When did your sexless marriage begin?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my DH became depressed and suicidal at about age 47 is when I started dropping off. Combination of his meds and my complete hurt and sadness about how he could be suicidal with our amazing kids in the home. Now he’s completely out to shape, never leaves the house and frankly I have no desire to go near him. Probably should get divorced but am kind of trapped due to the aforementioned depression. Think about it every day though. We’ll see.

I had a friend who was at the top of her field, married to an adoring husband, and had three beautiful children. She was rich, beautiful and had everything. She took her own life. That's what depression can do. You can't solve it for him, but it sounds like you're making it worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife told me just over 20 years ago “no woman anywhere wants to do it more than 4x per year”. Which I have a hard time believing. Last five years zero x. Between 5 and 10 years ago maybe 5 x total. I have never strayed. Live with deep emotional pain. No sex on 26 out of 27 anniversaries. No sex on 26 out of 27 Valentine’s Days. I do well financially. Been a great Dad. Always have been in great physical shape. Never left because I could not risk losing a great relationship with my son. Mayo Clinic says one of the reasons for pain during sex is from infrequency. It became painful for my wife over 5 years ago. She has closed up shop. We went through counseling 15 years ago which I initiated.

You don’t sound normal sir. Healthy men could not survive like that without sex. This is what exactly affairs are for: to save the sexless marriage.

If sex could only make me love my spouse. Fake it til you make it doesn’t work. I resent him more every time.

Wow and yet another “staying sexlessly married to an a$$hole”. Tell us did you give him an official hall pass or you prefer he keeps sneaking around?

I’m actually having sex with him a$$hole. Sex will not make things right. I’m the one who deserves a hall pass, little man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my DH became depressed and suicidal at about age 47 is when I started dropping off. Combination of his meds and my complete hurt and sadness about how he could be suicidal with our amazing kids in the home. Now he’s completely out to shape, never leaves the house and frankly I have no desire to go near him. Probably should get divorced but am kind of trapped due to the aforementioned depression. Think about it every day though. We’ll see.

I had a friend who was at the top of her field, married to an adoring husband, and had three beautiful children. She was rich, beautiful and had everything. She took her own life. That's what depression can do. You can't solve it for him, but it sounds like you're making it worse.

How am I making it worse? Lol he has no drive. I have no drive. It is what it is. I tried early in but honestly I do not like who he has become and it’s all within his control. He does nothing to make his situation better and I’ve given up.

[Anonymous]

This is a really weird thread that seems to seeks to assign blame. Chill out and let people live their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They stay sexlessly married to AHoles for the same reasons these AHoles stay sexlessly married to wives who won’t touch them. Kids and finances mostly.

Exactly. Someone else to take care of the kids.

The question isn’t WHY do all these women stay sexlessly married to a$$hole. The question is: did they grant him an official hall pass or pretend he is faithfully celibate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife told me just over 20 years ago “no woman anywhere wants to do it more than 4x per year”. Which I have a hard time believing. Last five years zero x. Between 5 and 10 years ago maybe 5 x total. I have never strayed. Live with deep emotional pain. No sex on 26 out of 27 anniversaries. No sex on 26 out of 27 Valentine’s Days. I do well financially. Been a great Dad. Always have been in great physical shape. Never left because I could not risk losing a great relationship with my son. Mayo Clinic says one of the reasons for pain during sex is from infrequency. It became painful for my wife over 5 years ago. She has closed up shop. We went through counseling 15 years ago which I initiated.

You don’t sound normal sir. Healthy men could not survive like that without sex. This is what exactly affairs are for: to save the sexless marriage.

Sigh. Hi, Open Marriage Guy.

Every single thread on this subject is started by the same guy. Every one.

[Anonymous]

Seven years ago she was done. Take her on nice trips, treat her well, financially secure, fit. I even cook most of the meals (really good cook) and clean up afterwards. She just wants to watch TV and play her computer games. Post menopausal. I feel like my role was to be a sperm donor, pay off the house, pay private and college education for the kids and build a high seven figure retirement account. My belief is that a marriage is sacred so an affair is out (although I would never make any judgments for those who have had one).

[Anonymous]

Post menopausal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seven years ago she was done. Take her on nice trips, treat her well, financially secure, fit. I even cook most of the meals (really good cook) and clean up afterwards. She just wants to watch TV and play her computer games. Post menopausal. I feel like my role was to be a sperm donor, pay off the house, pay private and college education for the kids and build a high seven figure retirement account. My belief is that a marriage is sacred so an affair is out (although I would never make any judgments for those who have had one).

What’s keeping you around then? The usual financial hangups?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a big bout of depression at age 35 and if you count once a week as sexless like my asshole husband did, it began then. Things are better now but I don’t know that I’ll ever forgive him for how he handled the whole thing. Now sex isn’t about being emotionally close at all. It’s enjoyable but it will never be the same.

Hanging on to resentment is unhealthy, and often quite selfish.

Exactly this.
You have ONE life to live, why the hell would you intentionally be bitter & resentful towards the person you chose to live that ONE life with??

Either say something to him and get it all out on the table so the healing can begin, or LEAVE.

Making the decision to remain bitter & resentful is not only selfish, it's cowardly and miserable.

Stay and make it better or leave, but do one of the two for God's sake.
Why would you want to live your life enveloped in your own resentment??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife told me just over 20 years ago “no woman anywhere wants to do it more than 4x per year”. Which I have a hard time believing. Last five years zero x. Between 5 and 10 years ago maybe 5 x total. I have never strayed. Live with deep emotional pain. No sex on 26 out of 27 anniversaries. No sex on 26 out of 27 Valentine’s Days. I do well financially. Been a great Dad. Always have been in great physical shape. Never left because I could not risk losing a great relationship with my son. Mayo Clinic says one of the reasons for pain during sex is from infrequency. It became painful for my wife over 5 years ago. She has closed up shop. We went through counseling 15 years ago which I initiated.

You don’t sound normal sir. Healthy men could not survive like that without sex. This is what exactly affairs are for: to save the sexless marriage.

Sigh. Hi, Open Marriage Guy.

Every single thread on this subject is started by the same guy. Every one.

The whole endlessly repeated HURRR DURRR HALL PASS crap is so 7th grade boy. Cringeworthy.

[Anonymous]

As a sexless DW I think there is a moral obligation to press the issue but a HP is not the solution for everyone. Some people want to share that part of their lives with their partners and no one else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a big bout of depression at age 35 and if you count once a week as sexless like my asshole husband did, it began then. Things are better now but I don’t know that I’ll ever forgive him for how he handled the whole thing. Now sex isn’t about being emotionally close at all. It’s enjoyable but it will never be the same.

Hanging on to resentment is unhealthy, and often quite selfish.

Exactly this.
You have ONE life to live, why the hell would you intentionally be bitter & resentful towards the person you chose to live that ONE life with??

Either say something to him and get it all out on the table so the healing can begin, or LEAVE.

Making the decision to remain bitter & resentful is not only selfish, it's cowardly and miserable.

Stay and make it better or leave, but do one of the two for God's sake.
Why would you want to live your life enveloped in your own resentment??

It’s hard to understand unless you recognize that someone has turned into the living dead.

[Anonymous]

It really helped my DH to understand a deadbedroom was mostly my lack of attraction for him. Look around at how most older straight men care for their own appearances. If your wife gets all excited about a Kenny Chesney concert, it's you.

[Anonymous]

I think that a dwindling sex drive for a married woman is pretty common. Some combination of familiarity, stress, resentment, parenthood, body image issues, sexual disappointment by their partner, relationship issues, hormones and age come together to flatline their sex drive. Those who are still horny for their husbands after years must have the American Ninja Warrior champion of sex drives!