Should I be concerned about my sister’s relationship or am I just being a concerned sister?

[Anonymous]

My sister had my gorgeous niece in November with her boyfriend. He just turned 31 in November, they’ve been dating for three years and they live together. She definitely wants to marry him and has repeatedly said she knows that he’ll marry her. I wasn’t all that worried before, people have babies before marriage all the time, it doesn’t mean they won’t end up married. I started to worry around his birthday. She made this posts with the picture of him at the really nice restaurant she took him to, professing her love for him and all that good stuff. Later, that same day he posted just a selfie that she took of him at the restaurant and the posted another picture of the menu. This struck me as odd. No mention of his very pregnant girlfriend, not even a thank you in his caption. So I stared looking at the rest of his social media. No real pictures of the two of them, but he did have a selfie from a few years ago on their trip and she’s in the background. Okay, fine not all people post their SO I get it.

Once my niece was born my sister posted a handful of pictures (not going overboard). She posted one of the family for Christmas, just one of the baby for the, her feet, etc. I looked and he still hasn’t posted my niece at all. He does have a picture thanking a senator who had just recently passed thanking him for his work. Again, maybe he just isn’t the type to post his personal life?

Yesterday, was her birthday. He was surprising her with a restaurant and it was almost an hour away. Thought he was going to pop the question. Nope. He didn’t. I don’t know, my gut just feels off.

So should I be concerned or am I just being the paranoid sister?

[Anonymous]

He's obviously keeping his options open, but there isn't much you can (or should) do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's obviously keeping his options open, but there isn't much you can (or should) do.

How so? Just because he’s not posting the family? So what, I don’t like posting my personal life and I’m certainly not keeping my options open.

[Anonymous]

I’d be concerned but there is nothing for you to get involved with. I know it’s hard when someone you care about is being hurt but you’ll need to myob. Trust that your sister is smart / intuitive enough to figure out what she needs on her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's obviously keeping his options open, but there isn't much you can (or should) do.

Ugh, that’s what I thought. I have no plans of saying anything to her. Just couldn’t tell if I was reading too much into the social media thing which caused me to think something was off.

[Anonymous]

Your sister no doubt has noticed all the things you’ve mentioned. If she’s not hung up on getting a ring and setting a date, why should you be? Let them live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's obviously keeping his options open, but there isn't much you can (or should) do.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your sister no doubt has noticed all the things you’ve mentioned. If she’s not hung up on getting a ring and setting a date, why should you be? Let them live.

Who said I’m hung up? And if you read my reply to a PP I said I didn’t plan on saying anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's obviously keeping his options open, but there isn't much you can (or should) do.

Agree with this. I think it would be one thing if he just wasn’t into social media at all (my DH isnt) but if he’s posting menus and selfies then yeah he’s keeping his options open. Also agree with the other PP that says that your sister knows all of this. It’s their business and if she comes to you for advice then give it otherwise just MYOB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's obviously keeping his options open, but there isn't much you can (or should) do.

Agree with this. I think it would be one thing if he just wasn’t into social media at all (my DH isnt) but if he’s posting menus and selfies then yeah he’s keeping his options open. Also agree with the other PP that says that your sister knows all of this. It’s their business and if she comes to you for advice then give it otherwise just MYOB.

For the 4th time on the this thread I’ve said I had no intention of saying anything to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sister no doubt has noticed all the things you’ve mentioned. If she’s not hung up on getting a ring and setting a date, why should you be? Let them live.

Who said I’m hung up? And if you read my reply to a PP I said I didn’t plan on saying anything.

Hung up enough to write a lengthy post about it and then get hella defensive whenever someone points it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sister no doubt has noticed all the things you’ve mentioned. If she’s not hung up on getting a ring and setting a date, why should you be? Let them live.

Who said I’m hung up? And if you read my reply to a PP I said I didn’t plan on saying anything.

Hung up enough to write a lengthy post about it and then get hella defensive whenever someone points it out.

It’s a conversation. It’s what we do here on dcum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sister no doubt has noticed all the things you’ve mentioned. If she’s not hung up on getting a ring and setting a date, why should you be? Let them live.

Who said I’m hung up? And if you read my reply to a PP I said I didn’t plan on saying anything.

Hung up enough to write a lengthy post about it and then get hella defensive whenever someone points it out.

OP, don’t mind this schmuck. This is a forum where you’re supposed to, uhhh I don’t know, write a post and add details. I’m assuming you’re an older sister and it’s normal to be worried about sibling. They ^^^ clearly doesn’t have siblings or understand what a forum is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sister no doubt has noticed all the things you’ve mentioned. If she’s not hung up on getting a ring and setting a date, why should you be? Let them live.

Who said I’m hung up? And if you read my reply to a PP I said I didn’t plan on saying anything.

Hung up enough to write a lengthy post about it and then get hella defensive whenever someone points it out.

It’s a conversation. It’s what we do here on dcum.

+1

[Anonymous]

Wow, I'm middle aged but I really can't imagine judging someone's commitment to the mother of their child based on social media posts. It's an utterly ridiculous way to assess his reliability or his devotion to your sister. LOTS of people don't want to post pics of their kids online, LOTS of people (e.g., those with healthy sense of privacy) don't go around proclaiming their love on FB or Instagram or Twitter. Frankly I cringe at men who gush in publicly available settings or couples who seem to communicate via social media.

If he's mistreating her, that should concern you. If she's unhappy about their marital situation or lack thereof, that should concern you. But posting a menu and work-related accolades and no baby pictures or sweet nothings to someone he lives with suggests a mature approach to social media, so I'm on team sister's boyfriend here.