Should I be concerned about my sister’s relationship or am I just being a concerned sister?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I'm middle aged but I really can't imagine judging someone's commitment to the mother of their child based on social media posts. It's an utterly ridiculous way to assess his reliability or his devotion to your sister. LOTS of people don't want to post pics of their kids online, LOTS of people (e.g., those with healthy sense of privacy) don't go around proclaiming their love on FB or Instagram or Twitter. Frankly I cringe at men who gush in publicly available settings or couples who seem to communicate via social media.

If he's mistreating her, that should concern you. If she's unhappy about their marital situation or lack thereof, that should concern you. But posting a menu and work-related accolades and no baby pictures or sweet nothings to someone he lives with suggests a mature approach to social media, so I'm on team sister's boyfriend here.

There’s a difference between gushing on social media and acknowledging that you have a SO and a baby. You don’t have to gush. If he was posting his music, news articles, etc and no posting his family then that’s one thing. He’s not. As others have said if he’s posting selfies and can acknowledge a senators death he sure as hell can acknowledge the woman he lives with, but at the very least his child.

He’s keeping his options open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's obviously keeping his options open, but there isn't much you can (or should) do.

Agree with this. I think it would be one thing if he just wasn’t into social media at all (my DH isnt) but if he’s posting menus and selfies then yeah he’s keeping his options open. Also agree with the other PP that says that your sister knows all of this. It’s their business and if she comes to you for advice then give it otherwise just MYOB.

My thoughts exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's obviously keeping his options open, but there isn't much you can (or should) do.

Agree with this. I think it would be one thing if he just wasn’t into social media at all (my DH isnt) but if he’s posting menus and selfies then yeah he’s keeping his options open. Also agree with the other PP that says that your sister knows all of this. It’s their business and if she comes to you for advice then give it otherwise just MYOB.

For the 4th time on the this thread I’ve said I had no intention of saying anything to her.

So then what is the point of your post?

[Anonymous]

I would not be worried OP. I am glad your sister had a child as I always feel bad for woman who wait to be married and then age past their fertility.

In regards to social media, my DH uses his to promote his career -- and feels strongly that one should not post pictures of children. I am not in any of his posts and that's ok with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's obviously keeping his options open, but there isn't much you can (or should) do.

Agree with this. I think it would be one thing if he just wasn’t into social media at all (my DH isnt) but if he’s posting menus and selfies then yeah he’s keeping his options open. Also agree with the other PP that says that your sister knows all of this. It’s their business and if she comes to you for advice then give it otherwise just MYOB.

My thoughts exactly.

You really think she knows? That makes me feel worse if she does. Our younger sister stupidly asked her last night in our group text if he was acting nervous. She replied no. That’s what prompted me to ask this since he didn’t propose last night.

I’m hoping he’ll step up and do the right thing for her, and soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's obviously keeping his options open, but there isn't much you can (or should) do.

Agree with this. I think it would be one thing if he just wasn’t into social media at all (my DH isnt) but if he’s posting menus and selfies then yeah he’s keeping his options open. Also agree with the other PP that says that your sister knows all of this. It’s their business and if she comes to you for advice then give it otherwise just MYOB.

For the 4th time on the this thread I’ve said I had no intention of saying anything to her.

So then what is the point of your post?

Did you read the title? It’s quite literally in the tile. OP asked is she just being a paranoid concerned sister. My guess is she was hoping people would tell her that her assumptions were wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's obviously keeping his options open, but there isn't much you can (or should) do.

Agree with this. I think it would be one thing if he just wasn’t into social media at all (my DH isnt) but if he’s posting menus and selfies then yeah he’s keeping his options open. Also agree with the other PP that says that your sister knows all of this. It’s their business and if she comes to you for advice then give it otherwise just MYOB.

For the 4th time on the this thread I’ve said I had no intention of saying anything to her.

So then what is the point of your post?

Did you read the title? It’s quite literally in the tile. OP asked is she just being a paranoid concerned sister. My guess is she was hoping people would tell her that her assumptions were wrong.

Yea, I was hoping someone was telling me I was wrong. I know my other sisters boyfriend is going to propose to her and they haven’t been together as long. I just don’t want my sister to be crushed...

[Anonymous]

If he doesn’t want to be married to her, asking her to marry him wouldn’t be doing “the right thing.” I know you want your sister to have a happy relationship, but marriage doesn’t make that happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he doesn’t want to be married to her, asking her to marry him wouldn’t be doing “the right thing.” I know you want your sister to have a happy relationship, but marriage doesn’t make that happen.

You can still be happy and not married.

[Anonymous]

Agree it doesn’t bode well but I wouldn’t assume the worst just yet. He’s still adjusting to fatherhood.

[Anonymous]

What is his “relationship” status on FB?

[Anonymous]

Is he being tagged in her photos/posts?

My friend's SO was like this--not married (but got engaged), bought a house together, had a kid, never posted anything about his personal life on social media. He did have lots of "friends" from a non-profit he ran. His excuse was that it was for professional things only.

He cheated and left her. He did post or get tagged in a few things with the new woman over the year or two they were together.

It's a bad sign in this day and age to have social media, post some stuff to social media and have NOTHING about your new baby and woman you share you life with.

[Anonymous]

I'm always very concerned by people who drag their feet about marriage when they already have a child. Plus, having a kid is a MUCH bigger deal than marrying. Why do women have children with men when they don't have any safety net? I'd be very worried too, OP.

[Anonymous]

My sister's BF (they have a kid together too) posts lovey dovey pics on social media all the time.

Yet he also hasn't popped the question. They have been living together for 3 years. I'm pretty sure he won't be buying this cow.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I are 33, married 11 years, 2 kids. If I look at his Facebook feed from the last 4-5 years, it’s posting sports stories and being tagged in other people’s photos/posts. We are happily married.

Your sister is (presumably) happy. There is nothing you can or should do differently based on whether his social media is normal or weird. Stop worrying about it.