DC Urban Moms Farce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK here goes- I saw your nanny(well, I think it was your nanny because the grown-up had dark-hair, wore light up shoes and spoke only Swahili and the child she was with was blond, blue-eyed, still an embryo and yet had been accepted at Sidwell Friends), dressing the child in a Marc Jacobs bikini when it was -13 outside, texting with her pimp when the child was crossing 495 near Georgia Ave without appropriate supervision. When the child complained about tire tracks all over her new swim suit, the nanny smacked the child with a stalk of celery, threw him into the trunk of her '03 Land Rover, proceeded to lecture the child about Scientology(I was able to overhear all this with my touchscreen Blackberry) and obviously headed to the mall to shop with the unhappy America's next top model in tow. WWYD, WTF, should I call my DH, or my BFF or my S(shrink) to help me deal with this on the way to my mani/pedi assumed to be applied by an Asian person( and if it isn't, I'm contacting my lawyer-hey any excuse to call my DH and complain is a good excuse)----grades, please.

Hey, I thought this was pretty good-B-

Am I the only one who thinks this just doesn't ring true? I mean, come on, how does the OP know the nanny was texting her pimp? Something fishy about the whole post.

[Anonymous]

You're pathetic and ignorant-the nanny had a pink phone with a red light-and I want to thank the person who posted this-if this was my ho, I'd want to know that she moonlighting as a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're pathetic and ignorant-the nanny had a pink phone with a red light-and I want to thank the person who posted this-if this was my ho, I'd want to know that she moonlighting as a nanny.

'was moonlighting'-sorry, my nails are still tacky

[Anonymous]

I'm depressed-I thought I was the funniest person in the universe and then I went back to page 1 of this thread, started reading through page 1 and 1/2 and realized that there were lots of other really funny people out there. Now I don't even want to get out of bed. Also, I think my husband is sleeping with his Blackberry, it's raining outside, at night it gets dark and I have really let my body and my hemorrhoids go-anyone else in this situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I strongly suspect my 4-month-old is highly gifted. Does anyone know of a reputable IQ tester for this age group?

Did you swallow? That's really the only way to tell.

If I didn't, does that make our DC "diverse" for Big 3 application purposes?

Well you have to swallow a lot of pride when you deal with these schools, so I don't think you're cut out for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I strongly suspect my 4-month-old is highly gifted. Does anyone know of a reputable IQ tester for this age group?

Did you swallow? That's really the only way to tell.

If I didn't, does that make our DC "diverse" for Big 3 application purposes?

Well you have to swallow a lot of pride when you deal with these schools, so I don't think you're cut out for it.

Speaking of "cut," will we be considered a diverse family if both DH and DC are not circumcised? Should I send a letter to the Beauvoir AD spelling this out. I'm sure pictures will probably be misinterpreted, so will a private display to prove the, ahem, point be too much, along the lines of "the thicker the, ahem, file, the thicker the applicant"? Maybe I can just ask our family friends and colleagues, some of whom are famous for Washington, to send letters noting their personal observations of DC's "condition"?

[Anonymous]

bump. lets get this going again ladies.

[Anonymous]

My kids are more attached to the nanny then to me. Should I cut down on working 100 hours per week? The experts say that my child knows who mommy is because I say, "Bye, sweetie, say bye to Mommy" every morning and we spend 5 minutes a week together.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure what came over me.

After dropping of DC in my fancy private school in the Maryland suburbs, I stopped off at that "adult" store in the heart of downtown Bethesda to see what all the fuss was about. After awhile, I said, what the hell, went in, and picked up one of those multi-speed you know whats. As DH and I have not had sex in a decade, I couldn't wait to try it out, jumping into the 3rd row seat of our newly purchased Sienna mini-van minutes after closing the carriage-doored garage of our Bethesda McMansion. Boy, did I get my money's worth. But an odd thing happened. Just at the climax, I shouted out not my DH's name. Not anyone's name, really. A private school. And not our fancy MD private school. Beauvoir!

Does this consitute cheating? Is their any conceivable way I can mention this to the Beauvoir AD as a concerete expression of my sincere desire that DC get in next year?

[Anonymous]

I saw your nanny at the playground. She has dark hair and blue eyes. She left your child alone there. You see, a big wind came and as your nanny was opening her umbrella, the wind swept her away as she sang, "Just a spoonful of sugar..." I quickly reported your nanny for child negligence to Child Protective Services (CPS), the FBI, the CIA, and the police. They are all on speed dial on my cell phone, of course.

Your child with dark hair and dark eyes then skipped away with a monkey singing, "Come on vamonos, everybody let's go..."

[Anonymous]

This is the funniest post ever.

But seriously, can someone recommend a french tutor for my 6 month old?

[Anonymous]

I would recommend my French tutor, but if my 24.5-week-old doesn't get into Beauvoir and yours does, I will never forgive myself.

[Anonymous]

I saw your nanny at the park. She is boinking a lower class man named Bert on a regular basis. They booze it up quite a bit, as well. It doesn't really matter, 'cause your kids are stunningly ugly and shockingly dumb. DNA never lies. Never.

P.S. Check that nanny's valise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I strongly suspect my 4-month-old is highly gifted. Does anyone know of a reputable IQ tester for this age group?"

More likely your kid is retarded. Fire up the kiln for his pottery career.

[Anonymous]

My 2.25 year olds have been showing interest in cleaning the house, even touching the vacuum when it's out! Do you think we should allow this behavior? What method of punishment should I use? I'm afraid they may want to be janitors when they grow up! Plus, our cleaning lady might be offended if we clean up after ourselves.