Appropriate age for boys to stop going into the locker room with their moms at the pool?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my boys are 7 and 4. We come to the pool from school/summer camp and they definitely have to change at the pool. After swim team or swimming, I have the boys take showers and change into pjs as swim meets are pretty late and it is so much easier. My seven year old will take his 4 year old brother into the men's room or I will stand outside the men's locker room. I don't think I'd let my four year old go by himself, but my 7 year old has a lot of girl friends in his class or school that he knows and would feel a little mortified changing in front of them. With COVID, our swim club took down the curtains they normally had for the changing rooms but not the showers.

I'm admittedly a bit of a germaphobe and I've seen people do this but wearing your pjs in the pool locker room, then in the gross hot car etc - is SO unhygienic to me. Sit on a towel then shower at home!

[Anonymous]

Lots of people missing the points here.

First, for all the people who say, "I make him change in a stall, hold up a towel, etc." - that isn't the issue, or even the main issue. He still is around when other women and girls are changing - some of them his classmates, some of them a little older, some of them just hitting puberty. Those girls have every right to be expect to be able to change without members of the opposite sex seeing them. Like it or not, American culture prioritizes modesty from the opposite sex. Complaining that Americans are prudes doesn't change that. The rules are different for very little kids, and in my opinion, the 5 and below pools have hit it right, but regardless of where the line is, there needs to be a line.

As for "I can't send him to change in the mens room alone, what else am I supposed to do?" - holy crap. First, there are obviously options - coming in your swimwear being the obvious one. But more fundamentally, you don't have the right to flout the rules or make people uncomfortable imply because you don't like the setup. Males go one way, females go the other, unless very young. If your kid is older than the cutoff, then *you* need to figure out a way to deal with it without making people uncomfortable or breaking the rules. "I don't have a choice" is complete nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of people missing the points here.

First, for all the people who say, "I make him change in a stall, hold up a towel, etc." - that isn't the issue, or even the main issue. He still is around when other women and girls are changing - some of them his classmates, some of them a little older, some of them just hitting puberty. Those girls have every right to be expect to be able to change without members of the opposite sex seeing them. Like it or not, American culture prioritizes modesty from the opposite sex. Complaining that Americans are prudes doesn't change that. The rules are different for very little kids, and in my opinion, the 5 and below pools have hit it right, but regardless of where the line is, there needs to be a line.

As for "I can't send him to change in the mens room alone, what else am I supposed to do?" - holy crap. First, there are obviously options - coming in your swimwear being the obvious one. But more fundamentally, you don't have the right to flout the rules or make people uncomfortable imply because you don't like the setup. Males go one way, females go the other, unless very young. If your kid is older than the cutoff, then *you* need to figure out a way to deal with it without making people uncomfortable or breaking the rules. "I don't have a choice" is complete nonsense.

This right here. All the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say 5 or 6. My 6 year old daughter has begun requesting privacy at home. She certainly does not want a boy from school seeing her naked.

If you have no other options, then you change at home. You don’t traumatize little girls because of your fear that something *might* happen.

Is it inherently traumatic to see a little boy changing? I guess I'll tell the entire rest of the world that their daughters are traumatized.

No, it’s not seeing a little boy changing, it’s having a boy their age see them changing when they’d prefer privacy. My girls started asking for privacy when they were 3. By 7 they definitely did not want to be changing their clothes in front of boys, especially boys on their class at school. It’s the girls locker room, so girls should have an expectation of privacy when they are in there, just as boys should have an expectation of privacy and therefore should use the male locker room.

Okay, but OP wasn't mad that her own daughter was changing and boy walked in. She was mad that her daughter saw the boy.

I'm also pretty distressed that OP stared long enough to know whether a 7 year-old who had recently been swimming had a "turtleneck." Kids that age are not normally particularly....endowed....so OP had to look for a long time. That's the grossest part of this story.

[Anonymous]

My son is on the swim team, and 90% of the time he gets changed at home and arrives at the pool already ready to go. However this is mostly just out of convenience. If he does happen to change at the pool, I'd absolutly let him come into the locker room with me. The boys typically wear 'Jammers' which are similar to tight-fitting bike shorts, and he has a tough time putting them on occasionally and needs help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is on the swim team, and 90% of the time he gets changed at home and arrives at the pool already ready to go. However this is mostly just out of convenience. If he does happen to change at the pool, I'd absolutly let him come into the locker room with me. The boys typically wear 'Jammers' which are similar to tight-fitting bike shorts, and he has a tough time putting them on occasionally and needs help.

How old is he?

[Anonymous]

Our pool has multiple signs saying that the maximum age to be in opposite sex locker room is 3 (which seems crazy to me, as my 4 year olds would lose their minds if I made them go by themselves, but we're all girls, so it doesn't matter for us). And yet, there are some women who bring a boy who's obviously 6 or 7 into the locker room with them. There's a family changing room, FFS. I don't know why they won't use it, or just come in their swimsuits, which lots of people do whether they have this issue or not.

Agree with all the people who said that girls should be free to change without worrying if boys (and especially ones they know) will see them. Not cool to do that to my girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really depends how safe I feel he will be alone. I normally made my kids wear their swimsuits under their normal clothes before we went to a pool.

Once he has finished swimming, I took him to a stall where I would go and change him. More than people seeing him naked in a ladies bathroom, I was nervous of him seeing all the naked old ladies in the bathroom who insist on having a conversation with you while being absolutely stark naked. No one needs to see that. Neither my kids nor I.

FWIW, I also change in a stall. I am a pretty modest person and I don't walk around naked even in a ladies shower area.

The idea that it's inappropriate for WOMEN to be naked in the WOMEN's LOCKER ROOM is beyond. Who even are you people? Your parents effed you up good. What a blast you must be in the sack. Lights off, under the covers, jammies on...

Interesting how you link nudity in a locker room to sex.

No one that cripplingly uncomfortable with the human body is good in bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8-10 yrs old probably. Even older kids if they are shy or nervous. Regardless of how old they are, they should use a stall. No one should see them naked and they should not see other people naked too.

A 10 year old boy perving in the women’s locker room is not even remotely ok

Are the ten yr olds you know “perving”? You should go find another thread. Off you go now.

Ditto. That comments says a LOT more about you than anything else. Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of people missing the points here.

First, for all the people who say, "I make him change in a stall, hold up a towel, etc." - that isn't the issue, or even the main issue. He still is around when other women and girls are changing - some of them his classmates, some of them a little older, some of them just hitting puberty. Those girls have every right to be expect to be able to change without members of the opposite sex seeing them. Like it or not, American culture prioritizes modesty from the opposite sex. Complaining that Americans are prudes doesn't change that. The rules are different for very little kids, and in my opinion, the 5 and below pools have hit it right, but regardless of where the line is, there needs to be a line.

As for "I can't send him to change in the mens room alone, what else am I supposed to do?" - holy crap. First, there are obviously options - coming in your swimwear being the obvious one. But more fundamentally, you don't have the right to flout the rules or make people uncomfortable imply because you don't like the setup. Males go one way, females go the other, unless very young. If your kid is older than the cutoff, then *you* need to figure out a way to deal with it without making people uncomfortable or breaking the rules. "I don't have a choice" is complete nonsense.

1. You draw the line at 5. Many disagree. Most here are saying around age 8.

2. There wasn't a stated rule at this pool or at least OP didn't mention one. That matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our old rec center pool in falls church had a sign that said kids older than X must use gender appropriate locker room. I can't recall the age (it's been 3-4 yrs) but I remember being surprised how young it was, like 6 yo.

The few places I've been to with very young cut offs provided a family/unisex bathroom option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you really suggesting if you had a boy age 3-4 ("older than toddler") you would send him into a mens' changing room alone?

No, but I would have him change at home or in the car or even just under a towel, not out in the open in the women's locker room with his privates on full display. I felt bad for the kid, he was obviously embarrassed when he realize a girl from his class was seeing him naked and noticed my daughter staring. I was shocked his mother didn't care.

Tell your daughter not to stare and move away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of people missing the points here.

First, for all the people who say, "I make him change in a stall, hold up a towel, etc." - that isn't the issue, or even the main issue. He still is around when other women and girls are changing - some of them his classmates, some of them a little older, some of them just hitting puberty. Those girls have every right to be expect to be able to change without members of the opposite sex seeing them. Like it or not, American culture prioritizes modesty from the opposite sex. Complaining that Americans are prudes doesn't change that. The rules are different for very little kids, and in my opinion, the 5 and below pools have hit it right, but regardless of where the line is, there needs to be a line.

As for "I can't send him to change in the mens room alone, what else am I supposed to do?" - holy crap. First, there are obviously options - coming in your swimwear being the obvious one. But more fundamentally, you don't have the right to flout the rules or make people uncomfortable imply because you don't like the setup. Males go one way, females go the other, unless very young. If your kid is older than the cutoff, then *you* need to figure out a way to deal with it without making people uncomfortable or breaking the rules. "I don't have a choice" is complete nonsense.

You are missing the point about safety. Same reason why Dad's bring girls into the men's locker room. No big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our pool has multiple signs saying that the maximum age to be in opposite sex locker room is 3 (which seems crazy to me, as my 4 year olds would lose their minds if I made them go by themselves, but we're all girls, so it doesn't matter for us). And yet, there are some women who bring a boy who's obviously 6 or 7 into the locker room with them. There's a family changing room, FFS. I don't know why they won't use it, or just come in their swimsuits, which lots of people do whether they have this issue or not.

Agree with all the people who said that girls should be free to change without worrying if boys (and especially ones they know) will see them. Not cool to do that to my girls.

Most pools don't have family changing rooms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is on the swim team, and 90% of the time he gets changed at home and arrives at the pool already ready to go. However this is mostly just out of convenience. If he does happen to change at the pool, I'd absolutly let him come into the locker room with me. The boys typically wear 'Jammers' which are similar to tight-fitting bike shorts, and he has a tough time putting them on occasionally and needs help.

The jammers can be really difficult to get off.