, it’s no wonder she’s up “prowling” (and by that yiu mean walking around her house).

...then maybe MIL and FIL should not have insisted on baby visiting their house, or maybe should have taken OP and her husband up on their offer to stay in a nearby hotel, yes?

Maybe they didn’t think about baby waking (not even sure if it’s in the same room) = everyone getting up, walking all over the house, and doing a bunch of things in the middle of the night? DD was a horrible sleeper, and it never involved two parents and so much drama.

If OP a was so bothered by MIL “prowling” her own home (which is a statement that really says all we need to know about how OP a feels about MIL to begin with), she could have packed up after the first night.

A dad silently changing a diaper while mom pees and then handing baby to mom to BF while he goes back to sleep is "so much drama"? Are you the klutz from the "Has This Ever Happened to You/There's GOT to Be a Better Way" infomercials, where everything you do or deal with is exaggeratedly bumbling and difficult?

You forgot that the baby is crying until mom feeds it and that both adults are trucking around the hallway, flushing the toilet, flipping light switches etc. Come on, this isn't noiseless and the MIL "loudly" talking is probably an exaggeration too. The dad may be "silently" changing the diaper but the baby is screaming waiting to be fed. This is a lot of noise in a small house with older people not used to it. Everyone needs to cut everyone some slack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We drove 5+ hours to visit ILs with our 4mo baby over Thanksgiving. We stayed in a back bedroom and were as quiet as possible, but of course baby cried a bit at night, especially in a new environment.

EVERY single night, MIL would get up and prowl around and full-voiced ask questions and "check in" when we told her all was under control and to go back to bed. Our routine is that DH changes the diaper while I go to the restroom, and then I breastfeed while DH goes to the restroom and goes back to sleep, then I put the baby down and go back to sleep. The most the crying ever lasted was four minutes. And baby only woke once each night.

ILs sleep with their door open and refused to close it, and also refused my offer of a white noise machine that I brought along, as I could also just use the app on my phone.

Both before the visit and after the first night, we explained our routine and that the crying would only last for a few minutes during the diaper change. Each night, MIL would be walking down the hall toward our bedroom as I went to the bathroom, and I would whisper to her all is well, go back to bed, we've got this.

Finally, on the last night, I had had more than enough of MIL prowling around, speaking loudly and just generally being a nuisance. So when I was walking down the hall, as she loudly asked "What's wrong? What's going on?" I simply brushed past her, said nothing, went to the bathroom, and ignored her again on my way back to the bedroom.

She is now pissed at me, and I'm just as pissed at her. DH is sticking up for me, saying "Mom, we kept telling you it was fine, we asked that you close your door and even offered you a white noise machine." He then added (without asking me) that we won't be visiting again until baby is solidly STTN, that they can visit us if they want because they'll be in our finished basement guest suite and won't hear us upstairs if there is noise in the night.

WWYD?

There is nothing to do. MIL probably forgot about newborns and you are so used to it that it doesn't bother you. But, crying does initiate stress on people and I personally would let it go. I remember driving with my 18 month old and my mom and she thought it was the worst drive ever and I thought it went well! And we were in the same car! As far as white noise and leaving door open I am sure they thought it wouldn't be so bad. Plus, I can't sleep with white noise.

So, give yourself a break and your MIL too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many older people insist on hosting and then make it miserable? Per OP, they knew what the visit would involve in terms of nighttime wake ups, insisted their son, DIL, and new baby stay there, and then refused to accept reasonable boundaries like "please don't disrupt our nighttime routine." I wouldn't stay there under those circumstances - hotel ftw.

But really, what did MIL that was apparently so egregious? She was in the hallway, which seems to be a common hallway Tory bathroom, and was asking if everything was okay. 2 adults getting up and a baby crying is a lot of commotion in the middle of the night. I would expect the baby part, but not everything else that seems to come along with OP and her middle of the night routine.

Oh please. She did this three nights in a row, after being specifically told that it was disruptive and unhelpful. Asking if "everything is ok" at that point is clearly disingenuous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the house is such that MILs voice can keep the baby awake, the sounds of baby crying + you going down the hall to pee, then DH doing the same must create quite a ruckus in the he whole house in the middle of the night. Add that to the fact that many seniors have insomnia and other sleep related issues to start with, it’s no wonder she’s up “prowling” (and by that yiu mean walking around her house).

...then maybe MIL and FIL should not have insisted on baby visiting their house, or maybe should have taken OP and her husband up on their offer to stay in a nearby hotel, yes?

Maybe they didn’t think about baby waking (not even sure if it’s in the same room) = everyone getting up, walking all over the house, and doing a bunch of things in the middle of the night? DD was a horrible sleeper, and it never involved two parents and so much drama.

If OP a was so bothered by MIL “prowling” her own home (which is a statement that really says all we need to know about how OP a feels about MIL to begin with), she could have packed up after the first night.

A dad silently changing a diaper while mom pees and then handing baby to mom to BF while he goes back to sleep is "so much drama"? Are you the klutz from the "Has This Ever Happened to You/There's GOT to Be a Better Way" infomercials, where everything you do or deal with is exaggeratedly bumbling and difficult?

You forgot that the baby is crying until mom feeds it and that both adults are trucking around the hallway, flushing the toilet, flipping light switches etc. Come on, this isn't noiseless and the MIL "loudly" talking is probably an exaggeration too. The dad may be "silently" changing the diaper but the baby is screaming waiting to be fed. This is a lot of noise in a small house with older people not used to it. Everyone needs to cut everyone some slack.

So like, again, some more, maybe MIL and FIL shouldn't have insisted on OP and DH staying with them, and should have let them stay in a hotel like they offered?

I am seriously laughing so hard at my image of you. "Trucking around the hallway," and making noise by...flipping a light switch? Did you seriously just say that? Most households have a night light on in the bathroom for overnight guests, so no need to flip a light switch. Some of us know how to silently walk or tiptoe down a hallway, but not you. You TRUCK, in your Awkward Infomercial way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many older people insist on hosting and then make it miserable? Per OP, they knew what the visit would involve in terms of nighttime wake ups, insisted their son, DIL, and new baby stay there, and then refused to accept reasonable boundaries like "please don't disrupt our nighttime routine." I wouldn't stay there under those circumstances - hotel ftw.

But really, what did MIL that was apparently so egregious? She was in the hallway, which seems to be a common hallway Tory bathroom, and was asking if everything was okay. 2 adults getting up and a baby crying is a lot of commotion in the middle of the night. I would expect the baby part, but not everything else that seems to come along with OP and her middle of the night routine.

Oh please. She did this three nights in a row, after being specifically told that it was disruptive and unhelpful. Asking if "everything is ok" at that point is clearly disingenuous.

So is not switching up the routine since it's obviously more disruptive than she thought. Everyone should compromise a little and be flexible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the house is such that MILs voice can keep the baby awake, the sounds of baby crying + you going down the hall to pee, then DH doing the same must create quite a ruckus in the he whole house in the middle of the night. Add that to the fact that many seniors have insomnia and other sleep related issues to start with, it’s no wonder she’s up “prowling” (and by that yiu mean walking around her house).

She is an adult, not an infant. She can be woken up and not make it everyone else's problem. She can think "hey, DIL said that night wakings are normal and we should let them do their routine, guess I will stay in bed and go back to sleep." Instead she's all over them in middle of the night asking loud questions after being specifically told that it's disruptive and prolongs the baby's wakeup.

Were you there? You seem so invested in how this went down.

Just another mom of an infant (and a toddler) who has experienced the joy of staying with older relatives who don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many older people insist on hosting and then make it miserable? Per OP, they knew what the visit would involve in terms of nighttime wake ups, insisted their son, DIL, and new baby stay there, and then refused to accept reasonable boundaries like "please don't disrupt our nighttime routine." I wouldn't stay there under those circumstances - hotel ftw.

But really, what did MIL that was apparently so egregious? She was in the hallway, which seems to be a common hallway Tory bathroom, and was asking if everything was okay. 2 adults getting up and a baby crying is a lot of commotion in the middle of the night. I would expect the baby part, but not everything else that seems to come along with OP and her middle of the night routine.

Oh please. She did this three nights in a row, after being specifically told that it was disruptive and unhelpful. Asking if "everything is ok" at that point is clearly disingenuous.

So is not switching up the routine since it's obviously more disruptive than she thought. Everyone should compromise a little and be flexible.

Yes, she should just tell her baby not to wake up. Or hold her pee all night with a postpartum bladder.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't spend the night again in in-laws house until the baby was STTN. If you are going to visit, get a hotel or AirBnB rental for the visit.

Handling a baby that is not STTN is hard enough without having to also deal with adults who won't respect boundaries.

[Anonymous]

The bottom line is if OP wants a pass on her middle of the night, sleep disrupted behavior, she needs to give that pass to her MIL too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many older people insist on hosting and then make it miserable? Per OP, they knew what the visit would involve in terms of nighttime wake ups, insisted their son, DIL, and new baby stay there, and then refused to accept reasonable boundaries like "please don't disrupt our nighttime routine." I wouldn't stay there under those circumstances - hotel ftw.

But really, what did MIL that was apparently so egregious? She was in the hallway, which seems to be a common hallway Tory bathroom, and was asking if everything was okay. 2 adults getting up and a baby crying is a lot of commotion in the middle of the night. I would expect the baby part, but not everything else that seems to come along with OP and her middle of the night routine.

Oh please. She did this three nights in a row, after being specifically told that it was disruptive and unhelpful. Asking if "everything is ok" at that point is clearly disingenuous.

So is not switching up the routine since it's obviously more disruptive than she thought. Everyone should compromise a little and be flexible.

Yes, she should just tell her baby not to wake up. Or hold her pee all night with a postpartum bladder.

That's at least a new thought. Instead of being so dumb to ask "staying at MIL house sucks.... what should I doooo?"