What’s the most condescending work compliment you’ve received?

[Anonymous]

You speak English so well!

[Anonymous]

Women in the lab are so natural, like being in a kitchen. They just take control and keep everything so organized.

[Anonymous]

"Lady doctor"
"Lady engineers"

"You ladies"

[Anonymous]

"Your work is really creative"

I'm a scientist. Creative sounds like crazy or even "crackpot" to me.

Second place is "I didn't realize you could [do some type of work] " as if the speaker has low expectations, which isn't paranoid as a woman scientist.

[Anonymous]

“Aww, you’re too nice. We need to teach you to be meaner!”

[Anonymous]

It is so cool they hired a female for this role.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll go first. “I love your energy”

How is this condescending? Is it because you have too much energy and it’s a hint to tone it down?

[Anonymous]

"Wow, you must be really good. We never hire from [insert name of second tier law school]."

[Anonymous]

"Articulate".

I have multiple degrees, have led organizations, and regularly facilitate public speaking events over the last 20 years of my career. WTF were they expecting? Mushmouth from Fat Albert?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“You’re so articulate” as if they were surprised I’m not a total idiot

This doesn’t sound like a back handed compliment to me. This is just a compliment.

It's a microaggression.

[Anonymous]

"You write English so good"

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

[Anonymous]

"Has anyone ever given you a pearl necklace? You're cute and I'd give you a pearl necklace." I was 18 and assisting an investment broker at a new defunct brokerage firm. Used to have a bull as its logo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"You write English so good"

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

I would have replied with "Well. I write English so well".

[Anonymous]

‘We are all a big family’ Told me the boss of the most dysfunctional place I worked for!!!

[Anonymous]

I cut off about 6 inches of my hair and got a lot of compliments on it.

Then I worked very hard at an out of town conference, 18 hour days, for 5 days, the culmination of months of work.

At the end when we were packing up, the (male) SVP said, (instead of complimenting any of the work I had done), “whatever you do, don’t ever grow out your hair again”.

Basically made me feel like shit. So that’s all that matters is I look pretty at work, instead of all the actual work I did for the project? WTF. I was so exhausted that when I was by myself on the train home I cried.

For context I am in my 40s, not some 23 year old beauty queen. Regardless of my age, he should’ve focused on what I had actually done at work, rather than my looks.