Help me with techniques for addressing my MIL’s behavior

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I don’t think any of this is that bad. Just tune her out.

This. OP, you have just described an old person.

Pretty much. Maybe an old person with some untreated previously minor mental health issues.

Just tune out and think of something else when she starts talking about something that bothers you, that's what I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, Op married that clueless DH raised by the clueless MIL, so the blame is on her. If she was better quality gal, she would have married better quality man. Hopefully op will not procreate and have clueless kids. Genetics of dumb people are very strong.

True!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I don’t think any of this is that bad. Just tune her out.

This. OP, you have just described an old person.

Pretty much. Maybe an old person with some untreated previously minor mental health issues.

Just tune out and think of something else when she starts talking about something that bothers you, that's what I do.

+2

I thought the same thing. You are upset at your MIL for repeating stories? That just makes you sound mean. The glitter, mess, etc., I get, but…the other stuff means you clearly don’t like her and your DH knows it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you. I will add she always is guilting us about not seeing the grandkids more (she can’t afford to visit often because of poor financial decisions and failing to save for her retirement) and asking when we will move back to her area (despite us owning our home here). So I just feel very picked at whenever she arrives and whenever I try to
Broach different topics - current events, what’s going on with the kids, things to do in the neighborhood, etc - she retreats to all of the aforementioned topics. So I guess part of my frustration is we have the same visit, conversationally, that we have every time she comes. She has zero interest in doing new activities with the kids, exploring our area, or even getting out of the house for a walk.

Ugh, she’s socially quite awkward and clueless and rude. Is there any aspergers in the family? Is she divorced or widowed?

Op here. Wow, so much character assassination. I’m sure some of you didn’t see my additional post where I explained her insane food issues and how she obsessively monitors everyone’s intake and what we eat and basically shames us for our diet. There’s literally no reprieve from her as she won’t even sit and enjoy a glass of wine with us - she would rather lecture us about the ills of dairy or alcohol. Or brag about how long she nursed my husband for. And the thing about my kids looking like her dead relatives is passive aggressive - it’s her way of basically ignoring my and my family’s mark on her kids. She’s from an ethnic background and they don’t resemble her and she’s upset about it so it’s her way of demeaning me. She’s actually divorced multiple times, has few friends, and had a very spotty job history because she kept getting fired from jobs for pissing people off and not befriending her supervisors but instead getting into it with them on a regular basis. She will argue with my husband at least once every visit and they won’t speak to each other and likely will yell at each other. She’s a lot of anyone to deal with, it’s not just normal old lady stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow!
You sound. Very sensitive to minor irritants.

. oP sounds normal to me …

Yeah plus she is nursing - Give her a freaking break …

I no was a nursing mother once too, did not make me be mean to other people.

She wasn’t being mean - she was anonymously expressing frustration … I would be frustrated in her shoes as well. Loved the post of the person who plies her critical in laws with food and drink and plops them by the fire … while
Cheerily nodding and ignoring the passive aggressive jabs …

DP. But it's not just anonymous frustration, because her husband has said some very strongly worded opinions on her behavior. If OP had not talked about what her husband said, I would agree with you. But it is clear from the fact her husband has talked about it that OP is in fact being mean.

How many men do you know that would say something like what OP reported to their nursing wife? It would only happen if the wife's behavior was egregious. For her DH to get to the point of saying something, her behavior must be pretty awful.

To be honest, her husband sounds like a dick.

He has no patience to deal with his own mother’s annoying habits but wants his wife to do it with a smile? Oh, and while she’s nursing and getting no sleep too. He’s either being willfully clueless or he’s completely apathetic about adding even more on his wife’s already full plate.

You are really, really stretching here to get to her DH sounds like a dick.

My guess is that her DH is pretty worried about what he is learning about his wife.

When in doubt about who is to blame, lay all shame and blame on the nursing exhausted mother …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you. I will add she always is guilting us about not seeing the grandkids more (she can’t afford to visit often because of poor financial decisions and failing to save for her retirement) and asking when we will move back to her area (despite us owning our home here). So I just feel very picked at whenever she arrives and whenever I try to
Broach different topics - current events, what’s going on with the kids, things to do in the neighborhood, etc - she retreats to all of the aforementioned topics. So I guess part of my frustration is we have the same visit, conversationally, that we have every time she comes. She has zero interest in doing new activities with the kids, exploring our area, or even getting out of the house for a walk.

Ugh, she’s socially quite awkward and clueless and rude. Is there any aspergers in the family? Is she divorced or widowed?

Op here. Wow, so much character assassination. I’m sure some of you didn’t see my additional post where I explained her insane food issues and how she obsessively monitors everyone’s intake and what we eat and basically shames us for our diet. There’s literally no reprieve from her as she won’t even sit and enjoy a glass of wine with us - she would rather lecture us about the ills of dairy or alcohol. Or brag about how long she nursed my husband for. And the thing about my kids looking like her dead relatives is passive aggressive - it’s her way of basically ignoring my and my family’s mark on her kids. She’s from an ethnic background and they don’t resemble her and she’s upset about it so it’s her way of demeaning me. She’s actually divorced multiple times, has few friends, and had a very spotty job history because she kept getting fired from jobs for pissing people off and not befriending her supervisors but instead getting into it with them on a regular basis. She will argue with my husband at least once every visit and they won’t speak to each other and likely will yell at each other. She’s a lot of anyone to deal with, it’s not just normal old lady stuff.

A few of us heard you and empathized OP. It sounds exhausting and frustrating. Hang in there ….

Someone posted that your hubby and MIL both sound socially clueless and may be on the spectrum. They offered some practical
Suggestions for coping.

Best wishes for the holidays - may you stay sane and find good coping mechanisms (I loved the bingo idea of the regurgitated stories and detaching in funny ways that still keep them happy).

It is a lot to ask when you are tired and nursing! Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, Op married that clueless DH raised by the clueless MIL, so the blame is on her. If she was better quality gal, she would have married better quality man. Hopefully op will not procreate and have clueless kids. Genetics of dumb people are very strong.

True!

You’re just nasty

[Anonymous]

OP, she sounds like an old person with a personality disorder, maybe on the spectrum.

And I come from a family (not ethnic) that talks about the kids look like dead aunt so and so all the time. I mean,.it's weird, but it's just old people talk, not an attack on your family. She probably assumes your family does the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you. I will add she always is guilting us about not seeing the grandkids more (she can’t afford to visit often because of poor financial decisions and failing to save for her retirement) and asking when we will move back to her area (despite us owning our home here). So I just feel very picked at whenever she arrives and whenever I try to
Broach different topics - current events, what’s going on with the kids, things to do in the neighborhood, etc - she retreats to all of the aforementioned topics. So I guess part of my frustration is we have the same visit, conversationally, that we have every time she comes. She has zero interest in doing new activities with the kids, exploring our area, or even getting out of the house for a walk.

Ugh, she’s socially quite awkward and clueless and rude. Is there any aspergers in the family? Is she divorced or widowed?

Op here. Wow, so much character assassination. I’m sure some of you didn’t see my additional post where I explained her insane food issues and how she obsessively monitors everyone’s intake and what we eat and basically shames us for our diet. There’s literally no reprieve from her as she won’t even sit and enjoy a glass of wine with us - she would rather lecture us about the ills of dairy or alcohol. Or brag about how long she nursed my husband for. And the thing about my kids looking like her dead relatives is passive aggressive - it’s her way of basically ignoring my and my family’s mark on her kids. She’s from an ethnic background and they don’t resemble her and she’s upset about it so it’s her way of demeaning me. She’s actually divorced multiple times, has few friends, and had a very spotty job history because she kept getting fired from jobs for pissing people off and not befriending her supervisors but instead getting into it with them on a regular basis. She will argue with my husband at least once every visit and they won’t speak to each other and likely will yell at each other. She’s a lot of anyone to deal with, it’s not just normal old lady stuff.

This x 1,000,000
Team OP

Ignore the misogynistic ignorant haters OP. Just do your best.

[Anonymous]

MIL sounds ok. OP sounds deranged.

[Anonymous]

OP, her projecting her food issues onto your family is awful and shouldn't happen.

Otherwise, sounds like every older person I have ever dealt with except for the really intelligent self aware gracious older people, who are few and far between.

I would just ignore everything except for trying to control what the rest of you eat. And when she says anything about the wine or the dairy, just say you feel extremely fortunate you don't have the food issues she does and can eat and drink whatever you want.

It sounds like MIL is in your head and you need to get her out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL sounds ok. OP sounds deranged.

You are like a rabied dog at a rotten old bone … give it a rest your nasty piece of work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, her projecting her food issues onto your family is awful and shouldn't happen.

Otherwise, sounds like every older person I have ever dealt with except for the really intelligent self aware gracious older people, who are few and far between.

I would just ignore everything except for trying to control what the rest of you eat. And when she says anything about the wine or the dairy, just say you feel extremely fortunate you don't have the food issues she does and can eat and drink whatever you want.

It sounds like MIL is in your head and you need to get her out.

This is sage advice

[Anonymous]

My mil is the same with the re-telling of DH childhood stories. It IS boring and weird. The dead relative stories are much more sympathetic-imagine your siblings, parents, and beloved and aunts and uncles were dead-you would likely miss them and want to keep them alive for people too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you. I will add she always is guilting us about not seeing the grandkids more (she can’t afford to visit often because of poor financial decisions and failing to save for her retirement) and asking when we will move back to her area (despite us owning our home here). So I just feel very picked at whenever she arrives and whenever I try to
Broach different topics - current events, what’s going on with the kids, things to do in the neighborhood, etc - she retreats to all of the aforementioned topics. So I guess part of my frustration is we have the same visit, conversationally, that we have every time she comes. She has zero interest in doing new activities with the kids, exploring our area, or even getting out of the house for a walk.

Ugh, she’s socially quite awkward and clueless and rude. Is there any aspergers in the family? Is she divorced or widowed?

Op here. Wow, so much character assassination. I’m sure some of you didn’t see my additional post where I explained her insane food issues and how she obsessively monitors everyone’s intake and what we eat and basically shames us for our diet. There’s literally no reprieve from her as she won’t even sit and enjoy a glass of wine with us - she would rather lecture us about the ills of dairy or alcohol. Or brag about how long she nursed my husband for. And the thing about my kids looking like her dead relatives is passive aggressive - it’s her way of basically ignoring my and my family’s mark on her kids. She’s from an ethnic background and they don’t resemble her and she’s upset about it so it’s her way of demeaning me. She’s actually divorced multiple times, has few friends, and had a very spotty job history because she kept getting fired from jobs for pissing people off and not befriending her supervisors but instead getting into it with them on a regular basis. She will argue with my husband at least once every visit and they won’t speak to each other and likely will yell at each other. She’s a lot of anyone to deal with, it’s not just normal old lady stuff.

I guess you would know character assassination because that’s what you just did you didn’t give any of this bullshit and your original post but now you coming back with all of this horrible backstory nobody believes you.