Maintaining a friendship when other mom doesn't like my kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not just invite HER son over to your house so she doesn't have to deal with him? Bypass the whole problem.

+1

This one's easy. A no-brainer.

"You've made it clear that Larla and DS don't get along, so why not drop off Larlo at our house this weekend so the boys can still play together without burdening Larla?"

If she says no, then that's that.

As for things on the bus - by 5th grade, you can start adding "I'll talk to DS, and the kids can start learning how to work it out themselves." Unless she thinks your DS crossed the line to bullying, in which case tell your DS to stay away from her 100%. It can be his first life lesson about avoiding crazy.

[Anonymous]

How bad would it be if you asked your son not to speak to the twin sister? Say hi and that’s it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When a parent says their child is “strong willed”, it really means they are a brat. Sorry but it’s the truth

Even if that is true, the other mom sounds dangerously crazy.

DP, but this is so silly. There is nothing “dangerously crazy” in what OP shared. If you think there is, show the quotes.

The fact that she is repeatedly texting OP at all about the behavior of ten-year-olds is dangerously crazy. That isn't normal behavior. And by dangerous, what I mean is that she is likely to make up very damaging claims about OPs son. OP needs to keep her kid away from the woman and her daughter as much as possible. Let's say that everything the woman texted to OP is true (and I suspect it isn't, but let's assume that). The woman's behavior is still totally out of bounds and weird. She is going to start making up stuff about OPs son soon, if she hasn't already.

It is unfortunate that the twin son will suffer because of his unbalanced mom, but OP needs to protect her own kid first.

[Anonymous]

Disengage. People like this are never worth the effort.

[Anonymous]

Protect your son and model healthy boundaries. End your relationship with this woman and caution him about the son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When a parent says their child is “strong willed”, it really means they are a brat. Sorry but it’s the truth

Even if that is true, the other mom sounds dangerously crazy.

DP, but this is so silly. There is nothing “dangerously crazy” in what OP shared. If you think there is, show the quotes.

The fact that she is repeatedly texting OP at all about the behavior of ten-year-olds is dangerously crazy. That isn't normal behavior. And by dangerous, what I mean is that she is likely to make up very damaging claims about OPs son. OP needs to keep her kid away from the woman and her daughter as much as possible. Let's say that everything the woman texted to OP is true (and I suspect it isn't, but let's assume that). The woman's behavior is still totally out of bounds and weird. She is going to start making up stuff about OPs son soon, if she hasn't already.

It is unfortunate that the twin son will suffer because of his unbalanced mom, but OP needs to protect her own kid first.

OP said there were 5-6 incidents “over the years” where the other mom texted OP. It could be that the mom brings this stuff up to OP rather than doing something like reporting school-based incidents to the school as bullying, to give OP a chance to address it without her child having a bullying report in his permanent record. Rather than give any benefit of the doubt, you choose to view that as “dangerously crazy,” which I suspect is you projecting a bunch of defensive nonsense because you’re feeling triggered about bullying accusations against your own child.

[Anonymous]

Ignore her. Let the boys manage their friendship. At this age you don’t have to engage - they live close so your son can invite the other kid over but suggest he not go there knowing Emily has complaints. Any legitimate complaints that happen at school should be handled there, otherwise just ignore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The truth is that there is twin jealousy at play. The girl wants in on her brother's group, but lacks that rapport with them, and there's friction, and she points fingers at one boy. The mother believes her and reacts accordingly.

When your son is out of the picture, another boy will be targeted, OP, and perhaps, if the mother isn't dumb as a bag of rocks, she'll start to realize the problem wasn't your son. But I doubt it. Some people are ready to think everyone is against their child before admitting that the issue is closer to home.

Omg I think this is it! Never considered this but boy twin is super popular and easygoing and well liked with a big friend group and ‘Em has a much harder time socially.

My son isn’t best friends with the boy, he has other close friends but he really likes this kid and we have lots of things they do together (basketball, scouts, etc). I don’t dislike Em, she’s less easy going and prone to drama but I have 3 kids and 6 siblings so I know how temperaments don’t equal character.

~OP

I’m not one to call bullying on everything. But there’s no way I’d bring a kid who’s hassling my daughter into our home no matter what excuses the other kid keeps making.

It sounds like the boy twin has lots of friends and could take or leave your DS. So you’re not in a very strong position, OP. You’re lucky she’s texting you about Em instead of just dropping you.

[Anonymous]

Explain to DS that she is frequently upset by what he says. Have him only say hi, answer any questions she asks (don’t be rude), but otherwise stay away and don’t talk to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When a parent says their child is “strong willed”, it really means they are a brat. Sorry but it’s the truth

Even if that is true, the other mom sounds dangerously crazy.

DP, but this is so silly. There is nothing “dangerously crazy” in what OP shared. If you think there is, show the quotes.

The fact that she is repeatedly texting OP at all about the behavior of ten-year-olds is dangerously crazy. That isn't normal behavior. And by dangerous, what I mean is that she is likely to make up very damaging claims about OPs son. OP needs to keep her kid away from the woman and her daughter as much as possible. Let's say that everything the woman texted to OP is true (and I suspect it isn't, but let's assume that). The woman's behavior is still totally out of bounds and weird. She is going to start making up stuff about OPs son soon, if she hasn't already.

It is unfortunate that the twin son will suffer because of his unbalanced mom, but OP needs to protect her own kid first.

OP said there were 5-6 incidents “over the years” where the other mom texted OP. It could be that the mom brings this stuff up to OP rather than doing something like reporting school-based incidents to the school as bullying, to give OP a chance to address it without her child having a bullying report in his permanent record. Rather than give any benefit of the doubt, you choose to view that as “dangerously crazy,” which I suspect is you projecting a bunch of defensive nonsense because you’re feeling triggered about bullying accusations against your own child.

Anyone who immediately goes to this sounds ridiculous, but you sound like the kind of busybody obsessed helicopter mom who texts others about ten-year-old social interactions that you should stay far out of, so yes, you are obviously ridiculous. There is no world in which the behavior of the other woman is okay. Making up fantasies about a bullying report on the permanent record of child of ten? You are a joke. Either there is real bullying, in which case the other woman is failing her child by not reporting it, or it's made-up nonsense that the school will see straight through, so she won't go to the school because they will laugh her out the door. (Probably they already know all about her by now.)

Personally, my kids are all older teens now and literally never once did I get texted by some wacko about imaginary (or even real) incidents, and I would have thought so badly of anyone who had done what the lady in OPs first post did. It is absurd behavior. I would have protected my kid by keeping them far away from that woman, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, certainly 2 women have other things to talk about besides their kids.

Think about it

But if you don't enjoy her company, you don't have to choose her as a friend.

Surely you can decipher the English language better than this?

Think about it.

Read the OP again. Look up the words you don’t understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How bad would it be if you asked your son not to speak to the twin sister? Say hi and that’s it.

This will make zero difference.

The sister is used to blaming OP’s son for the actions of her brother’s friends. If anyone on the bus teases her, it’ll be his fault. And the teasing won’t stop until her brother—the most popular and outgoing of his friends—decides to make it stop. The sister knows she can’t blame every single boy on the bus, so the OP’s son has become the face of her tormentors. The sister is upset about being excluded by her twin—BUT at the same time if she directly blames him fir being mean, she’s that much further from joining his friend group. Plus her mom is much more responsive to OTHER kids being mean to her, it’s much harder to get her mom to take meanness from her brother seriously.

Nothing OP’s kid does is going to change this dynamic. A random kid is no substitute for a mom who doesn’t want to parent. This friendship is done, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How bad would it be if you asked your son not to speak to the twin sister? Say hi and that’s it.

This will make zero difference.

The sister is used to blaming OP’s son for the actions of her brother’s friends. If anyone on the bus teases her, it’ll be his fault. And the teasing won’t stop until her brother—the most popular and outgoing of his friends—decides to make it stop. The sister knows she can’t blame every single boy on the bus, so the OP’s son has become the face of her tormentors. The sister is upset about being excluded by her twin—BUT at the same time if she directly blames him fir being mean, she’s that much further from joining his friend group. Plus her mom is much more responsive to OTHER kids being mean to her, it’s much harder to get her mom to take meanness from her brother seriously.

Nothing OP’s kid does is going to change this dynamic. A random kid is no substitute for a mom who doesn’t want to parent. This friendship is done, OP.

+1

OP needs to keep her son away from that mom.

[Anonymous]

OP you are encountering 3 is a crowd. Maybe your son is at fault maybe not. But he is squashed between these twins snd their mother. I doubt that’s going to get better. If possible drive your son to school for awhile to separate from Em. She & her mom can get you in tons of unnecessary trouble. Get out now before it escalates further. Signed twin mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter had a girl just like Em as a best friend. It started around gr.4-5 where suddenly it was my daughters fault everytime Em-kid was upset afterschool. Daughter can be blunt but we work on that. So then my daughter is devastated to lose her friend but the mother and friend are so over the top calling and complaining, so kids stop being friends. A few years later Em-kid is all over the place emotionally and cycles through friends at an insane rate. She is barely tolerable. Meanwhile dd is happily content in a large group of friends.

You have nothing to lose - Em's mom is NOT helping her child, instead just blaming and trying to control yours. This is not a good life skill. Tell the other mom that you don't accept your son being blamed for Ems emotional difficulties and that as usual you encourage positive behavior, her complaints are crossing a line and unfair to both your son and hers.

She's trying to push Em's complex onto you guys and that's wrong.

THIS