14 and 16yo with no close friends or activities - please help
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Anonymous
I think you're the one high, here. No 16 yo goes out and to the park looking to "play" with friends. Or anything remotely close to what you're suggesting. Even the 14 yo is borderline for that sort of thing. OP- school is starting in a month and a half. My DD was told that sitting at home 5 days/week was not an option for her. Ever. She gets a LOT of downtime (b/c she needs it). But, I pushed her to try things. She now does a fall sport and is signed up for a club or two in HS. I'm expecting that will expand her friend group a bit and find things she likes. That's what I'd do for your boys. It's ok not to like something and then try something else. Or do something outside the school where there may be teens: volunteer, get a job. But sitting at home doing nothing is not an option that is permitted here. It's not for me; it's not for her. We are very lenient in many ways and, as stated, gets a lot of down time (espe if she's had a busy few days or week, I'm very lenient). But this is something that is non-negotiable. |
Anonymous
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Are you sure your kids aren’t depressed or have social anxiety? Are you the kind of family who is more reserved and quiet or do you talk openly about feelings? Therapy should be no different than any other doctor appointment but people are still scared to ‘go there’. There are also social skills classes.
This is something you need to address before college. It can be dangerous to isolate (drugs, online strangers, suicide). Seriously, schedule a mental health check in with a therapist. Kids this age can benefit greatly. College is a tough transition so the sooner you help your teens develop social skills and a healthy way to communicate, the better. |
Anonymous
+1 Exactly.  Can you imagine though?
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Anonymous
So what if they did or do? Why does that bother you and what is so wrong with that? Personally, I'd rather my kids/teens act younger than older. Going out being kids is alot better than what they could being doing? And what's with "could you imagine?" I bet alot of kids only stop being kids because of attitudes like that. You act like they should be embarrassed or ashamed if they do go out and play. Not a message I'd want my kids to pick up. |
Anonymous
A 16 year old is basically an adult. If you were out having dinner with friends and a random person inserted themselves and tried to stay in your conversation, you would not find that odd? OP, just let the summer go (or tell your older one to get a job and younger to volunteer) but set expectations for the fall that they need to find x number if activities in the fall. Good for making friends and good for college resumes. Getting into situations where they see the same people multiple times will help them make more connections. This pandemic has really messed with kids’ socializing. Good luck! |
Anonymous
| At 14, our daughter did 3 weeks of sleepaway camp, 4 weeks of an intense theater day camp, and then had family vacation and sports try outs. At 16, she was a junior staff counselor at her sleepaway camp for 4 weeks, had a babysitting job for much of the remainder of summer until it was time for sports try outs. We also had a family vacation and she hung out with her friends more that summer bc she could drive. This summer it was harder to make plans ahead of time for sure, but she and all but a couple of her friends were able to get jobs or internships for the summer. |
Anonymous
Not OP, but my 16yr. old doesn't work. Not every teen works. My sister and I didn't work until we were 18. Our parents didn't force us to work at 16. We both graduated from college and had successful jobs after college. Enjoy your kids while you can! |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
| My parents used to tell me to "be myself" at that age when I was having issues relating to peers or maintaining friendships. Bad advice IMO. Look at what behaviors or habits your kids might have that make people not want to be friends with them, as harsh as it sounds. I was a know-it-all and an interrupter. |
Anonymous
If the parents make it happen at 14, by 16 the kid will take over. But you have to sign them up for camp, and get them there. Help them sign up for sports try outs, then get them there. If you start at 13-14, they might be able to do some of this on their own by 16. If you start at 16, they will be able to do some of this on their own by 18. |
Anonymous
| My kids have kept busy doing very different things. My oldest will be turning 15 next month, she did 3 weeks of church camp and will be volunteering the next 2 weeks as a camp counselor. My almost 13 year old has spent some time with her grandparents, one week with a friend that lives far away and then several weeks of soccer camp. I find that if I don’t keep them busy, the kids get depressed. |
Anonymous
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What a bunch of pedantic, overly literal hens!
DH used to go out and play at the park. What that means is he would take his bike or skateboard and roam around until he either met up with some other kids or went on to explore different areas. DS also walks around to the park and back sometimes with the dog sometimes alone. If he seed kids he knows they say hello and chat a bit. Now that he's older sometimes they grab a bite. "Go out and play" doesn't mean bring your Ken doll and a Pikachu lunchbox. |
Anonymous
Seriously. I live in an urban area next to a park (not DC) and see lots of teens hanging out skateboarding, playing basketball & tennis, hanging out at the pool, and sure, some smoking pot on the benches. When I was a teen way back in the 90s in a rural / sleeper neighborhood, I’d read books, walk to the lake or pool, meet up at the basketball courts, and work 4-5 nights a week. Then there was band camp. We all got driver’s licenses and would meet up at the park or the lake or friends’ basements or whatever at night. Sometimes I’d spend a week with a grandparent or aunt. My job was probably the most fun part of my summer... and two of my best friends to this day worked there with me. Just a little neighborhood restaurant. If you don’t live in areas with access to these activities, then it’s going to be on you to coordinate and spend more effort / resources to keep your kids busy. |
Anonymous
Wow, you're one of the most immature posters here. I have no skin in this game, I haven't posted at all until this, but I have to say that you're disgusting. I'm sure you hear that a lot sp you might want to think about why. |
Anonymous
No. There were pages of attacks on a poster for saying "go play outside." It was a well deserved response. |