Maintaining a friendship when other mom doesn't like my kid

[Anonymous]

NP. I don't understand these responses. The boys are friends. "Let the friendship fade"? Do posters mean stop the boys' friendship? Because that's not exactly under OP's control.

[Anonymous]

Why not just invite HER son over to your house so she doesn't have to deal with him? Bypass the whole problem.

[Anonymous]

The other mother sounds like an over-involved, neurotic PITA and neither you nor your son need that family in your lives. Cut them off and tell your son you don’t want him around their house. She’ll find some other landing pad for her helicopter soon enough. If she contacts you about anything else that’s happened at school or on the bus, ignore her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is targeting her and it is hard to have that kid around. The pattern isn't with other families because he is targeting her specifically.

The kids aren't cut out to be friends. Let the friendship die out. But keep an eye on it. I bet more complaints come in since he will continue to target her on the bus.

He really isn't though. I sincerely believe he isn't. She's a super sensitive kid and might FEEL that way but my son maybe has participated in things where she's being teased but hasn't been super involved and the thing with the orchestra wasn't even a conversation WITH her, she just happened to hear it.

PP here and first time I am responding.

He is though. She may be super sensitive (as is her mother) but there is some truth to what is happening here. You don't know exactly what happened so don't try to dismiss it that she happened to hear it. There have been other things which made the mom text you. Maybe she is overly sensitive. Maybe she doesn't get your kids teasing. Maybe she thinks your kid is a bully but he isn't. I don't know and frankly YOU don't know. But like others have said, your kid will be the bad guy so let the friendship fade. See them on the bus or at school or in the neighborhood but don't let your kid go to their house. It won't end well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's zero chance that your kid changes the story and you aren't getting the whole pictures? He's stubborn and digs his heels in, but somehow he's not telling these stories in a way that put him in perfect light, when that's not the whole truth?

I don’t think he’s telling the whole truth…he’s telling his story. And he’s not cast in a positive light per say because he admits to teasing her at times along with other kids and admired he said orchestra was annoying. He just wasn’t saying it TO her.

Announcing on the bus, loud enough for kids who are in the orchestra to hear, that the orchestra sounded annoying isn't any less mean than telling someone in the orchestra that they sounded annoying. Having a conversation insulting someone in their earshot is worse, in my opinion. I would much rather that someone said something to my face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's zero chance that your kid changes the story and you aren't getting the whole pictures? He's stubborn and digs his heels in, but somehow he's not telling these stories in a way that put him in perfect light, when that's not the whole truth?

I don’t think he’s telling the whole truth…he’s telling his story. And he’s not cast in a positive light per say because he admits to teasing her at times along with other kids and admired he said orchestra was annoying. He just wasn’t saying it TO her.

Announcing on the bus, loud enough for kids who are in the orchestra to hear, that the orchestra sounded annoying isn't any less mean than telling someone in the orchestra that they sounded annoying. Having a conversation insulting someone in their earshot is worse, in my opinion. I would much rather that someone said something to my face.

Omg they are 10 year olds. This is nothing. This is not text the mom worthy behavior

[Anonymous]

They are twins. It's obvious you do not like the girl. The mom knows it. Your son knows it, and he also knows you will have his back if he tells the story his way. Maybe the mom is hurt that her daughter is bullied and that your son, the best friend of the twin brother, is actively participating in the teasing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's zero chance that your kid changes the story and you aren't getting the whole pictures? He's stubborn and digs his heels in, but somehow he's not telling these stories in a way that put him in perfect light, when that's not the whole truth?

I don’t think he’s telling the whole truth…he’s telling his story. And he’s not cast in a positive light per say because he admits to teasing her at times along with other kids and admired he said orchestra was annoying. He just wasn’t saying it TO her.

He admits to teasing her and you think she’s the problem? Maybe tell your son not to tease people.

Every child in the universe teases another kid from time to time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are twins. It's obvious you do not like the girl. The mom knows it. Your son knows it, and he also knows you will have his back if he tells the story his way. Maybe the mom is hurt that her daughter is bullied and that your son, the best friend of the twin brother, is actively participating in the teasing.

Using the term “bullied” for this kind of situation is ridiculous. God help this child when she gets to middle school if overhearing someone thinking the violin sucks reduces her to tears.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's zero chance that your kid changes the story and you aren't getting the whole pictures? He's stubborn and digs his heels in, but somehow he's not telling these stories in a way that put him in perfect light, when that's not the whole truth?

I don’t think he’s telling the whole truth…he’s telling his story. And he’s not cast in a positive light per say because he admits to teasing her at times along with other kids and admired he said orchestra was annoying. He just wasn’t saying it TO her.

He admits to teasing her and you think she’s the problem? Maybe tell your son not to tease people.

Every child in the universe teases another kid from time to time.

Publicly teasing the twin of your best friend is not the way to go if you want to stay close to that family. You expect better from close friends.

[Anonymous]

Meh these people sound high maintenance. I wouldn’t respond to any more texts. Just let the boys be school friends.

[Anonymous]

I am not a sensitive person so it's hard for me to empathize here, but I don't think I would want to deal with this family. Your son sounds like he's a normal kid insofar as he is rude from time to time but not malicious, but any child who reacts to mild teasing with tears and a parent who reacts with hostile texts to other kids' parents need an attitude adjustment because they are making themselves and everyone else miserable. I would be inclined to respond "message received. I hope you will be truthful in communicating to your son that you have decided to terminate their relationship" but I wouldn't actually do it. I'm sure she won't he truthful though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is targeting her and it is hard to have that kid around. The pattern isn't with other families because he is targeting her specifically.

The kids aren't cut out to be friends. Let the friendship die out. But keep an eye on it. I bet more complaints come in since he will continue to target her on the bus.

He really isn't though. I sincerely believe he isn't. She's a super sensitive kid and might FEEL that way but my son maybe has participated in things where she's being teased but hasn't been super involved and the thing with the orchestra wasn't even a conversation WITH her, she just happened to hear it.

OP. Are you being obtuse on purpose? Your son is a part of a group that has repeatedly teased/antagonized this girl. And she is his best friend’s sister. So not only does she have to deal with your son at school, she has to deal with him at her house, too?

I mean…what do you really think should happen here? Do you honestly think your son should repeatedly antagonize this girl, but her mom should welcome him into their lives with open arms? Really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not just invite HER son over to your house so she doesn't have to deal with him? Bypass the whole problem.

+1

This one's easy. A no-brainer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is targeting her and it is hard to have that kid around. The pattern isn't with other families because he is targeting her specifically.

The kids aren't cut out to be friends. Let the friendship die out. But keep an eye on it. I bet more complaints come in since he will continue to target her on the bus.

He really isn't though. I sincerely believe he isn't. She's a super sensitive kid and might FEEL that way but my son maybe has participated in things where she's being teased but hasn't been super involved and the thing with the orchestra wasn't even a conversation WITH her, she just happened to hear it.

OP. Are you being obtuse on purpose? Your son is a part of a group that has repeatedly teased/antagonized this girl. And she is his best friend’s sister. So not only does she have to deal with your son at school, she has to deal with him at her house, too?

I mean…what do you really think should happen here? Do you honestly think your son should repeatedly antagonize this girl, but her mom should welcome him into their lives with open arms? Really?

Not op but I imagine the truth is somewhere in the middle. And would just distance myself and find better friends. Why does the girl get immediately believed? They are both 10 and probably not reliable reporters. Just cut losses and move on.