How long to keep your kids in bed?
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Anonymous
What shows? That they consider only one bed the appropriate place for sex? Or.. they don’t have an agreement on parenting philosophy? Or one is a child themselves and doesn’t want to share? Because really, I don’t see the correlation. |
Anonymous
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What's the big deal with cosleepimg. I remember getting into my parents bed if I was afraid even as a teen. Parents have been cosleepimg since the beginning of time to protect their offspring. I camp and to protect my kids from bears I insist that we share a tent.
Op, you need not be so judgemental. Mind your own business. I'm sure there are things about your parenting that people dislike. In the end of it doesn't impact you keep your thoughts to yourself. |
Anonymous
I have 3 siblings. When we are children our family of 5 (mom and dad and 3 of us) would all sleep in one room. Two each to two beds and one on the floor. We are poor and that is way we are brought up. Now that I have kids of my own, one child slept in our room until 12. Separate bed when child was 7. Another child below 6 sleeps in the same bed as us. |
Anonymous
I do think this has been a massive benefit to my kids. Different culture and very hard to understand for most who are not used to this. |
Anonymous
IMO, it’s usually the moms who want to keep co-sleeping and the dads and their opinions about it get shunted to the side. Or it causes problems when one parent- either one- wants to think about ending it and the other doesn’t. And then maybe they try, and the kid is walking around all night and everyone is sleep deprived and arguing. So I think it’s a parenting philosophy thing. I sort of think of extensive co sleeping as of a piece with helicopter parenting. Or weird super progressive lenient parenting. “But the kid doesn’t want to leave!” Etc. But to each his own. and you don’t say a word, OP! |
Anonymous
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You have insinuated that the situation is abusive. I will share that I slept in my parents’ room until that age BECAUSE I had been abused by someone outside the family and had a lot of fears related to that. We moved when I was nine, and I started sleeping in my own room at that point because I assumed my abuser would not be able to find us at our new home (or at least that was my mom’s theory on it).
And yes, my parents did take me to therapy to deal with all this when I was a kid. |
Anonymous
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I am sorry for all the pps who had to live with abuse. I also want to apologize if I brought back memories.
my post was about regular circumstances, not situations where there is a clear and tangible benefit to the child. I was thinking about a developmental appropriate separation. I remember certain things from childhood, such as you can’t sit on your uncle’s lap when you’re all boobs and butt, even when he’s your favorite uncle. No one ever put it to me that way, but when I think back I realize that the adults around kept me safe (luckily) and I wasn’t even aware of it. Emotional dependency happens to kids, and they need to break free. Parents need to help with that. Some kids need a little push. I think in the case I was talking about it’s serving the parents, especially the father (not in a sexual way) and I still think it’s not appropriate. I’m not saying that the father has sinister intentions, but I don’t think anyone grows up saying “I’m gonna abuse my kids when I grow up.” We as adults need to model good behavior and healthy attachment/detachment. |
Anonymous
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I have three children and we have a fairly strict policy of not allowing them in our bed ever. I am a very finnicky sleeper and also someone that if I don't get enough sleep I get inordinately grumpy. Sometimes if the kid's have a nightmare they will crawl into DH's side of the bed with the understanding that they have to STAY on his side, if they come to me I walk them back down. Just saying we are as opposite of co sleeping people as you can get.
I think that if my kids were regularly in my bed it would detrimentally effect my marriage. When I hear about co sleepers I am mystified as to how they stay well rested and keep their sex life going. I also think they're a little weird and not really 'my people' or whatever. You know what I DO NOT think? That they are abusing their children, that it is weird that kids are sleeping where the parents are having sex (like, you sleep in hotel beds I assume OP?), that their marriage is doomed, that their kids will never be able to fully detach, that they are bad parents, etc. This is like hearing that someone is vegan to me, I don't get it, but why would I care about it? Different strokes for different folks and all that. I cannot IMAGINE feeling the need to TALK TO SOMEONE about how I feel about the way THEY, as adults, have chosen to sleep at night. Unless I wanted to ensure that the people would never speak to me again. And OP, I could sleep in a bed with my own father, today, if I needed to, and it would be fine. There is no time in my life that I could not have safely and appropriately shared a bed with my father or my brothers. And the fact that you think it is weird is bizarro. I do think children should have access to their own space as they desire it when they begin to hit puberty and that parents that deny their children this are not being great parents. But that is a FAR CRY from condemning people who just like to sleep together. |
Anonymous
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At this point I think that posters like you are intentionally ignoring what I’m saying. You’re telling me that you can sleep with your father or brothers any time. You don’t do it every night. It’s not a sleeping arrangement. I have no problem with my kids sleeping where I have sex. I don’t like having potential spectators next to me when I’m doing it. But that’s me. I guess some people like it.
It’s pointless to keep talking about this I guess. I’m talking about a healthy way to do it. I think my kids deserve their own space to develop into. I do occasionally sleep with my kids, if they really beg. I never tell them to. If they need that support I give it to them. We’re not animals, and while we have self control we also put other controls in place. |
Anonymous
Who said they are with their kids when they are having sex? Not one person. And I guess I’m different than you are. I don’t want my child to “really beg” to have their needs met. I never want them to feel they have to do it all, or brave it all, in their own. I feel home is a place where they should always know they can land. They will have plenty of years to grow into loneliness, rejection, self comfort, or the like. They know they have a safe place without ever having the requirement to say so. Animals put plenty of controls in place. I’m a human, and especially in this day and age, my young human needs me. It’s up to her What’s interesting is you’re basing “human” in a set of religious/ puritanical, or some kind of rules that have everything to do with religion and morality, and nothing to do with biology, but you want to argue biology. You can do you, but I’d argue that your sexually fuelled argument will always fall flat. |
Anonymous
This is what makes you sound like some sex obsessed weirdo pp. I assume the kid isn't being FORCED to sleep with them. You have not said that. I also think you are 100% guaranteed to come across like a mean b*tchy freak if you try to talk to this family about how their animal tendencies for sex will hurt their co sleeping 8 year old. I honestly would probably think you were a predator. |
Anonymous
np Way to go to extreme. Of course, if the child is 8 and co-sleeping it is logical to assume they will be 22 when they stop. Repeat after me. You stay in your own lane and do not say anything! Do you want someone to comment on what you do? Not your kid, not your bed. Also, your dh already sleeps next to someone ( you) who gets their period. Who cares if it is dd? |
Anonymous
Sorry, the point of this is? |
Anonymous
You have to remember that for the vast vast majority of the human kind, when we see children, sex is farthest from our minds. You on the other hand seems more closer to a pedophile in your thoughts. That is why you have a problem. |