Just dropped a friend with NPD

[Anonymous]

She lives out of state. Otherwise I would have punted long ago. After years of not so subtle belittling, age has done away with all inhibitions. Her mother was just diagnosed with lung cancer and I mentioned there were immunotherapy trials and some in practice. I got back a tirade of nastiness, snark and personal insults about how stupid and thoughtless I am. I essentially told her to f off

Done. Feels good

[Anonymous]

Ok.

[Anonymous]

You were kind of thoughtless for both making light of her moms diagnosis and for dropping her when she called you out on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You were kind of thoughtless for both making light of her moms diagnosis and for dropping her when she called you out on it.

How was OP making light of friend's mom's diagnosis?

[Anonymous]

You were in the wrong. She wanted to vent, not get suggestions. Let people deal with their pain and hurt their way, if it is causing you no harm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were kind of thoughtless for both making light of her moms diagnosis and for dropping her when she called you out on it.

How was OP making light of friend's mom's diagnosis?

By implying that since it’s treatable it’s not such a crisis and doing so when this person was clearly in crisis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She lives out of state. Otherwise I would have punted long ago. After years of not so subtle belittling, age has done away with all inhibitions. Her mother was just diagnosed with lung cancer and I mentioned there were immunotherapy trials and some in practice. I got back a tirade of nastiness, snark and personal insults about how stupid and thoughtless I am. I essentially told her to f off

Done. Feels good

Since it "feels good" you may not really consider my point but I'm going to try to make it anyway, just in case. When someone is in crisis mode they react from that place. They often aren't rational or civil. If the person means something to you, you let it slide--because of the crisis. I have a friend who is going through a hellish divorce right now. I'm her "safe place." I put myself there when she first told me what was going on because I've been there myself and I get it. She's not abusive, that's different, but she is snippy and sometimes over the top in conversation. I let it slide. She often apologizes and I tell her it's fine and I MEAN IT. You can be a real gift to this friend if you have it in you. You might be surprised how good it feels to be that person for someone. Just my .02

[Anonymous]

Yeah, not the best time, OP. Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She lives out of state. Otherwise I would have punted long ago. After years of not so subtle belittling, age has done away with all inhibitions. Her mother was just diagnosed with lung cancer and I mentioned there were immunotherapy trials and some in practice. I got back a tirade of nastiness, snark and personal insults about how stupid and thoughtless I am. I essentially told her to f off

Done. Feels good

I bet thought you were offering positive advice and your intentions may have been good, but her mother was newly diagnosed. Unless you are her doctor, that's not the time to bring up trials. Her reaction is understandable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She lives out of state. Otherwise I would have punted long ago. After years of not so subtle belittling, age has done away with all inhibitions. Her mother was just diagnosed with lung cancer and I mentioned there were immunotherapy trials and some in practice. I got back a tirade of nastiness, snark and personal insults about how stupid and thoughtless I am. I essentially told her to f off

Done. Feels good

OP, what will happen when you step back in front of the mirror and see you are still there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She lives out of state. Otherwise I would have punted long ago. After years of not so subtle belittling, age has done away with all inhibitions. Her mother was just diagnosed with lung cancer and I mentioned there were immunotherapy trials and some in practice. I got back a tirade of nastiness, snark and personal insults about how stupid and thoughtless I am. I essentially told her to f off

Done. Feels good

Are you an oncologist, OP?

Even if you are, the correct response to a friend sharing this information is “oh no, I’m so sorry. (Share something positive about her mother, of yiu kmow her). Is there anything I can do? Do you want to talk about it?”

Based on your description of the situation, I actually wonder who has the NPD.

[Anonymous]

I disagree completely with other posters.
When someone’s life is in danger, you go straight to the life-saving options. But then my husband and I are in medicine and scientific research, so this is obvious for us.

You passed along the important info, OP, and that’s all that matters! She will do what she can with it. Lung cancer has a poor outlook.

[Anonymous]

Somebody has a Narcisstic Personality in this scenario, and it's the person who kicked a friend to the curb during an incredibly stressful time for her family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She lives out of state. Otherwise I would have punted long ago. After years of not so subtle belittling, age has done away with all inhibitions. Her mother was just diagnosed with lung cancer and I mentioned there were immunotherapy trials and some in practice. I got back a tirade of nastiness, snark and personal insults about how stupid and thoughtless I am. I essentially told her to f off

Done. Feels good

I bet thought you were offering positive advice and your intentions may have been good, but her mother was newly diagnosed. Unless you are her doctor, that's not the time to bring up trials. Her reaction is understandable.

Her reaction was not understandable; it was juvenile. I would be done with her too, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I disagree completely with other posters.
When someone’s life is in danger, you go straight to the life-saving options. But then my husband and I are in medicine and scientific research, so this is obvious for us.

You passed along the important info, OP, and that’s all that matters! She will do what she can with it. Lung cancer has a poor outlook.

I’m sure her doctor has it all covered. She didn’t need advice, she needed an ear.