In same house but "separated"

[Anonymous]

We have one DS, age 4. DH and I have separate bedrooms and do separate things when DS is asleep. We eat all meals together. On weekends, we do a family activity day: museum, zoo, climbing gym, etc. and we alternate the other weekend day. DH are somewhat physically affectionate to each other in front of DS: back oats, brief hugs. How does something like this play out long-term? So far DS hasn't asked any questions. We don't plan on getting a divorce or moving out until DS it's in his 20s or maybe not at all because we will be very old and tired by then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have one DS, age 4. DH and I have separate bedrooms and do separate things when DS is asleep. We eat all meals together. On weekends, we do a family activity day: museum, zoo, climbing gym, etc. and we alternate the other weekend day. DH are somewhat physically affectionate to each other in front of DS: back oats, brief hugs. How does something like this play out long-term? So far DS hasn't asked any questions. We don't plan on getting a divorce or moving out until DS it's in his 20s or maybe not at all because we will be very old and tired by then.

We've had this arrangement since he was 1 so by now this is status quo

[Anonymous]

So you’re not planning on having a normal adult, mature, romantic relationship for the next 16 or so years. Is that correct? You’re just going to be roommates with your child’s father and not connect with any other men for the next two decades.

[Anonymous]

If neither of you are u happy with the arrangement, just keep living your life.

[Anonymous]

*unhappy

[Anonymous]

My friends whose parents lived separately were miserable as teenagers. Both parents have now remarried, after divorcing finally when kids were adults. Now One child is in her thirties, other is in his forties, neither is married. I think the younger one is at least happy and living a good life. The older one has struggled with anger issues and relationships and career. There is no doubt that their parents’ dysfunctional relationship affected him deeply.

[Anonymous]

Lived separately in the same home *

[Anonymous]

kids will figure this out in an instant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:kids will figure this out in an instant

And realize mature adults often put their needs 2nd for their child... good.

[Anonymous]

So you're also having sex I assume...basically this is most marriages!

[Anonymous]

Please don’t model this dysfunctional relationship for your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you're also having sex I assume...basically this is most marriages!

No not initiate with DH by his choice. But obv don't want DS to know/not know anything about that!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like my actual marriage.

[Anonymous]

I thought you would say out of HS at most, but you said 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have one DS, age 4. DH and I have separate bedrooms and do separate things when DS is asleep. We eat all meals together. On weekends, we do a family activity day: museum, zoo, climbing gym, etc. and we alternate the other weekend day. DH are somewhat physically affectionate to each other in front of DS: back oats, brief hugs. How does something like this play out long-term? So far DS hasn't asked any questions. We don't plan on getting a divorce or moving out until DS it's in his 20s or maybe not at all because we will be very old and tired by then.

So you're friends in front of your kid. What happens when he gets older and actually notices you don't seem to like each other much? Have you tried to repair the marriage?