What’s the most condescending work compliment you’ve received?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“You’re so articulate” as if they were surprised I’m not a total idiot

This doesn’t sound like a back handed compliment to me. This is just a compliment.

Unless your black?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some law firm big wig told my boss i was “not nearly as big of an asshole as he’d originally thought”

He was wrong of course.

Lol.

One of my employees told me, when I explained to him his various performance deficiencies and how he could improve, that he was upset that I gave him a poor review but he understands it's because my job is really hard. (It's not, but to the extent it is, a lot of it is due to having to supervise him.)

[Anonymous]

Recently, in a conference room with 2 big clients, our CEO said "Mary has been working so hard, her hair turned gray."

I could write a book on the inappropriate things he's said- I may.

[Anonymous]

I don’t get the issue with being a good speaker an issue. I am pretty quiet in meetings. Rarely speak. At office parties not good at small talk. I am not very technical or good at numbers either. I also have trouble with Memory.

But put me on stage with no notes (can’t read then anyhow) in a free flowing format I can run the tables. In fact I did around 20-30 presentations between 200-800 per person level. Folks always are surprised.

I am very nervous in groups of people 1-20. But 200-1,000 not at all

[Anonymous]

Do the drapes match the curtains?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do the drapes match the curtains?

Isn't this supposed to be the "carpet match the drapes"? Because curtains/drapes are the same thing and doesn't sound nearly as offensive as it could be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This is a pretty standard cliché but I really loathe when someone says to me “that’s not a bad idea“. It’s so condescending. You mean, “that’s a good idea, you ass?” Is what I feel like responding.

I say this often. It's not condescending. Sometimes an idea just isn't good. It may not be awful, or bad, but it doesn't rise to a good idea we should pursue. I often follow up with, that's not a bad idea, but we need to consider X, Y and Z.

I'll go one better. I sometimes say it to myself, not anyone else. It means possibly I hadn't even fully considered the option before, but on further reflection, it does have some merits, but not entirely enough, yet, to fully commit to it. Final resolution TBD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“You’re so articulate” as if they were surprised I’m not a total idiot

This doesn’t sound like a back handed compliment to me. This is just a compliment.

Unless your black?

Is this like a southern thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“You’re so articulate” as if they were surprised I’m not a total idiot

This doesn’t sound like a back handed compliment to me. This is just a compliment.

Unless your black?

Is this like a southern thing?

No, it’s not a southern thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“You’re so articulate” as if they were surprised I’m not a total idiot

This doesn’t sound like a back handed compliment to me. This is just a compliment.

Unless your black?

It should be pretty well-known by now that this is not something you say to a Black person. You can look up essays about it but the reality is that people have an idea in their heads about the intelligence of Black people and it’s extremely condescending to act surprised when they are well-spoken. Which is usually the context of these “wow you’re so articulate!” situations.

[Anonymous]

“I know you’ve tried to do a good job.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“You’re so smart. Next time we are going to hire someone who’s not as bright but is hotter”.

I’m a woman and lead attorney for $1b of business.

Wow

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“You’re so smart. Next time we are going to hire someone who’s not as bright but is hotter”.

I’m a woman and lead attorney for $1b of business.

Wow

That’s stunning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a dean for diversity and inclusion call me “Mama” while I was pregnant and who made fun of my pregnant “waddle.” Good times!

I'm trying to understand what the person's role has to do with anything?

Part of "diversity and inclusion" is to make women feel welcome in the workplace by not reducing them to their motherhood status, or making fun of their physicality when they are pregnant. Ya dig?

No, not really. It doesn’t strike me as germane.

NP. I think you are being deliberately obtuse. That remark is particularly horrendous given that it came from a DEI professional who should be sensitive.

[Anonymous]

"I am glad you leave your hair long so people can see blondes can actually come up with good ideas sometimes!"

I have long blonde hair (natural) and worked in engineering where I was one of very few women. Speaker was a male engineer who regularly made blonde jokes. I was young and didn't know to report comments like that.