Does anyone worry about "bad genes"?

[Anonymous]

"The prospective groom's older brother is a CPA married to a software engineer. The sister is an Economics professor in Bangaluru, her husband is a mechanical engineer. Father was an IAS officer, mother was an author. Prospective groom is currently doing his executive MBA while being employed by L&T in Mumbai".

Makes sense why Indian matchmakers facilitating arranged marriages look very closely at the achievement of genetically related family members. Did not realize they were looking at mental and physical capabilities.

[Anonymous]

Yep. Both my BIL and sister have lots of mental health issues, ADD/ADHD.

However, they don't manage theirs and I hope that as a parent, if our child does need some medical intervention to help with these, I'm a much better parent who gets them to a doctor and teaches them it's important to keep up with their meds and therapy.

We have other bad physical health-related genes, and all we can do it teach them to exercise, eat healthy, and do what we can.

[Anonymous]

My mom has BPD and I'm terrified one of my children will have it and I'll be chained to someone like that for my entire life on one side or the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I weirdly worry about the gene-pool from my DH's side of the family. They tend to drink a lot and are very dysfunctional with some diagnosed mental issues. Its all a hot toxic mess.

I worry procreating with him would mean risking my children inheriting genetic factors.

Is this a thing?

Does anyone worry about physical traits being passed down to your kids from your DH's side? This is gonna sound so shi**y but I used to worry about that a lot. My DH's family is kind of unattractive. His mother doesn't have a pretty face. I'll just leave it at that. His dad is a big burly man. His brothers are... strange looking. One has a Peter Griffin chin. The other is... well, not attractive. At all.

[Anonymous]

I think it is less about unfortunate looks and more about mental illness. Though unfortunate looks are also a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is less about unfortunate looks and more about mental illness. Though unfortunate looks are also a thing.

Yes. And I think I worry about it because I was bullied as a child. I always related it to my looks, but looking back it wasn't my looks. But the world is so cruel and I fear passing down genes to my child that will make their lives harder, whether it be physically or otherwise. His one brother is 29 and never had a girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I didn't realize until after DC was born that both parents and sets of grandparents have undiagnosed mental health issues. Shrug, no regrets about DC and will just provide the best support I can.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I weirdly worry about the gene-pool from my DH's side of the family. They tend to drink a lot and are very dysfunctional with some diagnosed mental issues. Its all a hot toxic mess.

I worry procreating with him would mean risking my children inheriting genetic factors.

Is this a thing?

Does anyone worry about physical traits being passed down to your kids from your DH's side? This is gonna sound so shi**y but I used to worry about that a lot. My DH's family is kind of unattractive. His mother doesn't have a pretty face. I'll just leave it at that. His dad is a big burly man. His brothers are... strange looking. One has a Peter Griffin chin. The other is... well, not attractive. At all.

Your DH was attractive enough to attract you, so why wouldn't his kids with you be attractive?

[Anonymous]

I worry about MY genes. My DH's family are all kind, sane, and super smart and accomplished. My family has mental illness - mostly depression and anxiety. Naturally I do not wish this for my kids.

[Anonymous]

It is difficult when the family won't talk about it, and you have to figure it out on your own. DH's family has severe anxiety and depression, and it came out slowly over the course of many years. At first, I just thought they were quiet. I would rather have been with a less quiet family, where everything is all out there!

Looks don't matter to me, but I know there are people who put it at the top of the list. I pray my kids are happier and have less anxiety than DH's family. While my family is not perfect, at least we are not secretive about things. That is the real handicap, the secretive aspect. It is so unfair to the next generation - it is flat out selfish, that is how they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ADHD is not a disease. It is poorly defined even as a condition or disorder of any kind. I’d call it a fashionable way of being annoyed with people

I'd call you ignorant and possibly an idiot and/or a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Ha! I worry that I'm the one with the bad genes...

My mom has mental health issues, I have many uncles/cousins who had cancer, addiction, etc. I'm pretty sure I'm on the spectrum or ADHD. My DH's family is much more stable and healthy. He's never mentioned anything negative about my genes. I am hot though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of weird-ass eugenics in this thread.

this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of weird-ass eugenics in this thread.

The cream of the joke is that these women worried about "bad genes" will turn around and spend $30,000 on IVF when they realize they waited too long to conceive without scientific intervention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I worry about MY genes. My DH's family are all kind, sane, and super smart and accomplished. My family has mental illness - mostly depression and anxiety. Naturally I do not wish this for my kids.

One side has anxiety and depression but never saw any doctors for it. We did and it stemmed from AdHD— not knowing why you’re constantly forgetting, failing, losing things, getting fired or messing up work, or called too unreliable/untrustworthy to get something done all took a big toll on each person. They just never pieced it together. The matriarch of the family chalked it up to “no common sense” or “they don’t multitask” or “that’s for women to do”, and kept bailing everyone out.

Very much treatable. Getting people to a doctor and going over their shortcomings, often not so simple.