Can cheating be justified?

[Anonymous]

I had an emotional affair for years and I'll be the first to admit it was absolutely worse than anything physical I could have done. I know every couple and affair is different but in my situation and many others, absolutely yes the emotional affair is worse than physical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. One situation that comes to mind is one spouse refusing sex.

But that is not your choice to make alone. You have a legal partner.

Tell them your ultimatum but don’t force them to share your sleazy life, without consent.

+1 for declare the marriage open

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. If having sex once or twice a month is okay for them then it is okay for you to find sex a few more times per month without them.

Agreed. Affairs are the preferred way to save a low sex marriage.

[Anonymous]

It's okay to sleep with your ex as long as he is still with his AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. If having sex once or twice a month is okay for them then it is okay for you to find sex a few more times per month without them.

Agreed. Affairs are the preferred way to save a low sex marriage.

If you spouse is cheap it's okay to take a little every month and stock it away in a safe to have a nest egg when you leave.

[Anonymous]

The problem with this question is that people's views on affairs differ from "you should try to be faithful but cheating isn't the worst thing you can do" to "it should be criminalized and cheaters should carry a scarlet letter as it inflicts trauma worse than physical abuse."

If you are in the first camp, lots of reasons justify cheating, if in the second, there are very few if any.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem with this question is that people's views on affairs differ from "you should try to be faithful but cheating isn't the worst thing you can do" to "it should be criminalized and cheaters should carry a scarlet letter as it inflicts trauma worse than physical abuse."

If you are in the first camp, lots of reasons justify cheating, if in the second, there are very few if any.

NO. There is another view.

Cheating is wrong, it should not be criminalized, you hurt your family, you do damage to your children that will last them a lifetime, you should own that but not wear a scarlet A, accept that you are flawed and therapy could help or you will probably repeat your mistakes with the next relationship. It's wrong and selfish own it.

[Anonymous]

Cheating is justified if one party becomes much more attractive over the course of the relationship/marriage. That could result from the wife getting really fat after kids, which is not what the husband married.

Less often two people are in a starter marriage. They get married out of college, then the husband goes to law school. He makes really good connections and his career takes off. Women who would have never looked twice now throw themselves at him. Think of it as like an American soccer player who starts off with DC United. He develops beyond all expectations and now Barcelona and Man City are sniffing around. Is he really supposed to say “sorry, I’m committed to…DC UNITED.”!? Obviously that’s ridiculous. He’ll just stagnate if he stays in a place beneath him. He needs to move on with a woman who looks like a successful on the rise BigLaw attorney’s wife.

[Anonymous]

It’s only cheating if you tel your spouse about it or develop feelings for the other person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cheating is justified if one party becomes much more attractive over the course of the relationship/marriage. That could result from the wife getting really fat after kids, which is not what the husband married.

Less often two people are in a starter marriage. They get married out of college, then the husband goes to law school. He makes really good connections and his career takes off. Women who would have never looked twice now throw themselves at him. Think of it as like an American soccer player who starts off with DC United. He develops beyond all expectations and now Barcelona and Man City are sniffing around. Is he really supposed to say “sorry, I’m committed to…DC UNITED.”!? Obviously that’s ridiculous. He’ll just stagnate if he stays in a place beneath him. He needs to move on with a woman who looks like a successful on the rise BigLaw attorney’s wife.

Sherman McCoy, is that you?

[Anonymous]

"starter marriage" 👀

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cheating is justified if one party becomes much more attractive over the course of the relationship/marriage. That could result from the wife getting really fat after kids, which is not what the husband married.

Less often two people are in a starter marriage. They get married out of college, then the husband goes to law school. He makes really good connections and his career takes off. Women who would have never looked twice now throw themselves at him. Think of it as like an American soccer player who starts off with DC United. He develops beyond all expectations and now Barcelona and Man City are sniffing around. Is he really supposed to say “sorry, I’m committed to…DC UNITED.”!? Obviously that’s ridiculous. He’ll just stagnate if he stays in a place beneath him. He needs to move on with a woman who looks like a successful on the rise BigLaw attorney’s wife.

Oh wow, my close friend at my law firm is basically this. Total nerd in law school, dating his college sweet heart the whole time, only girl he ever slept with. Once he started making money, women starting approaching him and he was reckless. I don't think he knew how to process the attention.

I am not justifying his cheating BTW. I have no idea what his wife is like in the bedroom, whether they had a sex life, etc. They ended up divorced.

[Anonymous]

So if cheating is fine if one spouse gets hotter, is it also fine if one spouse is emotionally neglecting the other? He gained over 200 lbs also, addiction issues, emotionally/mentally/verbally abusive, not who she married at all

[Anonymous]

Sitting here, watching my husband suffer with his man-cold in ratty clothes, sloppy. But at work, he's in a suit, in command, charming, tall, attractive. If I only say THAT side of him, of course I would throw myself at him, but I get the mess, the raise kids with him, so not sexy.

I understand why men in this situation cheat, same way another man looks at me as something other than a wife and mother. Who wants to go to their grave never having hot passion again, if even for a fleeting moment?

Cheating is wrong, I know, I know, but I can justify it and so can most people in the right circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. It cannot.

No matter how bad a situation, it is never justified.

+100

Everything else is selfish, weak, from people scared to get divorce.