Can cheating be justified?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister was emotionally and physically abused by her husband. She had an affair that gave her the confidence to leave. I think it was not only justified but necessary. Assume people other than the Taliban and the anti-cheating fanatics on here would agree

And if he found out he would have killed her.0

He did and he didn't, but thanks for trying to shame her, Mr. Taliban.

Come on. About the riskiest thing you can do is get caught cheating if your spouse is a psychopath, physically abusive. She’s lucky she didn’t get caught and got out. But, yes, he’s awful and I would still have left before that. Didn’t she confide in yiu about the abuse? Didn’t you try to help her?

I knew about the emotional abuse but not the physical until she divorced. She was too embarrassed to share that part and I would have intervened. I tried to help her leave before but she had zero confidence, had gained weight, and saw herself as someone not worthy of love. I really think her affair helped her see herself in a better light.

This was me too. The affair was my only source of strength. He made me feel loved and valued. It was only when the affair ended that I felt the full impact of being alone, and that hurts like hell.

I'm sure his wife hurts like hell after finding out a man she gave unconditional trust to, had an entire life and children with, was banging you. That pain is visceral and causes severe trauma, especially as she tries to piece together all of the times he was with you when he said he was somewhere else.

Nope. You get zero sympathy for your pain as you were part and parcel of another woman's.

[Anonymous]

I did it because I thought it was easier to get a divorce for adultery than have the conversation that I was miserable and regretted getting married the day we did. We got divorced a few years later when he finally came around to the idea that I was right that we shouldn’t be together. We get along great now that we’re just friends and have no romantic/sexual expectations of the other

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister was emotionally and physically abused by her husband. She had an affair that gave her the confidence to leave. I think it was not only justified but necessary. Assume people other than the Taliban and the anti-cheating fanatics on here would agree

And if he found out he would have killed her.0

He did and he didn't, but thanks for trying to shame her, Mr. Taliban.

Come on. About the riskiest thing you can do is get caught cheating if your spouse is a psychopath, physically abusive. She’s lucky she didn’t get caught and got out. But, yes, he’s awful and I would still have left before that. Didn’t she confide in yiu about the abuse? Didn’t you try to help her?

I knew about the emotional abuse but not the physical until she divorced. She was too embarrassed to share that part and I would have intervened. I tried to help her leave before but she had zero confidence, had gained weight, and saw herself as someone not worthy of love. I really think her affair helped her see herself in a better light.

This was me too. The affair was my only source of strength. He made me feel loved and valued. It was only when the affair ended that I felt the full impact of being alone, and that hurts like hell.

I'm sure his wife hurts like hell after finding out a man she gave unconditional trust to, had an entire life and children with, was banging you. That pain is visceral and causes severe trauma, especially as she tries to piece together all of the times he was with you when he said he was somewhere else.

Nope. You get zero sympathy for your pain as you were part and parcel of another woman's.

+100

And we never had a dry spell and had sex a few times a week still at 20 years of marriage when he had affair (and while it was oncoming and I was oblivious) Just wanted variety/escape from himself at midlife so went online to find a messed up married individual.

Nobody will ever convince that committing adultery is justified. Just leave. Don’t gaslight and expose your spouse to stis or risk knocking someone up or meeting a loon hellbent on wrecking a family when it doesn’t go the way she planned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not get a divorce or separate or request an open marriage?

Actually I know why, because they're massive cowards.

Don't be a coward, or don't cheat. It's not that complicated.

Simple calculation. Do I risk hurting the kids and my finances with a divorce or my spouse who withholds affection IF I get caught

Not saying it's right but that's the mindset

That's the only reason she's with you, the cheater. Cheaters are nothing but a added paycheck and stability for the children.

[Anonymous]

A person who wants to cheat will ALWAYS be able to justify it to themselves, that's all you need to know. There will be some reason, in their mind, why it's your fault and you made them do it.

[Anonymous]

Why would I want to justify this to someone else? I’m not asking for permission.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister was emotionally and physically abused by her husband. She had an affair that gave her the confidence to leave. I think it was not only justified but necessary. Assume people other than the Taliban and the anti-cheating fanatics on here would agree

It’s weird you think is the only way out.

Were you guys sexually molested as kids?

[Anonymous]

My BFF’s H had dementia at 40, he was in a nursing home from 43-50.

I encouraged her to date and I think it would have been justified. She didn’t but I think she should have.

[Anonymous]

Listen to the TED talk entitled Rethinking Infidelity by Esther Perel. It may not change anyone's mind, but it will give you some things to think about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister was emotionally and physically abused by her husband. She had an affair that gave her the confidence to leave. I think it was not only justified but necessary. Assume people other than the Taliban and the anti-cheating fanatics on here would agree

And if he found out he would have killed her.0

He did and he didn't, but thanks for trying to shame her, Mr. Taliban.

Come on. About the riskiest thing you can do is get caught cheating if your spouse is a psychopath, physically abusive. She’s lucky she didn’t get caught and got out. But, yes, he’s awful and I would still have left before that. Didn’t she confide in yiu about the abuse? Didn’t you try to help her?

I knew about the emotional abuse but not the physical until she divorced. She was too embarrassed to share that part and I would have intervened. I tried to help her leave before but she had zero confidence, had gained weight, and saw herself as someone not worthy of love. I really think her affair helped her see herself in a better light.

This was me too. The affair was my only source of strength. He made me feel loved and valued. It was only when the affair ended that I felt the full impact of being alone, and that hurts like hell.

I get damaged people do damaged things. But you get it’s not a good reason or justification.

I was too lame, emeralds, insecure to get help in a healthy way so I did something horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Listen to the TED talk entitled Rethinking Infidelity by Esther Perel. It may not change anyone's mind, but it will give you some things to think about.

She is a wack job, her work has not been peer reviewed. She is the Ann Coulter of infidelity.

It’s pathetic people will listen to any crazy person that supports their totally f’d up ideas.

[Anonymous]

The simple answer is no. But I’ve never been in a position that would lead me consider it so the complex answer is yes.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend with three children who has been separated from her husband for two years and he refuses to get a divorce. He has substance abuse problems and been in and out of rehab, has a difficult time holding a job and has had to have restraining orders laid on him. It’s a mess. If she “cheated” on him tomorrow I’d have no problem with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister was emotionally and physically abused by her husband. She had an affair that gave her the confidence to leave. I think it was not only justified but necessary. Assume people other than the Taliban and the anti-cheating fanatics on here would agree

And if he found out he would have killed her.0

He did and he didn't, but thanks for trying to shame her, Mr. Taliban.

Come on. About the riskiest thing you can do is get caught cheating if your spouse is a psychopath, physically abusive. She’s lucky she didn’t get caught and got out. But, yes, he’s awful and I would still have left before that. Didn’t she confide in yiu about the abuse? Didn’t you try to help her?

I knew about the emotional abuse but not the physical until she divorced. She was too embarrassed to share that part and I would have intervened. I tried to help her leave before but she had zero confidence, had gained weight, and saw herself as someone not worthy of love. I really think her affair helped her see herself in a better light.

This was me too. The affair was my only source of strength. He made me feel loved and valued. It was only when the affair ended that I felt the full impact of being alone, and that hurts like hell.

I get damaged people do damaged things. But you get it’s not a good reason or justification.

I was too lame, emeralds, insecure to get help in a healthy way so I did something horrible.

I do get it. There is justice in being forced to drink your own poison. What I meant was at the time I was so gaslit and mentally tortured that I was actually unsure of reality or what a normal relationship was like anymore; the affair even though it was an affair was comparatively healthy and lit the way out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Listen to the TED talk entitled Rethinking Infidelity by Esther Perel. It may not change anyone's mind, but it will give you some things to think about.

She is a wack job, her work has not been peer reviewed. She is the Ann Coulter of infidelity.

It’s pathetic people will listen to any crazy person that supports their totally f’d up ideas.

I couldn't care less if it has been "peer reviewed" - if she found some "peers" who agreed with her views on cheating that still would not make cheating OK.

Stop fetishizing peer review...