What’s the most condescending work compliment you’ve received?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When visiting the Charleston, SC office…

“Do you work here? I think you probably came from our DC office.”

I look like DC. Sad face.

Hah. My guess is, your weren’t wearing much if any make up, your hair was not perfectly blown out, and your outfit was, ah, not that stylish?

I would guess not wearing much makeup, severe hairstyle, wearing black.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Lady doctor"
"Lady engineers"

"You ladies"

At this point people who say these things are joking.

Yeah, well, these are pretty pathetic jokes. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

“That’s such a good law school. I can’t believe you went there.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll go first. “I love your energy”

How is this condescending? Is it because you have too much energy and it’s a hint to tone it down?

What is the compliment even supposed to mean, and has anyone ever said this to a man? Why not compliment hard work, effort, intelligence more directly.

I hear "I love your energy" in a California accent. It sounds like they're saying, "You give out good vibes but you don't really contribute anything worthwhile."

[Anonymous]

I performed professionally throughout my twenties and an acquaintance told me that I 'seemed pretty smart, I could probably get a real job if I wanted'.

[Anonymous]

In my exit interview from big law: You’re nice and non threatening, so you’ll do well at your next job.

[Anonymous]

“Wow, your reading and writing SAT scores are so good. Looking at your name, I wasn’t sure that you’d speak English well!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a dean for diversity and inclusion call me “Mama” while I was pregnant and who made fun of my pregnant “waddle.” Good times!

If they were Hispanic/Latin calling me Mama I’d be okay with it that’s totally culturally normal for them. I’d feel included. The making fun of the waddle not so much

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll go first. “I love your energy”

How is this condescending? Is it because you have too much energy and it’s a hint to tone it down?

What is the compliment even supposed to mean, and has anyone ever said this to a man? Why not compliment hard work, effort, intelligence more directly.

I hear "I love your energy" in a California accent. It sounds like they're saying, "You give out good vibes but you don't really contribute anything worthwhile."

I work with some spiritual, mid-20s colleague and this is a HUGE compliment from them. It means they like your vibe and think you’re cool. That’s it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“You’re so articulate” as if they were surprised I’m not a total idiot

This doesn’t sound like a back handed compliment to me. This is just a compliment.

It's a microaggression.

The fact that it has devolved to this makes me sad. The definition is:

having or showing the ability to speak fluently and coherently.

Not everyone is a good public speaker. Some people are amazingly articulate under pressure and fantastic public speakers. This is the way I used to think of the word "articulate" and the way I would use it; to complement someone who I thought was a particularly good public speaker. Someone who has the ability to convey ideas is a clear manner.

Can't use it any more. People automatically assume bad intentions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“You’re so articulate” as if they were surprised I’m not a total idiot

This doesn’t sound like a back handed compliment to me. This is just a compliment.

It's a microaggression.

The fact that it has devolved to this makes me sad. The definition is:

having or showing the ability to speak fluently and coherently.

Not everyone is a good public speaker. Some people are amazingly articulate under pressure and fantastic public speakers. This is the way I used to think of the word "articulate" and the way I would use it; to complement someone who I thought was a particularly good public speaker. Someone who has the ability to convey ideas is a clear manner.

Can't use it any more. People automatically assume bad intentions.

But suppose it’s not public speaking or a presentation or even an incisive comment in a group meeting? How would you feel if you were having what you felt was a normal conversation and someone whipped out:”You are SO articulate “? Wouldn’t it take you aback just a bit?
This happens to me quite a bit. Sometimes it seems to mean something like : You are amazingly articulate and it’s wonderful the way you got everyone on board with that idea. Sometimes it clearly means: Wow! You speak English and you didn’t drool.

I have had people ask me if I’m American. And follow that with: “Because you speak like an educated person.” The clash between the reality that I present and their expectations for someone who looks like me is apparently too great.

tldr: Yep. Can’t use it anymore. People automatically assume bad intentions. Because many of us have had to be on the receiving end of —yes— bad intentions and arrogant ignorance.

[Anonymous]

“You need to work on being more arrogant.”

Apparently this person was unable to see that I accomplished what I needed to — without being what he thought of as “arrogance “.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“You’re so articulate” as if they were surprised I’m not a total idiot

This doesn’t sound like a back handed compliment to me. This is just a compliment.

It's a microaggression.

The fact that it has devolved to this makes me sad. The definition is:

having or showing the ability to speak fluently and coherently.

Not everyone is a good public speaker. Some people are amazingly articulate under pressure and fantastic public speakers. This is the way I used to think of the word "articulate" and the way I would use it; to complement someone who I thought was a particularly good public speaker. Someone who has the ability to convey ideas is a clear manner.

Can't use it any more. People automatically assume bad intentions.

But suppose it’s not public speaking or a presentation or even an incisive comment in a group meeting? How would you feel if you were having what you felt was a normal conversation and someone whipped out:”You are SO articulate “? Wouldn’t it take you aback just a bit?
This happens to me quite a bit. Sometimes it seems to mean something like : You are amazingly articulate and it’s wonderful the way you got everyone on board with that idea. Sometimes it clearly means: Wow! You speak English and you didn’t drool.

I have had people ask me if I’m American. And follow that with: “Because you speak like an educated person.” The clash between the reality that I present and their expectations for someone who looks like me is apparently too great.

tldr: Yep. Can’t use it anymore. People automatically assume bad intentions. Because many of us have had to be on the receiving end of —yes— bad intentions and arrogant ignorance.

I didn't need this lecture. Have seen plenty of these stories and get it. But some of us never have and never will use that word in that context. But because of the bad behavior of others, I would never dare say the word "articulate" to a coworker who was a POC or who I knew was from a foreign country, because they would assume the bad intention. So now I just say, you're a great public speaker or you did a great job explaining that or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"You look nice *today*" from my bosses boss.
"Thanks"

We laughed about this for years.

I hate when people say this. It's like I can just hear the extra emphasis placed on *today* each time it's said. Why can't they just leave it at "you look nice. period.

[Anonymous]

Some law firm big wig told my boss i was “not nearly as big of an asshole as he’d originally thought”

He was wrong of course.