When you pay for your daughter's $$ wedding, what about your sons?
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Anonymous
It is a transactional relationship. My two older sisters and brother were already married. My last sibling emailed a spreadsheet with the names and addresses of relatives who attended. It included the gift amounts given. So I knew the cost of wedding and ballpark the gift. My wife had similar list from older sister. I knew ball park what my friends give so did wife. Single people always discuss what they give. My wife and I laying ourselves were willing to lose money. In my case it appeared the closest people first 40 are generous. Next 40 are break even. The further out you go the lower the gift is. My one uncle is really cheap I still invited him. He gives $25 dollars and expects you to put him up at your house two days and feed him. Luckily my mom got stuck. Also bitter checks come. One of my wife’s best friends who was 34 and single with a huge high paying job gave $75 dollars. Not even close to cost and was sane amount a 22 year old would give and she made $250k. Then a few generous folks. I was scrapping nickels together and my old aunts fixed income and my $25 dollar uncle I am fine with but folks who literally are loaded coming to a wedding that is $130 a plate and giving way under is annoying as same folks who brag they do $500 dinners all the time. I have been giving $1,000 at weddings since around 2008 if kids invited and $500 if just as a couple. Even $500 a couple for a nice place covers the plates but not much left over. I don’t think folks have to cover plate. But come somewhat close at least if a modest wedding. Perhaps this is reason couples are skipping big weddings as the guests are stingy. Cause In normal times a $40k wedding you get at least $30-$35k gifts. Today you get no shows and folks show up a used bowl from a flea market |
Anonymous
When funds are not an issue, this is a good and equitable plan. |
Anonymous
| This thread is disturbingly sexist. Is it the stone age? Offer the same exact amount of support to each of your children, regardless of gender. Jesus. |
Anonymous
+1, I’m shocked at how many people are sexist. This sounds more like Alabama Debutante Moms, not DC Urban Moms… |
Anonymous
Not sure what you think you’ve read. Unless you’re disturbed that all kids get $100k for down payment and DD gets a lavish wedding, because it’s more like a party for family and friends. |
Anonymous
Yes but probably 1/2 of that wedding cost is about you and your husband and all your friends and family. The wedding isn't about just the couple. It's about the couple and the family and the family friends (and sometimes business friends) that have known the couple all of their lives and that their parents insist must come. My parents paid for the wedding so I invited their friends (who knew me my whole life and I had a relationship with obviously) but had they said here is 100K I would have had a much smaller cheaper wedding and left off their friends (but they wanted them there to see me and celebrate). |
Anonymous
| We helped with the reception and paid for the honeymoon. |
Anonymous
Good for him. I would have told you to take the money and shove it. If you use money to control people from the start then you'll be living your whole life that way. If my dad put those stipulations on me I'd pay for my own wedding too. |
Anonymous
Just want to say that I know lots of old monied, southern families. They all give the same amount or very close to it for the son's wedding. I think it's a WASP thing that you don't give anything to your sons for their wedding. My inlaws gave $250 for our wedding. Dh and I paid for it ourselves. They paid for both of his sister's weddings in full. |
Anonymous
It's not like the son doesn't have a wedding. It's just the bride's family pays for it. Or not, in which case we would certainly pay. In my case I have one of each and we fully paid for DDs wedding so I hope that DS marries someone whose family will cover at least some of the expense. |
Anonymous
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To all those who wouldn't help the same for their sons as their daughters, I dearly hope we never become in-laws. If by chance we do, I will ensure a strict prenup that will ensure my daughters maintain full financial control over their assets and inheritance.
From very wealthy mom who has evolved past the stone age |
Anonymous
That is a weird pre-nup. I once dated a very rich girl but she had no money of her own. I mean she drove a 12 year old car and lived at home and made 40k a year. I almost married her. The Dad tells me out of blue when just is he likes me a lot. So I won’t have to sign a pre-nup with him and his wife. I am confused. I actually said what? He said you know one day my daughter will inherit a ton. I don’t want a husband divorcing her and taking half or she dies first and money goes to husband. The prenup with me states after inheritance if you divorce me daughter comes back to her. If she dies first is for grandkids, if no grandkids back to trust my other grandkids. Funny part I am Catholic don’t believe in divorce they were strict strict Italian Catholics so once in I am in. That was 30 years ago. The girls mom is a realtor and see her ads and she looks healthy to me. My ex sells insurance as a broker and still has job from when I dated her. Although the parents had a home they bought in 1972 for one million!! She lived in a 15 bedroom, 7 car garage house on six acres and they had places in Maine, Florida and around 500 rental properties! But still weird a prenup on a girl with no money. Other than the paid fancy wedding I was getting nothing out of it. |
Anonymous
What about My friend with 7 daughters? Does he get a break |
Anonymous
No one. Not one person said they’d pay for daughter’s wedding and would not pay for son’s wedding. It’s also not the question asked. But ok, continue with your fake umbrage. |
Anonymous
Uh you should do that anyway WTF is wrong with you -mom of sons and a daughter who will follow tradition |