Why doesn’t MIL help SIL who has cancer?

[Anonymous]

Just to vent.

DH has 3 sisters. One of them was diagnosed with cancer. She has to go through radiation and chemo and needs help.
She lives 3-4 hours away from everyone.

MIL went fir 1 week. Another SIL went a couple of times. The patient’s adult sons went once I think.

Then another SIL sent a schedule to everyone telling to sign up for different days. Everyone is busy, have lives, kids, careers, a lot going on. DH is in the middle of especially large load of work and meetings and had to drop everything and go there for a day.

My question is why doesn’t MIL just go stay with her for a month and help? MIL is not working, is not doing anything but sitting at home in front of TV. So why? She is her money for f*** sale. The stupidity is just so annoying.

[Anonymous]

Some people are selfish. When we've had issues come up (even a one time situation for an hour), my mom who live under 10 minutes with traffic from me will not help. She's retired but her boyfriend and his family are more important. She has never watched my kids and only sees them a few times a year for an hour but takes his kids for a week.

[Anonymous]

Shame on you. Why don't YOU go help her. It's none of your business -you don't know the dynamics of their relationship! Maybe the cancer relative ASKED MIL not to come back. Maybe MIL is allergic to something in her house. Maybe five thousand other reasons.

[Anonymous]

I assume your husband has asked his mother about this?
At least one SIL is on the ball, thank goodness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shame on you. Why don't YOU go help her. It's none of your business -you don't know the dynamics of their relationship! Maybe the cancer relative ASKED MIL not to come back. Maybe MIL is allergic to something in her house. Maybe five thousand other reasons.

She’s not allergic to anything.
What are the reasons not to help your own child if you have nothing else to do with your time?

I can’t go because one of us has to stay at home and watch the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I assume your husband has asked his mother about this?
At least one SIL is on the ball, thank goodness.

No, he hasn’t asked.

[Anonymous]

OP, gently, you might want to reread your post with fresh eyes. It REALLY does not sound nice. How are you possibly making this about you? A little compassion will go a loooong way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shame on you. Why don't YOU go help her. It's none of your business -you don't know the dynamics of their relationship! Maybe the cancer relative ASKED MIL not to come back. Maybe MIL is allergic to something in her house. Maybe five thousand other reasons.

OP here.

And this woman (MIL) complains that she doesn’t see enough DC, that she wants to be part of their life.
Yet, she is completely CLUELESS about what it means to be a part of someone’s life.

I just can’t figure out if it’s some kind of disability or just sheet stupidity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, gently, you might want to reread your post with fresh eyes. It REALLY does not sound nice. How are you possibly making this about you? A little compassion will go a loooong way.

I think SIL with cancer is doing alright, and I don’t mind helping, but I’m just shocked at MIL at complete lack of awareness of what her children’s lives are like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume your husband has asked his mother about this?
At least one SIL is on the ball, thank goodness.

No, he hasn’t asked.

So... why not start there, instead of venting on DCUM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, gently, you might want to reread your post with fresh eyes. It REALLY does not sound nice. How are you possibly making this about you? A little compassion will go a loooong way.

I think SIL with cancer is doing alright, and I don’t mind helping, but I’m just shocked at MIL at complete lack of awareness of what her children’s lives are like.

I agreed with this. I mean...if the family is sending around timesheets for everyone to sign up - her adult kids and mother should be doing the most work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Shame on you. Why don't YOU go help her. It's none of your business -you don't know the dynamics of their relationship! Maybe the cancer relative ASKED MIL not to come back. Maybe MIL is allergic to something in her house. Maybe five thousand other reasons.

She’s not allergic to anything.
What are the reasons not to help your own child if you have nothing else to do with your time?

I can’t go because one of us has to stay at home and watch the kids.

DP. You and your husband need to take separate shifts to help her. That's what families do. It doesn't matter to me if I'm related by blood or not to the person. If they are part of the family then I'm there regardless. Same for my husband. Instead of trash-talking your MIL you need to trash-talk yourself for not pitching in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Shame on you. Why don't YOU go help her. It's none of your business -you don't know the dynamics of their relationship! Maybe the cancer relative ASKED MIL not to come back. Maybe MIL is allergic to something in her house. Maybe five thousand other reasons.

She’s not allergic to anything.
What are the reasons not to help your own child if you have nothing else to do with your time?

I can’t go because one of us has to stay at home and watch the kids.

So really, this issue is that you want your MIL to do everything so you can be guilt-free about doing nothing.

[Anonymous]

OP, each post makes you sound worse. Your MIL is ""that woman?" I did not have a good relationship with my MIL but I still wouldn't refer to her that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people are selfish. When we've had issues come up (even a one time situation for an hour), my mom who live under 10 minutes with traffic from me will not help. She's retired but her boyfriend and his family are more important. She has never watched my kids and only sees them a few times a year for an hour but takes his kids for a week.

x10000

SELFISH.