How to Cope - school asking that child be held back one year

[Anonymous]

DS is a very intelligent, articulate 5 yo child with attention and sensory issues (diagnosed as mild). Teachers need to continually remind him to put away toys, many many times. He has a hard time focusing. He is socially anxious but very warm and empathetic, never aggressive or rude. Because of his attention issues he gets distracted from play dates sometimes. In school he eventually completes his assignments and always get most questions correct. Teacher says he's academically ahead of his classmates. He's reading on his own now and can do addition, subtraction, and multiplication in his head with lower numbers. He is not on the autism spectrum.

Teacher and head of school would like for him to be held back one year. He is highly sensitive. Unfortunately some parents at our school are vicious. They speak ill of five year olds at times. It would crush him if he were ever to learn he was held back. Moreover he is so far ahead academically that he'll be more out of place with a younger set of children next year.

I want to ask head of school to consider a shadow while we put him in therapy to help him. We would pay for a shadow of course. I am scrambling for other alternatives. I checked out Lowell, Mclean, Lab schools and he is not as affected as these children are. The clinician who diagnosed him says his needs are not high enough to place him in a special needs program. So where do I go?

Has anyone else been in a similar situation with a very bright child who needs support? What alternatives do I have other than holding him back one year?

[Anonymous]

Just to clarify OP, he is in K now?

Have you had him evaluated for inattentive ADD? There is quite an overlap between kids with ADD and SPD. Chuck Conlon in MD is good. OT is a great idea if you are not already doing it. Something like Lynne Israel's Summer Camp might be good too.

[Anonymous]

You probably won't like this suggestion, but here goes. Have you considered just trying putting him on a very LOW dose of meds ... just for a short trial of maybe a week? My child was much like what you describe and he started a low dose of dexedrine the summer before first grade ... it made a HUGE difference for him and we could tell the difference with three days. If you don't see a difference or there are side affects, you could take him off it immediately with no harm done.

I agree with you that holding him back should be a last resort. If he is bright and sensitive, he will of course know that he has been held back even if euphamisms like "gift of time" and "double the fun" are used to explain it. He will watch his little buddies go to the next grade without him and moreover will be asked to largely repeat the same academic material that he has already shown he can do. Holding him back won't magically help his focus /attention/distraction issue.

I know DRUGS sounds like a horrible, terrible thing. But I strongly recommend you try a very low dose and just see. If it doesn't help and solve your problem, then so be it ... on to the next alternative. If he must repeat K, you might want to consider having that happen at a different school ... but it does NOT sound warranted.

[Anonymous]

OP, Lowell is NOT a special needs school. Not sure which kids you were looking at?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just to clarify OP, he is in K now?

Have you had him evaluated for inattentive ADD? There is quite an overlap between kids with ADD and SPD. Chuck Conlon in MD is good. OT is a great idea if you are not already doing it. Something like Lynne Israel's Summer Camp might be good too.

Yes, he definitely has ADHD. Technically his diagnosis is sensory regulatory disorder. Haven't seen Chuck Conlon yet. Tried to a year ago and they said his practice is full. Will look into Lynn Israel's Camp though. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Have you considered CHDS?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You probably won't like this suggestion, but here goes. Have you considered just trying putting him on a very LOW dose of meds ... just for a short trial of maybe a week? My child was much like what you describe and he started a low dose of dexedrine the summer before first grade ... it made a HUGE difference for him and we could tell the difference with three days. If you don't see a difference or there are side affects, you could take him off it immediately with no harm done.

I agree with you that holding him back should be a last resort. If he is bright and sensitive, he will of course know that he has been held back even if euphamisms like "gift of time" and "double the fun" are used to explain it. He will watch his little buddies go to the next grade without him and moreover will be asked to largely repeat the same academic material that he has already shown he can do. Holding him back won't magically help his focus /attention/distraction issue.

I know DRUGS sounds like a horrible, terrible thing. But I strongly recommend you try a very low dose and just see. If it doesn't help and solve your problem, then so be it ... on to the next alternative. If he must repeat K, you might want to consider having that happen at a different school ... but it does NOT sound warranted.

Meds were always tempting. They work great for many kids. I absolutely don't think drugs are terrible. But we decided not to go that route for DS. We are trying to do activities/games to help correct the attention issues. Our psychiatrist said to see if his protocol works within 6 months and if it does, keep with it. IF it' doesn't, then he suggesetd doing meds. Problem is that the improvement is painstakingly slow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you considered CHDS?

What is CHDS?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to clarify OP, he is in K now?

Have you had him evaluated for inattentive ADD? There is quite an overlap between kids with ADD and SPD. Chuck Conlon in MD is good. OT is a great idea if you are not already doing it. Something like Lynne Israel's Summer Camp might be good too.

Yes, he definitely has ADHD. Technically his diagnosis is sensory regulatory disorder. Haven't seen Chuck Conlon yet. Tried to a year ago and they said his practice is full. Will look into Lynn Israel's Camp though. Thank you.

Forgot to answer first question - yes he's in K now.

[Anonymous]

OP are you perhaps seeing Dr. Greenspan?

You might want to have a metabolic panel run by your pediatrician. I just saw a study that looked at using carnitine, a naturally occuring neurotransmitter, with children with ADD. Two people in my family have been put on carnitine for reasons unrelated to ADD and both reported improved memory and focus. Could be worth a try. The study I saw is on the NIH website. Here is a blog with more info.

http://adhd-treatment-options.blogspot.com/2009/04/10-ways-carnitine-can-help-treat-adhd.html

My relatives reported the improvement very quickly. Both were also on fish oil supplements for health reasons, according to the blog the combination might be particularly beneficial.

I wouldn't hold your son back. You may need to change schools or try medication if supplements don't help, but holding him back is not going to address the underlying problem. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Yes DS was seen by him. Hmmm, wonder why he never mentioned this. I will ask our pedo doc about it and give it a try maybe. I agree, holding him back wont' magically cure his adhd.

[Anonymous]

Hard to imagine, from your description, that he is much less affected than the kids at McLean. McLean is about 1/3 typical kids, and most of the rest are at the level of your son: needing extra support but only in one area. Of the schools you've looked at, only Lab is for kids with more severe LDs.

[Anonymous]

OP, I can't address any of the medical issues, but I do want to address your comment that "it would crush him to learn that he was held back." If he stays at the school, how could he not find out? Kids talk, parents talk. It happened to my kids, who were held back at a school that routinely redshirts boys. They were furious when they figured it out, but they got over it. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Teacher says he's academically ahead of his classmates. He's reading on his own now and can do addition, subtraction, and multiplication in his head with lower numbers.

JMO, but he's probably bored in K. There is a reason they generally don't diagnose ADHD until kids are older, which is that these types of behaviors are developmentally normal in younger kids. I would not medicate before the school tries other methods to engage him. If he's bored and fidgeting as a result of that, it isn't fair to him to medicate for that.

I am NOT saying that ADHD meds do not have their place, but they are not without serious side effects and should not be used as a first line.

The psychologist we saw for DD said if "treating the boredom makes the behaviors go away, then it is NOT ADHD". Once we got my DD into an academically appropriately setting, her inattentive behaviors and fidgeting stopped.

Good luck, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP: So you know, the American Association of School Psychologists came out with an official position regarding holding children back. They position is that they favor "promotion plus," meaning that you promote children to the next grade, but give them the support or extra services they may require to do well there. Dr. Mel Levine, (educator and dr. who is very well known) also has taken an official position against redshirting, and terms holding kids back a "malignant setback."

I would look at changing schools, or ask the school what services they can offer him to support him in the next grade. Sometimes schools just hold kids back hoping that they will "outgrow" the problem, or that somehow another year will magically make everything better. But I'd bet your son will still have the issues he has whether its this year, the next, or the year after that.