Just dropped a friend with NPD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Somebody has a Narcisstic Personality in this scenario, and it's the person who kicked a friend to the curb during an incredibly stressful time for her family.

Preach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Somebody has a Narcisstic Personality in this scenario, and it's the person who kicked a friend to the curb during an incredibly stressful time for her family.

+1 Exactly my thought--someone was projecting with the NPD 'diagnosis.'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I disagree completely with other posters.
When someone’s life is in danger, you go straight to the life-saving options. But then my husband and I are in medicine and scientific research, so this is obvious for us.

You passed along the important info, OP, and that’s all that matters! She will do what she can with it. Lung cancer has a poor outlook.

Are you on the spectrum? Sounds like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She lives out of state. Otherwise I would have punted long ago. After years of not so subtle belittling, age has done away with all inhibitions. Her mother was just diagnosed with lung cancer and I mentioned there were immunotherapy trials and some in practice. I got back a tirade of nastiness, snark and personal insults about how stupid and thoughtless I am. I essentially told her to f off

Done. Feels good

So you have the NOD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Somebody has a Narcisstic Personality in this scenario, and it's the person who kicked a friend to the curb during an incredibly stressful time for her family.

Preach.

Yeah, making a friend's crisis about yourself and your butt hurt feelings: classic NPD.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like good riddance so good for you.

But, next time, just chill on the offering of immunotherapy advice or at least be careful on how you offer it. Of my friends whose parents have had cancer, not one of them hasn't researched the heck out of everything. On the phone, be supportive and listen. Via email, humbly supply some links to studies and let them take it from there. Lay off on your personal narrative.

[Anonymous]

Why is this in the Family forum?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like good riddance so good for you.

But, next time, just chill on the offering of immunotherapy advice or at least be careful on how you offer it. Of my friends whose parents have had cancer, not one of them hasn't researched the heck out of everything. On the phone, be supportive and listen. Via email, humbly supply some links to studies and let them take it from there. Lay off on your personal narrative.

+1

Yes, she reacted poorly, but it's not unreasonable to be irritated when you share news like this and people feel the need to tell you about X treatment or Y medication or Z diet. Sometimes people are getting this advice from multiple people, and it can be annoying and frustrating, and it can also feel like people are minimizing what's going on. Just express sympathy and stop with the advice.

[Anonymous]

Well, NPD will do as NPD does.

[Anonymous]

OK?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I disagree completely with other posters.
When someone’s life is in danger, you go straight to the life-saving options. But then my husband and I are in medicine and scientific research, so this is obvious for us.

You passed along the important info, OP, and that’s all that matters! She will do what she can with it. Lung cancer has a poor outlook.

I’m sure her doctor has it all covered. She didn’t need advice, she needed an ear.

PP you replied to. Please never think that! For your own survival and that of your loved ones. Doctors are human too, and most do not have the time to keep up with the latest research. This is why you always get a second (or third) opinion in serious cases, and you seek referrals to reputable specialists who do keep abreast of developments (or sometimes lead developments, if they're clinical researchers like my husband).

I know this forum is heavily biased towards women lending an ear, but there are times you need to actually provide info as well. Nothing bars you from doing both.
In this particular case, it seems as if OP was just about done with this person, so she didn't invest a ton of listening - but she covered the most important thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I disagree completely with other posters.
When someone’s life is in danger, you go straight to the life-saving options. But then my husband and I are in medicine and scientific research, so this is obvious for us.

You passed along the important info, OP, and that’s all that matters! She will do what she can with it. Lung cancer has a poor outlook.

Are you on the spectrum? Sounds like it.

You think all scientific, technical and pragmatic people are autistic? If you or a loved one was in mortal danger, you'd prefer people not tell you potentially life-saving info? Sounds like evolution at work, PP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I disagree completely with other posters.
When someone’s life is in danger, you go straight to the life-saving options. But then my husband and I are in medicine and scientific research, so this is obvious for us.

You passed along the important info, OP, and that’s all that matters! She will do what she can with it. Lung cancer has a poor outlook.

Are you on the spectrum? Sounds like it.

You think all scientific, technical and pragmatic people are autistic? If you or a loved one was in mortal danger, you'd prefer people not tell you potentially life-saving info? Sounds like evolution at work, PP

“Autism” is what DCUMers use when “you’re jealous” doesn’t fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You were kind of thoughtless for both making light of her moms diagnosis and for dropping her when she called you out on it.

Wasn’t making light. Suggested something. She flipped out and said some pretty nasty sh*t

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You were in the wrong. She wanted to vent, not get suggestions. Let people deal with their pain and hurt their way, if it is causing you no harm

She did not want to vent. She wanted to attack. This is how she’s been the past five years. BTW, she’s called her mother a c*nt and said she can’t wait till she dies. She’s got her wish