Did you meet your spouse too young?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I won’t give advice on dating or marriage even though I have been married two decades. It’s different for everyone, very subjective. I am unhappy right now probably because I married so young so I wouldn’t recommend it, that’s it.

My parents married young their advice to all of us was not to get married before 30. My mom's biggest regret is that she essentially went from her parents' house to being a housewife, she didn't have time to develop on her own.

Sounds like a different era. I had a graduate degree, several years of work experience and my own apartment when I married at 25.

I had all of that at 25, too, but I still am incredibly glad I waited a few more years to get married. Hopefully you weren’t the same person at 25 and 30- those five years were an incredible period of growth for me.

NP here. I was 20 and my husband 22 when we met. Married at 22 and 24.
I wasn’t the same person at 25 I was at 30, and I’m not the same in my 40s as I was at 30 or 25. Neither is my husband. We’re lucky that we’ve grown together, and have worked together to be where we are and who we are.
I’d probably a different person today had I married later in life, but I’m very happy with who I am and with who my spouse is-still.
Marriage is a leap of faith no matter how old one is when you make it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I won’t give advice on dating or marriage even though I have been married two decades. It’s different for everyone, very subjective. I am unhappy right now probably because I married so young so I wouldn’t recommend it, that’s it.

My parents married young their advice to all of us was not to get married before 30. My mom's biggest regret is that she essentially went from her parents' house to being a housewife, she didn't have time to develop on her own.

Sounds like a different era. I had a graduate degree, several years of work experience and my own apartment when I married at 25.

I had all of that at 25, too, but I still am incredibly glad I waited a few more years to get married. Hopefully you weren’t the same person at 25 and 30- those five years were an incredible period of growth for me.

NP here. I was 20 and my husband 22 when we met. Married at 22 and 24.
I wasn’t the same person at 25 I was at 30, and I’m not the same in my 40s as I was at 30 or 25. Neither is my husband. We’re lucky that we’ve grown together, and have worked together to be where we are and who we are.
I’d probably a different person today had I married later in life, but I’m very happy with who I am and with who my spouse is-still.
Marriage is a leap of faith no matter how old one is when you make it.

It really isn't. But I'll take the advice of someone in their 60s/70s vs someone in their 40s

[Anonymous]

18 and 22. Happily married 3 kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I won’t give advice on dating or marriage even though I have been married two decades. It’s different for everyone, very subjective. I am unhappy right now probably because I married so young so I wouldn’t recommend it, that’s it.

My parents married young their advice to all of us was not to get married before 30. My mom's biggest regret is that she essentially went from her parents' house to being a housewife, she didn't have time to develop on her own.

Sounds like a different era. I had a graduate degree, several years of work experience and my own apartment when I married at 25.

I had all of that at 25, too, but I still am incredibly glad I waited a few more years to get married. Hopefully you weren’t the same person at 25 and 30- those five years were an incredible period of growth for me.

NP here. I was 20 and my husband 22 when we met. Married at 22 and 24.
I wasn’t the same person at 25 I was at 30, and I’m not the same in my 40s as I was at 30 or 25. Neither is my husband. We’re lucky that we’ve grown together, and have worked together to be where we are and who we are.
I’d probably a different person today had I married later in life, but I’m very happy with who I am and with who my spouse is-still.
Marriage is a leap of faith no matter how old one is when you make it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I won’t give advice on dating or marriage even though I have been married two decades. It’s different for everyone, very subjective. I am unhappy right now probably because I married so young so I wouldn’t recommend it, that’s it.

My parents married young their advice to all of us was not to get married before 30. My mom's biggest regret is that she essentially went from her parents' house to being a housewife, she didn't have time to develop on her own.

Sounds like a different era. I had a graduate degree, several years of work experience and my own apartment when I married at 25.

I had all of that at 25, too, but I still am incredibly glad I waited a few more years to get married. Hopefully you weren’t the same person at 25 and 30- those five years were an incredible period of growth for me.

NP here. I was 20 and my husband 22 when we met. Married at 22 and 24.
I wasn’t the same person at 25 I was at 30, and I’m not the same in my 40s as I was at 30 or 25. Neither is my husband. We’re lucky that we’ve grown together, and have worked together to be where we are and who we are.
I’d probably a different person today had I married later in life, but I’m very happy with who I am and with who my spouse is-still.
Marriage is a leap of faith no matter how old one is when you make it.

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I won’t give advice on dating or marriage even though I have been married two decades. It’s different for everyone, very subjective. I am unhappy right now probably because I married so young so I wouldn’t recommend it, that’s it.

My parents married young their advice to all of us was not to get married before 30. My mom's biggest regret is that she essentially went from her parents' house to being a housewife, she didn't have time to develop on her own.

Sounds like a different era. I had a graduate degree, several years of work experience and my own apartment when I married at 25.

I had all of that at 25, too, but I still am incredibly glad I waited a few more years to get married. Hopefully you weren’t the same person at 25 and 30- those five years were an incredible period of growth for me.

NP here. I was 20 and my husband 22 when we met. Married at 22 and 24.
I wasn’t the same person at 25 I was at 30, and I’m not the same in my 40s as I was at 30 or 25. Neither is my husband. We’re lucky that we’ve grown together, and have worked together to be where we are and who we are.
I’d probably a different person today had I married later in life, but I’m very happy with who I am and with who my spouse is-still.
Marriage is a leap of faith no matter how old one is when you make it.

+1

+2

Marriage isn't a leap of faith unless you are a nitwit. Which if you got married at 35 or younger you just might be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I won’t give advice on dating or marriage even though I have been married two decades. It’s different for everyone, very subjective. I am unhappy right now probably because I married so young so I wouldn’t recommend it, that’s it.

My parents married young their advice to all of us was not to get married before 30. My mom's biggest regret is that she essentially went from her parents' house to being a housewife, she didn't have time to develop on her own.

Sounds like a different era. I had a graduate degree, several years of work experience and my own apartment when I married at 25.

I had all of that at 25, too, but I still am incredibly glad I waited a few more years to get married. Hopefully you weren’t the same person at 25 and 30- those five years were an incredible period of growth for me.

NP here. I was 20 and my husband 22 when we met. Married at 22 and 24.
I wasn’t the same person at 25 I was at 30, and I’m not the same in my 40s as I was at 30 or 25. Neither is my husband. We’re lucky that we’ve grown together, and have worked together to be where we are and who we are.
I’d probably a different person today had I married later in life, but I’m very happy with who I am and with who my spouse is-still.
Marriage is a leap of faith no matter how old one is when you make it.

+1

+2

Marriage isn't a leap of faith unless you are a nitwit. Which if you got married at 35 or younger you just might be.

I agree with PP's point that marriage is a leap of faith no matter what age you get married: People change. You are committing to a person that really isn't going to be the same over the decades no matter what age you start. You are committing to the unknown. People get divorced because "I changed" and if you don't go into marriage knowing you each will change, you're not getting it.

60's/ met at 18/19, married at 22/23.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I won’t give advice on dating or marriage even though I have been married two decades. It’s different for everyone, very subjective. I am unhappy right now probably because I married so young so I wouldn’t recommend it, that’s it.

My parents married young their advice to all of us was not to get married before 30. My mom's biggest regret is that she essentially went from her parents' house to being a housewife, she didn't have time to develop on her own.

Sounds like a different era. I had a graduate degree, several years of work experience and my own apartment when I married at 25.

I had all of that at 25, too, but I still am incredibly glad I waited a few more years to get married. Hopefully you weren’t the same person at 25 and 30- those five years were an incredible period of growth for me.

NP here. I was 20 and my husband 22 when we met. Married at 22 and 24.
I wasn’t the same person at 25 I was at 30, and I’m not the same in my 40s as I was at 30 or 25. Neither is my husband. We’re lucky that we’ve grown together, and have worked together to be where we are and who we are.
I’d probably a different person today had I married later in life, but I’m very happy with who I am and with who my spouse is-still.
Marriage is a leap of faith no matter how old one is when you make it.

+1

+2

Marriage isn't a leap of faith unless you are a nitwit. Which if you got married at 35 or younger you just might be.

I agree with PP's point that marriage is a leap of faith no matter what age you get married: People change. You are committing to a person that really isn't going to be the same over the decades no matter what age you start. You are committing to the unknown. People get divorced because "I changed" and if you don't go into marriage knowing you each will change, you're not getting it.

60's/ met at 18/19, married at 22/23.

It's not a leap of faith and that has nothing to do with your partner changing. But I wouldn't expect a nitwit to understand that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I won’t give advice on dating or marriage even though I have been married two decades. It’s different for everyone, very subjective. I am unhappy right now probably because I married so young so I wouldn’t recommend it, that’s it.

My parents married young their advice to all of us was not to get married before 30. My mom's biggest regret is that she essentially went from her parents' house to being a housewife, she didn't have time to develop on her own.

Sounds like a different era. I had a graduate degree, several years of work experience and my own apartment when I married at 25.

I had all of that at 25, too, but I still am incredibly glad I waited a few more years to get married. Hopefully you weren’t the same person at 25 and 30- those five years were an incredible period of growth for me.

NP here. I was 20 and my husband 22 when we met. Married at 22 and 24.
I wasn’t the same person at 25 I was at 30, and I’m not the same in my 40s as I was at 30 or 25. Neither is my husband. We’re lucky that we’ve grown together, and have worked together to be where we are and who we are.
I’d probably a different person today had I married later in life, but I’m very happy with who I am and with who my spouse is-still.
Marriage is a leap of faith no matter how old one is when you make it.

+1

+2

+3

Yes, it’s a leap of faith.

Spouse and I met at 19/21, and are happily married 20 years later.

Also, my parents met at age 21 and have been happily married for 55 years.

And my spouses parents met in elementary school, started dating in middle school, and are happily married and in their mid 70s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I won’t give advice on dating or marriage even though I have been married two decades. It’s different for everyone, very subjective. I am unhappy right now probably because I married so young so I wouldn’t recommend it, that’s it.

My parents married young their advice to all of us was not to get married before 30. My mom's biggest regret is that she essentially went from her parents' house to being a housewife, she didn't have time to develop on her own.

Sounds like a different era. I had a graduate degree, several years of work experience and my own apartment when I married at 25.

I had all of that at 25, too, but I still am incredibly glad I waited a few more years to get married. Hopefully you weren’t the same person at 25 and 30- those five years were an incredible period of growth for me.

NP here. I was 20 and my husband 22 when we met. Married at 22 and 24.
I wasn’t the same person at 25 I was at 30, and I’m not the same in my 40s as I was at 30 or 25. Neither is my husband. We’re lucky that we’ve grown together, and have worked together to be where we are and who we are.
I’d probably a different person today had I married later in life, but I’m very happy with who I am and with who my spouse is-still.
Marriage is a leap of faith no matter how old one is when you make it.

+1

+2

Marriage isn't a leap of faith unless you are a nitwit. Which if you got married at 35 or younger you just might be.

I agree with PP's point that marriage is a leap of faith no matter what age you get married: People change. You are committing to a person that really isn't going to be the same over the decades no matter what age you start. You are committing to the unknown. People get divorced because "I changed" and if you don't go into marriage knowing you each will change, you're not getting it.

60's/ met at 18/19, married at 22/23.

It's not a leap of faith and that has nothing to do with your partner changing. But I wouldn't expect a nitwit to understand that.

I think pps are saying that people do change and this is unavoidable. In a successful marriage you work towards growing together, not apart, over the years. No matter when you marry, though, you are taking a leap of faith by hoping you and your partner are able to weather storms together and make the effort to love another complex, ever changing and growing person.

If your partner changing over the course of the relationship has “nothing to do with it” is it your opinion that there is some way you can know the person your partner will be in 20 or 40 years and what your marriage will look like? Why do you feel that at age 35+ you would have certainty around this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I won’t give advice on dating or marriage even though I have been married two decades. It’s different for everyone, very subjective. I am unhappy right now probably because I married so young so I wouldn’t recommend it, that’s it.

My parents married young their advice to all of us was not to get married before 30. My mom's biggest regret is that she essentially went from her parents' house to being a housewife, she didn't have time to develop on her own.

Sounds like a different era. I had a graduate degree, several years of work experience and my own apartment when I married at 25.

I had all of that at 25, too, but I still am incredibly glad I waited a few more years to get married. Hopefully you weren’t the same person at 25 and 30- those five years were an incredible period of growth for me.

NP here. I was 20 and my husband 22 when we met. Married at 22 and 24.
I wasn’t the same person at 25 I was at 30, and I’m not the same in my 40s as I was at 30 or 25. Neither is my husband. We’re lucky that we’ve grown together, and have worked together to be where we are and who we are.
I’d probably a different person today had I married later in life, but I’m very happy with who I am and with who my spouse is-still.
Marriage is a leap of faith no matter how old one is when you make it.

+1

+2

Marriage isn't a leap of faith unless you are a nitwit. Which if you got married at 35 or younger you just might be.

I agree with PP's point that marriage is a leap of faith no matter what age you get married: People change. You are committing to a person that really isn't going to be the same over the decades no matter what age you start. You are committing to the unknown. People get divorced because "I changed" and if you don't go into marriage knowing you each will change, you're not getting it.

60's/ met at 18/19, married at 22/23.

It's not a leap of faith and that has nothing to do with your partner changing. But I wouldn't expect a nitwit to understand that.

What is your problem? Putting aside everything that’s wrong with your implicit analysis that assumes that both people and the circumstances that shape people stay static, what is your problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I won’t give advice on dating or marriage even though I have been married two decades. It’s different for everyone, very subjective. I am unhappy right now probably because I married so young so I wouldn’t recommend it, that’s it.

My parents married young their advice to all of us was not to get married before 30. My mom's biggest regret is that she essentially went from her parents' house to being a housewife, she didn't have time to develop on her own.

Sounds like a different era. I had a graduate degree, several years of work experience and my own apartment when I married at 25.

I had all of that at 25, too, but I still am incredibly glad I waited a few more years to get married. Hopefully you weren’t the same person at 25 and 30- those five years were an incredible period of growth for me.

NP here. I was 20 and my husband 22 when we met. Married at 22 and 24.
I wasn’t the same person at 25 I was at 30, and I’m not the same in my 40s as I was at 30 or 25. Neither is my husband. We’re lucky that we’ve grown together, and have worked together to be where we are and who we are.
I’d probably a different person today had I married later in life, but I’m very happy with who I am and with who my spouse is-still.
Marriage is a leap of faith no matter how old one is when you make it.

+1

+2

Marriage isn't a leap of faith unless you are a nitwit. Which if you got married at 35 or younger you just might be.

I agree with PP's point that marriage is a leap of faith no matter what age you get married: People change. You are committing to a person that really isn't going to be the same over the decades no matter what age you start. You are committing to the unknown. People get divorced because "I changed" and if you don't go into marriage knowing you each will change, you're not getting it.

60's/ met at 18/19, married at 22/23.

It's not a leap of faith and that has nothing to do with your partner changing. But I wouldn't expect a nitwit to understand that.

I think pps are saying that people do change and this is unavoidable. In a successful marriage you work towards growing together, not apart, over the years. No matter when you marry, though, you are taking a leap of faith by hoping you and your partner are able to weather storms together and make the effort to love another complex, ever changing and growing person.

If your partner changing over the course of the relationship has “nothing to do with it” is it your opinion that there is some way you can know the person your partner will be in 20 or 40 years and what your marriage will look like? Why do you feel that at age 35+ you would have certainty around this?

The whole people change excuse is what people say for staying with an asshole. People really don't change that much. That's a fact.


Saying marriage is a leap of faith is like calling your spouse your best friend, someone you in awe of your most foundational person etc, utter BS and fairytales Grown ups who don't engage in magiacal Disney thinking do not think or speak this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I won’t give advice on dating or marriage even though I have been married two decades. It’s different for everyone, very subjective. I am unhappy right now probably because I married so young so I wouldn’t recommend it, that’s it.

My parents married young their advice to all of us was not to get married before 30. My mom's biggest regret is that she essentially went from her parents' house to being a housewife, she didn't have time to develop on her own.

Sounds like a different era. I had a graduate degree, several years of work experience and my own apartment when I married at 25.

I had all of that at 25, too, but I still am incredibly glad I waited a few more years to get married. Hopefully you weren’t the same person at 25 and 30- those five years were an incredible period of growth for me.

NP here. I was 20 and my husband 22 when we met. Married at 22 and 24.
I wasn’t the same person at 25 I was at 30, and I’m not the same in my 40s as I was at 30 or 25. Neither is my husband. We’re lucky that we’ve grown together, and have worked together to be where we are and who we are.
I’d probably a different person today had I married later in life, but I’m very happy with who I am and with who my spouse is-still.
Marriage is a leap of faith no matter how old one is when you make it.

+1

+2

Marriage isn't a leap of faith unless you are a nitwit. Which if you got married at 35 or younger you just might be.

I agree with PP's point that marriage is a leap of faith no matter what age you get married: People change. You are committing to a person that really isn't going to be the same over the decades no matter what age you start. You are committing to the unknown. People get divorced because "I changed" and if you don't go into marriage knowing you each will change, you're not getting it.

60's/ met at 18/19, married at 22/23.

It's not a leap of faith and that has nothing to do with your partner changing. But I wouldn't expect a nitwit to understand that.

What is your problem? Putting aside everything that’s wrong with your implicit analysis that assumes that both people and the circumstances that shape people stay static, what is your problem?

My problem is I get tired of the bullcrap spewed here. MAriage is a choice full stop. It's not a leap of faith or whatever othe rmagical bullshit you are or someone else is trying to sell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I won’t give advice on dating or marriage even though I have been married two decades. It’s different for everyone, very subjective. I am unhappy right now probably because I married so young so I wouldn’t recommend it, that’s it.

My parents married young their advice to all of us was not to get married before 30. My mom's biggest regret is that she essentially went from her parents' house to being a housewife, she didn't have time to develop on her own.

Sounds like a different era. I had a graduate degree, several years of work experience and my own apartment when I married at 25.

I had all of that at 25, too, but I still am incredibly glad I waited a few more years to get married. Hopefully you weren’t the same person at 25 and 30- those five years were an incredible period of growth for me.

NP here. I was 20 and my husband 22 when we met. Married at 22 and 24.
I wasn’t the same person at 25 I was at 30, and I’m not the same in my 40s as I was at 30 or 25. Neither is my husband. We’re lucky that we’ve grown together, and have worked together to be where we are and who we are.
I’d probably a different person today had I married later in life, but I’m very happy with who I am and with who my spouse is-still.
Marriage is a leap of faith no matter how old one is when you make it.

+1

If your spouse is an idiot at 52 the odds are they were an idiot at 22, but maybe you just didn't notice it because you were too young. No bonus points for staying with an idiot. If they aren't an idiot at 52 they likely weren't at 22 and hey you got lucky.

Nothing to do with faith. You magical romantic types are insufferable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I won’t give advice on dating or marriage even though I have been married two decades. It’s different for everyone, very subjective. I am unhappy right now probably because I married so young so I wouldn’t recommend it, that’s it.

My parents married young their advice to all of us was not to get married before 30. My mom's biggest regret is that she essentially went from her parents' house to being a housewife, she didn't have time to develop on her own.

Sounds like a different era. I had a graduate degree, several years of work experience and my own apartment when I married at 25.

I had all of that at 25, too, but I still am incredibly glad I waited a few more years to get married. Hopefully you weren’t the same person at 25 and 30- those five years were an incredible period of growth for me.

NP here. I was 20 and my husband 22 when we met. Married at 22 and 24.
I wasn’t the same person at 25 I was at 30, and I’m not the same in my 40s as I was at 30 or 25. Neither is my husband. We’re lucky that we’ve grown together, and have worked together to be where we are and who we are.
I’d probably a different person today had I married later in life, but I’m very happy with who I am and with who my spouse is-still.
Marriage is a leap of faith no matter how old one is when you make it.

+1

+2

+3

Yes, it’s a leap of faith.

Spouse and I met at 19/21, and are happily married 20 years later.

Also, my parents met at age 21 and have been happily married for 55 years.

And my spouses parents met in elementary school, started dating in middle school, and are happily married and in their mid 70s.

You aren't part of those relationships so you can't say how happy they really are. All you can say is they have been married X amount of years, you don't know what that all entails, you can only speak for yourself.