APS had my second grader eat inside today

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, both of my kids were brought into lunch bunches with various kids throughout their elementary years in APS. We were never informed ahead of time, and I never really thought much about them. The kids would mention them in passing, like "Larlo invited me to his lunch bunch today". And yes, we knew that Larlo had some social or emotional issues, but the kids never acted like it was an imposition or that they would have preferred to be with the rest of the kids in the cafeteria. Some kids can't handle the noise/chaos of being around 100 kids at the same time (have you gone to lunch at one of the schools? The noise can be deafening). The lunch bunch is a calmer environment, that can allow more environmentally sensitive kids to have fun and make friends.

Picking up on this, lunch bunch can be a valuable experience for neurotypical kids as well. It helps them learn to communicate and cooperate with people who aren’t just like them, and helps them get to know other kid’s who aren’t just like them so they are less likely to stereotype and exhibit bias toward people later in life. These are good experiences for kids to have, and something they don’t get when their parents freak out over them spending one lunch period sitting with a kid who isn’t just like them.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, both of my kids were brought into lunch bunches with various kids throughout their elementary years in APS. We were never informed ahead of time, and I never really thought much about them. The kids would mention them in passing, like "Larlo invited me to his lunch bunch today". And yes, we knew that Larlo had some social or emotional issues, but the kids never acted like it was an imposition or that they would have preferred to be with the rest of the kids in the cafeteria. Some kids can't handle the noise/chaos of being around 100 kids at the same time (have you gone to lunch at one of the schools? The noise can be deafening). The lunch bunch is a calmer environment, that can allow more environmentally sensitive kids to have fun and make friends.

Picking up on this, lunch bunch can be a valuable experience for neurotypical kids as well. It helps them learn to communicate and cooperate with people who aren’t just like them, and helps them get to know other kid’s who aren’t just like them so they are less likely to stereotype and exhibit bias toward people later in life. These are good experiences for kids to have, and something they don’t get when their parents freak out over them spending one lunch period sitting with a kid who isn’t just like them.

+1

OP here-they know each other. They were at the same daycare and now elementary school. They play on the same soccer team for the school.

I recognize that there will always be kids who are outliers or don’t match the behavior your wish for your own child to have. It is not a lack of familiarity or diverse experience in this situation.

It is: 1. The school independently and discretionarily putting my child in a risky situation when all other kids were eating outside without my consent or agreement. This was a unique arrangement which goes against the standard COVID procedures and expectations. Yes indoor lunch will happen on inclement weather days—that is of course to be expected for in person programming, and, 2. Uniquely pairing my child in multiple situations with the problematic kid as an incentive/reward for the problem kid.

[Anonymous]

Ok OP. The school said they won’t do it again. It’s time to move on.

[Anonymous]

My child was “buddied” with a child with behavioral issues in kindergarten. They naturally drifted towards each other and the school noticed and encouraged it, keeping them together until the other child moved out of Arlington. My child is quiet, reserved, observant, and empathetic. When the school would ask me if I was ok keeping them together, I said yes. It seemed a good benefit to my child too. It’s a really good trait to have, and good to develop it.

OP- I don’t know your situation, I’m just sharing my experience. I too lost a lot of faith in the “partnership” between us and the school system last year during virtual learning. But… we’re back, we didn’t move (although we considered it, private wasn’t an option), so I’m trying to let go of my lingering bitterness from the situation.

As to the Covid concerns from indoor lunch, I understand, but maybe there’s opportunity for your child in this too? Definitely talk to the school and share your concerns, especially if you have any concerns about physical or health issues, but keep an open mind this may be mutually beneficial.

[Anonymous]

OP- it’s fine to discuss this with principal- just remember to be kind and reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- it’s fine to discuss this with principal- just remember to be[b] kind and reasonable.[b]

I think the ship has sailed with this one.

[Anonymous]

OP- Fairfax kids eat inside EVERY SINGLE DAY in the cafeteria. Be thankful it only happened to your kid one day. Most kids across the country are eating inside in the cafeteria every day. You are coming across like an entitled jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't like that your kid is the reward. It puts way too much pressure on him and it's not a healthy dynamic. I'd definitely call the teacher and say you don't want your kid excluded from the class or used as a reward or punishment. You are fine with your kid being a buddy, the SN kid eating with the class, and the kid playing with him at recess if they want, but it's unfair to exclude your child

I agree. That is a lot to put on one kid. I would be fine with my kid being paired up with another kid occasionally, but it should rotate kids. No one child should feel responsible for fixing a troubled child’s behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, was it lunch bunch with the guidance counselor? You'll sound crazy if you go in ranting about having your kid participate in lunch bunch. It's usually a nice program with the counselor and a small group of students who talk about emotional regulation skills and other social skills. Totally different than isolating your kid or using him as an incentive.

Yes, it sounds like lunch bunch to me. You can opt out.

At Ashlawn we filled out an interest form for lunch bunch and were told we would get a heads up before our child’s session. I don’t think they have started yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s good to remember that second graders aren’t reliable narrators. I’m sure he ate inside but there may be more to it.

Ugh the the relatable narrator phrase 🙄

The OP sounds like she hit the roof before getting the whole story. Her own title is "APS had my 2nd grader...". APS (as a system) was not responsible, this was a teacher decision. So, email the teacher!! Find out what's going on. THEN react. Don't just freak out because of a story your 7 year old told you. He may have it mostly right, but the entire crux on her anger is intent. She may not completely understand the teacher's intentions here. The best way to find those is to talk to the other adults. Once the teacher confirms she is using her hcild as a reward system (IF that is what is happening) then you can elevate this to other channels and let her know you don't think that's appropriate.

OP here--just received a call from the Assistant Principal and SPED aide. Immediately off the bat they stated that it was a decision made on the spot and it was a mistake. They said the staff member didn't know that kids should eat outside on nice days.

I call BS. I'm sorry--that has been the most contentious issue of returning to in person school and if staff don't understand the gravity of the risks that come with that situation and that they are way out of bounds if they think that it is their own discretion to uniquely put a child at risk without the parent's consent or awareness, then I don't even know what to say.

They acknowledged that it is the other child who needs support, and not my child, so, my child will not be singled out in that way going forward and they will modify lunch and recess for the other child as needed.

I described it as APS to indicate which system we were dealing with, but, did not name the school so as to not totally throw them under the bus though I am half tempted to. I emailed the SPED aide and principal immediately upon returning home last evening, so, I didn't wait around stewing over a child's hearsay.

great job making the lives of the school SPED harder, making a SPED kid’s life harder, and probably confusing your kid. Hope you’re happy!!!

Not OP, but she did not make their job harder. She asked them to do their job and not use her son as a knee jerk reaction / crutch. Agreeing to be in a pre-planned lunch bunch is one thing. Getting plucked away from friends for lunch or recess because a lazy or poorly trained adult didn’t have another option is wrong. I also have an APS 2nd grader and we kept him remote all of last year - other kids went in person in the spring and he is now trying to navigate a landscape of friendships that changed while he was “gone”. Recess is a big part of when that happens for my son since all the other 2nd graders in our neighborhood are girls. If my kid was missing lunch or recess once a week or more, I would have an issue with it. My kid’s social and emotional needs matter too.

[Anonymous]

I don’t blame OP at all. I wouldn’t want my kid used as an incentive either. I’m sorry, but SpEd kids’ needs aren’t more important than anyone else’s. The kid clearly needs some help, and the adults in this situation need to figure out a solution that doesn’t include placing the burden on another student — especially a 7 year old.

OP’s child is also entitled to a FAPE. It is highly INappropriate to use her child in this way.

(But I would caution OP and others — this thread includes very specific details about the other child, like same daycare and same soccer team. It would likely be very easy to figure out who this is if the other family were to read it…)

[Anonymous]

Amazing how mean and judgmental parents can be. Your child sounds like they have great empathy. That seems like the number one quality I would want for my child. And to label a kid as problematic and somebody you don’t want your kid associated with at seven years old is astounding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Umm, how exactly is your kid’s health and safety impacted?

Also, you’re crazy.

FFS. Because maskless indoor lunch during a pandemic is profoundly stupid.

Get help for your anxiety.

Get help for your cluelessness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe that you guys are okay with a child's presence being a reward for another child who behaves?!

That's crazy!

I would be irate if my kid came home and told me that they weren't allowed to eat outside with the class because Larlo was good and won their presence as a reward.

+1,000. This is the real issue, not the idiots spouting HURR DURR SPED IS CONTAGIOUS!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s good to remember that second graders aren’t reliable narrators. I’m sure he ate inside but there may be more to it.

Ugh the the relatable narrator phrase 🙄

The OP sounds like she hit the roof before getting the whole story. Her own title is "APS had my 2nd grader...". APS (as a system) was not responsible, this was a teacher decision. So, email the teacher!! Find out what's going on. THEN react. Don't just freak out because of a story your 7 year old told you. He may have it mostly right, but the entire crux on her anger is intent. She may not completely understand the teacher's intentions here. The best way to find those is to talk to the other adults. Once the teacher confirms she is using her hcild as a reward system (IF that is what is happening) then you can elevate this to other channels and let her know you don't think that's appropriate.

OP here--just received a call from the Assistant Principal and SPED aide. Immediately off the bat they stated that it was a decision made on the spot and it was a mistake. They said the staff member didn't know that kids should eat outside on nice days.

I call BS. I'm sorry--that has been the most contentious issue of returning to in person school and if staff don't understand the gravity of the risks that come with that situation and that they are way out of bounds if they think that it is their own discretion to uniquely put a child at risk without the parent's consent or awareness, then I don't even know what to say.

They acknowledged that it is the other child who needs support, and not my child, so, my child will not be singled out in that way going forward and they will modify lunch and recess for the other child as needed.

I described it as APS to indicate which system we were dealing with, but, did not name the school so as to not totally throw them under the bus though I am half tempted to. I emailed the SPED aide and principal immediately upon returning home last evening, so, I didn't wait around stewing over a child's hearsay.

great job making the lives of the school SPED harder, making a SPED kid’s life harder, and probably confusing your kid. Hope you’re happy!!!

Here let me fix that for you: Great job advocating for your kid, OP! And I’m sure she’s quite happy, as the issue of her kid being used as a human behavioral bribe and separated from the rest of his peers was acknowledged as an error in judgement and promptly corrected.