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How to Cope - school asking that child be held back one year
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Anonymous
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OP, This link has been posted elsewhere on these forums, but I am guessing that you might recognize some of your son's issues.
http://www.alternative-therapies.com/resources/web_pdfs/recent/0709_morris.pdf I'd really recommend getting his carnitine levels checked, low carnitine is often a cause of low tone, and carnitine deficiency can also cause cardiac problems. If an underlying medical problem is contributing to neurological symptoms, the mountain that you are trying to climb might shrink to a more manageable molehil if it is treated. Your regular pediatrician should be able to order the bloodwork and if his blood levels are low there is a prescription version called Carnitor, it can also be purchased over the counter but the efficacy isn't as reliable. If carnitine is going to be helpful to him you will notice a difference very quickly, within days. |
Anonymous
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I think some of us are getting frustrated here because you seem stuck on making things even more difficult for your son. While recognizing that meds can help tremendously, you are stuck on having him somehow work through this on his own. His brain isn't working right. He can't work through this on his own. Not to mention that he's five. Thats a pretty heavy load for a five year old. You think a shadow will fix things even though (a) shadows are typically not used for kids with ADHD, and (2) your school does not seem open to working with you in this manner. So you're hoping he will work through his issues without needing meds, but you are willing to keep him in a school that isn't working but with a shadow, even though a school that actually knew how to handle your son would allow him to, um, work through his issues.
Don't even get me started on homeschooling. Your son is delayed socially and this would delay him even more. You are supposedly a patient of Dr. Greenspan's yet you haven't even discussed this with him. If the fault there is his, you need a new specialist. If the fault is yours, you need to get on it. The religion comment you made, I have to say, annoys me. I say this as a religious person. Yes, faith can provide great comfort but it shouldn't be an excuse to banish your child to a sub-optimum life. "Its Ok that we're not treating his ADHD and he'll face a lifetime of difficulty because of it. he will have his religion." Or, he may have his anger at you, causing him to reject everything you hold dear, including your faith. Consider that. Its like you are soooooo afraid of medication that you are willing to indulge in fantastical thinking and poor support for your son. It would funny if there wasn't a sweet, bright five year old who will have to live with your decisions for the rest of his life. |
Anonymous
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OP - you mentioned that you want to fix the core issues and avoid a lifelong dependency on meds. My DC is very similar to yours. We started seeing Dr. Greenspan and doing floortime and OT at DIRSS. After 6 months with little, if any improvment, we took DC to a different pysychiatrist. I voiced my concerns about meds, especially that I was worried that the meds would interfere with his ability to regulate on his own. This doctor explained that the meds actually help children with ADHD to be more receptive to therapy. We gave it a try, and my DC is doing exceptionally well. The meds, in my DCs case, helped him slow down and focus enough so that he can work on the core issues. Without them, we would have been fighting an uphill battle. My DC is doing so well at school and is finally happy with himself. |
Anonymous
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21:12 Not OP but curious who you saw for meds and if you kept following Greenspan's recommendations? I'm guessing that you meant that by work on the core issues. We are in a similar boat. If you did both, what was Dr. Greenspan's reaction?
OP, I hope that you will speak to Dr. Greenspan and perhaps get a second opinion if you are not seeing the kind of progress the school needs. It sounds like you are feeling panicked and your thinking might not be too clear. |
Anonymous
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OP,
I don't mean for this to sound like a slam, but your thinking process reminds me a lot of friends with adult ADD, plus you are panicked. Not one person has found your thinking clear or rational. Please try to slow down. If the school has not requested a shadow, hold off on that for now. Talk to the doctor you have, and get a second opinion. Talk to an educational consultant, your situation is literally their business and their input will be valuable. You may wish to pay them to interact with school for you on this issue. Talk to your husband and think about why you are clinging to an unworkable plan (he is not improving rapidly enough to move forward to the next grade). You are choosing pretty serious consequences over a more typical and likely to work plan. Your son is unable to be successful socially, what you describe as social skills are more like manners, important, yes, but not getting him FRIENDS. Not getting him where he needs to be academically. No one is saying that you can't keep doing Greenspan's protocol. But no one else thinks your plans are at all reasonable. I think that your own feelings and attitudes from your child are preventing you from being able to think all this through rationally. What does your husband say? If you had it to do over, would you have had him start K a year late? If so, repeating a year is worth talking to experts about. If not, do what you need to do to get him to first. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
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Thanks PP. We also did OT there and really liked the summer camp.
We've worked with both Greenspans and while I like them and admire the body of Dr. Greenspan's work, I personally now think that the Floortime concept is a better fit for building a relationship with typical kids or for engaging autistic kids than it is for kids with attention issues. You can only ride the pony so far. We do some of the games still but it is a very long and uncertain route to improvement. The approach is so time consuming and it's like a cult of personality, I feel like we lost a lot of time before we stepped back and noticed that there wasn't much change. Another thing that was helpful for our child was a pressure vest, not a weighted vest. They have them at Lynne Israel. My DC says it helps him feel more "together". We ended up buying one and he often wears it under his shirt at school. Having a chewy necklace also helps him concentrate when writing. I'd love to find a really good person to give us specific ADD strategies. |
Anonymous
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OP again. We actually have tried the chewy necklace and vest and it didn't seem to have much effect.
We are looking for naturopathic doctors or doctors that practice integrative medicine to treat the ADHD symptoms. The only plan we've actively been on has actually worked quite well for other sensory issues. We never focused on his attention issues before. So there is no 'nonworkable plan' with regards to attention issues that we are clinging to. When it comes to his attention issues, we don't even have a plan yet and we haven't tried anything really. Again, there are many, many options for helping people with ADHD: nutrition and diet, herbal meds, activities and games, neurotherapy, and traditional medicine too. All have varying degrees of effectiveness. I am sorry if our decision (both DH's and mine) to not try meds angers some folks. There is no one cookie-cutter approach to treating ADHD - meds for every child no matter which child and what age and how mild the condition. I appreciate your suggestions, however. |
Anonymous
| What matters is how your child's school responds to your ideas on addressing your child's focus/attention issues ... not the posters here. |
Anonymous
OP, I'm totally confused, I thought you said that the plan was to follow Dr. Greenspan's protocol for 6 months and he had said at that time you would discuss if meds were necessary? And that progress was "painstaking"? And that the school wants to hold him back because of how his "mild" ADHD is impacting his schoolwork, behavior and ability to socialize? And tht rather than contacting Dr. Greenspan immediately with that news you have gone to see several other schools in the meantime. There are indeed a lot of approaches that have varying likelihoods of success and varying timelines. If you want your child to progress on to first grade you need to take a short term approach that is likely to show results immediately, medication, and at that point ask the school to reconsider. As they are about to fill next year's class I'd imagine that window will close shortly. It will be difficult to transfer him at this point without a good recommendation and the only school likely to take him, McLean is not satisfactory to you. If you are worried about his lack of friends and how crushed he would be to be held back, why are you considering options like homeschooling him? |
Anonymous
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If you never focused on his attention issues before, why have you been going to Dr. Greenspan? Low muscle tone? That just doesn't make sense. And what was this plan of trying therapies for 6 months if you haven't got a plan?
OP, you aren't making any sense and I'm starting to wonder if you are a troll. All the back tracking and calmness in the face of some pretty strong posts by others just seems odd. It really is difficult to believe that a Mom would do so little for a child in crisis and back away from ALL of the obvious solutions (I don't just mean meds, but also looking at schools that would work for your child like McLean). I apologize because I suspect if you are for real this is very hurtful, but you just don't seem to be for real. |
Anonymous
| OP, I think you might get some advice on some of those other approaches if you post in the Special Needs forum. |
Anonymous
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Sorry, I can't keep up with the numerous questions.
I mentioned earlier that we saw Greenspan for sensory issues and he also helped with the low muscle tone and coordination problems. He's now much more coordinated and has developed good muscle tone. Ongoing movement classes keep his sensory issues in check too. Re the 6 mos Greenspan plan - I said earlier that this is what we WANTED to try. We have scarcely been on this because I just got his ADHD book not too long ago and I have yet to finish that book. It's basically home games and activities. I expect improvement, but expect it to be very slow. We are not looking at different schools for him right now. We know about Mclean, Lab, Lowell because we have friends (and friends of friends) and neighbors whose children go there. On the contrary we have done quite a bit for DC. We just say 'no' to meds. Two posters mentioned carnitine and it's faster results. Thank you for that information. We'll take it to a nutritionist or naturopathic doctor. Perhaps there are other alternative meds out there also that will help alleviate his symptoms with no side effects while we continue to work on the core issue. Thanks everyone for your suggestions. It has been a VERY helpful thread for me. Don't know what we'd do without the help of all you super saavy DCUM parents out there. I don't want this to morph into a medicating kids debate so I'll sign off. |
Anonymous
So he didn't actually say this to YOU about YOUR son but wrote it in a book? That you haven't FINISHED yet? I read it in about an hour OP, it's a really small book. PP must be correct, no real parent would have this response to a private school requesting that their child repeat kindergarten. I'm sure Greenspan would appreciate your making him look like a loon with your post. I am quite sure that he would see the school's request as a time to reassess, IF he was actually treating your son for ADHD. |
Anonymous
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OP, I'm a new poster.
You say you have a 5 year old child who can read and do mental math (addition, subtraction and multiplication -- I'm presuming you mean without regrouping). Your child sounds gifted to me, perhaps highly gifted. I personally can't see spending money to have him retained a year in kindergarten. I don't think there are a lot of schools -- private or public -- that are well set up to deal with a child with mild ADD who is highly gifted. They just don't work that way. That's why they all will want you to give your child some medication to eliminate the ADD. I think homeschooling could be a very good option for you and your child for a year or two, if you don't want to use medication. You could focus so much more on his real needs now, and not send him to 1st or 2nd grade where the focus will be learning things he has already mastered, anyhow. There are GREAT homeschooling groups in the DC area, and some of them have a focus on kids who are gifted. Check out this yahoogroup: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/DCMetro_gifted_homeschooling and this woman writes a blig with a lot of great resources www.themorechild.com TTo the people who say, if you are worried he'll be crushed to be left back a year, how will he feel if you pull him out completely? You are missing the point. Being held back a year means repeating kindergarten and watching all your friends go to the same school, every day, in first grade. I'd be very worried about keeping my child in a school where they thought repeating K for an academically advanced child was in any way a good idea. |