Does anyone worry about "bad genes"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I weirdly worry about the gene-pool from my DH's side of the family. They tend to drink a lot and are very dysfunctional with some diagnosed mental issues. Its all a hot toxic mess.

I worry procreating with him would mean risking my children inheriting genetic factors.

Is this a thing?

Does anyone worry about physical traits being passed down to your kids from your DH's side? This is gonna sound so shi**y but I used to worry about that a lot. My DH's family is kind of unattractive. His mother doesn't have a pretty face. I'll just leave it at that. His dad is a big burly man. His brothers are... strange looking. One has a Peter Griffin chin. The other is... well, not attractive. At all.

My DH's side of the family is attractive. Mine less so. The thing is, it's fixable if it bothers you -- if DD gets my profile, she can love it or she can get a nose job. She's got my big eyebrows but those can be shaped. Illness isn't like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is less about unfortunate looks and more about mental illness. Though unfortunate looks are also a thing.

Yes. And I think I worry about it because I was bullied as a child. I always related it to my looks, but looking back it wasn't my looks. But the world is so cruel and I fear passing down genes to my child that will make their lives harder, whether it be physically or otherwise. His one brother is 29 and never had a girlfriend.

two word: plastic surgery. no need to go all kylie janner but many things can be improved. your BIL should consider it, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH has three siblings with a serious genetic disease that is recessive. I knew the chances were minuscule that I carried the same gene, so no worries. Turns out he is a carrier for another genetic disease for which there is no family history. The disease was thought to be recessive, but it is now known that you can get it inheriting a mutation from just one parent. Our child has this.

You just never know.

Wow, interesting story. So much we don't know even now.

[Anonymous]

Yes. My husband had cancer too young. My son's first colonoscopy will be relatively soon.

[Anonymous]

Yes. And I'm going to get flamed for this but I worry about mental illness, DH bio dad has severe mental illness issues and I think to this day he has never been diagnosed or treated. Talking paranoid delusions etc. I will probably stop worrying when my kids hit their 30s .

My side isn't a perfect treat either. We have thyroid issues, ibs, and ocd in my extended family but those scare me less

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ADHD is not a disease. It is poorly defined even as a condition or disorder of any kind. I’d call it a fashionable way of being annoyed with people

I'd call you ignorant and possibly an idiot and/or a jerk.

+1.

[Anonymous]

I think this isn't a common worry yet because genetic testing is still pretty new. For instance, my family is extremely healthy. None of my grandparents lived past 84 but arguably that's because they were all smokers for at least twenty years. My parents are still going strong. So I had a bad shock when I tested positive for the breast/ovarian cancer gene (BRCA). No doctor had ever suggested I get tested for this. Before the advent of cheap direct-to-consumer testing, I wouldn't have found out about this, ever (unless, of course, I'd developed cancer, and gotten tested then).

Likewise, when pregnant, I was given (among other things) an Ashkenazi genetics panel (even though I am NOT Ashkenazi) that turned up that I was a carrier for an obscure but debilitating genetic condition. Ironically, my husband does have some Ashkenazi heritage, but isn't a carrier for this (they had to test him once the results came back for me).

Anyway, all this to say: now I know some big bad news about my genetics, and it DOES affect our family planning (IVF with PGD only from here on out to avoid passing on the BRCA mutation). But had we sat down with a genetic counselor before marriage, we would have left thinking we were in the clear, because there is no indication in my family history of these two conditions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worry about MY genes. My DH's family are all kind, sane, and super smart and accomplished. My family has mental illness - mostly depression and anxiety. Naturally I do not wish this for my kids.

One side has anxiety and depression but never saw any doctors for it. We did and it stemmed from AdHD— not knowing why you’re constantly forgetting, failing, losing things, getting fired or messing up work, or called too unreliable/untrustworthy to get something done all took a big toll on each person. They just never pieced it together. The matriarch of the family chalked it up to “no common sense” or “they don’t multitask” or “that’s for women to do”, and kept bailing everyone out.

Very much treatable. Getting people to a doctor and going over their shortcomings, often not so simple.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: "The prospective groom's older brother is a CPA married to a software engineer. The sister is an Economics professor in Bangaluru, her husband is a mechanical engineer. Father was an IAS officer, mother was an author. Prospective groom is currently doing his executive MBA while being employed by L&T in Mumbai".

Makes sense why Indian matchmakers facilitating arranged marriages look very closely at the achievement of genetically related family members. Did not realize they were looking at mental and physical capabilities.

+1

Make note if they were a teacher or a substitute teacher, for example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of weird-ass eugenics in this thread.

this

Well I'm glad my DH married me and had kids with me despite having a history of anxiety/depression/alcoholism in my family.

[Anonymous]

I think both my DH and I grew up with undiagnosed ADHD. We are over 40 and it wasn't a common thing when we were kids.

We are both intelligent, gifted, and made our ways.

I wonder if our kid will have it . He is still too young to tell. I thibk it weill be OK though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think both my DH and I grew up with undiagnosed ADHD. We are over 40 and it wasn't a common thing when we were kids.

We are both intelligent, gifted, and made our ways.

I wonder if our kid will have it . He is still too young to tell. I thibk it weill be OK though.

I wrote the above with typos. To answer the original q, no, I do not worry about "bad" genes. Genes produced my DH and me, and we are pretty good specimens. Genes have also sometimes produced geniuses in strange, impoverished trees. I think it is interesting, the idea that you could match-make and produce better humans, but personally, I have seen that loving, healthy environments, with good enough food, medical care and education, make for great people.

[Anonymous]

Do you know that male pattern baldness is a trait passed from the mom? My MIL had a bald dad and bald brothers - DH began going bald in 30s. My mom’s family (and dad’s) all have thick hair - even at 80. A small (dime sized spot) at 82. I tell my son to marry a girl with good genes. I tell my daughters that any son they have will never be with insecure about his hair like DH is.

[Anonymous]

I worry all the time, but what am I supposed to do? Be forbidden from procreating? I have mental illness and addiction on both sides of my family, especially on my dad's side: both of my great-grandfathers, an uncle, and a cousin all died by suicide. Despite an upbringing by parents who were not addicts and provided a loving and stable home, my sibling has severe mental illness and addiction. My DH has a mostly sane family but his sibling is on the spectrum and they are all extremely neurotic.

We had kids anyway, and we are raising them in total awareness and using every resource available to us to support everyone's mental health. But - even if we do everything "right" there are no guarantees, family history notwithstanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you know that male pattern baldness is a trait passed from the mom? My MIL had a bald dad and bald brothers - DH began going bald in 30s. My mom’s family (and dad’s) all have thick hair - even at 80. A small (dime sized spot) at 82. I tell my son to marry a girl with good genes. I tell my daughters that any son they have will never be with insecure about his hair like DH is.

My FIL had a full head of hair and died of Alzheimers at 81. My dad began to lose his hair in his twenties and was mostly bald by forty. He passed away last year at 93 sharp as a tack. There are worst things than losing your hair.