When did your sexless marriage begin?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It really helped my DH to understand a deadbedroom was mostly my lack of attraction for him. Look around at how most older straight men care for their own appearances. If your wife gets all excited about a Kenny Chesney concert, it's you.

If she became a country music fan that would cross the line in the sand and be grounds for divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that a dwindling sex drive for a married woman is pretty common. Some combination of familiarity, stress, resentment, parenthood, body image issues, sexual disappointment by their partner, relationship issues, hormones and age come together to flatline their sex drive. Those who are still horny for their husbands after years must have the American Ninja Warrior champion of sex drives!

Plus 1. I hope we can normalize this so men stop taking it so personally. I saw a stat that half of lesbian relationships are sexless after 10 years.

Not saying that a sexless hetero marriage is a good thing, couples need to find a compromise

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Around year 9 or so. DH went out plenty for work and took boys vacations but never made time to date me despite my asking him to. He does plenty around the house, but if we never hang out just the two of us, I don't know how he expects me to want him. We average 1x/mo but he doesn't seem to want it more and I'm bored too so I don't know what to tell you.

Based on this, almost certain he is having an affair.

Lol, unless he sneaks out after we go to sleep that’s impossible.

Normal healthy men do not survive on 1x/month. So he’s figured something else out.

Is this some kind of genius advice you heard from Dan Savage? 🙄

“Normal healthy men” vary a lot in how much frequency they want. I have no idea what PP’s husband is up to but stop with the idea that men (or anybody) is abnormal or unhealthy if they are satisfied with less sex.

Exactly, sometimes we have sex 1x month and sometimes 3x a weekend, sometimes mechanical but sometimes super hot - and when it is starting we can both tell you which one it’ll end up being. When we’re in the lower numbers, I know he masterbates. We love each other and been together for 25 years. Marriage has its ups and downs and not everyone cheats when sex is infrequent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that a dwindling sex drive for a married woman is pretty common. Some combination of familiarity, stress, resentment, parenthood, body image issues, sexual disappointment by their partner, relationship issues, hormones and age come together to flatline their sex drive. Those who are still horny for their husbands after years must have the American Ninja Warrior champion of sex drives!

Plus 1. I hope we can normalize this so men stop taking it so personally. I saw a stat that half of lesbian relationships are sexless after 10 years.

Not saying that a sexless hetero marriage is a good thing, couples need to find a compromise

+1, Lesbian Death Bed

That said I think it’s still reasonable for men to want sex in their marriage, I think they don’t always understand the complexities of a woman’s sexuality, though.

Men here should read Emily Nagoski’s “Come As You Are.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that a dwindling sex drive for a married woman is pretty common. Some combination of familiarity, stress, resentment, parenthood, body image issues, sexual disappointment by their partner, relationship issues, hormones and age come together to flatline their sex drive. Those who are still horny for their husbands after years must have the American Ninja Warrior champion of sex drives!

Imagine being the wife instead of the husband in this scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Around year 9 or so. DH went out plenty for work and took boys vacations but never made time to date me despite my asking him to. He does plenty around the house, but if we never hang out just the two of us, I don't know how he expects me to want him. We average 1x/mo but he doesn't seem to want it more and I'm bored too so I don't know what to tell you.

Based on this, almost certain he is having an affair.

Lol, unless he sneaks out after we go to sleep that’s impossible.

Normal healthy men do not survive on 1x/month. So he’s figured something else out.

Is this some kind of genius advice you heard from Dan Savage? 🙄

“Normal healthy men” vary a lot in how much frequency they want. I have no idea what PP’s husband is up to but stop with the idea that men (or anybody) is abnormal or unhealthy if they are satisfied with less sex.

Exactly, sometimes we have sex 1x month and sometimes 3x a weekend, sometimes mechanical but sometimes super hot - and when it is starting we can both tell you which one it’ll end up being. When we’re in the lower numbers, I know he masterbates. We love each other and been together for 25 years. Marriage has its ups and downs and not everyone cheats when sex is infrequent.

Also together over 20 years, I could have written this. Right now we’re probably on a 1-2 times a week stretch. We’ve had times we’ve probably gone 5 or 6 weeks. In those longer stretches, one of us will say something and we put in the effort. The exception was when I was nursing our kids. That completely killed my sex drive. I was anxious about it and worried that was the end. DH was better at recognizing it was temporary. Not that there was no sex, just a lot less than either of us typically would want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that a dwindling sex drive for a married woman is pretty common. Some combination of familiarity, stress, resentment, parenthood, body image issues, sexual disappointment by their partner, relationship issues, hormones and age come together to flatline their sex drive. Those who are still horny for their husbands after years must have the American Ninja Warrior champion of sex drives!

Plus 1. I hope we can normalize this so men stop taking it so personally. I saw a stat that half of lesbian relationships are sexless after 10 years.

Not saying that a sexless hetero marriage is a good thing, couples need to find a compromise

..and normalize the non-traditional compromises that may be chosen.

[Anonymous]

Once we got married the sex stopped, went from a couple times a weekend to couple times a month, then quickly to once a month max. After two kids, 3-4 times a year. What really hurt was my wife was caught being unfaithful before having kids. We decided to stay together, now I realize we should not be together. There is something defective with our relationship, not sure what it is, but she just does not want to be with me in that way is my guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really helped my DH to understand a deadbedroom was mostly my lack of attraction for him. Look around at how most older straight men care for their own appearances. If your wife gets all excited about a Kenny Chesney concert, it's you.

If she became a country music fan that would cross the line in the sand and be grounds for divorce.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really helped my DH to understand a deadbedroom was mostly my lack of attraction for him. Look around at how most older straight men care for their own appearances. If your wife gets all excited about a Kenny Chesney concert, it's you.

If she became a country music fan that would cross the line in the sand and be grounds for divorce.

+1.

+2 but I’m a dw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my DH became depressed and suicidal at about age 47 is when I started dropping off. Combination of his meds and my complete hurt and sadness about how he could be suicidal with our amazing kids in the home. Now he’s completely out to shape, never leaves the house and frankly I have no desire to go near him. Probably should get divorced but am kind of trapped due to the aforementioned depression. Think about it every day though. We’ll see.

I had a friend who was at the top of her field, married to an adoring husband, and had three beautiful children. She was rich, beautiful and had everything. She took her own life. That's what depression can do. You can't solve it for him, but it sounds like you're making it worse.

How am I making it worse? Lol he has no drive. I have no drive. It is what it is. I tried early in but honestly I do not like who he has become and it’s all within his control. He does nothing to make his situation better and I’ve given up.

I hope if you get cancer or some other illness someday that somebody says to you, “I don’t really like who you have become and you should get better because it’s all within your control.” You are ignorant AF.