Should I reject him or schedule another date?

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine set me up with a guy who she thought was a great match with me. To be honest, he’s perfect on paper. If I was to see his profile on a dating app, I’ll send him a message.

Yesterday, I decided to go on a date with him. I was initially quite nervous at first, but my nerves calmed down drastically once I started getting to know him. Halfway through the date I was extremely comfortable and relaxed around him. He’s got such an amazing personality and he’s a really kind person overall. We have similar goals in terms of career.

However, I never felt that spark. I feel like I’m not physically attracted to him. I don’t feel like I want to be intimate with him. Basically, no sexual attraction.

I’m confused on whether I should reject him or schedule another date. I told my friend about my feelings and she told me that she wasn’t initially attracted to her DH the first time she saw him, but he later grew on her. She’s encouraging me to go for a second date to see if my feelings towards him increase or not. But I feel a little repulsed from him and if I’m being honest, I can’t stand the thought of kissing him.

With the way I described things, would you suggest I reject him or give him a chance by scheduling a second date?

[Anonymous]

Wait to see how he is in the sack. Then you’ll bond with him.

[Anonymous]

Reject him and stay single forever.

[Anonymous]

What was repulsive about him? Looks? His personality?

You can tweak his look. Men usually are happy to get tips from their SOs about removing nose and ear hair and finding a nicer haircut. Clothing can be difficult to change, but it’s doable.

[Anonymous]

I met my dh when I was 20, so I didn’t have to think long term, but I remember thinking he was really nice (first) kinda cute (second) and kinda dorky (3rd). I wasn’t thinking whether or not I wanted to have sex with him.

Think like a younger person and just date for personality and see if the attraction follows! You don’t need a spark after one date.

—been together 20 years and still have a lot of “spark”

[Anonymous]

This happened to me recently and my friend also suggested that I give the guy another chance. We went on a second date and had fun again but zero sparks so when he leaned in for a kiss I actually recoiled inside. I felt bad for both of us because he hadn't done anything wrong but I just could not talk myself into any physical attraction with him. Since having sex is one of the major goals of me dating, I will only listen to my inner voice next time...

[Anonymous]

Please schedule a second date. This notion that you’ll be swept off your feet, feel sparks or get a twinkle in your eye is absurd and only happens in the movies.

[Anonymous]

Stop using the word “schedule” in regard to dates. It’s not work. Jeez.

[Anonymous]

I agree with those who say that sometimes, once you get going, you can be pleasantly surprised by the chemistry. This actually happened to me with my spouse, who became much more attractive to me once the clothes were off.

Unfortunately, the opposite happened with my spouse. It took a while, but after we got married, my spouse eventually lost all sexual interest in me. My spouse is actually shocked when others show an interest in me, which happens from time to time at parties, school events, etc.

[Anonymous]

I think I would go on a second date and give it a chance because you liked his personality a lot. I would feel more positive if you just left it no attraction spark. But saying he repulsed you is pretty strong. But give it another go, why not

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine set me up with a guy who she thought was a great match with me. To be honest, he’s perfect on paper. If I was to see his profile on a dating app, I’ll send him a message.

Yesterday, I decided to go on a date with him. I was initially quite nervous at first, but my nerves calmed down drastically once I started getting to know him. Halfway through the date I was extremely comfortable and relaxed around him. He’s got such an amazing personality and he’s a really kind person overall. We have similar goals in terms of career.

However, I never felt that spark. I feel like I’m not physically attracted to him. I don’t feel like I want to be intimate with him. Basically, no sexual attraction.

I’m confused on whether I should reject him or schedule another date. I told my friend about my feelings and she told me that she wasn’t initially attracted to her DH the first time she saw him, but he later grew on her. She’s encouraging me to go for a second date to see if my feelings towards him increase or not. But I feel a little repulsed from him and if I’m being honest, I can’t stand the thought of kissing him.

With the way I described things, would you suggest I reject him or give him a chance by scheduling a second date?

You have to decide is the “on paper” attraction more important vs sexually attraction. Just remember for most women sex drive decreases and takes less importance vs other things(“on paper” attraction).

This can be good or bad. Good- decrease sex drive means you can marry someone who you do not find sexually attractive because it’s not like you will be having a lot of sex or even thinking about it. I think quite a few women end up doing this and are happy with their sex life. Bad- mismatch sexual attractiveness can lead to bitterness over time. One person thinks ever is great the other does not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reject him and stay single forever.

This. Wait for the perfect man who checks all 10 of the list of unrealistic expectations you have set.

[Anonymous]

Go on a second date just to be sure but if there are no sparks after that cut him loose. I had a similar situation- the guy was great on paper and I really enjoyed his company but I just wasn’t attracted to him (and he wasn’t unattractive, just not for me). I was a jerk and strung him along for six dates because I was trying to convince myself that I was crazy for not being attracted to him. We both went on to meet people who we were more compatible with.

[Anonymous]

Well, it's no surprise why you're single!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop using the word “schedule” in regard to dates. It’s not work. Jeez.

Maybe fitting dates into two people’s schedules isn’t work in your social circle (pink flag), but it is for many people in demanding careers with rich social lives.