Would you let your 14 yo get highlights for the start of school?

[Anonymous]

My DD first got "peacock" colored highlights when she was in about 5th grade. She'd been struggling in school, worked really hard to improve and I said I'd pay up to $60 for them. DD is now a senior and over the years has had long hair, short hair, bangs/no bangs, total neon red hair, two toned hair and blond hair when the neon colors/highlights faded. I, personally, have never paid more than $200 in a year for the color and since she got her first job at 14, she's paid the color (half of every paycheck goes into savings).

DD isn't ashamed of her hair color. This is just an aspect of her personality. It's not going to ruin her self image or addict her to salon services. And, if it were to lead to an 'addiction' or an inability to lover her natural self, there are far bigger issues that my DD needs to address and coloring her hair is a better vice than some of the alternatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow it is some twisted logic to argue that someone who doesn’t think it’s appropriate to spend $150 or more on a temporary hair treatment for a teenager is some kind of “beauty is sin” fundamentalist.

I just think that’s too much money to spend a hair treatment for a child. I’d happily treat my teen to a salon treat, but salon color is so expensive and I no from experience it can be addictive. I used box dye at that age and got good at it, and I’d happily help my kid with one of those for a little confidence boost before school. Or spend a little extra on clothes are a fun bag— I love beauty and fashion and absolutely use it as a tool to help my confidence on the first day of a new job or something. I don’t think beauty is sin!

But there’s a huge difference between “yes of course we can do something special with your hair for school” and “of course, let’s spend $300+ on a cut snd color that you are probably going to want to do again in 6 months because now you think this is what is required for a confidence boost.”
Come on. There’s obviously an in between.

If you can’t afford it just say so.

+1 The question isn't about cost. The question is whether you'd 'allow' your DD to get highlights.

[Anonymous]

Sure. Both of daughters got highlights around age 10 at a salon. It was a special treat (bday gift) and with the understanding that it would not be a regular thing. Both dds are now in their 20s. One is very low maintenance and get her hair cut/highlighted once/twice a year. The other spends her own money (bday gifts, etc.) on her hair on a regularly basis. She doesn’t always make good choices (has gone platinum a couple of times and while it looked ok, it really damaged her har) but she is a great kid/person and it was never a hill I chose to die on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a bunch of snowflakes. My teens are going back, thrilled to be going back and don’t need to be bribed to go back.

New to the neighborhood I'd guess. Probably North Carolina, where they breed them insensitive from birth.

??? You really think it’s healthy for a child to need to changer her physical appearance to be “confident” to go to school? Sounds like depression to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow it is some twisted logic to argue that someone who doesn’t think it’s appropriate to spend $150 or more on a temporary hair treatment for a teenager is some kind of “beauty is sin” fundamentalist.

I just think that’s too much money to spend a hair treatment for a child. I’d happily treat my teen to a salon treat, but salon color is so expensive and I no from experience it can be addictive. I used box dye at that age and got good at it, and I’d happily help my kid with one of those for a little confidence boost before school. Or spend a little extra on clothes are a fun bag— I love beauty and fashion and absolutely use it as a tool to help my confidence on the first day of a new job or something. I don’t think beauty is sin!

But there’s a huge difference between “yes of course we can do something special with your hair for school” and “of course, let’s spend $300+ on a cut snd color that you are probably going to want to do again in 6 months because now you think this is what is required for a confidence boost.”
Come on. There’s obviously an in between.

If you can’t afford it just say so.

+1 The question isn't about cost. The question is whether you'd 'allow' your DD to get highlights.

Those things are linked. I can afford to buy my teenager a brand new luxury car to drive around in. I choose not to because I don't think it makes sense for a teenager to drive such an expensive vehicle when a reliable used car will do just as well. And driving an older car will also teach them about the value of money and that if they want really nice, expensive things, they should make choices in life that will enable them to have those things as adults.

Just because I can buy something for my kid does not automatically mean I should. I have no moral objection to highlights for teenagers, I just think it's an expensive service and don't really believe in splurging on something so pricy for a teen unless they are saving up to help pay for it (demonstrating that it's something they really value and they understand the expense).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow it is some twisted logic to argue that someone who doesn’t think it’s appropriate to spend $150 or more on a temporary hair treatment for a teenager is some kind of “beauty is sin” fundamentalist.

I just think that’s too much money to spend a hair treatment for a child. I’d happily treat my teen to a salon treat, but salon color is so expensive and I no from experience it can be addictive. I used box dye at that age and got good at it, and I’d happily help my kid with one of those for a little confidence boost before school. Or spend a little extra on clothes are a fun bag— I love beauty and fashion and absolutely use it as a tool to help my confidence on the first day of a new job or something. I don’t think beauty is sin!

But there’s a huge difference between “yes of course we can do something special with your hair for school” and “of course, let’s spend $300+ on a cut snd color that you are probably going to want to do again in 6 months because now you think this is what is required for a confidence boost.”
Come on. There’s obviously an in between.

If you can’t afford it just say so.

+1 The question isn't about cost. The question is whether you'd 'allow' your DD to get highlights.

Those things are linked. I can afford to buy my teenager a brand new luxury car to drive around in. I choose not to because I don't think it makes sense for a teenager to drive such an expensive vehicle when a reliable used car will do just as well. And driving an older car will also teach them about the value of money and that if they want really nice, expensive things, they should make choices in life that will enable them to have those things as adults.

Just because I can buy something for my kid does not automatically mean I should. I have no moral objection to highlights for teenagers, I just think it's an expensive service and don't really believe in splurging on something so pricy for a teen unless they are saving up to help pay for it (demonstrating that it's something they really value and they understand the expense).

1000% this. It’s the same reason I won’t buy her lululemons.

[Anonymous]

My mom did not allow us to color/highlight our hair in MS/HS.

I am so thankful for this. My own hair color/texture was gorgeous---deep, shiny, healthy, full chestnut with natural blonde highlights when in the sun.

I didn't mess with it until my 20s. In my 30s, I let all highlights go and went back to my original glossy shine. The highlights over time really dried my hair out and the expense and upkeep in my 20s was a PIA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom did not allow us to color/highlight our hair in MS/HS.

I am so thankful for this. My own hair color/texture was gorgeous---deep, shiny, healthy, full chestnut with natural blonde highlights when in the sun.

I didn't mess with it until my 20s. In my 30s, I let all highlights go and went back to my original glossy shine. The highlights over time really dried my hair out and the expense and upkeep in my 20s was a PIA.

I wish my mom didn’t allow it! I started in college with her encouragement (the term “mousy” was used to describe my hair) and I continued straight into my 30’s at which point I was very gray and had to add color too. My hair is very damaged from all of this but I have no option now other than going gray which I am just not ready to do at 41. I wish I didn’t have all those years of needless color damage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once you start you can't stop and it will ruin her hair.

Can you just get her a blowout at the salon for first day? Might be a good temporary fix.

Np. That isn't true. My dd got highlights once or twice in her life so clearly she is able to stop! I think in hs and now she is 20. Op don't listen to pp.

It depends on hair color. If her natural color is that dark blonde/mousy brown color, yeah, she won’t want to stop. If she has a rich bru teen color or a lighter blonde, she may be ok never doing it again or might even prefer her natural color later. But sorry, naturally mousy hair looks a lot better with highlights and she will realize this if that is her

Bru teen color?

Brunette

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it crazy to do this at such a young age? She’s not feeling good about her appearance and could use a confidence boost.

If I could afford it yes. In our case, we can, so we allowed her to get a new color for the new school year. It wasn't highlights but a shade off of her normal color.

[Anonymous]

A lot of kids are seeking a new look when the school year begins. I let my 11 year old go blond. His hair is naturally light brown. I gave him a comb over hair style with shaved sides. It came it out really cool and he likes it.

[Anonymous]

I allowed it going into Sophomore year. I loved her natural blonde but the look that's in for her peer group is really white blonde. She was the last of her friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, My DD (25) wants to highlight her hair and Zises said no. Too young, plus I advised DD I worry about all the chemicals affecting their body. I did tell DD if she wants to put lemon in her hair like I did when I was young, that’s fine. When she’s 18 I told her she can do what she wants if she can pay for it herself. Okay

Lemon legit destroys your hair. This is so dumb

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a bunch of snowflakes. My teens are going back, thrilled to be going back and don’t need to be bribed to go back.

New to the neighborhood I'd guess. Probably North Carolina, where they breed them insensitive from birth.

??? You really think it’s healthy for a child to need to changer her physical appearance to be “confident” to go to school? Sounds like depression to me.

Change her physical appearance?? Goodness, it's not like the kid is getting a face lift.

[Anonymous]

So glad my mom was more chill than most of these moms.

OP, it's totally fine, just set expectations (how often you'll do it) and budget (maybe how she can help around the house to help with cost). Also look for someone who has experience with virgin hair. You might want to do something like hair painting or baylayage if you can afford it, upkeep is much less than traditional foils. You don't have that line demarcation that you get with foils so she won't be bugging you to get it touched up.