Never thought I would be that guy - but here I am

[Anonymous]

I’m lost. Mid-forties, married nearly twenty years, two great kids. Some entrenched resentment in the marriage but I do love my wife. I recently met an amazing woman and feel like I’m falling in love with her. I know proceeding would lead to sadness on all parts, but I haven’t felt this alive in a long time. I don’t know what to do.

[Anonymous]

Buy yourself a Porsche and get over your mid life crisis. It will be a lot less expensive then a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Of course you KNOW what to do. You're just trying to find someone who will tell you it's okay to cheat on your wife.

How could you respect a woman who is willing to be "the other woman" by sleeping with a married man, anyway? Not so "amazing" after all....

[Anonymous]

So basically you’re a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So basically you’re a man.

Plus one. Take it from every other man, it's normal. Your wife isn't into you sexually, your eye wanders and you connect to fill the void. Only you can figure out if you want to be married. 50/50 you get caught but even more you sound vulnerable to have tru love and all that silly stuff.

Visit a massage parlor and think clearly again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m lost. Mid-forties, married nearly twenty years, two great kids. Some entrenched resentment in the marriage but I do love my wife. I recently met an amazing woman and feel like I’m falling in love with her. I know proceeding would lead to sadness on all parts, but I haven’t felt this alive in a long time. I don’t know what to do.

Did you feel the same way about your wife when you just met her? Beginnings are often full of excitement, each party is trying hard to put their best foot forward, everything is new, no little annoying habits... yet. From your description you really don't know this new woman well, certainly not enough to predict how a long term relationship with her would be. Are you willing to risk your life for something so uncertain? If you were THAT unhappy with your wife I think you would have already left. The grass is not always as green as it appears to be.

[Anonymous]

Have you met this “amazing woman” in person? Like you’ve shared the same oxygen? Or is this some online/phone romance? I seem to be hearing about the latter more and more.

#cliche

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m lost. Mid-forties, married nearly twenty years, two great kids. Some entrenched resentment in the marriage but I do love my wife. I recently met an amazing woman and feel like I’m falling in love with her. I know proceeding would lead to sadness on all parts, but I haven’t felt this alive in a long time. I don’t know what to do.

The secret to a lasting marriage is learning how to compartmentalize your resentment and come to terms with all that you'll never do, have, or be. The sooner you realize this, the sooner your marriage will last, which is, after all, the point of marriage: to last.

There is no happy. There is only trying to feel better enough to last. Now, get back to work.

[Anonymous]

cut her off. you have a crush. don't you remember what crushes were like?

even if you want to divorce, you do not want to do it due to an affair.

[Anonymous]

Don’t be entitled. You aren’t entitled to everything you want or even everything you can get. And not every day is going to be a great day.


We make choices in life and grown ups know this. You owe it to your kids to do everything possible to keep your marriage together, unless it’s abusive.

[Anonymous]

Work on the resentment issues in your marriage. Switch your focus to getting the spark back in your marriage. Shake things up there and explore some new things together.

[Anonymous]

You are 100% in control of this situation. It's so normal it's a cliche. What you are feeling is perfectly normal, but you need to decide who you are, what your values are, and what your family means to you. The emotions you have for this other woman are addictive and you aren't thinking clearly. Pretend you have an affair and leave your wife for her. You will have to love the rest if your life knowing that you are a liar, cheater, morally compromised man who devastated your family over a crush. Your family and friends, if they even still talk to you, will always think of this other woman as a honewrecking whore, even a decade after you marry her. Its isolating. Its financially devastating, as you split your assets, retirement, home equity, and sort out child support and alimony. Lawyer fees for even an amicable divorce through mediation can easily reach $5k each. And then what is your prize? A woman who sleeps with married men that you will never trust.

Cut off 100% of all contact, cold Turkey. Tell your wife about your feelings. Read "not just friends" and also "his needs, her needs" and reconnect with your wife. It's possible to do, and you will not regret it.

[Anonymous]

Go yo surviving infidelity, love shack or another infidelity forum and read about the consequences of taking this further. Don’t blow up your life, your wife’s and your kids. Don’t do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m lost. Mid-forties, married nearly twenty years, two great kids. Some entrenched resentment in the marriage but I do love my wife. I recently met an amazing woman and feel like I’m falling in love with her. I know proceeding would lead to sadness on all parts, but I haven’t felt this alive in a long time. I don’t know what to do.

Cut off contact, go home to your wife and kids and make that work.

[Anonymous]

You need to weigh what you'll gain vs. what you'll potentially lose. Only you can do the math.