Can cheating be justified?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve met many adult children who had parents that got caught cheating, had affairs, often alcohol abuse went have and hand, not a single one of them think cheating is justified. None.

Well consider yourself to have met me. My dad cheated on my mother. I don't have an alcohol abuse problem and do think there are a few scenarios where cheating is understandable namely abuse and long-term illness in which the partner is alive but no longer there.

Cheating and alcohol abuse. The cheater, not the children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I typically think no, but if somebody was in an abusive marriage and it was impossible to leave (ie there is domestic violence and a real possibility of being murdered), I don't think it's wrong to cheat. I heard of that once and my only thought was "wow that's really risky."

You mean it’s okay to find a man who Will have sex with you but doesn’t care enough about you to get away from an abusive H?

That is the world you live in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve met many adult children who had parents that got caught cheating, had affairs, often alcohol abuse went have and hand, not a single one of them think cheating is justified. None.

Well consider yourself to have met me. My dad cheated on my mother. I don't have an alcohol abuse problem and do think there are a few scenarios where cheating is understandable namely abuse and long-term illness in which the partner is alive but no longer there.

The bigger question is will you cheat or will your husband? Cheaters kids usually cheat (75% of male kids of cheaters) or marry a cheater (girls looking for a guy like daddy and trying to recreate history by getting him not to cheat).

Psych 101

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I typically think no, but if somebody was in an abusive marriage and it was impossible to leave (ie there is domestic violence and a real possibility of being murdered), I don't think it's wrong to cheat. I heard of that once and my only thought was "wow that's really risky."

You mean it’s okay to find a man who Will have sex with you but doesn’t care enough about you to get away from an abusive H?

That is the world you live in?

My thoughts too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I typically think no, but if somebody was in an abusive marriage and it was impossible to leave (ie there is domestic violence and a real possibility of being murdered), I don't think it's wrong to cheat. I heard of that once and my only thought was "wow that's really risky."

So if your spouse is abusive and you think your spouse will murder you, it’s ok to cheat? How about if she has time to go visit a lover, she could move out during that time? Use that time in a better way.

It must be nice to view the world from your perch

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I typically think no, but if somebody was in an abusive marriage and it was impossible to leave (ie there is domestic violence and a real possibility of being murdered), I don't think it's wrong to cheat. I heard of that once and my only thought was "wow that's really risky."

You mean it’s okay to find a man who Will have sex with you but doesn’t care enough about you to get away from an abusive H?

That is the world you live in?

You never had to coparent with a deranged and abusive person gave you? Or seen the family court system turn into an abusive tool and circus for years and years and $100ks?

If only life was as simple as “leaving.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's fascinating that when the question is framed differently, we hear so many stories of women's affairs. In all the other cheating posts, it's mostly stories of men cheating. As a woman I kudos the courage of those women who were otherwise stuck in miserable or even abusive marriages. Some stories, like the one who was already separated from her husband, are not even considered cheating IMO.

It's also fascinating that so many wives would immediately assume/accuse those cheating women of sleeping with married men, even though among all the stories of women's affairs in this post, none gives any indication that they were sleeping with married men. Many married women have affairs with single men, just like married men do with single women. It just shows how much insecurity women feel about their spouse cheating; hence all the anger and judgment towards infidelity.

Well said. The bolded part is the key take-away. The real reason some people are so against cheating is they are insecure in their own marriage. They want an extreme social stigma so that they can treat their spouse like crap and the only option is a divorce which can be ruinous financially and for the kids.

Okay, sure. Very secure which is why so many are completely blindsided. Just a thought: maybe they are against it because it wrecked their world, their kids world and caused significant trauma or destroyed their family when they were kids. Hey, but what do I know?

I'm sorry if it happened to you or someone you know. Sure it would hurt like hell if you were completely blindsided when you deeply love your spouse and did everything right but he still cheated. But can't you see everyone is not in the same situation? Those women in previous post were talking about themselves (or some other women they know) stuck in miserable or abusive marriage and then had an exit affair. Not every post here is about you. You don't have to project everyone's story onto your husband's affair or your own insecurity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I typically think no, but if somebody was in an abusive marriage and it was impossible to leave (ie there is domestic violence and a real possibility of being murdered), I don't think it's wrong to cheat. I heard of that once and my only thought was "wow that's really risky."

You mean it’s okay to find a man who Will have sex with you but doesn’t care enough about you to get away from an abusive H?

That is the world you live in?

You never had to coparent with a deranged and abusive person gave you? Or seen the family court system turn into an abusive tool and circus for years and years and $100ks?

If only life was as simple as “leaving.”

Yes actually I do know about that. But sex with somebody never made a spouse less deranged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's fascinating that when the question is framed differently, we hear so many stories of women's affairs. In all the other cheating posts, it's mostly stories of men cheating. As a woman I kudos the courage of those women who were otherwise stuck in miserable or even abusive marriages. Some stories, like the one who was already separated from her husband, are not even considered cheating IMO.

It's also fascinating that so many wives would immediately assume/accuse those cheating women of sleeping with married men, even though among all the stories of women's affairs in this post, none gives any indication that they were sleeping with married men. Many married women have affairs with single men, just like married men do with single women. It just shows how much insecurity women feel about their spouse cheating; hence all the anger and judgment towards infidelity.

Well said. The bolded part is the key take-away. The real reason some people are so against cheating is they are insecure in their own marriage. They want an extreme social stigma so that they can treat their spouse like crap and the only option is a divorce which can be ruinous financially and for the kids.

Okay, sure. Very secure which is why so many are completely blindsided. Just a thought: maybe they are against it because it wrecked their world, their kids world and caused significant trauma or destroyed their family when they were kids. Hey, but what do I know?

I'm sorry if it happened to you or someone you know. Sure it would hurt like hell if you were completely blindsided when you deeply love your spouse and did everything right but he still cheated. But can't you see everyone is not in the same situation? Those women in previous post were talking about themselves (or some other women they know) stuck in miserable or abusive marriage and then had an exit affair. Not every post here is about you. You don't have to project everyone's story onto your husband's affair or your own insecurity.

I have about 10 friends have “exit affairs” … did not euro out like they planned 7/10 times. 7 lost their house/kids/respect/AP.

3 lost AP/respect/house… got 50/50 with kids.

Some were SAHM’s … from 100% to visitation or 50/50 for a screw, because that soul mate BS never panned out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister was emotionally and physically abused by her husband. She had an affair that gave her the confidence to leave. I think it was not only justified but necessary. Assume people other than the Taliban and the anti-cheating fanatics on here would agree

And if he found out he would have killed her.0

He did and he didn't, but thanks for trying to shame her, Mr. Taliban.

Come on. About the riskiest thing you can do is get caught cheating if your spouse is a psychopath, physically abusive. She’s lucky she didn’t get caught and got out. But, yes, he’s awful and I would still have left before that. Didn’t she confide in yiu about the abuse? Didn’t you try to help her?

I knew about the emotional abuse but not the physical until she divorced. She was too embarrassed to share that part and I would have intervened. I tried to help her leave before but she had zero confidence, had gained weight, and saw herself as someone not worthy of love. I really think her affair helped her see herself in a better light.

This was me too. The affair was my only source of strength. He made me feel loved and valued. It was only when the affair ended that I felt the full impact of being alone, and that hurts like hell.

I'm sure his wife hurts like hell after finding out a man she gave unconditional trust to, had an entire life and children with, was banging you. That pain is visceral and causes severe trauma, especially as she tries to piece together all of the times he was with you when he said he was somewhere else.

Nope. You get zero sympathy for your pain as you were part and parcel of another woman's.

I'm sorry I must have missed where they said that the guys were married. Oh no that's just you projecting so you can be the perpetual victim wallowing in her own misery because her husband cheated on her.

I haven't read a single thread on this post where the married affair woman's AP was single. This thread was the first that anyone has claimed he was single. In all the multitude upon multitude of women cheating threads they were banging married men. It's statistically a minority, particularly given the ages of these married women. The pool is just not that large with kids and 40+.

Who said women have to sleep with men the same age or older? That sounds very patriarchal. I know one guy who lost his virginity at the age of 17 (which is legal in his state) to a 39 yo married woman. Another single guy told me he once had a casual sex encounter with a woman and then found out she was married. Also think about Macron and his wife (she was 40+ married and he was her student). I'm not saying any of the above is justified. But just to point out how narrow is your view that married women have to affair with married men.

I had secret crushes on three guys over 9 years of marriage. All three were younger than me; two out of the three were single guys. One of the single guys actually reciprocated my feelings; we just never took a step further to act on it. Judge it as much as you like. When women can be independently wealthy, they don't need to go for older, financially stable guys like in a traditional patriarchal society. Younger guys are physically attractive in older women's eyes just like younger women are in old guys' eyes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's fascinating that when the question is framed differently, we hear so many stories of women's affairs. In all the other cheating posts, it's mostly stories of men cheating. As a woman I kudos the courage of those women who were otherwise stuck in miserable or even abusive marriages. Some stories, like the one who was already separated from her husband, are not even considered cheating IMO.

It's also fascinating that so many wives would immediately assume/accuse those cheating women of sleeping with married men, even though among all the stories of women's affairs in this post, none gives any indication that they were sleeping with married men. Many married women have affairs with single men, just like married men do with single women. It just shows how much insecurity women feel about their spouse cheating; hence all the anger and judgment towards infidelity.

Well said. The bolded part is the key take-away. The real reason some people are so against cheating is they are insecure in their own marriage. They want an extreme social stigma so that they can treat their spouse like crap and the only option is a divorce which can be ruinous financially and for the kids.

Okay, sure. Very secure which is why so many are completely blindsided. Just a thought: maybe they are against it because it wrecked their world, their kids world and caused significant trauma or destroyed their family when they were kids. Hey, but what do I know?

I'm sorry if it happened to you or someone you know. Sure it would hurt like hell if you were completely blindsided when you deeply love your spouse and did everything right but he still cheated. But can't you see everyone is not in the same situation? Those women in previous post were talking about themselves (or some other women they know) stuck in miserable or abusive marriage and then had an exit affair. Not every post here is about you. You don't have to project everyone's story onto your husband's affair or your own insecurity.

I have about 10 friends have “exit affairs” … did not euro out like they planned 7/10 times. 7 lost their house/kids/respect/AP.

3 lost AP/respect/house… got 50/50 with kids.

Some were SAHM’s … from 100% to visitation or 50/50 for a screw, because that soul mate BS never panned out.

50/50 is the new normal in most no-fault divorces anyway. Even if they didn't have affairs and just divorced like you suggested, they would probably ended up 50/50 anyway.

Regarding "lost their AP"... When a cheating man ends up not marrying the AP, it's the AP's loss (all those anti-cheating wives quoting the unsupported data that "only 2% men married their AP". But somehow when a cheating woman ends up not marrying her AP, it's her loss not her AP's loss? You see the misogyny here? Maybe she enjoys the freedom of being a single woman again like all the divorced men do?

Again it proves how important it is for women to be financially independent. It seems SAHMs get screwed regardless you cheat or your husband cheat.

[Anonymous]

“I have about 10 friends have “exit affairs” … did not euro out like they planned 7/10 times. 7 lost their house/kids/respect/AP.

3 lost AP/respect/house… got 50/50 with kids.

Some were SAHM’s … from 100% to visitation or 50/50 for a screw, because that soul mate BS never panned out.”

Is there something in the water in your neighborhood? Who has 10 friends with marriages that ended due to affairs? And why would they lose custody over an affair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's fascinating that when the question is framed differently, we hear so many stories of women's affairs. In all the other cheating posts, it's mostly stories of men cheating. As a woman I kudos the courage of those women who were otherwise stuck in miserable or even abusive marriages. Some stories, like the one who was already separated from her husband, are not even considered cheating IMO.

It's also fascinating that so many wives would immediately assume/accuse those cheating women of sleeping with married men, even though among all the stories of women's affairs in this post, none gives any indication that they were sleeping with married men. Many married women have affairs with single men, just like married men do with single women. It just shows how much insecurity women feel about their spouse cheating; hence all the anger and judgment towards infidelity.

Well said. The bolded part is the key take-away. The real reason some people are so against cheating is they are insecure in their own marriage. They want an extreme social stigma so that they can treat their spouse like crap and the only option is a divorce which can be ruinous financially and for the kids.

Okay, sure. Very secure which is why so many are completely blindsided. Just a thought: maybe they are against it because it wrecked their world, their kids world and caused significant trauma or destroyed their family when they were kids. Hey, but what do I know?

I'm sorry if it happened to you or someone you know. Sure it would hurt like hell if you were completely blindsided when you deeply love your spouse and did everything right but he still cheated. But can't you see everyone is not in the same situation? Those women in previous post were talking about themselves (or some other women they know) stuck in miserable or abusive marriage and then had an exit affair. Not every post here is about you. You don't have to project everyone's story onto your husband's affair or your own insecurity.

I have about 10 friends have “exit affairs” … did not euro out like they planned 7/10 times. 7 lost their house/kids/respect/AP.

3 lost AP/respect/house… got 50/50 with kids.

Some were SAHM’s … from 100% to visitation or 50/50 for a screw, because that soul mate BS never panned out.

The reason it doesn't pan out because all studies indicate women cheat when they are unhappy (only 34% respond they were in happy marriages) while with men can cheat while they are happy with wife/marriage (65% report being very happily married when they cheated). Married women are looking for an exit affair the majority of the time. The men aren't. Hence, the risk is bigger for the women and it almost never pans out. The best case scenario is they don't get caught. If they don't work and get caught, it's a world of trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's fascinating that when the question is framed differently, we hear so many stories of women's affairs. In all the other cheating posts, it's mostly stories of men cheating. As a woman I kudos the courage of those women who were otherwise stuck in miserable or even abusive marriages. Some stories, like the one who was already separated from her husband, are not even considered cheating IMO.

It's also fascinating that so many wives would immediately assume/accuse those cheating women of sleeping with married men, even though among all the stories of women's affairs in this post, none gives any indication that they were sleeping with married men. Many married women have affairs with single men, just like married men do with single women. It just shows how much insecurity women feel about their spouse cheating; hence all the anger and judgment towards infidelity.

Well said. The bolded part is the key take-away. The real reason some people are so against cheating is they are insecure in their own marriage. They want an extreme social stigma so that they can treat their spouse like crap and the only option is a divorce which can be ruinous financially and for the kids.

Okay, sure. Very secure which is why so many are completely blindsided. Just a thought: maybe they are against it because it wrecked their world, their kids world and caused significant trauma or destroyed their family when they were kids. Hey, but what do I know?

I'm sorry if it happened to you or someone you know. Sure it would hurt like hell if you were completely blindsided when you deeply love your spouse and did everything right but he still cheated. But can't you see everyone is not in the same situation? Those women in previous post were talking about themselves (or some other women they know) stuck in miserable or abusive marriage and then had an exit affair. Not every post here is about you. You don't have to project everyone's story onto your husband's affair or your own insecurity.

I have about 10 friends have “exit affairs” … did not euro out like they planned 7/10 times. 7 lost their house/kids/respect/AP.

3 lost AP/respect/house… got 50/50 with kids.

Some were SAHM’s … from 100% to visitation or 50/50 for a screw, because that soul mate BS never panned out.

The reason it doesn't pan out because all studies indicate women cheat when they are unhappy (only 34% respond they were in happy marriages) while with men can cheat while they are happy with wife/marriage (65% report being very happily married when they cheated). Married women are looking for an exit affair the majority of the time. The men aren't. Hence, the risk is bigger for the women and it almost never pans out. The best case scenario is they don't get caught. If they don't work and get caught, it's a world of trouble.

Number 1 reason for married man ending the affair: she got too needy. she started talking about leaving her husband (or if single getting married, demanding more time together).

[Anonymous]

Yes. If having sex once or twice a month is okay for them then it is okay for you to find sex a few more times per month without them.