Does anyone worry about "bad genes"?

[Anonymous]

I seriously dated a guy whose MOM wanted to know about my family’s genes. The mom was a nurse, medically inclined, had seen a lot interesting issues in her life ....

So this was a convo between me and him, but I assumed he was going to give an answer to his mom. I answered honestly and said that I thought it’s possible that depression could run through a couple of people in the family.

Anyways, we broke up about 6mo later. I met his dad, but never his mom. Whatever, guess I’m glad I didn’t stay involved...

[Anonymous]

My DH's side of the family is definitely eccentric and quirky, and these genes have clearly passed on to my child. However, they are also brilliant and successful. I'm hoping that he got SOME of my practical genes and will be able to change a lightbulb, in addition to gaining a named chair professorship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in laws never really talked about their genetic issues while I was dating my DH. I was very impressed with DH’s family- all college educated with advanced degrees, except for BIL, who they said, has Asperger’s. Compare that to my family who grew up low class in SE Asia. My DH was forthcoming about his ADD since he was 9. Anyway, after I gave birth to our son, my MIL showed really old pictures of her family with similar facial features as my BIL. Turns out, Fragile X runs in her side of the family. My DH only has a premutation and BIL has a full mutation. I’ve been keeping watch of my son, making sure we catch any signs of autism. We are stopping at one child, though. We can’t risk a daughter passing it on.

Wow - can't you do genetic screening for Fragile X?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH's side of the family is definitely eccentric and quirky, and these genes have clearly passed on to my child. However, they are also brilliant and successful. I'm hoping that he got SOME of my practical genes and will be able to change a lightbulb, in addition to gaining a named chair professorship.

Don't count on it. Life with someone like that is very difficult, its not all roses - in fact, it is not close to mostly roses. Maybe 5-9%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in laws never really talked about their genetic issues while I was dating my DH. I was very impressed with DH’s family- all college educated with advanced degrees, except for BIL, who they said, has Asperger’s. Compare that to my family who grew up low class in SE Asia. My DH was forthcoming about his ADD since he was 9. Anyway, after I gave birth to our son, my MIL showed really old pictures of her family with similar facial features as my BIL. Turns out, Fragile X runs in her side of the family. My DH only has a premutation and BIL has a full mutation. I’ve been keeping watch of my son, making sure we catch any signs of autism. We are stopping at one child, though. We can’t risk a daughter passing it on.

Wow - can't you do genetic screening for Fragile X?

DP here. Same with my IL's. Wish I had known. I don't think the testing was available then. Also, some families are really good at hiding it, in a way that you would never suspect that you need the screening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who have suffered bad genes in action are much more educated and aware than those who have never lived through it.

x10000

Wish I knew then what I know now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in laws never really talked about their genetic issues while I was dating my DH. I was very impressed with DH’s family- all college educated with advanced degrees, except for BIL, who they said, has Asperger’s. Compare that to my family who grew up low class in SE Asia. My DH was forthcoming about his ADD since he was 9. Anyway, after I gave birth to our son, my MIL showed really old pictures of her family with similar facial features as my BIL. Turns out, Fragile X runs in her side of the family. My DH only has a premutation and BIL has a full mutation. I’ve been keeping watch of my son, making sure we catch any signs of autism. We are stopping at one child, though. We can’t risk a daughter passing it on.

Wow - can't you do genetic screening for Fragile X?

DP here. Same with my IL's. Wish I had known. I don't think the testing was available then. Also, some families are really good at hiding it, in a way that you would never suspect that you need the screening.

Yep, this. My MIL, her brother and their mom have/had schizophrenia. Everyone, including my FIL, hid it really well - my H had no idea. Fast forward, my MIL and her brother got significantly worse in the last 5-10 years and both refuse to medicate. I worry about my kids do much - I hope to convince them never to try marijuana, as it can activate the genes. My H got his genetic profile done and he has 8 times higher risk to develop schizophrenia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is the only one of his siblings who is adopted and it is truly incredible to see the difference in him and his siblings with regard to alcohol abuse and mental illness. I come from a family full of those issues as well so I suppose I am glad that he didn't think too much about it before we had children.

I come from a family of alcoholics so I just prepared my kid that this might be an issue for her some day. And it was but fortunately she took the right steps to get sober. My dh thinks his family doesn't have addiction issues but we learned that his aunt was an alcoholic and his mother didn't even know it. And I know that his mother, before she died, had kind of a dependency on alcohol. She told me out of the blue that she knows that doctors recommend that women only have one drink a day but she was going to have two, she didn't care. (I took the announcement of it and the counting of the drinks as a sign that someone can't just take or leave alcohol.) And his dad never drank, supposedly because he was allergic to it in some way but I've always wondered whether he didn't quit because he was having difficulty. Anyway, that all is to say that I'm not convinced that people sometimes even know how many genetically-connected problems their parents have. A lot of these issues are things that families hide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH's side of the family is definitely eccentric and quirky, and these genes have clearly passed on to my child. However, they are also brilliant and successful. I'm hoping that he got SOME of my practical genes and will be able to change a lightbulb, in addition to gaining a named chair professorship.

Don't count on it. Life with someone like that is very difficult, its not all roses - in fact, it is not close to mostly roses. Maybe 5-9%.

Of course it's difficult, but without difficult people the world would be lacking a lot.

[Anonymous]

While my side isn’t perfect, DHs side has a lot of alcoholism and various mental issues. Our regular and great nieces and nephews on that side have a disproportionate number of issues (depression, debilitating anxiety (like regularly don’t go to school), ASD). Our kids and the kids of one nephew are the only ones without major issues thus far. All four are in or done with college. Hoping it continues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who have suffered bad genes in action are much more educated and aware than those who have never lived through it.

x10000

Wish I knew then what I know now.

+20000

[Anonymous]

MIL and her mother both have a degenerative disease. I worry about it for DH and our kids. But I think my SIL should be even more worried since it may favor the females in the line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in laws never really talked about their genetic issues while I was dating my DH. I was very impressed with DH’s family- all college educated with advanced degrees, except for BIL, who they said, has Asperger’s. Compare that to my family who grew up low class in SE Asia. My DH was forthcoming about his ADD since he was 9. Anyway, after I gave birth to our son, my MIL showed really old pictures of her family with similar facial features as my BIL. Turns out, Fragile X runs in her side of the family. My DH only has a premutation and BIL has a full mutation. I’ve been keeping watch of my son, making sure we catch any signs of autism. We are stopping at one child, though. We can’t risk a daughter passing it on.

Wow - can't you do genetic screening for Fragile X?

DP here. Same with my IL's. Wish I had known. I don't think the testing was available then. Also, some families are really good at hiding it, in a way that you would never suspect that you need the screening.

Yep, this. My MIL, her brother and their mom have/had schizophrenia. Everyone, including my FIL, hid it really well - my H had no idea. Fast forward, my MIL and her brother got significantly worse in the last 5-10 years and both refuse to medicate. I worry about my kids do much - I hope to convince them never to try marijuana, as it can activate the genes. My H got his genetic profile done and he has 8 times higher risk to develop schizophrenia.

Yet your DH doesn’t have it. Would you not have married him or remained childfree? You only have one life and you can absolutely be too careful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH's side of the family is definitely eccentric and quirky, and these genes have clearly passed on to my child. However, they are also brilliant and successful. I'm hoping that he got SOME of my practical genes and will be able to change a lightbulb, in addition to gaining a named chair professorship.

Don't count on it. Life with someone like that is very difficult, its not all roses - in fact, it is not close to mostly roses. Maybe 5-9%.

ahh, the nutty professor families have to stay in academia. and they have to marry women do keep the homefront and personal lives from shambles.