How long to keep your kids in bed?

[Anonymous]

A couple I know co sleeps with both DDs. The oldest is 8, the youngest is 2.

I know it’s none of my business, but when the conversation comes up I have a really hard time not saying anything. I don’t think it’s normal, and I feel like I must say something, but I’m afraid to do so, because I don’t think anything wrong is happening, other than general bad practice. And I don’t want a fight to start with this people.

Do you think this is ok?

Would you say something?

[Anonymous]

Ha, no, of course not. It’s their choice. We don’t cosleep but I’m smart enough to know that the vast majority of people throughout history and across the globe did (or do). If anything is an aberration it’s having sufficient wealth and space for EVERY child to have his own bed (and room!)

None of your business OP. You raise your kids your way, they’ll do it their way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A couple I know co sleeps with both DDs. The oldest is 8, the youngest is 2.

I know it’s none of my business, but when the conversation comes up I have a really hard time not saying anything. I don’t think it’s normal, and I feel like I must say something, but I’m afraid to do so, because I don’t think anything wrong is happening, other than general bad practice. And I don’t want a fight to start with this people.

Do you think this is ok?

Would you say something?

“Bad practice”? Related to what?

Why do you need to say something? You don’t have to voice an opinion every time you disagree do you? That’s actually “bad practice”. Not sure why the topic comes up, but you do so many things then, like commiserate about how hard it is to get kids to sleep, or something.

Don’t be so convinced that you’re right, just because it was your choice. The flip side is They may look at you as having horribly bad practice for leaving a child alone and vulnerable at night. That sharing a bed confers safety and security to their family.

I feel like cosleeping is another one of those things that people don’t realize is more common that they realize, and it happens for a variety of reasons. It’s another one of those taboos that no one talks about because kids are supposed to be independence this from birth, and seen and not heard in this society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ha, no, of course not. It’s their choice. We don’t cosleep but I’m smart enough to know that the vast majority of people throughout history and across the globe did (or do). If anything is an aberration it’s having sufficient wealth and space for EVERY child to have his own bed (and room!)

None of your business OP. You raise your kids your way, they’ll do it their way.

Yep. Everything this person said.

[Anonymous]

MYOB.

[Anonymous]

Don’t be so hard on me. I haven’t said any, but I think when a girl (8) is close to getting her period, she needs her own bed, not sleeping with her dad.

I understand the baby, who’s almost 2.

And yes, they have plenty of bedrooms for everyone.

And if people that are close to you won’t say anything, who will?

[Anonymous]

^ when is the right age to stop cosleeping, college age?

[Anonymous]

We don’t cosleep but I don’t think it’s bad practice and probably even has done benefits, depending on the family.

We do cosleep on vacation sometimes and our DD loves it. I think she’d happily do it every night. She likes being close to us. I just can’t do it— I need the break from her at night, as well as having a little distance in the morning rather than being on right away. But I might feel differently when she starts full time school— maybe I’ll want that closeness at night when she’s gone all day.

The only real concern I’d have is quality of sleep, which I know is lower for me when we cosleep. But if it works for them, who cares?

OP, can you identify a concrete reason why it’s an issue? I feel like you are insinuating that there is a problem related to sex, but I don’t know what it would be.

[Anonymous]

Thanks. I know kids love sleeping with their parents. I know there doesn’t have to be anything wrong with it. We occasionally, especially in hotels, do it. The kids love it. I barely get any sleep, but it’s worth making them happy.

I’m not saying there is anything going on. I have no reason to believe there is. There are other dynamics that make me think this is not good. I can’t explain all of them, because they need a thread of their own.

Quality of sleep is definitely an issue.

I do know it’s none of my business, but it just feels wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks. I know kids love sleeping with their parents. I know there doesn’t have to be anything wrong with it. We occasionally, especially in hotels, do it. The kids love it. I barely get any sleep, but it’s worth making them happy.

I’m not saying there is anything going on. I have no reason to believe there is. There are other dynamics that make me think this is not good. I can’t explain all of them, because they need a thread of their own.

Quality of sleep is definitely an issue.

I do know it’s none of my business, but it just feels wrong.

I think YOU should talk to YOUR therapist about why it "just feels wrong." It says more about you than it does about them.

[Anonymous]

I cosleep with my son and he’s 7. Most people wouldn’t know though because this rarely comes up in conversation? Is the woman constantly talking about it?

[Anonymous]

I coslept with my oldest DS turned 3 year old. I am currently cosleep with my youngest 2.5 year old DD and I want to outgrow it, but she cries seconds loudly that she wakes up by herself a few times at night. It took me a few months to outgrow my oldest but it is difficult to train this little one and I don't see any hope that maybe at least 4 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks. I know kids love sleeping with their parents. I know there doesn’t have to be anything wrong with it. We occasionally, especially in hotels, do it. The kids love it. I barely get any sleep, but it’s worth making them happy.

I’m not saying there is anything going on. I have no reason to believe there is. There are other dynamics that make me think this is not good. I can’t explain all of them, because they need a thread of their own.

Quality of sleep is definitely an issue.

I do know it’s none of my business, but it just feels wrong.

I think YOU should talk to YOUR therapist about why it "just feels wrong." It says more about you than it does about them.

This, 100%.

[Anonymous]

I don’t need therapy for this. This is how I see it. It doesn’t tell anything about me other than I don’t think it’s ok.

Anyway, I just wanted an opinion on whether people think it’s ok or not. I’m entitled to my opinion, and I hope you know the saying ‘see something, say something’.

[Anonymous]

I think once kids hit puberty, and start learning about their bodies, they should not sleep in the same bed with their parents on a regular basis. (OP)