Maintaining a friendship when other mom doesn't like my kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is targeting her and it is hard to have that kid around. The pattern isn't with other families because he is targeting her specifically.

The kids aren't cut out to be friends. Let the friendship die out. But keep an eye on it. I bet more complaints come in since he will continue to target her on the bus.

He really isn't though. I sincerely believe he isn't. She's a super sensitive kid and might FEEL that way but my son maybe has participated in things where she's being teased but hasn't been super involved and the thing with the orchestra wasn't even a conversation WITH her, she just happened to hear it.

OP. Are you being obtuse on purpose? Your son is a part of a group that has repeatedly teased/antagonized this girl. And she is his best friend’s sister. So not only does she have to deal with your son at school, she has to deal with him at her house, too?

I mean…what do you really think should happen here? Do you honestly think your son should repeatedly antagonize this girl, but her mom should welcome him into their lives with open arms? Really?

Not op but I imagine the truth is somewhere in the middle. And would just distance myself and find better friends. Why does the girl get immediately believed? They are both 10 and probably not reliable reporters. Just cut losses and move on.

Her son admitted that he participates in the teasing. You are not going to repeatedly antagonize my child (even if you are being a lemming) and then be welcomed into my home. She should have peace in her home, and OP’s son doesn’t allow that.

Yes, if the girl was less sensitive this might not be an issue. But she is sensitive, so this mom is parenting the child(ren) she has. Which means OP’s son will not be a part of their lives right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is targeting her and it is hard to have that kid around. The pattern isn't with other families because he is targeting her specifically.

The kids aren't cut out to be friends. Let the friendship die out. But keep an eye on it. I bet more complaints come in since he will continue to target her on the bus.

He really isn't though. I sincerely believe he isn't. She's a super sensitive kid and might FEEL that way but my son maybe has participated in things where she's being teased but hasn't been super involved and the thing with the orchestra wasn't even a conversation WITH her, she just happened to hear it.

OP. Are you being obtuse on purpose? Your son is a part of a group that has repeatedly teased/antagonized this girl. And she is his best friend’s sister. So not only does she have to deal with your son at school, she has to deal with him at her house, too?

I mean…what do you really think should happen here? Do you honestly think your son should repeatedly antagonize this girl, but her mom should welcome him into their lives with open arms? Really?

Not op but I imagine the truth is somewhere in the middle. And would just distance myself and find better friends. Why does the girl get immediately believed? They are both 10 and probably not reliable reporters. Just cut losses and move on.

DP. Even if the truth is somewhere in the middle, it sounds like all this mom probably knows is that things get really unpleasant between the kids when OP’s kid is around, more so than with other kids. The details of why don’t necessarily matter, the mom just doesn’t want to deal with it anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is targeting her and it is hard to have that kid around. The pattern isn't with other families because he is targeting her specifically.

The kids aren't cut out to be friends. Let the friendship die out. But keep an eye on it. I bet more complaints come in since he will continue to target her on the bus.

He really isn't though. I sincerely believe he isn't. She's a super sensitive kid and might FEEL that way but my son maybe has participated in things where she's being teased but hasn't been super involved and the thing with the orchestra wasn't even a conversation WITH her, she just happened to hear it.

NP and I sincerely believe you are a fool !

Your kid is a bratty little jerk.

The other mom tells other parents about your little brat. They agree with her behind your back.

As your kid gets older and his behavior more obnoxious, other kids will naturally start to stay away and the ones that remain will have parents who tell their kids yours is a jerk who will get them in trouble so they better stay away from him. You will continue to pretend that it’s everyone else and not your kid who is the problem.

My kid is now in HS - I have seen these play out a few times

[Anonymous]

The other parent sounds mentally disturbed, but unfortunately you won't change her mind. Just state that you agree with her, because you are tired of her baseless accusations against your son, who has never targeted her daughter, and that in the future, her daughter's interests would be best served by a parent who has a healthier perspective and does not obsess over one particular individual. That you feel sorry for her troubles, and wish her well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not just invite HER son over to your house so she doesn't have to deal with him? Bypass the whole problem.

+1

This one's easy. A no-brainer.

Right! Play dates at your house and they can be school friends. Your son needs to stop being around this friend’s mom and sister. They don’t get along.

[Anonymous]

The truth is that there is twin jealousy at play. The girl wants in on her brother's group, but lacks that rapport with them, and there's friction, and she points fingers at one boy. The mother believes her and reacts accordingly.

When your son is out of the picture, another boy will be targeted, OP, and perhaps, if the mother isn't dumb as a bag of rocks, she'll start to realize the problem wasn't your son. But I doubt it. Some people are ready to think everyone is against their child before admitting that the issue is closer to home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's zero chance that your kid changes the story and you aren't getting the whole pictures? He's stubborn and digs his heels in, but somehow he's not telling these stories in a way that put him in perfect light, when that's not the whole truth?

I don’t think he’s telling the whole truth…he’s telling his story. And he’s not cast in a positive light per say because he admits to teasing her at times along with other kids and admired he said orchestra was annoying. He just wasn’t saying it TO her.

Announcing on the bus, loud enough for kids who are in the orchestra to hear, that the orchestra sounded annoying isn't any less mean than telling someone in the orchestra that they sounded annoying. Having a conversation insulting someone in their earshot is worse, in my opinion. I would much rather that someone said something to my face.

Yeah, the orchestra thing isn't kind. You need to talk to your son about that.

Otherwise, let the boys stay friends, but not at their house. Only at your house. Instruct your child to say NOTHING to the sister. If she tries to talk to him on the bus, you can go over with him how to handle it.

There's no reason for the boys to end their friendship as long as your son can be trusted to stop talking to the sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's zero chance that your kid changes the story and you aren't getting the whole pictures? He's stubborn and digs his heels in, but somehow he's not telling these stories in a way that put him in perfect light, when that's not the whole truth?

I don’t think he’s telling the whole truth…he’s telling his story. And he’s not cast in a positive light per say because he admits to teasing her at times along with other kids and admired he said orchestra was annoying. He just wasn’t saying it TO her.

Announcing on the bus, loud enough for kids who are in the orchestra to hear, that the orchestra sounded annoying isn't any less mean than telling someone in the orchestra that they sounded annoying. Having a conversation insulting someone in their earshot is worse, in my opinion. I would much rather that someone said something to my face.

Yeah, the orchestra thing isn't kind. You need to talk to your son about that.

Otherwise, let the boys stay friends, but not at their house. Only at your house. Instruct your child to say NOTHING to the sister. If she tries to talk to him on the bus, you can go over with him how to handle it.

There's no reason for the boys to end their friendship as long as your son can be trusted to stop talking to the sister.

DP here. Oh goodness gracious. A little phrase like that shouldn't hurt anybody's feelings, and I have a daughter in orchestra. If she heard that, it wouldn't even register as an insult. She knows strings can sound pretty awful at first. Children are entitled to critique, as long as individuals aren't named publicly.

But I agree that if OP's son needs to stay clear of this mother-daughter duo. They're toxic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The truth is that there is twin jealousy at play. The girl wants in on her brother's group, but lacks that rapport with them, and there's friction, and she points fingers at one boy. The mother believes her and reacts accordingly.

When your son is out of the picture, another boy will be targeted, OP, and perhaps, if the mother isn't dumb as a bag of rocks, she'll start to realize the problem wasn't your son. But I doubt it. Some people are ready to think everyone is against their child before admitting that the issue is closer to home.

This, 100%. Good explanation PP.

[Anonymous]

Your kid needs to leave that girl alone. Bullying is not cool

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are twins. It's obvious you do not like the girl. The mom knows it. Your son knows it, and he also knows you will have his back if he tells the story his way. Maybe the mom is hurt that her daughter is bullied and that your son, the best friend of the twin brother, is actively participating in the teasing.

Using the term “bullied” for this kind of situation is ridiculous. God help this child when she gets to middle school if overhearing someone thinking the violin sucks reduces her to tears.

That’s the thing, I bet he said it to her. Her kid sounds like a bully.

[Anonymous]

“Em” should just sit away from him on the bus — although I suspect “Em” is reveling in mommy’s attention.

This mom is a PITA, OP. Just let your son be friends with her son at school. You don’t need to co-sign her drama. Life is too short.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is targeting her and it is hard to have that kid around. The pattern isn't with other families because he is targeting her specifically.

The kids aren't cut out to be friends. Let the friendship die out. But keep an eye on it. I bet more complaints come in since he will continue to target her on the bus.

He really isn't though. I sincerely believe he isn't. She's a super sensitive kid and might FEEL that way but my son maybe has participated in things where she's being teased but hasn't been super involved and the thing with the orchestra wasn't even a conversation WITH her, she just happened to hear it.

OP. Are you being obtuse on purpose? Your son is a part of a group that has repeatedly teased/antagonized this girl. And she is his best friend’s sister. So not only does she have to deal with your son at school, she has to deal with him at her house, too?

I mean…what do you really think should happen here? Do you honestly think your son should repeatedly antagonize this girl, but her mom should welcome him into their lives with open arms? Really?

Not op but I imagine the truth is somewhere in the middle. And would just distance myself and find better friends. Why does the girl get immediately believed? They are both 10 and probably not reliable reporters. Just cut losses and move on.

Her son admitted that he participates in the teasing. You are not going to repeatedly antagonize my child (even if you are being a lemming) and then be welcomed into my home. She should have peace in her home, and OP’s son doesn’t allow that.

Yes, if the girl was less sensitive this might not be an issue. But she is sensitive, so this mom is helicopter parenting the child(ren) she has. Which means OP’s son will not be a part of their lives right now.

Fixed that for you,

[Anonymous]

You say your son is blamed for “some group” behavior. That’s very telling. So a group of kids are targeting this girl, your brat is involved but also claims to be the twin brother’s friend?? Yeah your brat sounds like an unkind bully who likes to gang up on kids…. I wouldn’t want him anywhere near either of my kids. The mom is right.

[Anonymous]

OP your kid is targeting this girl.