Does anyone worry about "bad genes"?

[Anonymous]

Sometimes I weirdly worry about the gene-pool from my DH's side of the family. They tend to drink a lot and are very dysfunctional with some diagnosed mental issues. Its all a hot toxic mess.

I worry procreating with him would mean risking my children inheriting genetic factors.

Is this a thing?

[Anonymous]

Of course it’s a thing. And yes. One kid has ADHD just like my DH and it is tough. But my gene pool sucks royally and I love my DH and he’s a great dad, so really what am I going to say about it?

I feel terrible that our other kid inherited my body shape and will probably never be slim. But I’m a loving mom and I don’t think my DH is angry at me about it.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I didn't realize until after DC was born that both parents and sets of grandparents have undiagnosed mental health issues. Shrug, no regrets about DC and will just provide the best support I can.

[Anonymous]

My DH’s gene pool is also problematic and I worry about our kids.

It is a thing and I wish I had considered it before procreating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH’s gene pool is also problematic and I worry about our kids.

It is a thing and I wish I had considered it before procreating.

Right. It has become more apparent to me when I compare my situation with my sister's. Her fiance comes from a very "nice" family. They all seem "there" and put together. Super high achievers and very athletic and healthy. Everyone has long lives and good health.

Stark contrast to my husband's family. I really wish I had thought of it beforehand.

[Anonymous]

My husband is the only one of his siblings who is adopted and it is truly incredible to see the difference in him and his siblings with regard to alcohol abuse and mental illness. I come from a family full of those issues as well so I suppose I am glad that he didn't think too much about it before we had children.

[Anonymous]

MIL has mental problems.
Wasn’t worried about genetics until DH recently developed them too.

[Anonymous]

I worry more about other bad genes like cancer running in the family. The mental health issues can be treated as can alcoholic tendencies.

[Anonymous]

Lots of weird-ass eugenics in this thread.

[Anonymous]

I'm a geneticist.

The one thing I wish people were more aware of when they think of marriage and kids is heritable illness, both physical and mental. Social taboos and scientific ignorance have prevented couples from exploring this topic, but it really should be discussed pre-marriage, along with parenting philosophies and financial goals.

I hasten to add that it would be absurd to try to avoid all heritable diseases, since we are all carriers of several of them!

We need to lower the risk of passing on disease by mating with carriers of different diseases than those we carry ourselves. If one side of the family has people with Asperger's, then it would be great if the other side didn't. My husband's parent has Parkinsons', and I'm glad no one in my family has that. There is a strong history of breast cancer in my family, and I'm so relieved none of my ILs have that.

We didn't realize that we both have different types of ADHD, though, and one of our children has a severe and quite handicapping case of ADHD with co-morbid learning disorders. I'm sure it's because we each passed down separate alleles for ADHD+LDs to this child. Our other children are unaffected, or only mildly affected.

[Anonymous]

Yes adhd. I don’t know how she did it with her adhd husband and adhd sons. Well, actually I do: they lived a very very simple life, she made every decision and enables them all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes adhd. I don’t know how she did it with her adhd husband and adhd sons. Well, actually I do: they lived a very very simple life, she made every decision and enables them all.

ADHD cannot be helped, PP, so please don't use the term "enabling", as if it was something within the patient's control. Like many mental health disorders, there are aspects to ADHD that can generate creative energy, but for many people, the overall burden far outweighs this perk.

You really, really, need to watch your language, because other people pick up on your cues.

[Anonymous]

I have ADHD.. people chill out. It's not that big of a deal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have ADHD.. people chill out. It's not that big of a deal

Stop. The severe cases are life-altering. You should know this - and probably do know it, and are just a troll.

[Anonymous]

My SIL is an addict and has mental health issues. It worries me. It all came to light after DH and I got married.