Did you meet your spouse too young?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I won’t give advice on dating or marriage even though I have been married two decades. It’s different for everyone, very subjective. I am unhappy right now probably because I married so young so I wouldn’t recommend it, that’s it.

My parents married young their advice to all of us was not to get married before 30. My mom's biggest regret is that she essentially went from her parents' house to being a housewife, she didn't have time to develop on her own.

Sounds like a different era. I had a graduate degree, several years of work experience and my own apartment when I married at 25.

I had all of that at 25, too, but I still am incredibly glad I waited a few more years to get married. Hopefully you weren’t the same person at 25 and 30- those five years were an incredible period of growth for me.

NP here. I was 20 and my husband 22 when we met. Married at 22 and 24.
I wasn’t the same person at 25 I was at 30, and I’m not the same in my 40s as I was at 30 or 25. Neither is my husband. We’re lucky that we’ve grown together, and have worked together to be where we are and who we are.
I’d probably a different person today had I married later in life, but I’m very happy with who I am and with who my spouse is-still.
Marriage is a leap of faith no matter how old one is when you make it.

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Marriage isn't a leap of faith unless you are a nitwit. Which if you got married at 35 or younger you just might be.

I agree with PP's point that marriage is a leap of faith no matter what age you get married: People change. You are committing to a person that really isn't going to be the same over the decades no matter what age you start. You are committing to the unknown. People get divorced because "I changed" and if you don't go into marriage knowing you each will change, you're not getting it.

60's/ met at 18/19, married at 22/23.

It's not a leap of faith and that has nothing to do with your partner changing. But I wouldn't expect a nitwit to understand that.

I think pps are saying that people do change and this is unavoidable. In a successful marriage you work towards growing together, not apart, over the years. No matter when you marry, though, you are taking a leap of faith by hoping you and your partner are able to weather storms together and make the effort to love another complex, ever changing and growing person.

If your partner changing over the course of the relationship has “nothing to do with it” is it your opinion that there is some way you can know the person your partner will be in 20 or 40 years and what your marriage will look like? Why do you feel that at age 35+ you would have certainty around this?

The whole people change excuse is what people say for staying with an asshole. People really don't change that much. That's a fact.


Saying marriage is a leap of faith is like calling your spouse your best friend, someone you in awe of your most foundational person etc, utter BS and fairytales Grown ups who don't engage in magiacal Disney thinking do not think or speak this way.

Ah, so sounds like you've been hurt, ok. And no, after 35 years of marriage we are nowhere near disney, magical, spouse is my foundation or whole world. Marriage is very real and people absolutely do change over the course of decades. Real marriage is definitely far from a fairytale.

Not hurt just no time for Disney sentimental BS, and no people do not change that much that's science. Are you anti science too?

NP why are you all responding to the above pp? They are either trolling or just completely dense.

[Anonymous]

I married at 27, would do it earlier if did a once over as life is short and tough, having a good partner makes it a better journey. YMMV so you do you.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:This thread explains so much of the bad advice given in this forum, so many of you are completely clueless when it comes to dating.

Because 25 people responded?

Because those that did respond are likely to be the same ones giving advice in dating threads based on their own very limited and frankly irrelevant experience, it explains why much of the dating advice is so terrible.

This^. Most advice on such threads comes from people who are having issues finding a mate or keeping one.

[Anonymous]

It’s not like people who marry late have better marriages or fewer divorces.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not like people who marry late have better marriages or fewer divorces.

Is that true? I thought higher SES correlated with later marriage age and lower divorce rate.

[Anonymous]

I got married at 18, H was 24. We had known each other three months. Stayed married 25 years. Raised two kids together. Grew apart. Got divorced. That was 24 years ago. I feel very fortunate to have had the opportunity to almost live two completely separate lives. The second one started in my 40s. I have dated, had relationships, and am now enjoying being completely on my own with nobody to worry about but myself. I enjoy my adult kids completely, keep up with my grandchildren and am still friends with my ex. I highly recommend it.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It’s not like people who marry late have better marriages or fewer divorces.

Is that true? I thought higher SES correlated with later marriage age and lower divorce rate.

Well, compared to under 21 marriages with no college education or stable jobs , not compared to 21+ college educated couples. People who marry late have better finances and will to settle but they also are less flexible and have more baggage so it’s a wash.

[Anonymous]

If you marry in 30’s, you already wasted your physical prime so less energy, less passion, lower fertility and lower virility. You’ve build separate lives so more on guard to protect that and less invested in building together.

[Anonymous]

Both 19. Worse mistake of my life. Divorced when youngest of 4 celebrated his 18th birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both 19. Worse mistake of my life. Divorced when youngest of 4 celebrated his 18th birthday.

Age was one factor but were there other factors like no college education, no money, no career, meddling family, alcohol, bad temper, infidelity, unplanned pregnancies etc?

[Anonymous]

Every person is different. One 22 year old may have a degree, emotional maturity, hard worker, professional job, supporting family, no debt, no alcohol/drug habit, and decent friends.

Another 22 year old can be a high school or college drop out, immature, alcoholic, no money, no stable job, no family support, bad influence friends, temper issues etc.

They may be same age but at completely different maturity level. Marriage outcomes would be very different, no matter if they marry at 22 or 32.