APS had my second grader eat inside today

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- Fairfax kids eat inside EVERY SINGLE DAY in the cafeteria. Be thankful it only happened to your kid one day. Most kids across the country are eating inside in the cafeteria every day. You are coming across like an entitled jerk.

Well, that’s stupid, but OP is in a district that is not doing that and thus wants them to follow their own clearly communicated protocols.

What “Fairfax kids” are doing is irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Vehicle accidents and other accidents is the number one cause of death for children but having this many children dying of respiratory disease in a year is absolutely not normal. I don’t know if the school should need to obtain consent for many things if the student consents but here, increasing the risk to one student without any benefit warrants providing parents with notice. I do sympathize with the student with emotional challenges - I have a kid who struggles with regulating emotion. So please show some grace to families and children who have lost out on developing social skills over the course of the pandemic.

[Anonymous]

Did your son complain or was he excited? Maybe he wanted to do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- Fairfax kids eat inside EVERY SINGLE DAY in the cafeteria. Be thankful it only happened to your kid one day. Most kids across the country are eating inside in the cafeteria every day. You are coming across like an entitled jerk.

Well, that’s stupid, but OP is in a district that is not doing that and thus wants them to follow their own clearly communicated protocols.

What “Fairfax kids” are doing is irrelevant.

What is OP's kid going to do when it's freezing cold and raining outside?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m irate. After keeping schools closed almost all year last year they elected at their own discretion to have my child eat inside with another kid that he is friends with who has emotional/behavioral issues today.

Nobody contacted me for permission beforehand.

They are using my child as an emotional/behavioral support and reward for this child who has issues.

We know their family because they were in our same daycare. During covid we did hang out with them a bit because they were in our daycare bubble. We really like the parents but the kid has serious issues and we wish to separate our child from him to a good extent so he forms other friendships and also doesn’t pick up this kid’s behaviors or become exclusively associated with him.

I’m just so furious that they risked my child’s health and safety with no regard for my concern or permission (after he was kept out of school almost all of last year) and that they are using him as an emotional support/reward for this ED kid. And I will now look like the bad guy for breaking up their lunch club.

They also told my son he could bring beyblades to school last week when he and the other boy get to have indoor recess together if the other boy is well behaved. Again. They didn’t ask my permission before telling my son this and it was again a difficult conversation when we first resisted letting him bring toys to school (a general no in our house).

I’ve already emailed the special Ed aide and principal and asked for someone to contact me about this ASAP.

Equity, baby! (I agree wholly and fully with you)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like that your kid is the reward. It puts way too much pressure on him and it's not a healthy dynamic. I'd definitely call the teacher and say you don't want your kid excluded from the class or used as a reward or punishment. You are fine with your kid being a buddy, the SN kid eating with the class, and the kid playing with him at recess if they want, but it's unfair to exclude your child

I agree. That is a lot to put on one kid. I would be fine with my kid being paired up with another kid occasionally, but it should rotate kids. No one child should feel responsible for fixing a troubled child’s behavior.

sure. I will say though (as the mom of the troubled kid) that kids have their own friends and there’s not much the school can or can’t do about it. So if OP’s child and this child are friends, it’s likely that they will end up being involved in one way or another with the social skills/behavioral stuff. Agree that it needs to be done thoughtfully but it’s hard to tell what actually happened here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s good to remember that second graders aren’t reliable narrators. I’m sure he ate inside but there may be more to it.

Ugh the the relatable narrator phrase 🙄

The OP sounds like she hit the roof before getting the whole story. Her own title is "APS had my 2nd grader...". APS (as a system) was not responsible, this was a teacher decision. So, email the teacher!! Find out what's going on. THEN react. Don't just freak out because of a story your 7 year old told you. He may have it mostly right, but the entire crux on her anger is intent. She may not completely understand the teacher's intentions here. The best way to find those is to talk to the other adults. Once the teacher confirms she is using her hcild as a reward system (IF that is what is happening) then you can elevate this to other channels and let her know you don't think that's appropriate.

OP here--just received a call from the Assistant Principal and SPED aide. Immediately off the bat they stated that it was a decision made on the spot and it was a mistake. They said the staff member didn't know that kids should eat outside on nice days.

I call BS. I'm sorry--that has been the most contentious issue of returning to in person school and if staff don't understand the gravity of the risks that come with that situation and that they are way out of bounds if they think that it is their own discretion to uniquely put a child at risk without the parent's consent or awareness, then I don't even know what to say.

They acknowledged that it is the other child who needs support, and not my child, so, my child will not be singled out in that way going forward and they will modify lunch and recess for the other child as needed.

I described it as APS to indicate which system we were dealing with, but, did not name the school so as to not totally throw them under the bus though I am half tempted to. I emailed the SPED aide and principal immediately upon returning home last evening, so, I didn't wait around stewing over a child's hearsay.

great job making the lives of the school SPED harder, making a SPED kid’s life harder, and probably confusing your kid. Hope you’re happy!!!

Not OP, but she did not make their job harder. She asked them to do their job and not use her son as a knee jerk reaction / crutch. Agreeing to be in a pre-planned lunch bunch is one thing. Getting plucked away from friends for lunch or recess because a lazy or poorly trained adult didn’t have another option is wrong. I also have an APS 2nd grader and we kept him remote all of last year - other kids went in person in the spring and he is now trying to navigate a landscape of friendships that changed while he was “gone”. Recess is a big part of when that happens for my son since all the other 2nd graders in our neighborhood are girls. If my kid was missing lunch or recess once a week or more, I would have an issue with it. My kid’s social and emotional needs matter too.

yeah well we have no idea if that’s actually what happened. and yeah, banning your kid from a lunch bunch they *want to do* because you don’t want your kid to be around sped kids is a d*ck move. not sure of the facts here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t blame OP at all. I wouldn’t want my kid used as an incentive either. I’m sorry, but SpEd kids’ needs aren’t more important than anyone else’s. The kid clearly needs some help, and the adults in this situation need to figure out a solution that doesn’t include placing the burden on another student — especially a 7 year old.

OP’s child is also entitled to a FAPE. It is highly INappropriate to use her child in this way.

(But I would caution OP and others — this thread includes very specific details about the other child, like same daycare and same soccer team. It would likely be very easy to figure out who this is if the other family were to read it…)

FAPE is only for kids with IEPs.

[Anonymous]

Oh, it was your kid who didn't get to go to school last year for the pandemic.... got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you want to break up the friendship because you’re afraid that your kid will get SN-cooties, and you’re mad that the school isn’t facilitating that. Got it.

OP here- I usually don’t respond to idiot trolls but, since I’ve watered it down to a polite PC narrative, let me be explicit now. The parents were contacted today because the child was throwing objects in the classroom and would not stop and had to be physically restrained by school staff.

He needs legitimate help and I feel bad for the school because I appreciate that their hands are tied but my child is my priority and while I in no way will cut off the friendship but I will also not allow my child to be used as a crutch or de facto aide or incentive for this dysfunctional kid whose parents are not taking meaningful steps to begin to address his issues.

Add to this that if your child starts being bullied due to his forced school relationship with this child, the school will do nothing to defend your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did your kid want to eat with the other kid? Was he kept from recess and lunch with people he wanted to eat with? Why was the other kid inside? I'm trying to figure out why you're mad. Is it just the covid risk or something else?

According to our child the other child was restricted form eating outside because he was hitting, kicking, and punching other kids outside. My child likes this kid because he has known him for so long and feels comfortable with him and saw him sometimes during covid. But we don’t want our kid to fail to interact with others or make new friends because be keeps getting pulled into these one off’s with the child with issues. We also don’t want him to pick up those behaviors or be ostracized because of association with the problem kid. It’s a fine line. And we are trying to encourage friendships and interaction with other kids while not portraying the problematic kid as such to our child.

It also makes me mad that the school is picking and choosing when indoor activities are risky or not at their convenience. We have not eaten inside a restaurant since covid started because the risk isn’t worth it. We understand indoor lunch will happen when there’s inclement weather but to arbitrarily and discretionarily make that decision without my permission is not acceptable in my view. And yes I am bitter after spending tons of time and money last year supporting and keep my lower ed child afloat while working full time when the schools failed to do so.

That's not anyone at your schools fault, so you need to find a way to compartmentalize. You can ask that your child not be used as an incentive but be sure that is what your child would like. After the last few years this familiar friend may be comforting for your child.

Yes. That’s why I didn’t say anything when I found out about the beyblades last week. I know my kiddo feels comfortable and familiar with this kid. And I know it’s not the individual school’s fault that the district admin made that choice last year, but to be so cavalier about arbitrarily holding indoor lunch after holding families hostage for so long absolutely enrages me.

I’m going to add this is NOT Covid paranoia on OP’s part. This is an ‘enraged because they change the rules when it’s convenient” issue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s good to remember that second graders aren’t reliable narrators. I’m sure he ate inside but there may be more to it.

Ugh the the relatable narrator phrase 🙄

The OP sounds like she hit the roof before getting the whole story. Her own title is "APS had my 2nd grader...". APS (as a system) was not responsible, this was a teacher decision. So, email the teacher!! Find out what's going on. THEN react. Don't just freak out because of a story your 7 year old told you. He may have it mostly right, but the entire crux on her anger is intent. She may not completely understand the teacher's intentions here. The best way to find those is to talk to the other adults. Once the teacher confirms she is using her hcild as a reward system (IF that is what is happening) then you can elevate this to other channels and let her know you don't think that's appropriate.

OP here--just received a call from the Assistant Principal and SPED aide. Immediately off the bat they stated that it was a decision made on the spot and it was a mistake. They said the staff member didn't know that kids should eat outside on nice days.

I call BS. I'm sorry--that has been the most contentious issue of returning to in person school and if staff don't understand the gravity of the risks that come with that situation and that they are way out of bounds if they think that it is their own discretion to uniquely put a child at risk without the parent's consent or awareness, then I don't even know what to say.

They acknowledged that it is the other child who needs support, and not my child, so, my child will not be singled out in that way going forward and they will modify lunch and recess for the other child as needed.

I described it as APS to indicate which system we were dealing with, but, did not name the school so as to not totally throw them under the bus though I am half tempted to. I emailed the SPED aide and principal immediately upon returning home last evening, so, I didn't wait around stewing over a child's hearsay.

great job making the lives of the school SPED harder, making a SPED kid’s life harder, and probably confusing your kid. Hope you’re happy!!!

If the school wants to blend these kids in with kids without issues and create problems for themselves, they damn well better have the staff to handle it. They used her kid because they didn’t want to deal with the problems this other child creates for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be irritated too if they were isolating my child from the rest of the class to reward another kid, especially if it meant giving up running around outside for recess.

I could definitely see being irritated about this, and would probably agree with raising it, in a rational and measured way, to the teacher/school.

However, this poster seems completely unhinged, and somehow is conflating this issue with uncontrolled Covid anxiety. FYI OP: They eat lunch inside when it rains, too. Like last week. With way more kids inside.

It's not her job to advocate for any child other than her own. It's not ok that the school is using her child as a reward to another child and jeopardizing health and safety to do so.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't communicate with the SpEd aide. Sadly, that is probably the lowest person on the totem pole. SpEd case manger, classroom teacher, administrators would all be better options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t blame OP at all. I wouldn’t want my kid used as an incentive either. I’m sorry, but SpEd kids’ needs aren’t more important than anyone else’s. The kid clearly needs some help, and the adults in this situation need to figure out a solution that doesn’t include placing the burden on another student — especially a 7 year old.

OP’s child is also entitled to a FAPE. It is highly INappropriate to use her child in this way.

(But I would caution OP and others — this thread includes very specific details about the other child, like same daycare and same soccer team. It would likely be very easy to figure out who this is if the other family were to read it…)

FAPE is only for kids with IEPs.

Regardless, this wasn’t appropriate. It’s not some other child’s responsibility to take care of a child with behavioral issues. Sorry, but life isn’t fair.