Should I reject him or schedule another date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop using the word “schedule” in regard to dates. It’s not work. Jeez.

Sounds all business. LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine set me up with a guy who she thought was a great match with me. To be honest, he’s perfect on paper. If I was to see his profile on a dating app, I’ll send him a message.

Yesterday, I decided to go on a date with him. I was initially quite nervous at first, but my nerves calmed down drastically once I started getting to know him. Halfway through the date I was extremely comfortable and relaxed around him. He’s got such an amazing personality and he’s a really kind person overall. We have similar goals in terms of career.

However, I never felt that spark. I feel like I’m not physically attracted to him. I don’t feel like I want to be intimate with him. Basically, no sexual attraction.

I’m confused on whether I should reject him or schedule another date. I told my friend about my feelings and she told me that she wasn’t initially attracted to her DH the first time she saw him, but he later grew on her. She’s encouraging me to go for a second date to see if my feelings towards him increase or not. But I feel a little repulsed from him and if I’m being honest, I can’t stand the thought of kissing him.

With the way I described things, would you suggest I reject him or give him a chance by scheduling a second date?

You have to decide is the “on paper” attraction more important vs sexually attraction. Just remember for most women sex drive decreases and takes less importance vs other things(“on paper” attraction).

This can be good or bad. Good- decrease sex drive means you can marry someone who you do not find sexually attractive because it’s not like you will be having a lot of sex or even thinking about it. I think quite a few women end up doing this and are happy with their sex life. Bad- mismatch sexual attractiveness can lead to bitterness over time. One person thinks ever is great the other does not.

This is horrible advice. I know because I took it at 29.

Even if you are not sexually attracted to your husband, he will still expect frequent sex. Having sex with someone you find repugnant is horrible, even if they check all of the other boxes. And, to be quite frank, if they stop checking the other boxes over time (which is normal), you will not have great sex as a bond either. My first husband was nice and doting while we were engaged. He turned into Mr. Hyde once we married. The sex was never good and now I was having not good sex with someone I held in contempt as well. It was nauseating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop using the word “schedule” in regard to dates. It’s not work. Jeez.

Maybe fitting dates into two people’s schedules isn’t work in your social circle (pink flag), but it is for many people in demanding careers with rich social lives.

Then you’re doing it wrong.

[Anonymous]

"I feel like I’m not physically attracted to him. I don’t feel like I want to be intimate with him. Basically, no sexual attraction. "

Will you please listen to yourself, OP?

[Anonymous]

I knew my husband for about three years before we had a first date. I liked him and thought he was cute but there was no real spark. Over time I realized he was very smart, funny and kind and that I had been wasting time with other guys. You never know!

[Anonymous]

He probably feels the same way about you. Hopefully he does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop using the word “schedule” in regard to dates. It’s not work. Jeez.

Maybe fitting dates into two people’s schedules isn’t work in your social circle (pink flag), but it is for many people in demanding careers with rich social lives.

Then you’re doing it wrong.

I’m married, but no. Many professional single people don’t have huge blocks of free time every night. Maybe if you live in an area where people have simple jobs and there are few options for grad school, exercise classes or hobbies, sure. Here, people have a lot going on and they can’t just clear their schedules at the drop of a hat for a second date. But again, the ability to do so easily is telling about that person’s lifestyle. Must be attractive if you’re the type whose nightly plan is Netflix.

[Anonymous]

Freaking millennials. Expecting everything in 10 minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Freaking millennials. Expecting everything in 10 minutes.

Ain't got 10, let's make it 8.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you need red hot chemistry and butterflies to have a chance at a great future with someone (in fact, that's not always a great sign in my experience) - however, you should not be feeling repulsed. You need something to build from, and he deserves to date someone who might enjoy being physical with him, since he's a great guy as you say.

I think you'd want to shoot for at least some physical chemistry and a lot of emotional chemistry.

[Anonymous]

Man here. Married a long time.

Met my DW - kind hearted, loving, but never any real spark. Had previous relationships that were very sexual.

Thought my DW would make a great Mom and she has but I don't need a mother I need a wife. Hard to maintain a spark when there is none.

My advice - listen to yourself.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

We spent a great time on our date and we had lots of banter. I find it very easy to have conversations with him and I can be myself 100% around him. I feel very comfortable in his presence.

But I can’t bring myself to be physical with him. I just don’t want to go down that route. I feel repulsed by the thought. He’s not bad looking or anything. I just can’t picture myself initiating anything physical with him.

Part of me wants to text him to part ways but I don’t know if I’ll regret doing this.

[Anonymous]

oh dear! I went on a first date with my now dh, and thought what a waste of time! No spark, no fun, boring. Went on another date while and I fell in love! Go figure, I am still with him, plenty of spark after 26 years of marriage. Happily married with two grown kids. Though, dh was a good looking fella, unaware of his good looks though. I was not a bad looking youngster myself. So, give it another go, or don't. Second date worked out for us!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

We spent a great time on our date and we had lots of banter. I find it very easy to have conversations with him and I can be myself 100% around him. I feel very comfortable in his presence.

But I can’t bring myself to be physical with him. I just don’t want to go down that route. I feel repulsed by the thought. He’s not bad looking or anything. I just can’t picture myself initiating anything physical with him.

Part of me wants to text him to part ways but I don’t know if I’ll regret doing this.

I'm a PP who advised that you want SOME physical chemistry, and I've been in your exact spot a couple times. In these situations I sent a text along the lines of "I had a lot of fun and you're an impressive guy, but I just didn't feel the type of connection I'm looking for." Small sample size but I got a kind response in these cases.

You need to trust your own gut and preferences, too. Your future husband will not repulse you. You might not feel like ripping his clothes off immediately, but you should be happy to get close to the guy. Gotta start somewhere!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Freaking millennials. Expecting everything in 10 minutes.

Ain't got 10, let's make it 8.

They’ve been asked to sacrifice a lot to underwrite Boomers so I’m happy they aren’t compromising on dull marriages.

Gen Xer